The Global Announce Team

A few weeks ago Jeff Jarrett announced that his e-fed would be airing New Japan's Wrestle Kingdom 9 on pay-per-view in the US and Canada. It was a significant announcement followed up by instructions for people to stay tuned for news. 'Double J' has to promise news instead of providing it because he doesn't have a promotion of his own and is reliant on New Japan making decisions before he can release information. It’s a less than ideal way to run a business.

But a week ago Jarrett struck a deal that will see Jim Ross provide English language play-by-play commentary for the show, something he was able to tell the world himself. It was presented as big news when announced on November 11. And it is.

Slobberknocker! Sauce it! Bah GOD! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!!

As the voice of WWE when it was at its hottest Ross is a known quantity to many lapsed and casual fans, a market Jarrett is probably interested in attracting. He's also an experienced wrestling commentator, with a solid knowledge of moves, an understanding of how to convey a match's story to an audience, and an unparalleled level of passion¹. He was the best choice to lead an English language broadcast and, considering his promotion's completely hypothetical status at the moment, Jarrett was lucky to get him.

But 'Good Old JR' is not flawless. Even at his late 90s-slash-early 00s peak he was prone to frequent minor mistakes. This usually took the form of confusing names of guys he was less familiar with who kind of but not really looked alike. Hardly the worst thing in the world but it presents an obvious problem for WK9. NJPW's roster is almost entirely new to Ross, and a lot of the guys he's already familiar with will be using different names.

Obviously there's ample time for Ross to familiarise himself with the roster. And being a professional I'm sure he will. While he's in prep mode it may be a good idea for someone to warn him about the flagrant anti-psychology that plagues Young Bucks matches. Better than him finding out on the air.

The other issue with JR is that he does his best work when being needled by an antagonistic colour commentator². His work alongside Paul Heyman in 2001 and Jerry Lawler in the years before (but not really after) that was so good because both Lawler and Heyman knew how to interact with Ross's on-air personality to get the best out of him. They knew to prick his ego every so often and provide him with anti-babyface material to get riled about. Basically, they knew how to be very good heel commentators and Ross knew how to be a very good babyface one.

It's not that JR's commentary will be bad without a good heel colour commentator with him but it’s likely he'll be better with one. Thinking of suggestions for the role is pretty much a waste of time because there's no defined Global Force roster in existence to draw names from. The only realistic suggestion to make is Jarrett. He's been established as a heel within New Japan storylines and would be easy enough to accept in the role for an English language audience. I've never heard him on commentary but Ross could coach him and help him prepare. Plus he's already going to be in Tokyo for the show and it would cut down on costs. I’m sure that’s a factor for an imaginary company like Global Force.

Whether they go for Jarrett or a more left field but probably better choice like Colt Cabana or Chris Hero (I would be astounded if they got CM Punk³) I hope the pairing gets adequate time to prepare. If English language commentary is to become a thing⁴ for NJPW (and less importantly if GFW is to succeed) Wrestle Kingdom 9 needs to be a success in North America. And rightly or wrongly a lot of that is on the shoulders of Jim Ross.

***

¹ I’m particularly looking forward to him shouting “Okada! Okada! Okada!!”

² Ideally with that colour commentator being fed digs by Vince McMahon over a headset, not that that's an option here⁵.

³ Though he'd be ideal, obviously. He knows the product and Ross and has a fair amount of commentary experience. Plus he's a big enough name to generate some US interest in the pay-per-view, New Japan, and GFW. But it won’t happen.

⁴ I hope English language commentary catches on because the lack of it is the biggest barrier for plenty of people (including myself) following New Japan more closely.

⁵ Although if Vince were to ever to get involved with production of a rival promotion's commentary I'm sure it would be solely to take shots at Jim Ross.

New Year's Revolution 2005 review

All those old wrestling shows. So little time. Let’s jump into the hypothetical time machine and take a trip back to watch an old show with fresh, modern eyes…

This time we’re going back to the very start of 2005 and the first of WWE’s three New Year’s Revolution events. None of them were much good. The most notable thing about them is that the first two hosted Elimination Chamber matches, which would ultimately lead to WWE foolishly deciding that the first quarter of the year should always feature that gimmick. Oh, and the 2006 show featured Edge winning his first WWE championship. But we’re stuck a year earlier than that, with Eric Bischoff still very much in charge of his own RAW roster, Kane and Lita bafflingly being in a relationship, Randy Orton playing the plucky young babyface, and Muhammad Hassan and Eugene being things wrestling fans had to deal with.

All set? Let’s begin…

Opening video

This was an odd one by WWE standards. It saw Eric Bischoff stood in the ring with the Elimination Chamber cage set up around him talking about how vicious the match is. Perhaps to illustrate his point (but perhaps for some other, undisclosed reason) he would occasionally smack the cage with a steel pipe. This was interspersed with shots from previous Chamber bouts, supposed construction of the Chamber itself, and the double finish triple threat match that resulted in the vacating of the World Heavyweight championship and the Chamber match headlining this card.

World tag team championship: William Regal and Eugene (c) v Christian and Tyson Tomko

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcomed us into the Coliseo de Puerto Rico in San Juan, Puerto Rico for what I believe is the only WWE pay-per-view to not be held in the United States or Canada since SummerSlam 1992. But that possibly inaccurate fact paled in comparison to Ross and Lawler being stationed next to the entranceway, something I’d completely forgotten about. This was one of those moves Vince made in the 2000s that was either designed to freshen up the product (y’know because wrestling fans are all about where the commentary desk is put in an arena) or annoy JR. It definitely achieved the latter, whether that was the intent or not. Ross was always quick to say that he hated being away from the ring.

I think an explanation of Eugene is probably necessary because it’s possible some (lucky) people reading this won’t be familiar with the character. He was originally introduced as Eric Bischoff’s nephew suffering with serious learning disabilities. He was played by the mentally able Nick Dinsmore, a man who’d toiled away in the company’s developmental system for years and presumably agreed to play the character because he was (understandably) desperate for his chance to become a Superstar™.

On the surface introducing a character with learning disabilities was a progressive move for a wrestling company. The initial introduction was good and Dinsmore’s portrayal was believable and sympathetic enough for Eugene to catch on and become surprisingly popular (the lack of fresh stars and the product’s general sense of staleness may have been additional contributing factors). But WWE, being WWE, had to get it wrong eventually. Eugene got mixed up with lead heel faction Evolution, which led to him being exposed as the out of his depth mid-card character he was always going to be.

After that he was shunted into a tag team with William Regal. It was not only a more appropriate placing on the card but also a more appropriate role in general. Regal made an excellent straight man for Eugene’s exuberant antics. They became one of the few decent teams WWE had throughout the entire decade.

That’s the point we’re at now. In the future WWE would make the bewildering decision to turn Eugene heel (having a mentally challenged character that audiences are encouraged to boo is never going to be a good move) and the decidedly less bewildering decision to drop him further down the card when his popularity inevitably waned. Ultimately he would be released, make a very brief return (as Eugene) in 2013, and then be hired as a trainer in 2013 (a role he was coincidentally fired from this week). But that’s all in the future. At NYR 2005 Eugene was still employed and very, very popular for some reason I’ve never been able to work out.

The match started with Eugene emulating Hogan’s posing and JYD's headbutts. He also cocked his leg to emulate urinating on a downed Christian. The crowd went mad for that. Eugene was isolated for a few minutes but managed to tag in Regal (to absolute silence) after Hulking up. Then it was Regal’s turn to get isolated, which made more sense as Eugene was the more popular of the pair.

The crowd exploded when Eugene finally tagged back in. He did a fiery clean-up on the heels before (legitimately) hurting his knee due to overexcitement. The match ended shortly afterwards, Eugene getting the pin via Owen Hart SummerSlam '97 rollup. The match clearly ended a little before it was meant to because of the injury. Eugene was helped to the back by medical personnel.

Poolside with the Divas

Christy Hemme wandered around the pool. She stopped to hand a towel to some random dude and got leered at in return. She seemed to enjoy it. Because the PG rating hadn’t been introduced at this point ‘King’ was in full-on ‘King’ mode, commenting that he loved Christy taking the twins out.

It was the first of many such videos.

Edge, Christian and Tyson Tomko chat backstage

Edge and Christian, while both heels, were not aligned with one another at this point. Which was a nice touch. It makes things seem more believable when heels have problems with other heels based on previous feuds. Edge told Christian he had an idea that would see Christian win the WHC. They walked off, presumably to discuss Edge’s plan in more detail away from the camera crew.

Women's championship: Lita (c) v Trish Stratus

The match was preceded by a video getting everyone up to speed. Lita had gotten pregnant by Kane and lost the baby after Kane fell on her in the ring. Trish made fun of her for this, first laughing about her getting fat due to pregnancy and then about her losing the baby. Which really goes beyond heel heat into the realms of Trish’s character just being awful. Her villainous side was not served well by the writing team.

This pregnancy stuff demonstrates a few things. First of all, it’s not just Vince Russo who writes pregnancy and miscarriage angles for this company. Secondly, WWE was quite happy to use something that would only ever be a tragedy in real life to fuel what was meant to be escapist TV programming. Lita v Trish was the first of two matches on the show that came from this dreadful angle. That we no longer get storylines like is a reason to be in the favour of the PG rating.

This was Trish's sixth women's title win.

The match was pretty quick. Trish was thrown out of the ring and Lita tweaked her knee performing a Thesz Press off the apron. Trish worked the knee for a few minutes in the ring and then pinned Lita after a Chick Kick. It wasn’t as obvious whether or not the injury here was real, but it seemed it. Whatever the case, the match was not up to the standards of the pairs’ reputations. It was basic and lasted less than four minutes.

Chris Jericho gets ready

That’s it. A shot of Chris Jericho preparing for the main event. JR mentioned him being the first ever undisputed champion in an attempt to make it seem like Jericho had a chance at heading into WrestleMania Season as the champ. He didn’t and everyone knew it.

Poolside with the Divas again

Maria got undressed and sat on a sunbed. Jerry said he didn’t know what he was doing while this was filmed but he was pleased the cameras were there to catch it.

Edge, Christian, Tyson Tomko and Eric Bischoff chat backstage

Edge told Bisch that he wanted a World title match but didn’t want it with Shawn Michaels as the guest referee. The future ‘Rated R Superstar’ had convinced himself Michaels would screw him out of the gold (because they were feuding at this point). He suggested putting Christian in the Chamber match in his place, with the winner defending the title against Edge on RAW. Bischoff said no to the proposed changes and, perhaps channelling the 2014 model Batista, told E&C to deal with it.

Edge stormed out of the office and ran into Michaels in the corridor. Michaels said he planned to call the match fairly but that he'd have to react if physically provoked. He did say he'd like to count Edge’s shoulders down though. Which didn’t exactly sound unbiased.

Intercontinental championship: Shelton Benjamin (c) v Maven

Maven had pinned Benjamin in a six man tag match to earn the title shot. Back then a champion being pinned in a non-title match was still enough of a reason for a title match to happen. RAW would be a much easier watch these days if basics like that were still the case.

Proof that WWE could have gimmicked Maven up.

The match lasted a little over six minutes but most of that was house show-level stalling from Maven. He hugged the ropes to escape Benjamin’s formidable amateur background then left the ring to stand on a chair and cut a promo on the crowd. Why didn’t he get counted out? Because he told the referee not to count and the referee obliged. And people think HBK’s a biased official!

Maven basically spent about three minutes telling the crowd to be quiet so he could concentrate. He also pretended he couldn’t speak Spanish then revealed that he could (or at least knew a token phrase). Then he faked a walk out, dashed back into the ring, and got rolled up and pinned with an immediate schoolboy by the champion.

Maven said the loss didn't count and demanded an immediate rematch. So that led to…

Intercontinental championship: Shelton Benjamin (c) v Maven... the long-awaited rematch

Shelton returned, hit a T-Bone suplex and pinned Maven again. The entire sequence seemed designed to kill time in the most unsatisfying fashion possible.

Poolside with the Divas yet again

A woman (who on closer inspection turned out to be Candice Michelle) rubbed lotion into Christy Hemme's back. Jerry didn’t say anything particularly noteworthy, possibly because he’d left the announce desk by this point.

Chris Benoit gets ready

Chris Benoit did some press-ups. JR said he wanted to regain the title and referenced WrestleMania XX. That was it.

Todd Grisham interviews Daivari and Muhammad Hassan

After a recap of JR being choked (like a government mule?) by Hassan and Daviri, Todd Grisham asked an instantly forgettable generic question of the heels. Hassan said it was typical of the American media (which I think meant WWE’s production team) to cut out Lawler calling him an idiot and only show the aftermath. Grish asked if he was nervous for his PPV debut. Hassan said he wasn't and then chatted about Puerto Rico's populace being second class citizens. He also crammed in a line about his own personal revolution. Because that's the name of the show!

For those who don’t remember, Muhammad Hassan was in many ways the other side of the Eugene coin. He was just as much a product of exploitation but he was a vicious heel rather than a (supposedly) endearing babyface. In this case the aspect of reality being exploited was the West’s cultural clash with the Middle East. Hassan would cut promos about being held back because of his ethnicity and make veiled comments about whatever North American city he was in being prejudiced against him. Because he was a heel he wasn’t allowed to touch on these issues without making it clear that he himself was prejudiced against the West, because that’s the way WWE operates.

It was a far more unpleasant character than Eugene, for obvious reasons. Hassan would eventually disappear from TV later in the year after UPN (the channel which aired SmackDown) pressured WWE into not using him after a controversial segment in which Hassan summoned men in ski masks to choke The Undertaker with piano wire before carrying him out of the arena (taped days before the London bombings). Daivari disappeared too, but would return later in the year to manage Kurt Angle.

Muhammad Hassan v Jerry 'The King' Lawler

JR left commentary to accompany Lawler to ringside. That left us with no commentary, which was a peculiar production decision. Especially when Todd Grisham had been shown backstage and Jonathan Coachman would commentate on the show from the next match onwards. Perhaps it was an experiment by WWE to see they could cut costs and operate without announcers.

It was a basic match with the obvious heavy influence from Memphis. For example, fair early on Lawler “had the match won” with a rollup but the ref was busy reapplying a turnbuckle pad. There was also the obligatory pulling down of the strap to signify that ‘King’ meant business.

Hassan put on the camel clutch twice but Jerry wouldn't quit. The crowd changed boring after the second application. Hassan's response was a sleeper. Jerry made a comeback and hit a drop kick and his punch from the second rope but Hassan, not being a jobber from the 1970s, kicked out. Lawler DDTed him but Daiviri put his man’s foot on the ropes to break the count. Jerry chased Daivari around ringside and then, with a little help from scary ol’ Jim Ross, into the ring. But he didn’t get his hands on him. Instead Hassan caught him with the Flatliner for the three count.

Todd Grisham interviews Batista

Batista told Grisham that he was a wrecking machine and his chances in the chamber were “great.” Then Orton appeared and asked if Batista would try to win the title or be 'The Game's' stooge. Batista said he'd take his chance to become WHC.

Fun at the commentary desk

Coach strolled out and joined JR on commentary. He didn’t reveal why he hadn’t done this twenty minutes earlier. Instead he told Ross that he and ‘King’ sucked and that everyone in Puerto Rico loved him. Because Coach was a heel who said stuff like that at this point.

Snitky v Kane

This started with a recap. Snitsky had hit Kane with a chair. Kane had fallen on Lita. Lita had had a miscarriage. Kane had sworn revenge on Snitsky. Snitsky had launched his wildly popular “It wasn’t my fault!” catchphrase in reference to said miscarriage and put Kane out of action. Kane had returned, still angry with Snitsky. Eric Bischoff booked the pair in this match.

This pretty much sums up the entire Snitsky-Kane-Lita saga.

The most exciting thing about the match was Snitsky's music starting with his catchphrase. There were lots of punches and lots of kicks. There was also a fairly unnecessary exposed concrete spot. Kane won with a Tombstone, which is pretty solid evidence that WWE were keen to get the feud and Snitsky over: ‘The Big Red Machine’ only ever busted out that move to put away major threats.

Snitters never got over, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. He had a job until December 2008. Which is astonishing when you stop and think about it. He was truly, truly abysmal.

Poolside with the Divas IV: Citizens on Patrol

Stacey Keibler got off a sunbed and into the pool. Maria's footage was replayed. So was Christy’s. "I'm the breast - I mean best - at putting on tanning lotion,” said J-Lawl as we got another look at Candice rubbing her hands all over Christy.

Simon Dean appeared, drinking from a pineapple. JR instantly called him a party pooper. Seconds later Dean proved him right when he pushed a random lad into the pool. The girls were joined in the pool by Rosey, The Hurricane, Rob Conway and Val Venis for a “chicken fight” (the girls were put on the guys’ shoulders and tried to shove one another into the water). This “fun” ended when Christy pulled off Maria's top then pushed her into the pool. Coach said Maria was the winner. Lawler said we were all winners.

Recap video explaining why the World Heavyweight championship was vacated

Reigning champion Triple H defended the title in a triple threat match against Benoit and Edge. That ended when Edge reversed the Crippler Crossface into a pinning predicament but then tapped out just as the final count was made on Benoit’s shoulders. This prompted a return from Vince McMahon a week or two later (there have been so many Vince sabbaticals that I have no idea which one this was), who declared that GM Eric Bischoff would have to decide the title’s fate. Which presumably would have been a part the GM role anyway, but whatever.

Even though the finish made it fairly clear that either Benoit or Edge were the rightful champion Bisch decided the fairest thing to do would be to crown a new champion inside the Elimination Chamber, essentially muddying the waters by adding three names that definitely had no claim to being the World champ.

At the time this all happened I remember thinking that it was just an overly elaborate way of increasing the number of world title reigns for Triple H. Nine years later I still feel the same way.

Inside Evolution’s dressing room

H3 demanded to know why Batista said he'd go for the title. Big Dave clarified, saying he was an Evolution guy and that he had Triple H's back but that he'd go for the gold if Trips was eliminated before he got in. Flair and Triple H did not appreciate the final comment.

Eric Bischoff in-ring promo

Bisch strutted out to tell everyone the Chamber was one of his greatest creations and to remind that a new champion would be crowned. He finished by welcoming the crowd. That this promo happened at all was weird. That it happened before the main event and ended with Bischoff welcoming the crowd was even weirder.

World Heavyweight championship Elimination Chamber: Triple H v Chris Benoit v Randy Orton v Chris Jericho v Batista v Edge

The introductions took an age but the crowd were hot for everyone, which helped a lot. In terms of talent and name value I expected it to be one of the best Chamber matches ever.

Jericho and Benoit started things off with a compelling bit of technical wrestling. Tripper was the second man to enter. He immediately worked over both guys, throwing them out onto the steel. Benoit took the opportunity to blade.

Jericho back dropped Trips onto the steel and suplexed him back into the ring, then got back into it with Benoit as the next countdown rang out. Edge entered, spearing Jericho and DDTing Triple H for a two count. Out on the steel he blocked a pedigree and catapulted 'The Game' into the chains.

Batista's face...

Orton came in fifth and launched into his plucky babyface routine on Triple H. I feel compelled to point out that Orton was only twenty-four at this point. The crowd chanted for an RKO and got one when Orty came up against Jericho. A second attempt on Benoit was turned into a Crippler Crossface, which also met with the crowd’s approval. Triple H taunted Orton while he was in the hold so Benoit released it and put Trips in the Sharpshooter. Orton then recovered and floored Benoit with an RKO.

Edge went for a spear on Orton but Orton moved and Edge ran through Michaels. Moments later he got Orton with the move, but Michaels was still down and unable to make the count. Edge got in his face so Michaels super kicked him. Jericho took the opportunity to give Edge a Lionsault, which was enough to get him the pin and give us our first elimination. Aside from the closing moments this was the only sequence Michaels was involved in.

Benoit suplexed Trips after a Pedigree on Jericho, then followed up with a diving headbutt. The Canadians locked in dual submissions on ‘The Game’ as the final countdown kicked in and – ahem – ‘The Animal’ was unleashed. Batista leapt over the top rope into the ring to save his stablemate. He blasted through both Canadians and Orton then came face to face with Triple H. The other three men recovered and attacked before anything could happen. The tease was well received. It was one of many WWE employed on the path to convincing themselves Triple H v Batista was the direction to take for WrestleMania.

Benoit was eliminated next, falling to a spinebuster from Batista. Jericho fell to a Batista bomb soon after. That left just the two Evolution boys with their former teammate. It was a logical final three considering the history, but the crowd had seemed more invested in Jericho and Benoit.

H3 and 'The Animal' ganged up on Orton. ‘The Legend Killer’ kicked out of a Batista power slam, a Triple H spinebuster and a barrage of punches before firing up for a comeback. He floored Batista with an RKO and Triple H, thinking quickly, opted not to make the save. That was another sign: ‘The Cerebral Assassin’ didn’t want to be left alone with the powerhouse.

Orty and Trips had an energetic tussle. Triple H ate an RKO but Michaels was distracted by Flair trying to get into the cage, letting Batista, who still hadn’t exited, wallop Orton with a clothesline. Tripper hauled up Orton, giving him the highest wedgie in WWE main event history in the process, and smashed him with the match-winning Pedigree.

Evolution celebrated as the commentary gang talked up the bout and Triple H's tenth world title win.

Final thoughts

Further evidence this was all about title reigns.

I remembered this show for the main event but I wasn’t aware until rewatching it how little else there was on offer. It could have been far better than it was. Obviously Snitsky v Kane and Hassan v Lawler weren’t going to amount to much and the opener was about as good as it could get (injury aside) but the Intercontinental and women’s title matches could have been far better. The former was nothing but stalling. In total they had about eight minutes of ring time available. That was enough to have had a solid match. The women’s match might have been hampered by an injury. But if it wasn’t that was another let-down. Given four more minutes they could have had a very enjoyable bout.

The main event was worthwhile though. It actually provides a logical reason for why Batista and Orton got to the top in the first place: both pulled their weight here at a time when they were the junior members of the main event crew. I wouldn’t say it’s the best Chamber match ever, but that’s at least partly because Chambers matches don’t stick with me as much as Hell in a Cell and other big gimmick matches too. It was very good and worth checking out, and saved New Year’s Revolution from being the dreadful misfire it could have been.

That said, it could have worked just as well had Triple H’s title reign not been interrupted. There was no need for that beyond him hitting double figures.

That RAW Recap 26.05.14

For the final major TV show before a special-event-per-view I thought the May 26 RAW was pretty uninspiring. It's not that nothing happened. It did. Sheamus heelishly attacked Cesaro after he'd beaten Rob Van Dam, prompting 'The Swiss Superman' to even the odds later in the evening by attacking Sheamus after he'd tangled with Alberto Del Rio. Big E ran Rusev off from the ring. Alicia Fox won a match. Bo Dallas's motivational character made its RAW debut. Jack Swagger and Adam Rose had yet another set to during which the audience failed to embrace Rose. Goldust and Cody Rhodes got beaten in an elimination match by Evolution.

Bolieve!

Things were happening. It's just that in the grand scheme of things they were not particularly interesting. It's a result of WWE concentrating on the top two or three feuds so much: others deemed less important feel marginalised and dashed together. If the audience has to work to invent a backstory for so much of the show something's going wrong somewhere.



But it wasn't completely forgettable. There were a number of scenes that are destined to make it to the Payback opening video at the very least.

The first was an opening scene which saw The Authority mouth off about Daniel Bryan and The Shield before bringing out Brad Maddox. Maddox had allowed Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins to be guest commentators during a Batista v Roman Reigns match the week before. That hadn't sat well with Triple H and Steph. They had Kane come to the ring and rough him up then give him a choke slam and, just for good measure, a Tombstone piledriver.

Afterwards Maddox was fired as RAW General Manager. That had been a long time coming. The presence of Stephanie and 'The Game' on television every week has been making the GM position pointless since last summer. Maddox had barely been featured and when he had been he'd usually been doing something minor. This frees him up to be reintroduced in a new role. Possibly as a wrestler, which is presumably what he was signed to do in the first place.

Hour two's opening saw Bray Wyatt target Jerry 'The King' Lawler in the latest stage of his quest to upset John Cena. Why would targeting Jerry Lawler upset Cena, you ask. Apparently the two are very good pals. Such good pals in fact that it's never been referenced before. The real reason behind involving 'King' was that RAW was being held in Tennessee. That's firmly Lawler country, making what happened an easy way to present 'The Eater of Worlds' as a bad guy.

Tennessee heat!

Lawler was brought into the ring by Harper and Rowan. JBL tried to make the save but got a discuss clothesline for his trouble. Cena dashed to the ring and stopped the Family from going too far with Lawler but wound up being held by Harper and Rowan. Before Wyatt could resume his heinous antics and perform a wrestling move on trained wrestler Jerry Lawler the Uso brothers entered the fray. With the numbers evened the faces managed to chase the Family off.

Cena told Bray he'd crossed a line by attacking Lawler (something he didn't say to Randy Orton when Orton attacked his dad in January, but whatevs). He ran through his arguments against Wyatt. Wyatt responded by saying he was a god. Cena's general gist was that he'd beat Wyatt at Payback. Sadly that seems entirely plausible.

Significant event number three was a showdown between Stephanie McMahon and WWE champion Daniel Bryan. Steph wanted the injured D-Bry to vacate the championship and assured him he could have a title match when he was cleared to return to the ring. Bryan said that doing that would be a slap in the face to all the fans that have supported him on his journey to the top. The title belts stayed with him, on his shoulder and around his waist.

Stephanie's response to that was to air two week old footage of Brie Bryan (a ring name I think she should adopt) giving her a shove backstage. Stephanie then threatened to fire Brie if Bryan didn't agree to vacate the championship. But instead of forcing the issue and getting Bryan to make a rash decision to save his wife in the heat of the moment she gave him the deadline of Payback to make a decision.

In non-storyline terms that's a good decision. The fate of the WWE championship and an appearance from Daniel Bryan are two extra reasons for people to tune into the currently-not-so-supershow. With Bryan unable to wrestle this is the next best thing to do with him.

The evening ended with a contract signing between Evolution and The Shield. What was the contract for? The six man elimination tag match at Payback. Yeah, that match that WWE had been advertising for weeks but apparently hadn’t had the participants officially agree to. For shame! Then again, why do contract signings need to take place in WWE at all? Last minute matches are made on a weekly basis without participants signing contracts. The whole setup’s ridiculous.

Lawler looks surprisingly happy, doesn't he?

After being introduced by Michael Cole 'The Hounds of Justice' lobbed the chairs, table and fancy black cloth out of the ring. Evolution sauntered out. The two factions had words before Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns signed the paper (Ambrose managed to botch holding a clipboard, which was amusing). The inevitable brawl happened once Batista, Orton and Tripper had inked their names. Evolution got the better of that when H3 introduced his trademark sledgehammer to proceedings. Ambrose and Rollins were thumped about in the ring before Reigns was triple power bombed through the announce desk.

Based on this show the top of the Payback card stands a good chance of being enjoyable. The undercard is looking pretty abysmal though. But hey, that’s nothing new at this point.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 48

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 48 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Anyone who’s watched an episode of RAW will know that WWE is very keen on advertising. They have a large number of sponsors and advertising partners who pay good money to flash graphics up on screen promoting their services and products. Behind the TV deals themselves they’re probably WWE’s chief source of income.

 

Many people would argue WWE goes too far in this area. While I don’t agree with that stance I can understand why people think it. Adverts within RAW are incredibly prominent and frequently overshadow the wrestling and the wrestlers. Never is this more apparent when a backstage segment is shown in which wrestlers are made to awkwardly shill some product that it’s highly unlikely they genuinely use.

 

Jerry Lawler accepts a fast food delivery mid-show.
He would have a heart attack later in the year

But as much as WWE pursue partnerships with outside organisations they don’t go as far as they could. Wrestler’s outfits have a lot of space on them for company logos and I’m surprised a company as savvy as WWE haven’t made use of that. It’s all too easy to imagine a wrestler with a logo for some prominent American food brand, Chipotle, for example (mostly because I think it’s a funny word) emblazoned on their tights.

 

I’m not arguing in favour of this. I think it would be a poor sign in wrestling if it were to actually happen. But it’s such an obvious thing that I feel it’s something we should have seen.

 

Observant readers will have noticed that Brock Lesnar already wrestles with various sponsor logos on his trunks. That’s nothing to do with WWE. Those are deals he worked out privately during his time in UFC, where such deals are common enough (another reason I would have thought WWE would make the move). WWE sees nothing from those agreements: it was a stipulation of ‘The Beast’ returning to the promotion that he would get to keep the logos and all the money from them.

 

The closest I think WWE has ever come to tying a sponsor directly to a wrestler was The Zombie. That wasn’t a regular character of course, it was a jobber character that appeared on the ECW Sci Fi channel show, but the reason it was made a zombie, as opposed to a generic wrestler or some other gimmick, was because WWE felt the need (for whatever reason) to tie the loser into the theme of the channel he was to appear on.

 

I’m perhaps even more surprised that this is something we haven’t seen in TNA. That’s a promotion notoriously strapped for cash, squeezing every cent for all it’s worth. Sticking a logo on a pair of tights could bring in money for, essentially, nothing.

 

Could it be that those in charge in the wrestling business simply don’t think this is a good idea? I can’t believe that. These are the people who have given us The Dicks, The Johnsons, Tank Abbot matches, the Misfits in Action, a Judy Bagwell on a Pole match, The Boogeyman, Isaac Yankem, S7ven, King of the Mountain matches, The Kiss Demon, The Great Khali, and the sumo monster truck competition between Hulk Hogan and the man now known as Big Show. There are no depths they won’t stoop to.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 16

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 16 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

In this episode Michael and I talk about the potential that a wrestling edition of Big Brother holds. Well, I say we chat about it but that’s not strictly true. I had to spend several minutes selling him on the idea of this hypothetical concept and explaining bits and pieces about Big Brother. But once that’s done and he’s warmed to the idea a little we chat about it. We discuss how the show would work, who we’d put in there and name drop the seemingly forgotten Legends’ House.

Plus there’s a JBL anecdote from Michael! If that doesn’t get you listening I don’t know what will.

 

If WWE got involved with Big Brother it'd be better than this (probably)

Cabanarama

Despite not working for any wrestling promotion with a meaningful television deal Colt Cabana is known to a lot of wrestling fans. His notoriety can be explained by his stints in ROH and (as Scotty Goldman) WWE. In the former he gained a reputation for being a well-rounded performer, someone who could brawl, wrestle technically, do comedy or cut a promo with spirited proficiency. Fans appreciated him for his versatility as much as anything else. He was little more than enhancement talent in WWE but he brought something even to that lowly role.

Since parting ways with Ring of Honor in 2011 Cabana has maintained a high profile, thanks largely to his Art of Wrestling podcast. You've probably heard of it. If not I suggest listening to an episode. The general idea is that Colt speaks to fellow wrestlers about their personal lives, wrestling careers and feelings on the business. It provides a fascinating insight into wrestling and usually makes you appreciate wrestlers who appear in a new light.

It's also given us an insight into Cabana as a person. That he is routinely affable and humorous makes the podcast a good listen, as does his under-appreciated skill as an interviewer. He gets the best out of his guests.

That he's fashioned a name for himself as a podcasting personality shows that he knows how to connect with wrestling fans and that fans want to follow, support, listen to and watch him. With that in mind I'm surprised he remains out of the loop of North America's big three promotions.

TNA should be desperate for new talent to add to their bedraggled embarrassment of a roster. Cabana would fit the bill perfectly. He's likeable enough to prove inoffensive to existing viewers, a good enough wrestler to give us enjoyable matches with mostly everyone in the company, and could feasibly attract a small number of new viewers who'd want to see what TNA does with him. There are very few wrestlers available to TNA at the moment who could have the potential impact of Cabana.

 

A happy young man

 

A return to ROH seems to be hindered by a long-standing and hazily defined grudge Colt holds against the group. He originally left because he was unhappy with the treatment he received during SBG's purchase of the promotion and dealing with Jim Cornette. He has since been angered by DVDs being released on his career. I can understand both sides there. ROH has realised Colt is popular and put their library of matches to good use releasing footage of him. It makes them cash, which is the point of the exercise. But Cabana has said he doesn't see a penny of any sales made, which is naturally going to irk him as ROH is benefiting from his success.

What's peculiar is that this indicates Ring of Honor understand Cabana has enough if a following to make producing a DVD worthwhile. Yet they haven’t done everything they can to bring him in.

It was revealed during Kevin Steen's second AOW appearance that ROH contacted Cabana after Jim Cornette left last year. Obviously nothing much came of that contact. They should keep trying. In Cabana ROH would have a readymade main event star to use. As with TNA he could wrestle enjoyable matches against pretty much the whole roster.  

Then there's WWE. I can understand why they didn't keep him around as a wrestler. He's not out of shape but he's also not ever going to get into the condition the promotion likes its top stars to be in. He's also unlikely to produce a five star WWE style match.

But what he could do is be a great colour commentator. To put it slightly indelicately, Jerry Lawler is not going to be able to stay at the commentary desk forever. The RAW team will probably end up as JBL and Cold when 'The King' retires but it would be prudent to introduce a third man or an alternative now, on SmackDown or one of the peripheral shows, to allow for a smoother transition when the time comes.

Cabana could obviously provide the insight on what the wrestlers are going through that colour guys are supposed to and his age and experience using social media for himself should allow him to more naturally plug polls and talk about tweets than Lawler (and JBL for that matter). A final bonus of having Cabana working as a commentator is that he'd be available for matches against guys having tryouts or joining the main roster from NXT.

Perhaps Colt himself is against all of the above and is happy roaming the world wrestling smaller shows. If he is then great. It's nice that he's enjoying himself. But I hope it is his choice, because if it's not a very talented man is being wasted.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 4

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 4 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

So Jim Ross is no longer affiliated with WWE. I’ve already discussed that here but there was no input from That Wrestling Podcast co-host Michael King. He wasn’t convinced we’d be able to fill an entire episode with JR talk. Find out if we did by giving this a listen!

… Okay a mild spoiler. We didn’t just discuss Jim Ross. We also discussed our thoughts on the role of commentators and the state of wrestling commentary in WWE.

The Ross Report

On Wednesday WWE announced via their website that Jim Ross is retiring, putting an end to a business relationship that started 1993 and has survived two firings (plus a number of kayfabe ones). It’s an announcement that came completely out of the blue. JR’s official exit as a television mainstay came several years ago but he’d still been very active for the company. Mostly he was involved in NXT, attending evaluation sessions and tapings and, occasionally, commentating for the league.

It’s commentary that ‘Good Old’ JR will be most remembered for. When I first started watching WWF programming in late 1998 he was the company’s lead play-by-play guy working alongside Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler on Monday Night RAW. That role was as integral to the success of the Attitude Era as anything else you care to name.

During that period alone JR enhanced an uncountable number of matches and contributed to some all-time classics. The one that immediately springs to mind is the Mankind v Undertaker v Hell in a Cell match at King of the Ring ’98. That match is incredible for the life-endangering falls Mick Foley took off and through the Cell structure. If you watch it back with a critical eye you’ll realise that very little besides that actually happens. Foley is knocked senseless after his two falls and has to be guided through a relatively basic exchange within the Cell by ‘The Phenom’. Part of the reason the bout has the reputation it does is Ross’s commentary. He helped to make Foley’s falls, in a very real way sacrifices, even more memorable and made the remainder of the match seem more animated than it was with his spirited performance from the announce booth. Ross’s impassioned plea of “Will someone stop the damn match!” is just as memorable as either of Foley’s tumbles.

There are other matches improved by JR, of course. Foley v Triple H at Royal Rumble 2000, Austin v Rock at WrestleMania X7 (and indeed ‘Manias XV and XIX), Chris Jericho v Triple H from the April 17^th RAW, Hulk Hogan v Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam ’05, the Batista v Triple H pay-per-view trilogy from 2005, Cactus Jack v Randy Orton at Backlash ’04, Shane McMahon’s hardcore title match with Steve Blackman, and even Kurt Angle’s main roster debut against Shawn Stasiak all benefited from Jim Ross’s involvement. I could go on. All were great matches to begin with, but JR’s skill calling them made them that little bit better.

What makes a good wrestling announcer is probably just as debatable as what makes a good wrestler. JR may not be everyone’s favourite commentator ever but I think anyone would be hard pushed to argue that he’s not amongst the best. He was an incredibly adept performer, just as comfortable calling a brutal TLC or Hell in a Cell match as he was contributing asides to a half hour long This Is Your Life comedy segment. When at the commentary desk JR could help to mask some of the shortcomings of less able wrestlers, an incredibly important knack for any commentator to have (it’s something Michael Cole still needs to improve), and explaining the story of a match with an air of good natured ease, arguably the chief role of a WWF and E commentator.

The more wrestling I watched the more commentators I was exposed to. Despite having a sizable commentary roster there was nobody in WCW who did such a great job as JR. It would be years before I noticed how good Ross was at his job, which is a sign in itself that he was talented. I noticed immediately how forced Tony Schiavone and his gang sounded. In ECW Joey Styles was great and for a while I was convinced he was the best wrestling commentator going. Looking back I realise that while he was good he was more technical. He could call wrestling moves and holds that JR wouldn’t have known the name of, true, but he wasn’t as gifted a storyteller as JR. Although in fairness that was slightly less a priority in ECW and Styles contributed to that product just as much as Ross did to the WWF.

 

JR cutting a promo and rocking a beard

 

This is not to say that JR was perfect. It wasn’t unknown for him to miscall moves and he would routinely get basic things wrong, such as mixing up Matt and Jeff Hardy. But when it came to getting over the story of any given match, recapping ongoing plots, covering weakness, and hyping pay-per-views, there was nobody finer .

While commentary is the role for which JR will be most remembered it’s not the only job he held in the company. From the late 90s until the middle of the “naughties” Ross was the Fed’s head of talent relations. The duties linked to this job are many but the key aspects of it were hiring, firing and re-signing wrestlers to appear on WWE’s TV shows. As great and passionate as he was on and about the commentary role it was the talent relations job that allowed Ross to make his greatest contributions to the company. He played a part in signing names such as Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Batista, Randy Orton, CM Punk and John Cena. Considering the amount of money those men, and many others signed by JR, have made for WWE, and themselves by extension, over the years it’s hard not to see this as his greatest contribution to WWE.

That the men who succeeded Ross in both of his roles struggled to gain acceptance shows just what a great wrestling mind he was. Michael Cole was so unpopular when he first replaced JR on RAW that he ended up being turned heel. Over the last two years he’s gradually drifted back to a babyface approach and is proficient at his job, but I know of nobody who has the same affection for him that they have for JR. Part of that is perhaps the fact that the nature of the job has changed and is now as much about promoting Twitter as telling us someone’s applied an armbar.

Over in talent relations John Laurinaitis was a flop when he replaced Ross (after several years of training, it should be pointed out). The only major player he signed during his time in the role was Daniel Bryan and, by most accounts, he alienated himself from the roster. Ross benefited from being in a position to sign established grapplers like Foley, Austin and Punk, but he also signed guys who were unproven. He clearly had an eye for talent that Laurinaitis lacked.

There are plenty of rumours doing that rounds as to why JR left. They’re largely unimportant. The thing to focus on is that he’s leaving, ostensibly to spend more time with his family and work on his ever-growing range of BBQ products (sauce it!). While it’s always possible he’ll surface in WWE again sometime in the future it’s not likely to come soon, and his contributions will probably be far more sporadic if he does.

WWE isn’t going to fall apart without Jim Ross. But it will be a little worse off without his knowledge, passion and input. He’ll be missed, on screen and off.

WWE: The Attitude Era (DVD Review)

You'd have thought that a DVD focusing on WWE's Attitude Era would pretty much put itself together. The company has access to a large number of the biggest stars of the time, as well as those employed by WCW, the chief opposition during the boom period. There are more than enough great moments to choose from to highlight the strengths of the time, not to mention plenty of feuds, performers, angles and events to focus on.

Despite this WWE's Attitude Era DVD (released to eyebrow-raisingly little fanfare last year) doesn't do a particularly good job. For starters the main feature is only an hour long. This is a perfectly reasonable run time and allows WWE to cover the majority (but not all) of the most important stuff to a satisfying degree. Unfortunately it's not long enough to cover everything that should have been covered in sufficient detail. Some things you'd expect to be covered heavily are glossed over or omitted altogether. Bizarrely some things you'd think wouldn't get much of a mention are granted a hefty portion of the run time.

Chris Jericho's debut is a good example. While the his first appearance on RAW is included in full as an extra it's not really tackled on the main documentary. The same goes for Kurt Angle. Both men were important signings during the era and could be considered stars by the time it ended. They remain stars today, which makes them relevant to the documentary. That their involvement is downplayed feels odd.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. After all neither Austin nor Rock, undeniably the Attitude Era's biggest hitters, get much of a profile either. The only act to get what would anyone would consider a lengthy amount of time dedicated to it is D-Generation X. The approach is at least consistent but for the most part it could leave someone unfamiliar with the product confused as to who placed where on the pecking order.

The selection of talking heads feels limited compared to other WWE releases. Some of the contributors are strange choices. I can't imagine anyone was desperate to hear so much from Rikishi, who crops up time and again to give his opinon on practically every subject covered. His involvement should've ended after he took credit for inventing the Too Cool gimmick (a lie by the way: Taylor and Christopher were repackaged as a hip hop act months before they were united with Rikishi and their deliberately bad dancing was a part of the fun and games from the off). Ron Simmons gets a surprising amount of face time.

Better value are Road Dogg and, amazingly, Mark Henry. Roadie offers a great deal of insight, his sense of humour helping him to come across well. Henry is self-depreciating, useful when the Attitude Era provided fans with so many amusing moments at his expense. He seems genuinely touched when talking about a fan who told him they'd appreciated his work during an angle that saw him dating a transvestite. ‘The World’s Strongest Man’ comes across well.

The feature starts focusing on DX before moving on to Austin (hilariously described by the gruff and intimidating narrator as "a monsoon of good fortune") and the importance of long term stories to the era's success. Anyone who watched WWF programming at the time will be able to tell you the McMahon's appeared a lot as part of those long term stories. According to Pat Patterson that was something everyone wanted to see. Lies like that are what keep Pat employed.

They cover the Brawl for All and wisely don't try to disguise what a failure it was. JBL admits it was a stupid idea. He also reveals that it came about from an idea he submitted to management that was, it turns out, more in line with what the hardcore division became. This wasn't something JBL just decided to do, the entire roster was encouraged to submit ideas regarding what they'd like to be doing on TV. WWE should consider doing something similar with their current batch of stars.

Talk of the hardcore division naturally leads to clips of all the famous bumps and dives of Mick “I’m a hardcore legend” Foley. He's acknowledged as a great hardcore wrestler but it feels half-hearted, as though the people saying it haven't stopped to think about what the term hardcore in relation to wrestling means anymore. There's something off about Foley's spot on the DVD in general. It's as though he's being mentioned grudgingly. Perhaps he is.

Speaking of Foley he crops up as a talking head, usually contributing something either instantly forgettable or giving an example of WWF programming he didn't care for. Most of the things he finds distasteful involved the portrayal of women, although stuff involving DX and 'Sexual Chocolate' upset him too.

Road Dogg and Mark Henry happily reminisce about the more provocative clothing WWE's female talents wore back then. They also mention girls taking their tops off in the audience. I mention this mainly because Henry is hilarious on the subject. Other amusing comments are Big Show describing everyone before Sunny as looking rough and Stephanie McMahon popping up to say the girls of the Attitude Era were "sexy, fun and manipulative". It makes you wonder what sort of values she’s instilling in her daughters.

We're told that when SmackDown debuted the WWF deliberately sought a more comedic tone. It's not made clear why. In fact it wasn't clear that it was actually happening when I was watching SmackDown during the period in question.

Still, it does at least provide an excuse to play the footage of Mae Young giving birth to a hand which leads to Mark Henry announcing he wasn't completely sold on the reveal. When he asked Vince McMahon why a hand had been chosen the reply was "It's a hand!" That story is worth the price of the DVD by itself.

The documentary wraps up by blasting through some clips of 'Y2J' and Angle, devoting a surprising amount of time to Patterson, Brisco and the Mean Street Posse, and the 24/7 era of the hardcore division. I hated that gimmick at the time. I'm still not wild about it now.

Over on the extras disc things are pretty good. You get a hefty selection of matches and angles to browse through. Some merit inclusion more than others. I can't imagine anyone was desperate to see Bart Gunn legitimately KO 'Doctor Death' Steve Williams and the highlight of the Sable v Marc Mero encounter is the commentary of Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross.

Better is a four team tag title match featuring Austin, Rock, Undertaker, Mankind, Kane, and the New Age Outlaws (along with odd man out D'Lo Brown). It's not a bad effort but it's most interesting for involving so many of the major players of the time in one outing. Rock versus Mankind from Survivor Series '98, the infamous beer bath segment, and Chris Jericho v Eddie Guerrero from April 3^rd 2000 are all worth looking at again too. All the extras, good and bad, are pretty solid representations of what made the Attitude Era what it was.

Despite the assorted failures with the main feature they do manage to give viewers a taste of nostalgia for a fondly remembered wrestling era. It's also pleasing to hear acknowledgement that Attitude didn't come about purely by design: it was able to happen because the WWF was smart enough to capitalise on viewing trends with American audiences. Various contributors also admit that the Attitude Era saw numerous guys all hit their stride at the same time. It's true and it was the biggest contributing factor to the WWF's success.

The Attitude Era is far from the worst wrestling DVD out there but it does feel like something of a missed opportunity. The period from late '97 to early '01 is critically acclaimed and loved for a reason. It's also the reason WWE is still in business today. It deserved more than an hour but makes good use of what it’s given.

That RAW Recap 25.03.13

Two weeks from WrestleMania and WWE is still producing RAW episodes with a lot of filler. The company and the people who run it have all been around long enough for this not to be concerning. It's WWE's system and they know what they're doing. It doesn't mean WrestleMania is going to suffer. Unfortunately it doesn't make for interesting viewing though either. Regardless of what pay-per-view's next on the calendar WWE should be aiming to give us a solid show every week.

From the irrelevant filler file: Ryback trounced SmackDown main eventers 3MB; Mark Henry beat fearsome combo Jimmy and Jey Uso; Antonio Cesaro defeated World Heavyweight champion Alberto Del Rio via count out in a four minute disappointment; and The Shield were built up for WrestleMania by being put over Justin Gabriel, Zack Ryder and The (Not So) Great Khali. All of this was done for a reason, but it was boring. All involved could have been given something more interesting to do and the same effect (preparing for 'Mania) could have been achieved.

Slightly better were the match between The Miz and Wade Barrett and the continuation of Chris Jericho's feud with Fan... Dan... Go (you've got to let the vowels breathe). 'The Awesome One' beat Barrett in order to set up their long rumoured Intercontinental title bout at WM29. The match was pretty decent. That bodes well for the big show, although they're going to get a shorter run time there.

Looks like Fandango's been raiding John Morrison's ring gear closet

Despite my aversion to 'Y2J' and the ballroom dancer's dispute before it began I'm pleased that the programme has been well constructed so far. Those rumours that Vince McMahon was personally working on the Fandango character days after hip surgery must have been true. Right now they've got the third most logical 'Mania rivalry behind Lesnar v Triple H and Del Rio v Swagger. Who'd have guessed that a month ago?

Speaking of which, both of those feuds saw advancement on Monday. Swagger distracted ADR. It was perfunctory advancement. Meanwhile 'The Game' cut a short and forgettable promo about how you should always expect to wrestle your last match against a guy like 'The Pain'. He also said he was going to WrestleMania to fight, not to wrestle. Maybe they should get some FightMania graphics prepped for that match.

Not every WrestleMania match is being treated so well. Undertaker v CM Punk is a prime example. The feud that should have been about Punk's continued demands for respect and proving to "the WWE Universe" that he's the best has instead revolved around a prop urn purportedly containing the ashes of 'The Phenom's' former manager Paul Bearer.

That Bearer would have approved of this and that his family have signed off on his involvement in the storyline isn't the point. If it'd truly what Bill 'Paul Bearer' Moody would have wanted that's fine. It's a missed opportunity. The match itself will still be great, I'm sure. The approach to it has been dull. Promos from Punk about how ending The Streak will force everyone to respect him would have been so much better.

RAW opened with Punk cutting what was by his standards a snore of a promo. He said he'd gotten under 'The Dead Man's' skin. He said The Streak could have gone on forever if Undertaker hadn't come up against Punk. 'Taker showed up and pummelled him until Punk escaped the ring and ran away. It was as dreary as it sounds.

It's difficult to care about any of this. We all know Punk's losing at WrestleMania. The draw of the feud was seeing the respect-obsessed 'Best in the World' of the last eight months come up against the man who has earned more respect than anyone in company history over his twenty-three year stay. It was that build as much as the match itself that appealed about Punk challenging The Streak. Acknowledging the death of Paul Bearer was absolutely the right thing to do, and the tribute they aired was touching. But his involvement should have ended there.

Nobody needs to see more of this

Closing the show was a debate between WrestleMania opponents (twice in a lifetime, folks!) John Cena and The Rock. They were given questions by Dusty Rhodes, Booker T, Mick Foley and Bret Hart with Jerry Lawler on compare duty (which sounds like a poor American version of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue). Ric Flair was originally meant to be a part of this segment too. My assumption is that Booker replaced him. In case you've not heard a blood clot in 'The Nature Boy's' leg concerned WWE's medical staff. They sent him to a hospital, who sent him home. It's unlikely he'd have contributed a great deal. Best to put health first, 'Naitch'.

Mick Foley opened by asking John Cena if he was prepared to deal with the regret another loss to The Rock would bring him. Cena didn't give a direct answer. He was never going to. This was an excuse to have Cena and Rock cut promos on each other in a moderately fresh environment. Instead he flanneled about how beating 'The Brahma Bull' is "the big one" for him. If he can't do it fans will greet him with derision in every arena in the country (and presumably the world). He admitted he's statistically good but basically his point was beating The Rock is his greatest challenge.

All of which cheerfully ignored the fact that fans already greet Cena with derision on a regular basis.

Rock responded with a story about growing up near Philadelphia (which is where RAW was being held). If we're to believe all of Rock's stories then he must have had about fourteen different childhoods.

Bret Hart's question was more of a statement. He said watching Rock and Cena verbally swipe at each other last year reminded him of himself and Shawn Michaels. ‘The Hitman’ was disappointed by the bad blood. Rock said he respected Cena because he beat him at WrestleMania XXVIII fair and square and 'The Franchise' didn't complain. He took his loss like a man, said Rocky. Which is true. Cena said Rock has proven his dedication to wrestling by winning the WWE championship. A weird leap of logic, but that's Cena.

Booker T's wanted to know why Cena says he has to beat The Rock at WrestleMania. In fairness Cena had addressed this point when answering the night's first question. His said simply that he'll beat The Rock because he has to.

Rock wasn't satisfied with that answer even though, when you get right down to it, within the parameters of kayfabe every wrestler has to win every match because they have to. Nevertheless Cena was pushed for further comment and gave it. He stated that Rock was the only man who'd ever gotten into his head, which caused him to make a mistake during their previous match. That mistake was going for a Rock Bottom on The Rock and it cost him the match. In Cena's mind if he hadn't done that he'd have won and proven he's better than Rock, because he is (apparently) better than The Rock. Which would make a nice tag line for this year's show, WrestleMania XXIX: Better Than The Rock.

Naturally Rock didn't take kindly to Cena's statement. He argued that if Cena had had him beaten he'd have beaten him. He lost, so he didn't have The Rock beaten. He dredged up Flair's old "to be the man... wooooooo... you gotta beat the man" line and told Cena he'll never win because he's not the man.

'The Dream' piped up. Cena said he wanted to provide The Rock with a loss that will haunt him. Rock retorted that he's not built that way. He'll still be 'The People's Champion' on Monday 8 while Cena will be asking himself why he lost again (and eating Fruity Pebbles apparently).

There was a staredown. Cena went for an AA but Rock slipped out and dished out a Rock Bottom instead. Rock left the ring. Cena busted out his patented kicked puppy look to show that he's really up against it at WrestleMania and is beginning to doubt he can beat 'The Great One'. It would have been the ideal way to end the pre-'Mania RAW. 

 

Great reactions from the guys at the table: Foley seems to be getting up, Hart's just staring into space and Dusty's doing  dance

The point of the segment seemed to be to show that Cena hadn't taken the loss as well as originally believed. That's why they had Rock acknowledge Cena's acceptance of losing early on, before Cena unravelled on the question of why he must win. It wasn't quite pulled off, but it was a good attempt and makes for a logical story. That's important with any match, particularly a WrestleMania main event.

The main event Q&A was a success because it worked. It got done what it needed to. Very little else on the show can make that boast.