No Mercy 2002 review

WWE recently announced Brock Lesnar's Go to Hell tour, a month of Network-related content centred around 'The Beast' himself. It culminate with a Lesnar versus Undertaker Hell in a Cell match. Having watched WWE for a while my first thought when this was announced was that it's a repeat of the No Mercy 2002 main event, which saw Bikertaker face 'The Next Big Thing' inside the Cell. I thought I'd give that show a watch in preparation for their rematch almost exactly thirteen years later. Here's what I thought...

Intro

Tweet 1: 'Taker versus Lesnar in Hell in a Cell has me so hyped that I'm going to watch No Mercy 2002, the show that featured their first HIAC match.

Tweet 2: Such a powerful opening shot. No better way to start a pay-per-view...

Tweet 3: I know nothing about this show other than it has Undertaker v Lesnar in a HIAC match...
Tweet 4: The intro vid is clearing some things up. Triple H v Kane is happening. It's World title v IC title. And it's the Katie Vick feud.
Tweet 5: Also, Heyman just said HIAC is Taker's signature. You're forgetting the dreaded casket match there, Paul mate.

World tag team championship: Chris Jericho and Christian (c) v Booker T and Goldust

Tweet 6: Opener features Chris Jericho. Seems to be heel Jericho. Timeline feels right for him to tagging with Christian.

Tweet 7: Yeah, nailed it. Christian will save this opener for me.
Tweet 8: Prime Christian.

Tweet 9: This show is thirteen years old and features JR knocking Fozzy.
Tweet 10: The Canadian Lads v Bookdust. Jericho aside this should be good.
Tweet 11: Trying to figure out if Jericho was still good at this point. The crowd are giving him some mad heat. That indicates he was.
Tweet 12: They're crazy into the main man, future royalty Booker T too. Little Rock, Arkansas knows what's up.
Tweet 13: Weird period for Jerry Lawler this. He's still pro-heel but he's happy when faces do their big spots.
Tweet 14: He seems keen to see a Spinneroonie here, for example.
Tweet 15: I miss Shattered Dreams. Possibly the best low blow with theatrics in the entire history of the grapple game.
Tweet 16: "A Spinneroonie, razorback style!" - Jim Ross, prompting a strong you wot, mate?
Tweet 17: Jericho won off a top rope moonsault. You know, the top rope moonsault he was always doing.

Funaki interviews Al Wilson backstage

Tweet 18: YES.

Tweet 19: Getting a recap of Al Wilson's relationship with Dawn Marie. I've stumbled into one of WWE's hottest post-Attitude Era periods.
Tweet 20: This is what wrestling's all about, folks.

Tweet 21: "Why were you wearing your clothes in the shower?" - Funaki to Al Wilson

Dawn Marie v Torrie Wilson

Tweet 22:  Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson are about to do a wrestle. Michael Cole and The Tazz are on commentary. This show just got rough.

Tweet 23: SmackDown was considered the work rate brand at this point wasn't it...?
Tweet 24: "We want puppies!" - The crowd within seconds of this match beginning
Tweet 25: Tazz and Cole analysing the win-loss record of these two against one another in lingerie matches.
Tweet 26: Spot where Dawn and Torrie roll about with the referee there. Dawn had a go at him because she's a heel.
Tweet 27: Face women of this era were fine being felt up apparently.
Tweet 28: Torrie winning off a swinging neck breaker because why not?

Jonathan Coachman interviews Rob Van Dam backstage

Tweet 29: Great chinos on Coach here. Meanwhile RVD sets himself up as a man of the people and parodies Ric Flair. It's poor.

Tweet 30: Not hyped for Flair v Van Dam.
Tweet 31: Who's this Tracey lass? JR says she's a Jezebel. Jerry thinks she's hot. Has she made accusations against 'Mean' Mark? No memory of this.

Ric Flair v Rob Van Dam

Tweet 32: "He is Ric Flair" - Jerry Lawler on Ric Flair

Tweet 33: The opening minute has been far better than I expected tbf.
Tweet 34: Lol at JR saying Flair may have won thousands of matches with the figure four.
Tweet 35: Rob Van Dam can't sell a figure four. Who knew?
Tweet 36: Quite enjoying this match and I'm going to credit that to 'Naitch' because I dislike more of RVD's work than I like outside of ECW.

Big Show chats to Stephanie McMahon backstage until Eric Bischoff turns up and says he owns him

Tweet 37: WE-ELLLLLLLLL it's a Big Show backstage segment. Top notch stuff.

Tweet 38: Yet another highlight here: the Bischoff and Stephanie feuding GMs thing.
Tweet 39: "I'm a giant!" - Big Show
Tweet 40: Show angry that he's not been on PPV since July. He was overweight and lazy. I'm with Bisch on this. Good call, buddy. Keep him off shows.
Tweet 41: Everyone's favourite IC title memory.

Cruiserweight championship match: Jamie Noble (c) v Yoshiro Tajiri

Tweet 42: Tajiri in a cruiserweight title match? I'm down.

Tweet 43: YES.

Tweet 44: Just noticed Brian Hebner is refereeing this match. I'm not going to let it get to me.
Tweet 45: First mention of women being tomatoes from Tazz there.
Tweet 46: Tazz putting over Tajiri and saying he's been in the ring with him. Failing to mention he wasn't happy facing or selling for him.
Tweet 47: Sickened by Michael Cole not talking about educated feet when Tajiri started doing some kicks.
Tweet 48: Nidia's not doing much here. Pretty much sums up her run. I always thought she was good and deserved more than she got. #justsaying
Tweet 49: Nidia helps Noble win. Tajiri forces himself on her to even the score. She smiles about it. This booking though...

Los Guerreros, Kurt Angle and [REDACTED] backstage

Tweet 50: Awks backstage segment.

World Heavyweight championship v Intercontinental championship unification: Triple H (WHC) v Kane (IC)

Tweet 51: Kane being pushed as a top guy by embracing being a "freak". My word.

Tweet 52: Clean shaven Triple H accusing 'The Big Red Machine' of murdering sweet, innocent Katie Vick, the purest girl in all of rasslin'.
Tweet 53: I remember hating this match at the time it happened.
Tweet 54: Jerry Lawler trying to flesh out the Katie Vick story is just ridiculous. Who, other than Vince, thought this story was a good idea?
Tweet 55: Let the record show Kane is wearing his sexy semi-see-through ring gear here.
Tweet 56: Lawler cracking jokes about a kayfabe dead woman. Whadda pro.
Tweet 57: This match would be so much more enjoyable if it featured time-travelled-from-the-future Corporate Kane. In a vest.
Tweet 58: I'd be interested in knowing who thought Triple H v Kane would interest people in 2002.
Tweet 59: Plus side: this is the best period of Triple H's career as far as his hair is concerned.
Tweet 60: Hahahahaha run-in by The Hurricane hahahahaha.
Tweet 61: "Triple H is still alive" - Jerry Lawler, who I fully expected to follow up with "... unlike Katie Vick!"
Tweet 62: Imagine if another human being actually hit another human being in the head with a sledgehammer though.
Tweet 63: Lost count of the number of ref bumps in this match. Genuinely more than I remember from any Attitude Era main event.

Stephanie McMahon chats to Tracey in the office

Tweet 64: Another segment with this Tracey woman who I don't remember. She just called 'Mean' Mark a bastard. #strongwords

Tweet 65: Stephanie and Tracey having a heart-to-heart, just them and the cameras.
Tweet 66: Tracey confiding in Stephanie that she lied and wants 'Taker back. In front of cameras. Also Undertaker WAS STOOD IN THE ROOM.

Tag team championship tournament finals: Kurt Angle and [REDACTED] v Edge and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 67: Should be good.

Tweet 68: By good I mean I'm pretty sure it won some MOTY awards.
Tweet 69: "Kurt Angle in search of the one title that's eluded him" - Michael Cole as Angle entered for a match to crown the first ever champs
Tweet 70: Edge with his poor "Never gonna stop!" Zombie lad entrance music here.
Tweet 71: I'd already recommend this match on the strength of the opening sequence between Mysterio and Angle.
Tweet 72: You'd never get WWE putting some of their best workers and biggest stars in an extended tag feud now. It's a shame.
Tweet 73: This three-way feud shows how effective it can be. I'm sure the strength of his work here helped Edge get over.
Tweet 74: *Waits for Rey to tag in and blow his knee*
Tweet 75: Rey Mysterio doing Bronco Busters... *shakes head*
Tweet 76: 619 to [REDACTED] as he had the [REDACTED] Crossface on is such a great spot.
Tweet 77: That was a career highlight for all four lads. Obviously won't make it onto any compilations because of [REDACTED] but it deserves to.

Undertaker gets something injected into his hand

Tweet 78: What's 'Taker been up to...?

Women's championship: Trish Stratus (c) v Victoria

Tweet 79: Jerry Lawler talking about puppies, JR calling Victoria "chronically pre-menstrual", it could only be a WWE women's match from the early 00s.

Tweet 80: Disappointed Big Stevie Cool isn't paired up with Victoria at this point. That was an under-utilised act.
Tweet 81: Not exactly a classic that. But it was good. Could've done without Dawn v Torrie, splitting the time between this and the cruiser match.

Pre-Hell in a Cell chatter

Tweet 82:

Tweet 83: Pre-match video package establishing that Tracey was with Undertaker in 1995. He looked like this...

WWE championship Hell in a Cell: Undertaker v Brock Lesnar (c)

Tweet 84: The Hell in a Cell main is starting. Think I'm about to watch the best 'Taker-Lesnar HIAC match there will ever be.

Tweet 85: Mat wrestling and a cast plot line. This is how you start Hell in a Cell!
Tweet 86: I'm assuming this ends with Lesnar climbing to the roof and hitting a Shooting Star Press off the roof through a table.
Tweet 87: "The champion seeing his own blood. TASTING his own blood." Get a room, Cole.
Tweet 88: For the record I don't approve of pins or pin attempts outside of the ring in HIAC.
Tweet 89: I wish Tazz would refer to this as a big man extravaganza because that's EXACTLY what it is.
Tweet 90: Undertaker is wrestling in a bandana. I bet his Ministry of Darkness era self would be ashamed to learn of this.
Tweet 91: No Mercy: Battle for the Wank Rag.

Tweet 92: Lesnar and Heyman are both bleeding. If 'Taker doesn't blade it's ridiculous.
Tweet 93: Interesting note: Michael Cole is fully erect throughout this entire match.
Tweet 94: Undertaker versus Brock Lesnar in a Pub Car Park Disagreement match.

Tweet 95: Lol at 'Taker Hulking up here.
Tweet 96: Upset Tazz didn't refer to the choke slam as a goozle.
Tweet 97: This match should end with Brock taking a Tombstone then immediately kipping up to hit an F5.
Tweet 98: Pins on the floor are legal but rope breaks still count. What even are these rules?
Tweet 99: 'Dead Man Inc' fell to a single F5. What a weakling.
Tweet 100: I'll be amazed if they top that at Hell in a Cell.
Tweet 101:

Tweet 102: I liked that match and I liked that show. There was way more to it than I expected.

WWE SummerSlam 2004 review

A few weeks ago I watched SummerSlam 2004 and tweeted about it. The only thing I initally remembered about the show was the main event in which Randy Orton won his first World Heavyweight championship. The rest of the card turned out to be a mostly pleasant experience. Booker T v John Cena, Triple H v Eugene and JBL v The Undertaker were all a bit of fun if you could look past their shortcomings (Cena's ropey wrestling, the offensiveness of the Eugene character, and JBL being in a WWE title match respectively) and the Intercontinental title three-way was good fun. Plus there was fun nonsense on offer from the Diva Dodgeball showdown (featuring a bunch of women you almost certainly don't remember or have never even heard of) and Matt Hardy v Kane for the right to marry Lita. Here's what I thought in tweet form...

Intro

Tweet 1: Watching SummerSlam 2004. I remember very little about this show other than the main event of young boy Randy Orton versus -REDACTED-.

Tweet 2: Opening package is highlighting how strange this is. Heavy on Teddy Long. Mid-card Cena. Kane v Matt Hardy for the right to marry Lita.
Tweet 3: Wall-to-wall nonsense by the looks of it. Excited for this show. No idea if this is good or a train wreck.
Tweet 4:

The Dudley Boys v Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman and Paul London

Tweet 5: Dudleys in a six man opener. This is during that weird phase where Spike was heel and bossing Bubba and D-Von. Forgot all about this.

Tweet 6: "This is going to be a rough and rumble match-up" - Michael Cole on the Dudleys v Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman and Paul London
Tweet 7: I like that quote. It's basically Cole saying the Dudleys are going to stiff some cruiserweights for lols.
Tweet 8: Spike Dudley there, spitting on Mexico's greatest legend Rey Mysterio.
Tweet 9: "I'll beat your face in!" - Bubba Dudley with the loudest spot call I've ever heard
Tweet 10: "Vintage Dudley Boys" - Michael Cole
Tweet 11: Mysterio v Spike in a cruiserweight exchange for the ages now. Still-good-Rey's fluidity against Spike's stomps. Gold.
Tweet 12: Just been reminded Kidman did a move called the BK bomb. Christ...
Tweet 13: Spike's better than I remember as a straight up wrestler. He doesn't really work as a heel though.

Till Death Do Us Part: Matt Hardy v Kane

Tweet 14: Till Death Do Us Part match. Ambrose and Rollins will get to this as their never-ending feud gets into more obscure stips.

Tweet 15: Recap of the Matt Hardy v Kane feud that would go on to secretly involve Edge in 2005. Loved this nonsense at the time.
Tweet 16: I'm not comfortable with Lita being so blatantly presented as a prop in this match. Or with the rape connotations, obviously.
Tweet 17: Typical that heel Lawler is bigging up Kane for impregnating Lita. I'm waiting for the unsavoury comments to start.
Tweet 18: Corporate Kane is way better than mid-00s baldy Kane. Not least because he acts like David Puddy.
Tweet 19: "I think Kane might make an alright husband" - Jerry Lawler on storyline rapist Kane
Tweet 20: They just did a nice choke slam off the ropes for the finish so at least the match ended well.
Tweet 21: Poor old Lita though. She's been married to Kane for ten and a half years now.
Tweet 22:

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton

Tweet 23: Randy Orton is telling Todd Grisham he's going to beat the man. I dunno, mate...

Tweet 24:

Tweet 25: Orton and Cena bickering backstage. Is the origin of their aeons-long feud?

John Cena v Booker T

Tweet 26: I'd forgotten all about Booker T and Cena having a best of five series too. I hadn't forgotten Cena's #BasicThuganomics intro theme though.

Tweet 27: I'm interested in this match. I want to see early Cena work and Booker's great. Good combo.
Tweet 28: Also it seems to be heel Booker. Second only to King Booker in the League of Bookers pantheon.
Tweet 29: "Shades of the great Iron Sheikh" - Michael Cole on a Booker T camel clutch
Tweet 30: Yeah. Cena's early work is, unsurprisingly, rough around the edges. He just did one of the worst small packages I've ever seen.
Tweet 31: Just remembered that there's a triple threat match on this show where Toronto turns heel and boos their hometown boy Edge.
Tweet 32: Cena wins lol.

Teddy Long and Eric Bischoff chat about being general managers backstage

Tweet 33: Pointless backstage natter with Long and Big Boy Bisch here. Teddy wants to sign Eugene and make him a big star.

Tweet 34: Eugene. Oh lord.
Tweet 35: Diva Dodgeball now. What even is this show?

Intercontinental championship: Edge (c) v Batista v Chris Jericho

Tweet 36: That was just a plug. We're getting Big Wave Batista v Edge v Jericho first. I bet this'll be a classic with Wave involved.

Tweet 37: This is back when Jericho was reasonably enjoyable. Never been a massive fan though tbh.
Tweet 38: "He's never met his father!" Steady on, JR.
Tweet 39: I like JR choosing to get Batista over by saying he could play in the NFL. Good one, Jim.
Tweet 40: The flaps of Edge's left boot have come loose. Technical wizard Wave Batista will target the boot and get a win via tapout.
Tweet 41: Speaking of Edge's boots, it looks like he has Shane Douglas's Franchise symbol on them. Probably some sort or rib masterminded by The Kliq.
Tweet 42: I'm a fan of Shane Douglas's career of poorly chosen shoot comments.
Tweet 43: That match was better than I half-remembered it. Amazed at how good Batista looked.

Eddie Guerrero v Kurt Angle

Tweet 44: Eddie Guerrero v Kurt Angle? Saywhaaaaaat?!

Tweet 45: This recap of Eddie winning the title has made me realise I'm going to see a JBL WWE title match.
Tweet 46: Remember that time Kurt Angle died?

Tweet 47: Roman's long lost brother LUTHER REIGNS!
Tweet 48: Eddie's gimmick was basically that he was a great wrestler who loved stealing cars.
Tweet 49: Toronto, Canada getting behind wrestling's Captain America, Kurt Angle. Eddie's thievery has made him a pariah north of the border.
Tweet 50: Just noticed Baby Brian Hebner refereeing this match wearing his stupid blue trainers. Never been a fan of his work. He draws the eye.
Tweet 51: WWE missed a trick not releasing Pirates of the Caribbean-esque Luther Reigns earrings. #merch
Tweet 52: This is an odd match. Slow paced, based on the mat, and they're both using Angle's moves. It's not bad but it's not what I expected.
Tweet 53: I always find it weird when wrestlers take off their boot and use it to knock someone out.
Tweet 54: Because, y'know, when they kick it does minimal damage.
Tweet 55: Fun match. Probably match of the night considering there are Eugene and Johnny Layfield matches to come.

Triple H v Eugene

Tweet 56: Let's not forgot that Eugene was in Evolution with Playboy editor-era Triple H.

Tweet 57: "Eugene, I was NEVER your friend!" - Triple H, with the greatest heel promo of all time
Tweet 58: He followed up by near murdering his former Blue Bloods pal William Regal. This was powerful stuff.
Tweet 59: JR making the strong accusation that Triple H is guilty of conduct unbecoming of a RAW superstar. Serious business.
Tweet 60: Trips using Lilian Garcia, every man's weakness, as a foreign object there.
Tweet 61: Trips doing the Flair Flop better than Flair. Didn't even see the hands come up. Because he's a pro, dammit.
Tweet 62: Hilarious "Eugene sucks!" chant going on right now.
Tweet 63: I'm enjoying Triple H's general lack of selling here. It's refreshing. Don't get enough no-sells in 2015.
Tweet 64: Did Eugene ever give a reason for Tripper being his fave number one wrestler of all time? I'd be interested in his reasoning.
Tweet 65: Now's as good a time as any to mention that I never liked the Eugene character. It was poor taste. Not that WWE cares about taste.
Tweet 66: Eugene using all these moves he's "seen on television." What about those Don't Try This At Home ads, mate?
Tweet 67: Triple H kicking out of the leg drop as a big middle finger to Hogan there.
Tweet 68: Flair's been at ringside less than two minutes. He's already taken his jacket off and started throwing a fit.
Tweet 69: Triple H wins with the Pedigree. He probably got flack for that at the time. Makes sense though...
Tweet 70: He's a former world champion. Eugene should have lost. Plots he cheated to win. Eugene was protected and it was a memorable first defeat.

Diva Dodgeball

Tweet 71: Meanwhile, over in a high school gym, Jonathan 'Coach' Coachman is adjudicating Diva Dodgeball.

Tweet 72: No idea who most of the Diva Search lasses are. I recognise Mrs Michael Bennett, TNA announcer, and 'Taker wife but that's about it.
Tweet 73: This is a Divas division for workrate though. Trish, Jazz, Molly Holly, Victoria and Gail Kim are there. Plus Stacey Keibler.
Tweet 74: Amused by Coach's commentary.
Tweet 75: Also: NIDIA.
Tweet 76: I'd like Nidia to reappear on RAW in a backstage segment with Jamie Noble. Lols to he had there.
Tweet 77: Jerry Lawler offering to help restrain Trish Stratus. #stillgotit

WWE championship: The Undertaker v John Bradshaw Layfield (c)

Tweet 78: Oh no...

Tweet 79: I don't mind Undertaker or JBL but they did not work well together. Part of the problem was that nothing was made of their Ministry history.
Tweet 80: John Ladshaw Layfield.
Tweet 81: The mystique of that Undertaker entrance was slightly ruined by a guy in the front row give him double middle fingers.
Tweet 82: Only just now remembering Orlando Jordan's transformation from innocent young boy into sinister Chief of Staff, overseeing the Bashams.
Tweet 83: JBL running is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Tweet 84: Worth nothing that in August 2004 Mark Calaway looked more like Fake Undertaker than real Undertaker.
Tweet 85: It's like he's done himself up as an Undertaker parody.
Tweet 86: The crowd are doing a Mexican wave. 'Taker should use the dark arts to make them pay attention.
Tweet 87: This match isn't doing much for me but I can recognise they're doing good stuff. JBL taking a superplex, for example.
Tweet 88: Did this feud progress to JBL stealing Undertaker's urn? If not, why not?
Tweet 89: Great potential in a segment with JBL melting the urn down and turning it into a magical gold cowboy hat.
Tweet 90: Tazz is hyping boots. Might be at the bottom of the barrel here, folks.
Tweet 91: When selling, Nick Patrick looks like Johnny Vegas.
Tweet 92: Loads of interference and assorted shenanigans in that match. Makes the DQ ending a disappointment.
Tweet 93: Undertaker will get revenge by Tombstoning JBL's limo.
Tweet 94: Lol at 'Taker choke slamming JBL through the roof of the limo. Textbook mid-00s overkill.
Tweet 95: Even funnier is Jordan dragging JBL, who could have spinal injuries after being THROWN THROUGH A ROOF, out onto the concrete.
Tweet 96: EMTs coming out to help JBL. Remember when WWE introduced BB as an EMT?
Tweet 97: She lasted about three months, married 'Hard to the Core' Robert Holly, then was never heard from again.
Tweet 98: Maybe she'll turn up with Kayfabe Commentaries one day.

World Heavyweight championship: Randy Orton v -REDACTED-

Tweet 99: Can Randall Keith Orton do it? Can he become the youngest ever world champion? Can he beat -REDACTED-?

Tweet 100: Love WWE trolling the Canadian fans by having Earl Hebner ref this.
Tweet 101: Lawler pushing Orton as "a Greek god." It's possible he's being fed material by Vince.
Tweet 102: The crowd don't seem as into this as I'd thought they'd be. Silence for this -REDACTED- wrist lock, for example.
Tweet 103: Orton gets a shoulder block. Crowd explodes.
Tweet 104: More trolling with Orton slapping on a Sharpshooter. *slow clap*
Tweet 105: -REDACTED- with a sloppy reversal there. I don't think he's even Canadian. Real Canadians have perfected the Sharpshooter by age five.
Tweet 106: This isn't about -REDACTED-, Orton, or Orton's first world title. It's about Hebner earning forgiveness from Canada by officiating fairly.
Tweet 107: What was WWE's thinking for pulling the trigger on this Orton main event push? Was it just a case of "Welp, we need new guys"?
Tweet 108: It's taken a while but this match is hotting up. That's been a theme across this show tbh.
Tweet 109: Orton with a cross body, a move he once used as a finisher. Like a 1970s babyface.
Tweet 110: Love -REDACTED- foregoing the -REDACTED- Crossface and using the Sharpshooter because he's in Canada.
Tweet 111: Part of the reason this crowd's getting behind Orton is because he's being presented as a fiery babyface who won't give up.
Tweet 112: Knees up on that top rope headbutt. That may explain some things...
Tweet 113: "RKO outta nowhere! RKO outta nowhere!" - Jim Ross
Tweet 114: Orton should cry more often.
Tweet 115: The handshake that turned Randy Orton from a crying young boy into a #manly world champion.

Tweet 116: That was a laugh, weren't it?

SmackTalk 10.10.14: SmackDown Fifteenth Anniversay

If I could I’d start this post by making note of some of my favourite SmackDown memories from the past fifteen years. With it being an anniversary show it seems the appropriate thing to do. Unfortunately I can’t remember anything that wasn’t highlight by WWE during the show. That’s mostly due to SmackDown being the number two show for the majority of its life.

In fact the only thing I feel that’s worth mentioning here is that the first regular episode of SmackDown aired in the US on 26 August 1999. That means WWE are close to two months late with this fifteenth anniversary celebration. And, for the record, that wasn’t even the first episode of SmackDown. The first episode had been recorded and aired as a special in April ’99. I’d understand WWE ignoring that date in favour of the show’s debut as a weekly fixture, but I can’t say the same about this random October date.

But this isn’t the first time WWE have changed facts and figures for their own needs. It won’t be the last either. What was nice about the show was that WWE managed to capture the general pointlessness the programme has in 2014 and turn it into something worth celebrating. Truly they are masters of turning nothing into something (albeit something forgettable and entirely skippable).

The show kicked off with a video package filled with fast cuts between memorable SmackDown moments. Included were a generic Edge and Christian bit; some double posing from Triple H and Hulk Hogan; a face-off between Hogan and Brock Lesnar; Rock’s sliding People’s Elbow on The British Bulldog (it wasn’t clear that it was Bulldog, but it was); Schwarzenegger holding a replica title belt over his head and grinning; Rhino goring Chris Jericho through the stage set; Bischoff swerving the universe at the Billy and Chuck wedding by peeling off a fake face (which is particularly strange taken out of the wedding context as it was here); Cody throwing Sandow's briefcase into water and Sandow leaping in after it; Eddie Guerrero doing a frog splash off a cage (I can’t remember who took it, for which I can only apologise); Cena debuting opposite Kurt Angle; the Lesnar-Big Show ring explosion; Austin blowing up the DX Express; Rock making Coach dance the Charleston; and Undertaker parodying himself with the "Buckle up Teddy!" line. After that the video rattled through shots of Austin, Rock, Undertaker, DX, Jericho and others on SmackDown, presumably to remind us that the show was once pretty relevant.

Sadly there was no "Tag match, playa!" But we'd get to that. In fact we’d get back to many of the clips shown here. WWE replayed many of them later in the show in a series of celebratory reminders which, again, seemed designed to remind people that things used to happen on SmackDown.

In the arena it was Stephanie McMahon who got the show started. She was introduced not only as a principle owner but also the first ever SmackDown GM. As she strode to the ring Michael Cole informed us that when SmackDown first aired JBL was still wrestling and Tom Philips was ten years-old. Naturally he avoided revealing that when SmackDown first aired he was being humiliated by The Rock on a weekly basis.

Stephanie mentioned Rock coining the term SmackDown and losing to Triple H on the debut episode. Then she got interrupted by John Laurinaitis. The initial reaction to him was (understandably) uninspired but a nice “People power!” chant started up as soon as his music cut. Big Johnny said he'd been researching (though he didn't say what) on the WWE Network and had some matches he wanted to make. He didn't get to reveal them because Teddy Long came out, to a much louder reaction than Laurinaitis had received. JBL got up to dance and shake Teddy's hand. The crowd broke out in a “Teddy!” chant. Children wept with happiness. Women screamed out their love and adoration. Men shouted that they aspired to one day be as charismatic, powerful, and downright cool as Teddy Long. WWE were fools to release the man. He's money.

"Tag match, playa!"

Teddy and Johnny had a little back and forth (including Teddy nonsensically cramming in the line "The proof is in the playa") before Johnny announced a tag match. Teddy upped it to a six man tag match. Laurinaitis jumped it to a ten man tag. Teddy stacked it up further still, settling on a fifteen man tag match. It took him an age to run through the teams. I’m sure this as a joke at his expense, and that the segment was edited heavily.

Steph added the stip that the two men would captain the teams. The winning team would earn their captain the title of Best GM Ever. She put over the night’s Miz TV and then Adam Rose danced out to wish SmackDown a happy birthday and tell Stephanie to be a Rosebud. Stephanie booked him in a match with Kane. The three GMs danced into a break for some mid-2000s SmackDown surrealism.

The evening’s first glance to the past video played. It focused on the main event of the first episode, Triple H defending the WWF world championship against The Rock. It ended with guest referee super kicking ‘The Brahma Bull’ in the face, allowing his buddy to recover and hit a Pedigree for the win. I have never seen this match because Sky took a while to start airing SmackDown. I’ve seen enough Rock v Triple H matches to assume it was good.

After a break Kane came out. He was not wearing a vest, sadly. He listed some of the things he's not (a cheeseburger, a bunny, a lemon, a Rosebud) and said that what he is is a party pooper. Obviously he did this because those things were in Rise's entourage, but listing what he's not should be a new Kane gimmick. Basically, I want Kane to be made as peculiar and strange as possible. He no longer makes sense in any way as a character. WWE should embrace that.

‘The Big Red Machine’ won quickly with a choke slam. It was Rose’s first loss, pretty impressive when you consider how long he’s been on TV without a serious push behind him. He can now fulfil his destiny and become a jobber to the stars. After the match Kane punched, kicked and choke slammed a number of the Rosebuds. He nearly got his hands on the bunny, but it got away.

Blast from the past vid number two saw Kurt Angle issuing an open challenge to any young guy in the back wanting a shot at him. Because he was a big star in a big company back then, and a competitive match against him was a big deal. Cena lost the match, although WWE omitted that fact because these days Cena has to be shown as all powerful, not someone who’d lose to cleanly to a guy who no longer works for the company. Rikishi, Ron Simmons, and, most significantly, then-WWE champion Undertaker were booked to congratulate him afterwards. Ron said Cena would go far. He is wrestling’s Nostradamus.

Match two saw AJ Lee wrestle Alicia Fox. It was another short match. AJ won when she got picked up for a slam and countered into a Black Widow. Paige attacked after the match but AJ quickly dispatched her and skipped off.

The third recap focused on big stunts. Included was footage of Eddie Guerrero leaping off a cage (again); Jeff vaulting from one ladder over another ladder and going through a table; Rey Mysterio's debut jumping off a cage onto the UnAmericans; Kane jumping off a turnbuckle onto the New Age Outlaws during an inferno match; Mark Henry breaking into a cage; Mark Henry awkwardly jumping off the second rope through a table (probably edited to fool people not paying attention into thinking Henners did a top of the cage splash through a table); The Shield triple power bombing The Undertaker through a table; Stephanie slapping Linda; Rhino Goring Jericho through the set (again); and Lesnar superplexing Big Show to collapse the ring (again).

Kofi's face equals pain.

That was followed by Seth Rollins v Kofi Kingston. Rollins had Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble with him at ringside. Which gives me a chance to talk about their status as the New Stooges. Basically, I’m all for this. Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco received a sort of second career when they became Vince McMahon’s stooges in 1998, and it’s arguably what they’re most remembered for now. I like the idea of Triple H having a similar relationship with Noble and Mercury, two guys who were always competent but never especially over during their runs as active wrestlers.

Rollins versus Kingston was not the first match you'd probably expect. Rollins controlled the bulk of the encounter and kept the pace slow. Early foray to ringside and brief Kofi comeback aside there was nothing much to see. Rollins won with a buckle bomb and a Curb Stomp.

That was followed by a Wyatt Family video. It focused on Luke Harper having been fixed and getting sent out into the world. I think splitting the trio is a mistake. You can read a lengthy explanation here, but basically Harper and Rowan are more likely to be booked, and booked relatively prominently, if they remain affiliated, even loosely, with Bray.  

Another recap followed that. The topic was Money in the Bank cash-ins. It was an odd choice as there were only two to show. The first was Edge’s World Heavyweight title win over ‘Taker, one night after he’d defeated original Money in the Bank contract holder Mr Kennedy for the briefcase. The second saw Jack Swagger cashing in on Jericho to win his one and only world title.

Everybody taps.

Ziggler v Rusev was preceded by the obligatory replay of The Rock's surprise appearance on RAW. The match was, by the standards of Rusev's TV appearances, a competitive affair. Ziggler sold for a while before making a comeback with a corner splash and a Fameasser. Rusev weathered those, blocked a super kick, then hit a super kick of his own and applied The Accolade for the tap out victory.

Afterwards Lana laid into Philadelphia (hey, you gotta get that cheap heat) and The Rock. Rusev said Rock would pay for what he'd done and also challenged Big Show to face him on RAW, promising to crush him. I expect that will be more angle than match. The natural place for that bout is Hell in a Cell (the show, not the gimmick).

A reminder that Steve Austin and Booker T once brawled around a supermarket came next. I hated this segment at the time. It was a funny enough premise but it dragged. I’m sure the unedited version lasts around five minutes, which is a painful amount of time to watch two men hit each other with groceries.

The Rock, Triple H and Stephanie were shown meeting up backstage after RAW. It started with awkward, unamusing smalltalk. They reminisced about the first SmackDown main event. Rock brought up how amazing it would be for them to have one more match at a WrestleMania. Both thought they'd win, obvs. The segment ended with Triple H telling Stephanie Rock was cheap for never picking up a cheque. It took a while to get going but it ended up being pretty enjoyable.

For the record I think WWE could do worse than a Triple H versus Rock match at WrestleMania 31 or 32. The most interesting thing about the idea, to me, is that even though they feuded on and off for years they never had a singles match at a WrestleMania. In fact, the only match they had at a 'Mania was a four-way elimination including Mick Foley and Big Show which saw ‘The Great One’ and ‘The Game’ as the final two. Promoted as their final ever confrontation, with videos put together to remind us that their feud was a constant as they progressed from the middle to the top of the roster and included dozens of TV and pay-per-view confrontations, I think it could be a big nostalgia attraction. That said, I think it would be better to have both men facing younger guys.

Back in the arena Michael Cole showed a (sloppily made) cake with the SmackDown logo on it. JBL chucked it over Tom Phillips and everyone had a good laugh. Well, Cole and Layfield did. The audience chuckled humourlessly. I rolled my eyes. The eye-rolling stopped when Booker T was introduced as a guest commentator for the main event. His first sentence on the headsets included the words “shucky ducky quack quack”. I’d be completely fine if JBL were only on RAW and Booker was left to handle SmackDown again.

The final flashback video showed highlights of the episode of SmackDown where Austin psyched out the McMahon-Helmsley faction. They went out the ring to call him out, foolishly leaving their tour bus unattended. ‘Stone Cold’ took that opportunity to hijack a crane and blow the bus up. Natch.

Match-wise Team Teddy versus Team Johnny was the main event. Teddy team was comprised of Sheamus, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, the Usos, Los Matadores, and El Torito. Big Johnny’s was comprised of Cesaro, Bo Dallas, Stardust, Goldust, Damien Mizdow, Slater Gator, and Mini Gator.

It was the longest match of the night by a wide margin. It had time to be good but there were too many guys involved for it to accomplish that. Everyone seemed to settle on making it inoffensive and they managed it. And if that doesn’t perfectly sum up fifteen years of SmackDown I don’t know what does.

Dives are always good for a pop.

Jimmy Uso was kept in the ring to play babyface in peril for a while. During this time there was a loud “We want Mizdow!” chant and extended cheers when he tagged in. When Jimmy finally managed to make the tag it was to Sheamus. He blasted through the majority of his opposition and a sequence of Big Spots™ kicked off. Shaymo lined up Cesaro, Stardust and Slater to give them all his ten punch spot. The babyface tag teams hit some dives. Henry went to hit a World’s Strongest Slam on Bo but found himself sent tumbling over the top rope. Bo then power bombed El Torito onto a gaggle of guys hanging around at ringside. The ending saw Mizdow tag in and try an SCF on ‘Great White’, only to be rammed into the turnbuckle, slump to the mat, and take the match-wnning top rope splash from an Uso. Let's say it was Jey.

After another Wyatt video, this one focusing on Erick Rowan (described as a big child) it was time for the main event promo segment. Before introducing his guests Miz announced that the Ambrose v Cena match at Hell in Cell will not just be for a Cell match with Rollins. It will also be a contract on a pole match. Maybe Russo, free of the constraints of working for TNA, has returned to WWE to book pole matches. But probably not.

Ambrose kicked things off by saying he attacked Cena on RAW to show that it doesn't matter who he is or what he’s accomplished: nobody crosses Dean Ambrose. Anyone that crosses him gets hunted down. He also made it clear that he wants Rollins inside the Hell in a Cell because Rollins crossed him. Which was a good move: it would have been all too easy for the focus of the segment to be Cena and Ambrose's match, when it should have been about the hatred both have for Rollins and their reasons for wanting him. Which is what ended up happening, unfortunately. But hey, Ambrose tried.

Cena immediately did his best to undercut Ambrose by being patronising, telling him he was impressed. Apparently he listens to the reactions everyone gets and watches every segment of every show. Which is probably true, but it could make him sound a little paranoid about the safety of his spot. He said Ambrose has "it", that mythical, undefinable quality that separates the massively successful wrestlers from their peers? No. A pair of baseballs, which Cena pulled from his pocket. Presumably they were there to represent testicles, a shorthand for tenacity and determination in wrestling.

How else was WWE going to close their fifteenth anniversary SmackDown show?

Cena yammered a bit more putting himself over and saying he likes his chances at Hell in a Cell. Miz asked Ambrose if he likes his chances against Cena. Ambrose’s response: "Yep." Cena said he'd see Ambrose at HIAC. Miz stopped him and tried to stir things up between them. The faces gave Miz a beating. Cena quickly hoisted 'The Awesome One' up for an AA but decided to put him down and let Ambrose hit the double arm DDT instead... after which Ambrose took an AA.

As a wrestling show, this episode of SmackDown was subpar. Only one segment did anything for the next pay-per-view and only one match lasted more than five minutes, and it wasn’t very good. But as a celebration of SmackDown’s fifteen year history it worked. Teddy Long, John Laurinaitis and Booker T were all used effectively and everything about the self-contained story of the episode (the battle of the former GMs) screamed inconsequential filler. And if that’s not SmackDown for most of the past fifteen years, I don’t know what is.

Charisma Expert

For the first fifteen years of his wrestling career Jay ‘Christian’ Reso managed to remain injury free. If you look at how common injuries are in wrestling that was a fairly remarkable feat. It allowed Christian to build up a reputation for being reliable and afforded him a consistent spot on the roster, which in turn granted him enough face time to build a loyal following.

Unfortunately for him his once glowing track record with injuries has become notoriously spotty over the last few years. Less than two years after he returned to WWE from a moderately successful run in TNA he was struck with a pectoral injury. He was back in the ring for around seven months before suffering another injury, this one to his neck. He came back from that too, but since then he’s been plagued by injuries, most of them to his shoulder.

This has transformed ‘Captain Charisma’ from a reliable go-to guy who can be sent out to have a good match with anyone into a fragile liability. Or at least that seems to be WWE’s opinion of him. Even when he’s cleared to wrestle these days they seem reluctant to let him do so. I’m sure this is largely because of the lengthy injury list. His recent concussion problems and his age (forty) probably don’t help either.

"Hey look! There's my push!"

It seems that Reso’s in-ring career is winding down. I think he’s done enough for the company to deserve a televised retirement match on a pay-per-view. Because he was never a considered “a draw” by the promotion that seems unlikely. ‘The Instant Classic’ is likely to be shuffled off into a special appearance based role similar to Booker T’s.

Which, of course, is a massive waste of Christian’s talent. Even though I don’t agree with it I can understand WWE deeming him unreliable. But he’s only “unreliable” for actual wrestling. There are contributions Christian could make outside the ring that would improve WWE’s TV shows. I’ve written before that he’d make a good announcer. Surely something other than clogging up the NXT announce desk could be found for Alex Riley and the artist formerly known as Lord Tensai to do. Christian would be a far better fit: he’s a better talker than either and has accomplished more in his career.

The thing I’d really like to see Christian do is become a manager. His above average microphone skills and nineteen years as an active wrestler make him ideal for the role. Theoretically it could be argued that he’d be a good guy to pair with the incoming KENTA because he’d do a fine job of handling his promos. But in actuality that would be terrible, the only thing making it at all appealing is the timing of Christian seemingly being free from wrestling duties and KENTA signing and being in need of someone to talk for him.

Christian would be a natural manager for a tag team. That’s where he had the greatest levels of success in his career. It would be easy for the commentary team to pass him off as a tag veteran and expert taking a fledging team under his wing and guiding them to the top. Any heel team that aren’t very good at promos would benefit from having Christian doing their talking and interacting with audiences during their matches.

But the truth is that Christian’s unlikely to be used as a manager or a regular commentator. WWE have never seen him as anything more than a nifty mid-carder and they’ll continue treating him as such, no matter in how many ways he could improve and help with new acts. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for one… more… match. But I’m not going to get my hopes up.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 50

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 50 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Thought the first episode of That Wrestling Podcast after WrestleMania XXX would be all about the big show and the following night’s RAW? Think again.

For this episode we take a trip down memory lane. No, not WrestleMania XXIX. Or XXVIII. No WrestleMania at all. In fact the topic isn’t even WWE related. No, in this episode we discuss World Championship Wrestling.

This didn't help.

Specifically we talk about what caused WCW to spiral out of control and ultimately go out of business. Everything from the booking to the huge guaranteed contracts to the overreliance on the New World Order angle is discussed. And, naturally, the fact that it ended up being owned by a company that didn’t want anything to do with the wrestling business.

This is a topic I’ve wanted to write about before. It’s one I’m sure I’ll cover one day but not anytime soon. There’s so much to cover that it needs to be done right. This podcast episode will have to suffice for now.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 16

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 16 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

In this episode Michael and I talk about the potential that a wrestling edition of Big Brother holds. Well, I say we chat about it but that’s not strictly true. I had to spend several minutes selling him on the idea of this hypothetical concept and explaining bits and pieces about Big Brother. But once that’s done and he’s warmed to the idea a little we chat about it. We discuss how the show would work, who we’d put in there and name drop the seemingly forgotten Legends’ House.

Plus there’s a JBL anecdote from Michael! If that doesn’t get you listening I don’t know what will.

 

If WWE got involved with Big Brother it'd be better than this (probably)

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 8

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 8 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Not every episode of That Wrestling Podcast can reach the heady heights of a John Cena discussion. Knowing that we deliberately slow the pace with this episode and fall back on what we intend to make a staple: discussing how far three wrestlers can go in the company¹. The men in question this week are Dolph Ziggler, The Miz and Titus O’Neil.

Plus… do you remember when wrestlers had a catchphrase at the start of their entrance music? We discuss that for several minutes too.

***

¹ If you have a suggestion for this “format” get in touch. We can’t think of one.

Long Live the King(s)

I'd been watching wrestling for about six months when I was first introduced to the King of the Ring concept. It was a sixteen person tournament (the number of participants varied each year depending on the strength of the roster) that pitted various mid-carders against one another in a series of matches. There was no overriding point to the series beyond signalling a push, which obviously wasn't the on-screen reason given but it amounted to the same thing. It was an unwritten rule by the late nineties that headliners were above King of the Ring.

That year the tournament was won by 'Bad Ass' Billy Gunn. He was not a shining example of what winning King of the Ring could do for a performer. Kurt Angle's win in 2000 was a better use of the gimmick, as were the victories of Edge and Brock Lesnar after that.

While there's not really anything for the wrestlers to win with King of the Ring besides a bragging right it was still a very useful idea and annual event. It would be slightly overdramatizing things to say that winning the tourney launched the careers of 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin, Triple H and Bret Hart but it did play an important part in each man's rise up the card. The same is true for Angle, Edge and Lesnar. Winning King of the Ring was a sign that each man was above their mid-card peers and destined for better things.

When WWE retired the tournament both as a pay-per-view and an annual occurrence in 2003 a lot of people thought it was a poor decision. While not everyone selected to make it to the finals and win had become a player for the group (joining 'Mr Ass' on that list are Mabel and Ken Shamrock) there were more successes than failures. It was a useful tool for raising wrestlers' profiles and WWE casually cancelled it, preferring instead to push their solo brand PPVs.

 

Yeah, this actually happened

 

The tournament made a low key return in 2006 as a tournament exclusively open to SmackDown wrestlers. It was won by Booker T, who changed his ring name to King Booker and became the brand’s top heel. It would become one of the best runs of his WWE career and was a perfect example of how the tournament could be used to build a new character (even if it did ignore the unwritten rule that only mid-carders got to win King of the Ring).

The gimmick returned on the April 21^st 2008 episode of RAW. The finals came down to CM Punk and William Regal. They had a very good outing which ended with a surprising win for Regal. It failed to spark a career renaissance for the Brit. Two years later the gimmick was dusted off again, this time to give Sheamus a boost. That resulted in his bizarre run as King Sheamus that saw him dressing like Loki from The Avengers.

 

And so did this

 

The last time we saw a King of the Ring show was then. I think the event is due a proper, regular comeback. It's the ideal tool for launching new careers because it creates so many booking options. Anyone winning would be signalled as someone due for a shove up the ranks but even non-finalists could be elevated by a surprise win in preliminary rounds.

There are plenty of ways to utilise the tournament format. It could provide a solid month’s worth of programming for RAW. That shouldn’t be dismissed as the show is currently pretty aimless. You could have a heel dominate all the ay to the finals, only to be upset by a plucky, young babyface. It’s the sort of thing WWE were going for earlier in the year with Bo Dallas before they lost interest in him.

It could be used to start rivalries too. There would obviously be a favourite in every match, and it would be very simple to book one guy to score a surprise win over another. The problem of there being no actual point to the event could easily be remedied by granting the inner a title shot at SummerSlam. It could even replace Money in the Bank, of WWE were feeling daring.

The tournament would be something fresh for WWE programming and could be used to spark some new stories. That alone makes it worth considering.

Considering the size of the roster there's never been a better time to resurrect King of the Ring. The promotion needs to make new stars as well as flesh out TV with interesting and talented characters who aren't necessarily in the main event. They need something that can highlight multiple wrestlers at once and create some surprises that aren't just booked for the sake of being surprising. The King of the Ring is, as it always has been, the perfect tool for the job.