The Steve Austin Show

For a long time after retiring from in-ring activity 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin struggled to find a new calling. He hung around in WWE for a few years in a variety of authority figure roles but it never felt quite right. As a wrestler one of his defining characteristics had been his anti-authority bent. Seeing him laying down the law felt odd. On top of that it was clear that Austin missed actually wrestling. He was fun in these roles but they were never truly Steve Austin.

Eventually he left those roles behind in favour of chasing acting work in Hollywood. The high point of that endeavour was his appearances as lead goon Paine in The Expendables. When it became clear that acting wasn't going to pan out for him as it did The Rock (or even Hulk Hogan), Austin took a sidestep into hosting. Specifically he headed up WWE's initial, pre-Network, revival of Tough Enough and Country Music Television's Redneck Island. When those were received well he launched a podcast and got himself another TV show, Broken Skull Challenge¹.

Austin looking massively unimpressed there. Great stuff.

A combination of Austin being a likeable host and having a mostly sensible, respectable view on the wrestling business made his podcast a success. That in turn lead to WWE offering Austin a slot on the Network to interview Vince McMahon on 1 December 2014. No official ratings are available for the Network but it's hard to imagine this didn't do well: it was Vince's first appearance on a podcast answering questions from someone he'd had a close working relationship with for a number of years. It clearly did well enough to make someone in WWE decide that it should be a frequent thing as Austin has since returned to interview Triple H, Paul Heyman, Paige, and Edge and Christian.

It's possible that reading that list one name stands out over the others. Paige is not the first person who springs to mind when you think of potential interviewees for 'The Rattlesnake'. The common belief is that she was an emergency replacement for Hulk Hogan, who had been revealed as a bit of a racist a week or so earlier. If we assume that Hogan was the initially scheduled guest² we end up with a list of top level talent who would have worked with Austin during his run as an active wrestler (with all but Heyman being around him at his peak).

With an impressive pedigree established for Austin's Network shows it will be interesting to see who else gets lined up as a guest. There are a number of names I'd like to see, with Eric Bischoff being at the top of the list. They have an interesting history together. An injured Austin was released from his WCW contract by a cost-cutting Bischoff and he went on, via some angry anti-WCW promos in ECW, to be the biggest star in wrestling. When Bischoff rocked up in WWE years later he would end up working closely with Austin. Any heat between them will have long since been resolved but it still be interesting to see the pair discuss Austin's WCW firing and their later working relationship.

Both Mick Foley and The Rock would also be good guests. They worked with Austin at his hottest. Foley was his first feud after winning the WWF championship at WrestleMania XIV and would go on to work as a transitional champion getting the strap from Austin to Triple H in summer 1999. These periods of work, along with the fact that Foley has known Austin since the early nineties, give Foley an insight into Austin's journey to the top and his behaviour while he was there that few others could have. It's unlikely Ausitn would bring up his difficult behaviour once he was established as a top star on his own show but Foley could allude to it. Even if he didn't they're two of the biggest stars of the Attitude Era who respect one another's work and it would be nice to see them reminiscing about their time on top.

This is podcast material right here.

The appeal with The Rock is slightly different. Both he and Austin have mentioned over the years that they didn't get on when they first met but they went on to have the defining rivalry of wrestling's hottest period. If their secret handshake-heavy appearances in recent years (see WrestleMania XXX) are anything to go by they're very good pals now. As with Foley a large part of the appeal is seeing the pair chatting about their work together, although it feels like there's more chance of Austin acknowledging his early dislike of 'The Great One' than of his '99 paranoia.

The Undertaker was also around Austin at the same time as Foley and Rock but as he's had a WWE career that's lasted for well over two decades it's safe to assume that, rather than his late nineties dealing with Austin, would be the focus. Austin's mentioned on previous shows, as well as his regular podcast, that he was unhappy that The Streak ended. Seeing him discuss that topic with 'The Phenom' could fill a substantial amount of time by itself, especially if they looked back on The Streak as a whole. Even leaving The Streak aside 'Taker's worked with such a wide variety of WWE names and had so many bizarre periods of his career (who doesn't want to see Austin discuss Ministry of Darkness era 'Taker or 'Big Evil' era 'Taker?) that he'd be a natural choice for guest. Though somehow I don't think we'll see this happen until 'The Dead Man' is ready to call it a day on his career. WWE are, rightfully, protective of the character's mystique and appearing on a podcast would be damaging to that.

As the breakout star of the last year or so Seth Rollins would be a cool interview. Even though he's only been on the main roster for less than three years 'The Future' has accomplished a lot. He participated in a revival of trios matches (which I'm convinced would prompt Austin to drop a Freebirds reference), had a cracking singles feud with Dean Ambrose in which they headlined a PPV over John Cena, and he won the WWE championship in a WrestleMania main event. He'll be on top of WWE for years to come and I'd like to see Austin passing on some pointers with that in mind.

Talk, Owens, talk.

A breakout star of lesser status right now is Kevin Owens. I think he'd be a good addition to the show's line-up because he's such a fan of Austin. He's spoken before about happening to run into Austin at an airport when he was first starting out as a wrestler, where Austin told him to never stop running his mouth. Anyone who's seen Owens wrestle knows that's advice he took on board and it's likely advice that ultimately helped him to get signed by WWE. Seeing the pair discuss that aspect of KO's act would be fun, as would Austin delving into Owens' other career influences and his status as one of WWE's hottest heels, and one of the few to have motives beyond being bad because they're bad. I'd also like to see Austin speak to someone who's been in NXT since it became the "hot brand" it currently is, and Owens fits the bill perfectly.

Perhaps a slightly odd choice would be Cesaro. Not because he doesn't have anything interesting to say (he does) but because he's not the big name that everyone else on this list is. Austin is an outspoken fan of 'The King of Swing' so it's easy to imagine him wanting to have him on the show to give him a platform to promote himself. On top of that Cesaro's had an interesting journey to WWE, winning a green card lottery and all, and always comes across as an affable, humble lad in interviews.

Finally, there's John Cena. He's one of only a handful of men to have ever been positioned as the centrepiece of WWE. Austin is one of the others. He's one of the few people who can understand the pressure of Cena's spot. He's a fan of Cena's work too, which seems to be the case for a lot of WWE veterans. I'd like to see him discuss Cena's ring work with Cena to see if his claims are genuine and, if they are, what it is he specifically enjoys. Plus the subject of the springboard Stunner could be fun.

***

¹ This sounds less painful than it is. Though, to be clear, it is still a very painful show for those who appear on it.

² For the record I think it's a real shame Hogan is now unlikely to ever appear on Austin's Network show. It would have been fascinating to see Austin and Hogan discuss Hogan's WCW politicking (which Austin believes held him down there), Austin's ECW parodies of Hogan, and which of them is the bigger, more important name in WWE history.

Rock Versus Triple H: 2015 Edition

The Rock is many things. He's a Hollywood movie star. He's a highly accomplished third generation wrestler. He's a former eight time WWE world champion. He's a future first ballot Hall of Famer. He's one of the two biggest babyfaces of the Attitude Era (the other, obviously, being 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin). Some may even go so far as to say he was the biggest star of that era but I'm not one of them.

Triple H is also many thanks. He is the current on-screen boss of the company. He too is a highly accomplished wrestler and future first ballot Hall of Fame inductee. He's also former eight time WWE champion. He's one of the two biggest heels of the Attitude Era (the other, obviously, being Vince McMahon). Some may even go so far as to say he was the biggest heel of that era but I'm not one of them.

Rock pretending to fly as he hits a Rock Bottom there.

Together they had one of the greatest rivalries of the Attitude Era. It started off over the Intercontinental title and gradually progressed to one for the world title. Somewhere along the way it became a defining feud for both men, one that didn't actually require the involvement of a title or a reason for a match to take place. It was simply one of those rivalries that had been going for so long that it was one of those rare ever-ready, ever-present disputes, the sort of thing that could flare up at any time. Sort of like Cena v Orton now, only good.

Despite the pair having separate feuds in 1998, 1999 and 2000 they never actually had a one-on-one match at WrestleMania. They completely deserved to but the closest they came was the closing portion of a four-way elimination main event, also involving Big Show and Mick Foley at WrestleMania 2000. Behind Austin versus McMahon and Austin versus The Rock it was one of the defining rivalries of the time. Behind that second programme it was the greatest rivalry of Rock's career. It was quite possibly the greatest of Triple H's, with only his work opposite the various guises of Mick Foley coming close to being both as good and as important to his career.

I mention all of this because there's been speculation since WrestleMania Play Button that Rock and Triple H will face one another at next year's WrestleMania Star in Texas. This has picked up again recently because of SummerSlam. With the event being stretched to four hours (the first WWE event not named WrestleMania to hit that mark) and being held in NYC it's fair to say that WWE will want to add something to the announced card to make it special. A showdown between the on-screen boss and his old movie-making rival would fit the bill nicely. If they came to blows to set up a future match that would be A Big Deal.

Of course, part of the previously mentioned speculative chatter regaining a Rock and Trips bout is that it would somehow involve Rhonda Rousey and Stephanie McMahon. This would make sense given the segment involving all four at 'Mania earlier this year. But while a mixed tag match at WM32 would certainly be memorable it would also feel a tiny but like a squandered opportunity.

In Rock v Triple H WWE has a perfect chance to revisit one of the company's defining rivalries and give them the only kind of match they've never had: a WrestleMania showdown. Were it to happen and Rhonda Rousey was still on the card (her ability to wrestle a match for WWE has been questioned since her UFC boss Dana White stated publicly that he wouldn't let her) then she and Steph could have a singles match. That would probably be more enjoyable anyway: a squash in which uber-heel Steph gets tapped out in a few minutes sounds like a good addition to a 'Mania card to me. Meanwhile if either Rock or Tripper were considering retiring at all in the next little while this is a match that could provide a fitting end to either career (although the assumption that Undertaker's retiring in Texas makes that unlikely, nobody wants to see two retirement matches in one night). It's the match I'd like to see WWE revisit more than any other. One final addition to the feud at a WrestleMania sounds pretty good to me.

The Retirement of 'The Animal'

Dave Bautista. Remember him? He's the guy who left WWE last year to go and be a success in Hollywood based off his role in surprise smash hit Guardians of the Galaxy. He's the man who is arguably a bigger wrestler-turned-actor than Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson at this point, because really how many legitimately enjoyable and successful films has Rocky starred in and how many does he have lined up? Big Dave's been cast in a Bond film, that's pretty big business.

But I'm not writing this to directly compare Batista and The Rock. That wouldn't be especially interesting and there would be no purpose to it. The subject here is whether or not we've seen the last of 'The Animal' in a wrestling ring.

"Don't like me? Thumbs down!"

The short, lazy answer is "No." The slightly less short but no less lazy answer is "No, obviously not." The reason for this is that Batista is a pal of Triple H, a guy very high up in the WWE decision-making and creative process. On top of that there's the fact that WWE always enjoys cross-promoting with mainstream stars, and to them there is no star more mainstream than a Hollywood actor. Having one who is known just as well in the wrestling as in the acting world is an added bonus, as is having one who can actually get into the ring and wrestle a match under their own steam without being carried by someone. Which is an ability Batista has¹.

But this doesn't necessarily mean Batsy will wrestle again. There's a difference between making an appearance to promote a movie and maybe Batista bombing a mid-card act and returning to the ring for the sort of short term run we saw last year. The former gets word out about a product that needs promoting whilst actually going on the road to wrestle every night sees guys run the risk of injury, which can hamper the more important (and highly-paid) acting work.

I enjoyed Batista's run last year. The guy's never been great in the ring but 2014 saw him participate in some enjoyable matches, most obviously the triple threat with Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton at WrestleMania and the two Evolution versus Shield bouts at Extreme Rules and Payback. He showed he could contribute to excellent matches if he was booked correctly and his weaknesses were hidden. More importantly he absolutely nailed his role as a man who thinks he's a big shot because he's been in films. He did some career best work once he was allowed to fully embrace his status as a heel. Plus there were the Bluetista and Wave Batista memes, things which will end up, rightly or wrongly (but, y'know, definitely rightly) as highlights of Batista's career.

It's these memes that actually make me think Batista will never return for anything beyond one or two matches at a time. They demonstrate how wrestling fans are willing to turn Batista into a figure of fun and ridicule. The guy doesn't actually need wrestling. He is, as mentioned above, a star and a success without wrestling now, and as such he has no reason to put up with wrestling fans having fun at his expense. It could be argued that that's part of the job of a heel but Batista wasn't actually meant to be a heel last year.

By all accounts Batista signed on for a return on the understanding that he'd win the Royal Rumble and be the fiery babyface to end Randy Orton's world title reign at WrestleMania. I don't imagine he'd be holding a grudge against fans for "costing" him a title reign, but I do think the treatment he received will have made me think a little harder about future returns. Wrestling seems to be something that he still enjoys but it's not something he needs for a living or, for that matter, to get people to go and see the films he's in.

If I had to put money on it I'd say we'll see Batista return and wrestle again. He's been very open about his desire for a WrestleMania retirement match. While he may not get his wish of retiring opposite Triple H I do think he's a big enough and important enough name for WWE to do a retirement match with him on 'The Grandest Stage of Them All'. A full time run seems unlikely though. Batista simply doesn't need it. Which is a shame because 2014 showed that there's plenty of mileage left in Batista's narcissistic egomaniac character yet.

***

¹ Insert your own joke about Batista's ability here.

Vince Russo's Greatest Triumph

I was initially going to make this a Top Five Shows Booked by Vince Russo post. Then I started looking back on his body of work and it quickly became clear that wouldn't work. Russo's strength as a writer was in long-term storytelling and having something for everyone on the roster to do. His weakness was letting the act of actual wrestling be the focus of a show. Which has basically left us with a situation where there aren't many particularly good single shows booked by him.

"Cos it's a deadly game! Deadly game! Deadly game!"

The one time Russo managed to perfectly apply his approach to a pay-per-view was at the 1998 Survivor Series. That's the one, in case your wrestling lore is rusty, that featured a one night tournament (dubbed the Deadly Game tournament) to crown a new WWF champion. It allowed Russo to cram in everything he was good at and enjoyed, namely pushing the mid-card, constructing satisfying arcs for main event talents, and swerve developments, into one show, perfectly built to over the preceding months.

Part of the reason the show worked as well as it did (and holds up better than practically anything else Russo booked) was the build it had. After SummerSlam in August he and his writing partner Ed Ferrara set about repositioning key players in preparation for the story they knew they'd be telling at Survivors. Mankind became a sympathetic, comedic good guy. The Rock dropped the Nation of Domination (an albatross around his neck by SummerSlam anyway) and officially went face, dubbing himself 'The People's Champion'. Undertaker and Kane, who had been at loggerheads since Kane's debut the previous October, formed the first of many alliances and began pursuing WWF champion Steve Austin. Really, Austin was the only man not recast after SummerSlam. He remained the top babyface with the same agenda he'd always had: having the title and being a thorn in the side of Vince McMahon.

Vince was central to all of this. He butted heads with The Rock, based on his own hatred of "the people". He began manipulating Mankind, promising to make him his new "corporate" champion but clearly having little but disdain for him and using him simply as a tool in his wider plans. Which he did with Undertaker and Kane, of course, only they were presented as being intelligent enough to understand his schemes, playing along because it tied into their desire to be the champion. And, of course, his hatred of Austin was undiminished.

Through a typically Russo-esque convoluted sequence best summed up here as a double pin from the Brothers of Destruction, Austin was stripped of the WWF championship. An attempt to crown a new champion in a 'Taker v Kane match didn't work out because Vince (stupidly) made Austin the guest referee, leading the match to end with Austin attacking both competitors and declaring himself the winner. Vince's next plan to crown a champion was the Deadly Game tournament, bringing us back around to Vinnie Ru's greatest triumph.

The show featured a ludicrous fourteen matches (plus another four before the broadcast began) but was paced and structured so well that it avoided feeling bloated. Practically every match contributed something to the larger story of the show and the handful that didn't were either enjoyable enough to be overlooked (Shamrock v Goldust) or were short enough for it not to be an issue (Snow v Jarrett). The main characters were all placed in matches that advanced their own plots. Mankind found himself pitted against blatant ringer Duane Gill in the opening match (amusingly hyped up so much by Vince so as to deliberately mislead people into believing they' be seeing the injured Shawn Michaels), setting him and the audience up to believe that he truly was Vince's chosen one. Rock found himself pitted against Team Corporate henchmen in his first two matches and against Undertaker in his third, making it clear McMahon was doing everything in his power to keep him away from the final, and that the audience were right to believe in him because he overcame Vince's stacked odds.

Austin was ever so slightly an afterthought, odd considering he was the clear cut top star. He trounced Big Boss Man in his opening round match, received a bye in the second when nobody advanced to face him, and was double crossed in his semi-final match against Mankind. But this was all done for a reason. It allowed Rock and Mankind to close the show, helping to raise their status in the process. The double cross aspect of his semi-final loss was done to reunite Vince and Shane McMahon after Shane had been demoted to, in Vince's words, a lowly referee. It created a reason to further protract the McMahon-Austin rivalry to and neatly took 'Stone Cold' out of the title picture until WrestleMania.

Of course it's the main event that this show is, rightly, most remembered for. Mankind versus The Rock was a competitive match (although not as good as the work they'd do together over the months that followed) that played out with McMahon and his entourage at ringside. It was set up to make viewers believe that Mankind was Vince's choice for champion and Rock was the underdog fighting against all the odds. Not only did it make sense in its own right but it was a framing device designed to call back to the main event of the previous year's show. For anyone unfamiliar with that (not that I'd expect many bothering to read this far to be unfamiliar) the '97 Survivor Series had seen WWF champion Bret Hart defending against on-screen and real life arch rival Shawn Michaels, with it being (fairly) common knowledge that Hart was on his way out of the company and refusing to lose the belt to Michaels. The match ended with Michaels applying the Sharpshooter, Hart's own finishing hold, to Hart and Vince, who was uncharacteristically at ringside for the match, demanding the bell be rung and Michaels announced as the new champion.

That sequence, by November 1998, had become known as the Montreal Screwjob (because it was a screw job that took place in Montreal, obvs). It's something that's been played on a lot since, both by the WWF and others, but in late '98 it wasn't something that the WWF seemed reluctant to acknowledge or dwell it. That changed when Rock placed Mankind in the Sharpshooter and McMahon had the bell rung.

A successful swerve.

Russo and the rest of the WWF's creative types had had the genius idea of ending the show with a swerve turn, a reveal that The Rock and Vince had been in cahoots all along, Mankind a mere patsy in the chairman's villainous machinations. Russo has rightly been accused of booking too many swerve turns in his career but this one made complete sense and provided a neat payoff. Of course it was The Rock, with his movie star good looks and third generation status, that was Vince's chosen one, not the affable, slightly out of shape Mankind. Rock's victories over Corporate henchmen in the earlier rounds immediately made sense. His only real challenge all night had been his match against 'The Dead Man', and he'd won that after interference from Kane.

The show provided a great climax to story threads that had been present since SummerSlam and set up fresh ones that ran the company through to WrestleMania XV the following March. It was a pivotal show for the promotion creatively and showed just how good the Russo approach could be with the right conditions. He would never again produce anything this good. Certainly not enough to concoct a top five list.

WWE WrestleMania 31 review

WrestleMania 31. The main event of the WWE pay-per-view calendar. It would be stretching things to say that the company has been diligently building all of its major storylines towards this for the last year but it's certainly the culmination of several months of work. Sting and Triple H's feud started in November. Miz and Mizdow have been together since around then. Orton got wiped out by The Authority, setting up his grudge match with Rollins, as long ago as October. There were clearly plans in pieces for this show a long time ago.

Of course, one of the key pieces was the WWE's new chosen one. The man chosen to lead the company into the future as one of the stars of the current generation of wrestlers. For the first time in quite a while someone was positioned to experience their first world title victory in the main event of the show. Someone was positioned to be anointed as the company's new lead star.

It just wasn't the man we were expecting.

Including the pre-show WrestleMania was six hours long. Six hours. That's a lot of WrestleMania. The first hour mostly consisted of hype videos for the show's matches and natter from the panel of Booker T, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton and host Renee Young. The highlight was a backstage meeting between Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury and The Stooges in which Noble searched for sugar and Brisco revaled he'd used it all getting coffee for Mr MackMan.

The pre-show's second hour, exclusive to the WWE Network even though the idea of a pre-show is to get some last minute buys (and, in this case, Network subscriptions), featured two matches. The first was a very good tag team title match which saw champions Cesaro and Tyson Kidd retain against, Los Matadores, the New Day combo of Big E and Kofi Kingston, and, technically, the Usos. I say technically because Jey took an early spill to the outside at the hands of Cesaro (to write him out of the match due to a pre-existing injury) which left Jimmy to fight alone.

What a pair. And the tag champs.

It was a well-constructed succession of spots, the ideal opener for a show like this as it gave people chance to cheer and cheer and cheer. Each team hit at least doubles move and there was a sequence where all the seconds fought one another, ending with Natalya taking a Rear View form Naomi. The match ended when everyone except Jimmy was involved in a double superple off the shoulders spot. Everyone but Jimmy was wiped out by it and he took the opportunity to splash Big E. Cesaro appeared from nowhere to lob Rikishi's lad out of the ring and steal the pin.

The second match was the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal. It was not such a roaring success. Curtis Axel, who'd managed to become genuinely popular in the weeks leading up to the show based on being a guy creative overlooks, found himself overlooked by creative and eliminate first. This was likely done to stop him overshadowing the match's designated stars. This left me feeling that WWE still has no idea how to embrace organic popularity. When Hidoe Itami was KO punched off the apron by Big Show I felt the same, although he at least got to get in some kicks and eliminate Bo Dallas before he went.

My feelings changed slightly when Cesaro got to eliminate Kane with a scoop slam, the same thing he'd done to Big Show to win the previous year's battle royal. He attempted the same thing with 'The Giant' but his back gave out and he was sent over the top rope by Show. This didn't bother me as much as the treatment of Itami and Axel. There was a logical sequence which led to 'The Swiss Superman's' elimination.

Ryback fired himself up and got tossed out by Big Show befoe the match came down to Miz, Mizdow and Show. Miz pleaded with Mizdow to work with him against Big Show so the match could come down to the two of them. Mizdow didn't allow himself to be fooled. He threw 'The Awesome One' over the top rope and took his chances with 'The World's Largest Athlete'. It didn't work out well for him. He managed to survive for a minute or two but the match eventually went to Show after he simply dunked Mizdow over the top rope.

"Pull my finger."

I don't have a problem with Big Show winning. There was nothing on the line besides a trophy that looks like it's made from chocolate and tinfoil. The creative team deserve credit for embracing the Miz and Mizdow rivalry and having it come to a head here. Although I can't help but feel the crowd would have gone wild had the match come down to Mizdow and Curtis Axel. The two underdog favourites getting to close out the match could have been really suspenseful. And the Miz and Mizdow split still could have worked.

The Intercontinental championship ladder match opened the official WrestleMania show. It was preceded by a really good video that started out highlighting the importance of the championship before switching to focus on the legacy of ladder matches at WretleMania. This allowed it to cleverly gloss over how the IC title has been pretty much meaninglessness for the last fifteen years.

While the match didn't feature as many crazy bumps as I'd expected it still had plenty to choose from. A series of dives to the outside at the start of the match culminated with Ziggler getting back dropped over the top rope and Luke Harper diving onto everyone, before Dean Ambrose scaled a ladder to hit his cross body elbow. Stardust introduced a diamanté ladder, only for Barrett to kick a step off it and smack people with it. Harper did the Terry Funk ladder spot before dropping it and getting scissor kicked onto it by R-Truth. Barrett suplexed Stardust off the top of a ladder. Ambrose was Awesome bombed from the ring through a ladder by Harper. Barrett went on a Bullhammer rampage, pulling Ziggler off a ladder into the move, battering Stardust with it as he leapt off the top rope into the ring, and then smashing Truth off the ladder.

I didn't want this but I'm willing to give it a try.

Daniel Bryan nearly got the belt during this but was pulled off the ladder by Barrett. He avoided the Bullhammer and felled the defending champion with the running knee. Bryan scaled the ladder again only for Ziggler to sprint up and offer some last minute resistance at the top. They traded forearms and headbutts, D-Bry getting the last word when he knocked Ziggler to the mat with a head butt and reached up to pull down the title belt and win his first Intercontinenta championship. I'd been against Bryan winning but it went down well with the 'Mania crowd. They were happy to see Bryan triumph.

Orton v Rollins was match number two. Orton dominated the first several minutes, smacking Rollins about and no-selling buckle bomb before flooring 'The Future' with a clothesline. J&J interfered and were dropped off the apron with a double draping DDT. But that was enough of a distraction for Rollins to get in a suicide dive and take over the pace of the match. After a brief rest hold Orton comes back with clotheslines and turned a Curb Stomp attempt into a power slam.

'The Viper' hit a rough-looking T-bone suplex. Rollins escaped a draping DDT and got in an enziguri then an Asai moonsault to the outside. Back in the ring Orton got his draping DDT. Orton went for the RKO but Rollins countered into a schoolboy roll-up. Orty kicked out and then took an super kick but managed to stay on his feet to hit Rollins with an RKO.

Orton reacted to the kick out that followed with absolute shock. That seemed a bit much. Yes it normally wins him a match but people have kicked out of the move before, and this was WrestleMania, where we told that everyone goes that little bit further to make an impression. Anyway, he went for his back-up finish, the Deadly Punt™. Noble got in way and took an RKO. Mercury tried a cross body and took an RKO in mid-air. This allowed provided enough of a distraction for Rollins to recover and this time he hit Orton with a Curb Stomp.

An unspectacular photo from a really very good match.

Randy kicked out of that and Seth pulled him into position for the phoenix splash. Orton slipped out of the way as Rollins left the top rope. Rollins landed on his feet and rolled across the ring. Orton went for an RKO, got pushed off and stumbled to his knees. The match ended on a beuatifully performed exchange as Rollins went for the Curb Stomp and Orton slipped out from under him to catch him coming down with an RKO. The match could not have been better.

In a bold (or possibly stupid) move Sting and Triple H followed. They even went without the benefit of a pop song or a filler match. They did get the grand entrance treatment though. Sting came out to a Stomp-style group playing metal drums and wearing his face paint. Triple H had something themed around the Terminator. There was a headpiece themed around his tried and tested skull and crown motifs along with a red "laser" eye, four classic Terminator robots stood motionless on the stage, extras dressed up as less spectacular robots, a target-acquiring POV shot, and a cameo from Arnold Schwarzenegger in which he said "It's time to play the game!". It was weird but also nicely done. Triple H's cosplay fantasies are the closest thing to The Streak we have left at WrestleMania.

The opening few minutes were all about making Sting look like a top guy. He overpowered Trips. Then he outwrestled him. He no-sold the knee buster and went for the Scorpion deathlock. Trips wriggled out of the ring, returning to get whipped back outside via Sting's immense power. Sting followed him out and went for a splash against the barricade. Triple H moved and threw him into the steel steps.

Paul versus Steve: The Epic Collision.

Back in the ring H3 muscled Sting up for a stalling suplex then worked Sting over with knees and powerful whips into the corner before slapping on a sleeper so that 'The Vigilante' could loudly call some spots. Sting fought back and applied the deathlock. Billy Gunn, Road and X Pac ran to the DX music. Sting made short work of them with chops. The he threw Tripper out of the ring onto them for good measure. That set up a nice human crash mat for Sting to leap off the top rope onto. It looked like 'The Stinger' was finally going to put 'The Game' but a distraction from Billy Gunn allowed Trips to get in a Pedigree.

Sting kicked out so Triple H grabbed his sledgehammer. Before he could use it he was distracted by the music of the nWo and Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Hulk Hogan swaggering down to the ring. Had he thought about it the so-called 'Cerebral Assassin' could have lamped Sting with the hammer and won the match before the nWo fellas had arrived at ringside. He was clearly awed by their shock tactics.

When they arrived the nWo dispatched DX and Sting recovered to hit a Scorpion Death Drop on Tripper. When Trips kicked out Sting put him in the deathlock. Triple H went for the sledgehammer that lay tantalisingly close. Luckily for Sting that bastion of fairness Hulk Hogan was on hand to grab it from the evil COO's clutches. That triggered a flurry of activity on the outside and DX and the nWo wiped each other. Trips sat in the hold as this went on, only managing to make it to the ropes after everything had simmered down and the camera was back on him. Funny that. It was almost like the match was staged.

Sting went to reapply the Scorpion deathlock but got lamped with Sweet Chin Music (outta nowhere!) by Shawn Michaels. Helmsley crawled into a cover and Sting kicked out. Billy handed Trips the sledgehammer. Hall handed Sting the bat. Sting dropped Triple H with a tap to the midsection then broke the hammer's staff in half. 'The Game' backed into a corner and got pummelled with fists and a Stinger Splash. 'The Vigilante' got greedy and went for a second, which gave Triple H the chance to grab hold of the top half of the sledgehammer and lamp him with it. That was enough to finally put 'The Stinger' down for three.

After the match Triple H pushed DX off and offered a handshake to Sting. Sting accepted. The entire match was far, far better than I'd expected it to be. Sting was protected, Triple H didn't try anything too fancy, and they made excellent use of run-ins. It's probably a bit odd that Sting was saved by the nWo, a group he experienced the biggest match of his career fighting against, but we can take that as the four having put aside their differences since WCW went under. Or you could go really wild and see it as acknowledgment that Sting really was with the nWo all along as they claimed in the nineties.

Backstage Maria Menounos interviewed new IC champ Daniel Bryan, asking how he felt about his win. He tried to answer and was interrupted by Pat Patterson, Roddy Piper, Ricky Stramboat, Ric Flair, and Bret Hart. They all but Bryan over (Flair got himself over too, naturally) and did a "Yes!" chant. Then Ron Simmons showed up and said "Damn!". I presume this was hilarious for those into that sort of thing.

Following a musical performance so uninspiring I can't even be bothered to look up who it was by Paige and AJ Lee teamed up to tangle with the Bellas. Paige was isolated by the twins for a while before finally managing to tag out to AJ. She worked over Nikki, Paige eliminated Brie, and then AJ made Nikki submit to the Black Widow. This was the most time I can remember Divas getting at 'Mania in years. They made the most of it and told a story in a good match.

After the audience had been given the chance to gape at the Hall of Famers it was time for Cena v Rusev II: The Russian Federation Strikes Back. Rusev entered on a tank. An actual, honest to goodness tank. There was other stuff going on with a Russian flag and troops and Lana but it was nowhere near as impressive as RUSEV RIDING A TANK. John Cena got a video of American symbolism intercut with Reagan jingoism. His actual entrance was the standard Cena entrance.

Flag-related taunts set to become wrestling's next craze.

They had another surprisingly energetic, enjoyable match. The match they gave us at Fast Lane had raised my expectations for the quality of this match. They again surpassed them. Cena pulled out his top rope leg drop, multiple AAs and the STF. Rusev busted out his regular assortment of big lad moves and  athletic kicks. He was on top of his game with his selling, ring placement, and facial expressions, perfectly getting across his increasing desperation with wild eyes and an uncharacteristic trip to the top rope.

Not to be outdone with new material Cena hit a springboard Ace crusher. Then he powered to his feet and almost casually become the first man to break out of the Accolade. Lana tried a distraction from the apron and got knocked off by Rusev. Cena then scooped him up and hit him with an AA. Just like that Cena won. It felt like Rusev should've been able to withstand more with a year-long winning streak to his name. Going down to the second AA of the night seemed very anti-climactic.

Then the stalling kicked in. You see, WWE likes to present certain wrestlers in certain ways. One such wrestler is Undertaker. He always enters to darkness because he's a spooky character and darkness is spooky. At this point it was about quarter to seven. They needed to kill time so that it was as dark as possible for 'The Dead Man's' entrance. They also needed to give the crowd time to cool down and hit the toilets before the final two matches of the card.

The expert panel and the commentary split the task of recapping the show up until that point. Then Triple H (now wearing a suit) and Stephanie  were introduced. They announced that a new attendance record of 76,976 had been set for the stadium. Steph put herself and Tripper over as the reason for this and WWE's success in general. Trips took over and said they owned everyone there and everyone watching. I thought this was leading to an appearance from Vince McMahon but instead we got The Rock. He goaded Triple H into taking his jacket off before Steph stepped in and told Rock her family had made his family then gave him a slap. She teased The Rock about ot being able to hit her because she's a woman and ordered him to the back.

Luckily Rock avoided inappropriate talk of pies.

Rock left the ring but he didn't go to the back. Instead he went over to Ronda Rousey (sporting a memetastic "It's over 9000!" T-shirt) in the front row and brought her into the ring. Steph said she and Ronda were pals. When Ronda didn't exactly go along with this Steph demanded she leave. Rock and Tripe H ended up getting into it, with Ronda giving Triple H a hip toss and then grabbing Steph. She released her and the heels hobbled backstage as Rock's music played and he declared the sequence the greatest WrestleMania moment of the night. It was good but this self-aggrandizement put me off it a bit.

With all the time that could be killed killed it was time for Undertaker versus Bray Wyatt. 'The New Face of Fear' entered first, accompanied by a gang of scarecrows, some of whom he brought to life as he walked past. This could not compare with Rusev's tank entrance. Nor, for that matter, could Undertaker's entrance. There was still plenty of light in the sky and, for the first time in a few years, there were no special props on the stage. It was just 'Taker, his jacket and hat, and the funereal music. Very much a back to basics approach.

The match was fine but not the special attraction I think many expected. The crowd didn't seemed as invested in Undertaker as they have been at recent WrestleManias and I suspect this was because of the lack of The Streak. Not having that to fight for and defend makes 'The Phenom' a bit pointless, drifting character. The Streak was tied strongly to his legacy. Without it there's very little point in him sticking around unless he's going to have a stronger presence on TV across the year, which he's obviously not.

Who'd have guessed Sting v Triple H would be more enjoyable
than Wyatt v Undertaker?

They did most, but not all, of the spots that could have been asked of them. Wyatt did his flying forearm and threw out a handful of Sister Abigails. 'Taker gave us Old School, choke slams, and Tombstone piledrivers but omitted the Hell's Gate and the Last Ride. It seemed peculiar. When a guy who only wrestles once a year has this many recognisable moves to call on you expect him to pul them all out, especially in what was possibly his penultimate match. Wyatt survived one Tombstone but fell to a second just after the fifteen minute mark.

That just left the main event: Roman Reigns challenging Brock Lesnar for the WWE world heavyweight championship.

Reigns' entrance was heavy on boos. Lesnar got a thunderous initial pop and extended cheers once he was in the ring. He also received a personal ring introduction from his advocate, Paul Heyman. I liked that. It was a good use of Heyman on a show that didn't really have any other opportunity for him to talk.

Within thirty seconds of the match starting Lesnar had hit Reigns with a German suplex and an F5. He didn't go for a cover. Instead he started with the throws and suplexes. Reigns made sporadic attempts to fight back, clotheslining and pie-facing the champion as well as chuckling, to show us that he can take a beating, but he was quickly shut down each time.

The scene before the match.

After a while Reigns was punched off the apron down to the ringside mats. He got a brief moment of hope as he headed back into the ring, kneeing Lesnar in the face as he tried to grab him. 'The Pain' shrugged that off and sent Reigns off the apron back down to the mats with a lariat. When he returned to the ring he was given more suplexes, Heyman counting along with each one. The eighth was a particularly impressive belly-to-belly from the apron, over the top rope, back into the ring. 

'The Conqueror' hit an F5 and went for the first cover of the match. Reigns kicked out. Lesnar punched away at Reigns. Reigns laughed, earning himself two more German suplexes and a third F5. Reigns kicked out again, technically breaking WWE's unwritten rule that people don't kick out of more than three finishers in a match.

Lesnar tried to shove Reigns into a ring post outside the ring but Reigns managed to reverse the attempt. Lesnar would roll back into the ring bleeding heavily. Reigns hit him with a Superman punch but the champ stayed on his feet. A second Superman punch sent 'The Beast', briefly, down to a knee. Reigns went for the move a third time but Lesnar sidestepped it and went for a German suplex. Reigns fought out and blasted Lesnar with a third Superman punch and two spears. Lesnar managed to kick out. Reigns went for another Superman punch but Lesnar caught him in mid-air and F5ed him.

With both men down Seth Rollins sprinted out to the ring and cashed in his Money in the Bank contract, sending the crowd crazy (in a positive way, obvs). The match was restarted as a triple threat and Rollins immediately booted 'The Big Dog' out of the ring and Curb Stomped Lesnar. He went for the move a second time but Lesnar snatched him up into position for the F5. Reigns thrust himself back into the action with a spear. Lesnar rolled out of the ring. Rollins hit Reigns with a Curb Stomp and pinned him to become the new WWE world heavyweight champion.

The scene  after the match.

The main event was superb. Reigns stood up to a vicious beating from Lesnar and kept coming back for more. Lesnar delivered the suplexes and F5s he's adored for. The finish was designed to accomplish several things and did so. Lesnar was kept strong by not being pinned. Reigns was presented as the wronged victim who had his moment stolen away by someone else's selfishness. Rollins was presented as an opportunistic chancer who selected the perfect moment, making a name for himself at the expense of someone who'd earned their way to the top. Which, in kayfabe terms, Reigns had with his Rumble victory and win over Daniel Bryan at Fast Lane.

WrestleMania 31 was a far better show than I'd thought. I hadn't really expected much from many of the matches. Too many of them seemed like odd choices for a big show. But there wasn't a bad match on the card. The main event was everything I wanted it to be.

What's nice is that it feels like WWE has a plan coming out of this show. I don't like Bryan and Cena having the mid-card titles but it's clearly been done for a purpose. The world title picture has Rollins on top with Lesnar, Reigns and Orton in a position to argue they deserve a championship match against him. On the night the show was a surprising success. I think it will prove to have been a success in the long term too.

***

Results summary:

Cesaro and Tyson Kidd retain the tag team championship
Big Show won the Andre Battle Royal, last eliminating Damien Mizdow
Daniel Bryan won the Intercontinental championship in a ladder match
Randy Orton defeated Seth Rollins
Triple H defeated Sting
AJ Lee and Paige defeated the Bellas
John Cena defeated Rusev to win the United States championship
Undertaker defeated Bray Wyatt
Seth Rollins defeated Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar to win the WWE championship

The Part Time Squad

WWE’s reliance on the stars of the past has been well documented over the last several years. The Rock’s return at WrestleMania XXVII and matches at XXVIII and XXIX drew scorn from some. Triple H and Undertaker taking an annual ‘Mania spot has also failed to go down well with everyone. And guys like Chris Jericho, Batista and Hulk Hogan have also returned in one form or another, to a variety of reactions.

There could be said to be broadly two views on this. The first would be that the returning stars help to attract viewers who wouldn’t otherwise be interested and that their participation helps give the events that extra special feeling they’re meant to have. The second would be that the returnees take away spots from the roster members who work a full schedule and deserve to participate at a show of WrestleMania’s significance.

My view lies somewhere in the middle of the two. The returning stars are necessary for shows like WrestleMania to be distinguishable from the rest of the PPV pack. I don’t think WWE could expect to fill more than one stadium for a ‘Mania using only their current roster, and they’d only manage one because tickets are sold so far in advance. But at the same time I don’t think the list of returning names would need to be as long as it generally gets if WWE did a better job of making guys like Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Cesaro and Dolph Ziggler seem like they’re genuinely big stars. Part of WrestleMania absolutely should be about celebrating the past and integrating older stars, but it should also be about building for the future.

Something that could be done differently is how the returning names are used. Right now they tend to interact exclusively with one another. Jericho v Fandango and Triple H v Daniel Bryan aside all the names listed above have been involved with other stars from past eras at the last few WrestleManias. An argument could be made for CM Punk being raised up with his matches against The Undertaker and The Rock, but Punk was already pretty close to that level anyway. And, y’know, he lost both matches. By the time he left he was definitely on that level.

I’d be far more interested in a Triple H versus Dean Ambrose match than I would in a Triple H versus The Rock match. The former is a match that could easily take place at WM31, WWE having ample time to prepare it. The latter is a match the men themselves talked about on the SmackDown fifteenth anniversary show and while I don’t think it’s especially likely to happen it’s not an impossibility. That it was brought up on company programming indicates that WWE were interested in seeing how people reacted to talk of the bout.

For whatever reason WWE doesn’t seem interested in pitting the veteran performers against the younger batch of stars. Perhaps they feel the youngsters are beneath the vets. That will cause a problem in years to come if true because sooner or later it will bleed through into the televised product and the current roster could be viewed as second rate in terms of star power.

More likely, given the matchups we’ve had over the last few years, they feel the Dream Match™ route is the best one to take. Their idea of what constitutes such a match can at some times be questionable (Cena versus Rock headlining two ‘Manias in a row f’r’instance) but it’s a solid enough approach. With all of this in mind I thought I’d run through the various part-timers WWE does and could make use of and look at the possible opponents, both part- and full-time, they could be pitted against at the next few ‘Manias.

We’ll start with Mr Hulk Hogan. He’s a pretty big star, right? Well, yes and no. He was undoubtedly wrestling’s biggest star in the 1980s and for much of the 90s, but his status has been somewhat diminished by the likes of Rock, Austin and Cena. His stint in TNA didn’t help him either. That gave anyone who saw it the impression that he’s washed up. He obviously was washed up but that TNA really emphasised it. It wore off what mystique he was still clinging to and he’s only started getting it back since he started the sporadic appearances for WWE.

He says he's got one more leg drop left in him, brothers!

‘The Hulkster’ has dropped a number of unsubtle hints about wanting to wrestle a retirement match for WWE. I suspect there are a number of motives for this. One would be the hefty payday. Another would be the chance to get himself into the spotlight one more time, something he has adored throughout his career. Third would be the opportunity to go out on top. I mean, Hogan clearly hasn’t been on top of wrestling since 19-take-your-pick, but having a retirement match on the upper half, possibly even in the main event, of a ‘Mania card would do a lot to sate his legendary ego.

There’s only one man I think Hogan could or should come back to face. That’s John Cena. The reason is pretty obvious. It would be the biggest current star against one of the biggest stars of the past. They would not have an especially good match but it would be a spectacle, and there’s always a room for spectacle at WrestleMania. Cena’s capable (though he wouldn’t necessarily be willing) of bouncing around to make Hogan look good. Hogan could probably take an AA. It’s the only feasible match should a Hogan comeback occur.

Next is the man who Hogan made his initial ‘Mania comeback against back at X8, The Rock. I’ve already mentioned the tease WWE made of a Rock versus Triple H ‘Mania outing. It would be interesting from a historical point of view because they never wrestled in a singles match at the event, despite having a feud that lasted years and took them both from the mid-card to the main event. While doing the match now would allow them to tick off an accomplishment it wouldn’t live up to their past standards. Between 1998 and 2000 the pair had a number of memorable matches on TV and pay-per-view. They’re older now, and ‘The Great One’ is extra cautious of doing anything that could inflict an injury for fear of losing work in Hollywood, and they wouldn’t be able to match their previous high standards. It’s a match best left in the past.

Rock versus Brock Lesnar has a certain appeal to it: the Hollywood A-lister facing the former UFC champion. It’s the sort of thing WrestleMania has always been built around: mainstream, outside-wrestling appeal. But it’s unlikely to happen with Lesnar’s status as champ as it would need to be for the title and I don’t think either would be back before SummerSlam. Rock’s health and safety gimmick would probably make this match a no, too.

Rock versus Rusev is a potential match after their surprise interaction on the October 6 RAW. I think it could be a very good match. Rusev’s selling and psychology are good and constantly improving and he’s got a convincing, and over, set of moves. It would make sense to promote this match and there’s a reason for it happening. But I don’t think WWE will do it. The most I think we can expect is a second meeting on TV which ends with Rusev looking strong. That would help him, but not as much as a WrestleMania victory in an official match would.

Other than ‘The Bulgarian Brute’ no characters from the main roster jump out as a particularly good match for Rock. I think Cesaro would be a particularly nice fit match-wise, but not enough time has been invested in his character to make it seem a realistic possibility. Meanwhile I think there’s a natural story to be told between Rock and Roman Reigns, not least because they’re cousins, but the in-ring action would let them down. Reigns is not yet experienced enough as a singles wrestler to make this bout work. But if Rock’s still around for WrestleMania 33 in 2017 it might be a good idea.

Going back to Brock Lesnar there are a surprising number of options. Roman Reigns is top of the list as beating Lesnar for the WWE championship at ‘Mania 31 would be a nice crowning-of-the-heir-apparent moment. But even though it would make sense it’s not been announced as a thing yet. ‘The Beast’ could just as easily find himself working a rematch with The Undertaker or having his first main roster dalliance with Randy Orton. Had a better job been done of splitting Paul Heyman and Cesaro then there’d be a compelling, natural story to be told for Cesaro versus Lesnar. It could still be done, but the time for making it mean as much as it could has slipped through WWE’s fingers.

Since the loss of his Streak I’ve found myself less interested in the concept of further Undertaker appearances. It’s not because the Lesnar bout was bad (although it was), it’s because the main appeal of ‘The Dead Man’ for me had become seeing him increase The Streak’s length. It added an urgency to his bouts that just can’t be there now. I’d convinced myself that he’d go for another year or two, announce his final match before it took place, and have Cena as his opponent. Cena, more than Lesnar, would have been able to convince people before the match that he was going to end The Streak. Because he’s Cena. My logic was that if WWE were going to end The Streak for anyone it would be Cena.

But that all fell apart when Lesnar pinned ‘Big Evil’ at WrestleMania XXX. ‘The Phenom’ will still be able to have good matches (if his body permits it) but they just won’t be as suspenseful. He could have his rematch with Lesnar and win, but ultimately it wouldn’t matter. The blemish on his record would still be there.

A lot of people seem to want Sting v Undertaker. I’ve said before that I would have no interest in seeing that match. Sting as a performer does nothing for me and any analogies between his role in WCW and ‘Taker’s in WWE are lost on me. One went off the rails because he felt betrayed during an invasion of cool heels, the other’s a zombie biker who digs MMA. The most that can be said in favour of them being a particularly good pairing is that they are both synonymous with their respective promotions. But WCW closed down in 2001. At this point Sting v Undertaker would be as much TNA v WWE as WCW v WWE.

But a lot of people want to see it. There’s obviously something I’m missing. That people seem keen on it makes me think that Undertaker versus ‘The Stinger’ is the most sensible match for both men at ‘Mania 31. Personally I’d be more interested in either man in a singles match against Bray Wyatt. He’s a better fit for the characters of both veterans. But I doubt that will come to pass.

I suspect a lot of people would argue that Sting v Triple H would be a good match. It’s true that both are top tier performers, but something about their respective styles makes me think they wouldn’t gel well together. Neither strikes me as a significant enough name to make the match work. There’s no obvious story to tell between the pair either.

‘The Game’ is best off working against guys getting established. He’s a respected (within WWE TV Land at least) performer, a former multi-time world champion, and the on-screen boss. His status is why guys would want a match with him and his job allows him to be easily written into necessary stories. The Daniel Bryan story worked well. More along those lines would be fine. Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt and Cesaro would be my top choices for matches against Trips. In time there’s a very obvious Seth Rollins match waiting to be presented too.

One guy I’m not especially interested in seeing Tripper wrestle is Batista. Since leaving over the summer he’s mentioned in interviews that he’d be interested in returning for a retirement match against ‘The King of Kings’ at a WrestleMania. Which says a fair bit about how ‘The Animal’ sees his status within WWE history. In fairness Triple H v Batista would make sense as a retirement match, given their history as friends and opponents. It would be a neat ending to Big Dave’s career. It just doesn’t feel like a modern day ‘Mania match, partly because they faced off at a ‘Mania before and partly because I don’t think Batista quite deserves that level of send-off. To me it feels more like a SummerSlam idea.

I think Batista would be of more value facing an Ambrose or a Cesaro at future WrestleManias. But such matches are probably beneath his ego, even if he were to win them. A bout with Lesnar would likely satisfy him, with or without the title on the line, but the trouble there is the same as with The Rock: Batsy has to keep himself as healthy as possible for Hollywood duties and Lesnar is not conducive to that. It would be a fresh pairing though of established headliners though, and that counts for a lot with me.

A man it would be easy to overlook here is Goldberg. No, he’s never been on the best of terms with WWE. No, they don’t seem to regard him as any form of exceptional draw (and in fairness there’s little evidence that they should). But if Sting is going to get mentioned Goldberg should too. At his peak Goldberg was just as big a star for WCW as Sting.

Were The Streak still intact a decent story could have been built around ‘Taker pitting it against Goldberg’s mostly perfect win-loss record. WWE could have ignored ‘berg’s handful of jobs or acknowledged them and emphasised the screwiness of most of them, either approach would have done the job. A year and a half ago Goldberg would have been a good choice of opponent for Ryback. ‘The Big Guy’ was getting compared to Goldberg every week and it would have given him a boost to face and beat the former WCW champ. It may seem a peculiar thing to say now, given Ryback’s lower-card status, but had WWE handled him better during his rushed rivalry with CM Punk and into WrestleMania XXIX they could have made a headliner out of him.

Those are wasted opportunities. There’s no obvious scenario for Goldberg at a WrestleMania now. But he’s a big enough name to attract a few eyes, especially if he was given the Hall of Fame and retirement match package (not that WWE would deem him worthy of that). The Ryback match could still just about work, just not as well as it could have previously. Beyond that matches with Brock Lesnar, Cesaro or a more embedded Roman Reigns could work nicely.

One more year for Angle. But it probably won't be in WWE.

Goldberg is also one of the many names that could work as an opponent for Kurt Angle. WWE’s fledging roster split stopped it happening during Goldberg’s previous run, which was a pity as the pair seem like a natural fit: the powerhouse and the technician. The trouble is that Angle would likely be taken as the face and Goldberg the heel, and both do their best work in the opposite roles. The more significant trouble with doing this match nowadays is that Angle is falling to pieces and Goldberg isn’t exactly known for his safety.

The really obvious Angle match would be opposite Rusev. He’s a foreign heel who talks about his superiority to America whilst wearing a gold medal. It seems tailor made for Angle. The current leading hypothesis is that Rusev is destined for a ‘Mania showdown with Cena. That would work and work well, but the ultra-patriotic Angle would be just as good a fit, if not a better one.

At this point I should probably pause and acknowledge the fact that it doesn’t look like Angle will ever return to WWE for a match. He’s said he’ll wrestle one more year part-time and then retire. WWE are said to be sceptical about Angle’s ability to pass their health and endurance tests, and they’re almost certainly right to be. Angle was originally let go by WWE in 2006 because of health concerns and he’s visibly smaller now than he was then. As much as it would be great to see him return for one final run and matches against Rollins, Ambrose, Cesaro, Ziggler and Rusev (and basically everyone else on the roster) it doesn’t look as though it will happen. I suspect we won’t be seeing Angle back in WWE until he’s called it quits on his in-ring offerings and is ready to accept a (much deserved) spot in the company’s Hall of Fame.

The same isn’t necessarily true for Angle’s fellow TNA alums Bully Ray and Devon. The former Dudley Boyz have apparently cut ties with TNA and agreed to some sort of deal which will see them wrestle at New Japan’s Wrestle Kingdom 9. It seems safe to assume Team 3D were added because the pay-per-view will be broadcast on PPV in the US (via Jeff Jarrett’s increasingly shady Global Force Wrestling “promotion”) and Bully and Devon are considered big enough names to help attract an audience.

While they’re far from being the biggest names in wrestling ever they are a known quantity. They have the Attitude Era rub that could attract lapsed fans and a very long list of accomplishments for longer term fans. I don’t personally feel that they are but I could understand an argument being made for them being the best tag team ever.

All of which could be used to argue in favour of bringing them into WWE on a part-time basis. Or it could if WWE had a healthier doubles division. I’m sure that the Dudleys versus Goldust and Stardust or the Usos would be good, but neither of the current WWE teams has the status of the Dudleys. To make the most of rehiring the Dudleys WWE would need a team (preferably several) with some history and status to pit them against. They’d need that Dream Match™ scenario, allowing the Dudleys to give the rub to a younger team. The only duo WWE has right now that look like they have the potential to become a significant team is The Ascension, and they’re still in developmental.

If WWE wanted to they could hire Bully and Devon as agents and use them as an occasional treat for house shows crowds. If they spent the time between WrestleManias 31 and 32 creating an interesting and worthwhile doubles division with The Ascension as the undisputed stars then a Dudleys match in 2016 could mean something. But we all know this isn’t something WWE will bother with.

Finally we come to the man whom I think would prove the most lucrative name on this list were he to return to the ring: ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin. He seems fine with his retirement, having publically exhibited no burning desire to have one final match. It’s completely understandable. He went out in an extremely satisfying match in the semi-main event spot of a WrestleMania, losing to one of his greatest rivals, and friends, at a WrestleMania. He faced everyone there was to face during his time and became a massive star doing so. It’s hard to imagine him having any regrets about his career accomplishments or his last match in particular. While he’s always been careful to avoid committing to anything he has said that he’d come back for the right opponent and the right scenario. But I think another match with Austin is unlikely.

But that’s not to say there aren’t options for him. Because there are. There are tonnes. Austin against Ambrose, Rollins, Ziggler, or Cesaro. He has spoken highly of all of them in interviews and on his podcast, which indicates that he’d work a competitive match with them. Austin v Bryan could be a very good match too, although there you’d have the thorny issue of Bryan having to play the heel. Any of the four guys above could be switched to the antagonist role for an outing against Austin, but for several years now a defining attribute of Bryan’s character has been that he’s the chosen one of fans. He’s the man we want to see on top and the man we want to cheer for.

Even less likely than any of those matches is Austin versus CM Punk. It’s a match that WWE teased in a backstage segment on the 27 June 2011 on the episode of RAW that ended with Punk’s celebrated “pipe bomb”. The appeal of the match is obvious: they’re characters that have both a lot in common and some very clear differences. Each elevated their status within the company as outspoken anti-heroes railing against the management system. Each won several WWE championships and became credible headline talents. It’s the specifics where they differ. Austin was the beer-guzzling redneck who would attack anyone over anything. Punk doesn’t touch alcohol and was never booked to be as aggressive a presence as ‘The Rattlesnake’. The promos and interactions the pair could have in the build-up to a WrestleMania match would be sensational. With both men healthy and capable of hitting their signature spots a match would almost certainly be well-received. 

The match that never was.

Then there’s Austin versus Brock Lesnar. The promos there would have a different feel to them because it would be Austin dealing with Paul Heyman. There’s a lot that could be brought up there without even mentioning Lesnar: Heyman managing Austin early on in his career, giving him the opportunity to do a rough cut of the ‘Stone Cold’ character in ECW in 1995, and their time together in the Alliance. Then of course there’d be the history between Lesnar and Austin. The Texan famously walked out on WWE in 2002 after he was told he was to lose to ‘The Next Big Thing’ on an episode of RAW with no build-up. Heyman could spin that as Austin being scared of Lesnar and go on to talk up Lesnar various shoot credentials and WWE accomplishments to add validity to his claim. There are a lot of topics that could be covered to create a very tense, very real atmosphere for the bout.

Would it happen? I don’t think it would. While Austin would probably be more willing to risk injury than Batista and The Rock because he’s not got as many acting commitments or opportunities he does have a more serious medical history than either man (which, were it to happen, could be another topic for Heyman). Austin’s neck and knees would take a pounding in a match with ‘The Beast’ and I don’t think it would be worth the risk to his health.

Austin versus Hogan is another match with a very obvious appeal to it but I don’t think it could ever happen. ‘The Hulkster’ would need an opponent who could carry him, and that wouldn’t necessarily by Austin after twelve-plus years away from the ring. Then, of course, there’d be the question of winning. Can you imagine either man agreeing to lie down for the other? I can’t. And in this day and age anything less than a clear winner would not go down well.

There’s also John Cena. He’s already faced The Rock twice, losing once and winning once. Their matches were not received well and it’s tough to see things being any different in a Cena v Austin match. Rock actually seemed like a better fit for the Cena character as he was always a little more family-friendly than Austin, and Cena’s always about being family friendly. Something about their characters just made the pairing a natural fit, just as Austin and Punk would fit well together.

Were the match to happen Cena would obviously find himself booed. Austin, more than anyone else from the late 90s and early 00s, embodies the spirit of the Attitude Era. He was the man that sparked that movement within the company. It would be tough to see the match outside of the frame of Attitude versus PG and that’s a scenario WWE should want to keep Cena away from at all costs. The match would probably be as good if not better than Cena’s collisions with The Rock but that’s not really saying much.

Were Austin to return for a match there’s one match I’d want to see more than any other. It’s a match that has never happened but was once advertised as a pay-per-view main event: Austin v Triple H v The Rock. A triple threat match between the three biggest stars of the Attitude Era.

The match was originally advertised as the main event of Survivor Series 1999, a lovely bit of deliberate false advertising by the WWF because they knew from the start that it would never take place. Early on in the show Austin was “run over” in a car park to write him out of the match and storylines, allowing him to head off for a neck surgery. He was replaced by Big Show, who left as the new WWF champion.

Even back then I don’t think the match would have been incredible but it would probably have been very good. But it’s a bout that goes beyond concerns over quality. It’s appeal lies in seeing the three biggest stars of a generation together at the same time. And of course in seeing who’d be booked to go over. Had it happened in ’99 with all three men healthy it would have been hard to call. There were reasons for each man to win: Austin had been the company’s leading man for over a year and a half, The Rock was set to step up and become just as big a star, and Triple H was the era’s lead heel who always found a way to escape with the title. If it were to happen now none of that would be a factor. Times have changed and each man has a Hall of Fame career behind him. But it would still be one of the hardest matches to predict a winner for. And I think it would be an incredibly satisfying watch.