The Global Announce Team

A few weeks ago Jeff Jarrett announced that his e-fed would be airing New Japan's Wrestle Kingdom 9 on pay-per-view in the US and Canada. It was a significant announcement followed up by instructions for people to stay tuned for news. 'Double J' has to promise news instead of providing it because he doesn't have a promotion of his own and is reliant on New Japan making decisions before he can release information. It’s a less than ideal way to run a business.

But a week ago Jarrett struck a deal that will see Jim Ross provide English language play-by-play commentary for the show, something he was able to tell the world himself. It was presented as big news when announced on November 11. And it is.

Slobberknocker! Sauce it! Bah GOD! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!!

As the voice of WWE when it was at its hottest Ross is a known quantity to many lapsed and casual fans, a market Jarrett is probably interested in attracting. He's also an experienced wrestling commentator, with a solid knowledge of moves, an understanding of how to convey a match's story to an audience, and an unparalleled level of passion¹. He was the best choice to lead an English language broadcast and, considering his promotion's completely hypothetical status at the moment, Jarrett was lucky to get him.

But 'Good Old JR' is not flawless. Even at his late 90s-slash-early 00s peak he was prone to frequent minor mistakes. This usually took the form of confusing names of guys he was less familiar with who kind of but not really looked alike. Hardly the worst thing in the world but it presents an obvious problem for WK9. NJPW's roster is almost entirely new to Ross, and a lot of the guys he's already familiar with will be using different names.

Obviously there's ample time for Ross to familiarise himself with the roster. And being a professional I'm sure he will. While he's in prep mode it may be a good idea for someone to warn him about the flagrant anti-psychology that plagues Young Bucks matches. Better than him finding out on the air.

The other issue with JR is that he does his best work when being needled by an antagonistic colour commentator². His work alongside Paul Heyman in 2001 and Jerry Lawler in the years before (but not really after) that was so good because both Lawler and Heyman knew how to interact with Ross's on-air personality to get the best out of him. They knew to prick his ego every so often and provide him with anti-babyface material to get riled about. Basically, they knew how to be very good heel commentators and Ross knew how to be a very good babyface one.

It's not that JR's commentary will be bad without a good heel colour commentator with him but it’s likely he'll be better with one. Thinking of suggestions for the role is pretty much a waste of time because there's no defined Global Force roster in existence to draw names from. The only realistic suggestion to make is Jarrett. He's been established as a heel within New Japan storylines and would be easy enough to accept in the role for an English language audience. I've never heard him on commentary but Ross could coach him and help him prepare. Plus he's already going to be in Tokyo for the show and it would cut down on costs. I’m sure that’s a factor for an imaginary company like Global Force.

Whether they go for Jarrett or a more left field but probably better choice like Colt Cabana or Chris Hero (I would be astounded if they got CM Punk³) I hope the pairing gets adequate time to prepare. If English language commentary is to become a thing⁴ for NJPW (and less importantly if GFW is to succeed) Wrestle Kingdom 9 needs to be a success in North America. And rightly or wrongly a lot of that is on the shoulders of Jim Ross.

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¹ I’m particularly looking forward to him shouting “Okada! Okada! Okada!!”

² Ideally with that colour commentator being fed digs by Vince McMahon over a headset, not that that's an option here⁵.

³ Though he'd be ideal, obviously. He knows the product and Ross and has a fair amount of commentary experience. Plus he's a big enough name to generate some US interest in the pay-per-view, New Japan, and GFW. But it won’t happen.

⁴ I hope English language commentary catches on because the lack of it is the biggest barrier for plenty of people (including myself) following New Japan more closely.

⁵ Although if Vince were to ever to get involved with production of a rival promotion's commentary I'm sure it would be solely to take shots at Jim Ross.

Give Us More Maddox

So The Not So Great Khali has been released from his WWE contract. I think we can all agree that’s a good thing, even though it is mildly surprising he wasn’t chosen to flesh out Team Authority. Because size is everything to the people who run WWE. And if there’s one thing Khali has it’s size.

I think we can all agree this release is a good thing. Khali had a good run but he was never what you’d call good. And in addition to his general uselessness he’d had no clear creative direction for years beyond being a tall lad who liked to dance with a midget and had a thing for married woman Natalya. It wasn’t captivating stuff and nothing better was going to be sent his way.

What’s less good, but also less clear, is the status of Brad Maddox. Like Khali he was moved to the alumni section of WWE’s website on Thursday, seemingly signifying his termination from the company. But there has since been talk of that website move being part of a storyline. Which is to be hoped for because Maddox has plenty left to contribute.

His stint as RAW General Manager is probably remembered by most people reading this. It was particularly impressive because Brad took what has become a clichéd, overplayed role and did something new and interesting with it. He also became quite popular, despite being very much a weaselish heel. It demonstrated that Maddox knows how to connect with a crowd, which WWE are forever claiming is the attribute they most desire in a talent.

I’m not really sure what WWE could accomplish with Maddox in a worked shoot plot but there are plenty of roles he could fill if he were kept on the payroll and reintroduced to TV in a more traditional fashion. He strikes me as someone who could make a very entertaining colour commentator, for example. Surely he’d be a better choice for the NXT announce team than ‘The Analyst’ Alex Riley. He’s a more interesting and likeable presence with a better sense of humour. A-Ry comes across as an unlikeable infomercial salesman.

Failing that Regal could replace Riley and Brad could take over as NXT GM. It’s not that Regal’s bad in the role. He is, in fact, one of the most ideal people for it. But the Regal’s a proven quantity at the NXT announce desk and is another guy who’d be a better fit than Riley. Meanwhile Maddox is a proven force in the on-screen authority figure role and is in a position to work as more of a tweener, which is beneficial for GMs as it allows them to make rulings that benefit both heels and faces.

Let Maddox wrestle.

What I’d most like to see Maddox do is return to the main roster as an active wrestler. This is what he was originally signed for and it’s something he’s had little opportunity to do since his promotion to the main roster in August 2012. He initially portrayed a heel referee then slipped into the GM position for a year or so before disappearing from our screens in May. Bar a lone appearance on the WWE App during the October 13 RAW he’s not been seen since.

Maddox could work well in the comedy babyface role. Maybe they could give him a gimmick where he’s desperate to convince himself and everyone around him that he still has some of the power he once did as RAW GM. He could have himself announced as the General Manager of each individual match he has, as opposed to being GM of a full show. It’s not a main event character but it’s something that would set him apart and give people reason to invest in him and his character. Played for laughs it could be fun.

With or without this gimmick (let’s face it, it’ll be without) I think it would be a mistake for WWE to get rid of Brad Maddox at this point. I hope news of his departure turns out to be incorrect. Because the guy deserves a chance to succeed. And because he’s better than Alex Riley.

The Network Launch (Not) Heard Round the World

A month or two ago it was announced on RAW that the WWE Network would be available in the UK from October 1. Today is September 29, two days before this supposed launch date, and information on the Network's British availability is distinctly hard to come by.

No price has been announced. The $9.99 a month price tag US subscribers shell out may be a good estimate. But equally it might not. We don’t know because nothing’s been announced. WWE may decide to forego adjusting the price to match the currency exchange (which would currently see subscribers here paying a peculiar £6.13 a month) and opt to charge us £9.99. Hey, they've already gotten the price over as a slogan, why not gouge UK customers for some extra cash too?

It's odd that the British launch hasn't been mentioned on RAW in recent weeks. Especially when you consider how much the Network gets mentioned during the show. It would take very little effort for Cole, Lawler or Layfield to add “Oh, by the way, the British launch is still on. Here’s some info.” They may plug it excessively tonight, and that will make sense. But there was nothing to stop them drumming up interest over the last month. Excessing plugging’s happening, so why not throw in some pertinent info?

And speaking of drumming up interest: why has a wrestler not been dispatched to Britain for a string of media appearances hyping the launch? There's a live event tour planned for November, that could've been mentioned too. Bad News Barrett's currently injured. He'd have been the ideal choice for the media blitz spot considering his knowledge ever increasing popularity here. If he were unavailable for some reason then there are scores of undercard performers treading water each week who'd probably love the chance to express a bit of character with some media appearances.

 

This fella wants to hear all about WWE's streaming service.

Hey, Hulk Hogan's done nothing since SummerSlam, and he was hired specifically to act as a spokesman for the WWE Network (amongst other things, obvs). Where's he? Not on This Morning laughing it up with Phillip ‘Two Ls’ Schofield that's for sure. 

I'm not saying the launch has been pushed back. But it feels like it had. WWE have done an unusually poor job of hyping the Network in what is expected to be its number two market. Perhaps they’re confident in their popularity here. But considering the talk of disappointing sign-up numbers up until this point I would have thought they’d want to try to make as big an impact as possible here. Perhaps I’m wrong.

Charisma Expert

For the first fifteen years of his wrestling career Jay ‘Christian’ Reso managed to remain injury free. If you look at how common injuries are in wrestling that was a fairly remarkable feat. It allowed Christian to build up a reputation for being reliable and afforded him a consistent spot on the roster, which in turn granted him enough face time to build a loyal following.

Unfortunately for him his once glowing track record with injuries has become notoriously spotty over the last few years. Less than two years after he returned to WWE from a moderately successful run in TNA he was struck with a pectoral injury. He was back in the ring for around seven months before suffering another injury, this one to his neck. He came back from that too, but since then he’s been plagued by injuries, most of them to his shoulder.

This has transformed ‘Captain Charisma’ from a reliable go-to guy who can be sent out to have a good match with anyone into a fragile liability. Or at least that seems to be WWE’s opinion of him. Even when he’s cleared to wrestle these days they seem reluctant to let him do so. I’m sure this is largely because of the lengthy injury list. His recent concussion problems and his age (forty) probably don’t help either.

"Hey look! There's my push!"

It seems that Reso’s in-ring career is winding down. I think he’s done enough for the company to deserve a televised retirement match on a pay-per-view. Because he was never a considered “a draw” by the promotion that seems unlikely. ‘The Instant Classic’ is likely to be shuffled off into a special appearance based role similar to Booker T’s.

Which, of course, is a massive waste of Christian’s talent. Even though I don’t agree with it I can understand WWE deeming him unreliable. But he’s only “unreliable” for actual wrestling. There are contributions Christian could make outside the ring that would improve WWE’s TV shows. I’ve written before that he’d make a good announcer. Surely something other than clogging up the NXT announce desk could be found for Alex Riley and the artist formerly known as Lord Tensai to do. Christian would be a far better fit: he’s a better talker than either and has accomplished more in his career.

The thing I’d really like to see Christian do is become a manager. His above average microphone skills and nineteen years as an active wrestler make him ideal for the role. Theoretically it could be argued that he’d be a good guy to pair with the incoming KENTA because he’d do a fine job of handling his promos. But in actuality that would be terrible, the only thing making it at all appealing is the timing of Christian seemingly being free from wrestling duties and KENTA signing and being in need of someone to talk for him.

Christian would be a natural manager for a tag team. That’s where he had the greatest levels of success in his career. It would be easy for the commentary team to pass him off as a tag veteran and expert taking a fledging team under his wing and guiding them to the top. Any heel team that aren’t very good at promos would benefit from having Christian doing their talking and interacting with audiences during their matches.

But the truth is that Christian’s unlikely to be used as a manager or a regular commentator. WWE have never seen him as anything more than a nifty mid-carder and they’ll continue treating him as such, no matter in how many ways he could improve and help with new acts. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for one… more… match. But I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Black Hat, Bad Guy

The play-by-play commentator is an important figure in wrestling. When done properly the role is filled by someone who not only has an extensive knowledge of wrestling moves, holds and tropes but also someone how knows how to help tell the story the wrestlers in any given match are telling, understands how to get over characters and significant plot points that will be relevant at a later date, and someone who can lead a broadcast. It’s not an easy job because there are so many aspects to it, so it’s no wonder that there are very few really good play-by-play guys out there.

At this point I’ll note that Michael Cole describes himself, and is described by WWE and his colleagues Jerry Lawler and John Bradshaw Layfield, as a broadcast analyst. The reason for this is so that Cole has a get out clause whenever he’s accused of not being as good as other lead announcers. Basically he has a different job. And yes, WWE cares about giving key employees ways to get out of niggling arguments.

Michael Cole isn’t my point though. I just thought his job title was something worth mentioning. Due to the nature of the role play-by-play announcers have almost always been faces. It’s tough to have a heel perform many of the explanatory functions of the play-by-play gig because their prime function when wearing a headset is to be antagonistic. A villain explaining why fans are (or should be) rooting for a babyface simply doesn’t work within the confines of wrestling logic. There’s also the fact that play-by-play guys are essentially the narrators of wrestling shows. Having someone you can’t properly empathise with as the person explaining things to your audience really doesn’t work.

With all this said I’d like to remind you of something. In 1996 the WWF turned Jim Ross heel. He cut a worked shoot promo in which he described himself as the best play-by-play man in the business, buried the decision to put him in a toga, and knocked Vince McMahon for firing him in February ’94, shortly after he’d suffered his first bout of Bell’s Palsy.

Jim Ross is not a heel.

Yes, likeable, cuddly old JR was turned heel by talking about things which most people could fully empathise with. He was one of the best commentators in the business at that point (I’d argue Joey Styles was the best but I’m sure many would disagree in favour of Ross). The decision to put him (and other WWF personalities) in togas at WrestleMania IX was a bad one. And Vince taking the decision to fire him after he’d been struck with an illness was a low move even by shady wrestling promoter standards.

Ross was turned heel to introduce the short-lived replacements for Razor Ramon and Diesel. The reason they were around is a whole other story. Basically the WWF was being petty and trying to bury the opposition at the same time and it backfired. JR was selected for the role because of his role as head of talent relations (apparently) but it would have made far more sense to use a more experienced on-screen character like Jerry Lawler or Jim Cornette.  Ross hadn’t been linked to either of the originals on-screen and said nothing in his promo that explained his actions.

It was a dumb move turning a popular, talented face announcer heel. And they did it twice!

In early 1999, when he returned after time off with another bout of Bell’s Palsy (he’d been rehired after his firing), JR was reintroduced to TV as a petty, spiteful man unable to handle the fact that Michael Cole had replaced him at the announce booth. His answer to the problem was to have his own desk constructed in front of the regular desk, complete with his initials in place of the WWF logo. He called a single match while taking cheap shots at Cole before his table was (partially) destroyed and deemed inoperable.

In actuality it was pretty funny. JR referred to Cole as “the boy” and was so ill-suited to the antagonist role that he ventured into so-bad-it’s-good territory. On top of that he had ‘Doctor Death’ Steve Williams with him as a bodyguard. That was made all the funnier by the fact that Williams by this point hated his former pal Ross, blaming him for the embarrassing loss he’d suffered in the Brawl For All tournament ¹ the previous year which had obliterated the tough guy aura he’d cultivated with years of working stiff in Japan.

But as funny as it was it was a completely stupid decision. Ross was clearly not cut out to play such a character either in 1996 or in 1999. And really, that’s all I had to say here. My work is done. I simply wanted to remind people that Jim Ross heel turns were things that happened and they were as ludicrous and painfully bad as you’d expect.

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¹ You may be unaware of Brawl For All. If so, count yourself lucky. All you need to know here is that it was a tournament featuring WWF wrestlers wearing boxing gloves in real fights which were broadcast on RAW. It failed to create any new stars and inflected a multitude of injuries on the roster. Everyone involved thinks it was a daft idea and, going on available evidence, it’s hard to understand how it happened in the first place.

Cabanarama

Despite not working for any wrestling promotion with a meaningful television deal Colt Cabana is known to a lot of wrestling fans. His notoriety can be explained by his stints in ROH and (as Scotty Goldman) WWE. In the former he gained a reputation for being a well-rounded performer, someone who could brawl, wrestle technically, do comedy or cut a promo with spirited proficiency. Fans appreciated him for his versatility as much as anything else. He was little more than enhancement talent in WWE but he brought something even to that lowly role.

Since parting ways with Ring of Honor in 2011 Cabana has maintained a high profile, thanks largely to his Art of Wrestling podcast. You've probably heard of it. If not I suggest listening to an episode. The general idea is that Colt speaks to fellow wrestlers about their personal lives, wrestling careers and feelings on the business. It provides a fascinating insight into wrestling and usually makes you appreciate wrestlers who appear in a new light.

It's also given us an insight into Cabana as a person. That he is routinely affable and humorous makes the podcast a good listen, as does his under-appreciated skill as an interviewer. He gets the best out of his guests.

That he's fashioned a name for himself as a podcasting personality shows that he knows how to connect with wrestling fans and that fans want to follow, support, listen to and watch him. With that in mind I'm surprised he remains out of the loop of North America's big three promotions.

TNA should be desperate for new talent to add to their bedraggled embarrassment of a roster. Cabana would fit the bill perfectly. He's likeable enough to prove inoffensive to existing viewers, a good enough wrestler to give us enjoyable matches with mostly everyone in the company, and could feasibly attract a small number of new viewers who'd want to see what TNA does with him. There are very few wrestlers available to TNA at the moment who could have the potential impact of Cabana.

 

A happy young man

 

A return to ROH seems to be hindered by a long-standing and hazily defined grudge Colt holds against the group. He originally left because he was unhappy with the treatment he received during SBG's purchase of the promotion and dealing with Jim Cornette. He has since been angered by DVDs being released on his career. I can understand both sides there. ROH has realised Colt is popular and put their library of matches to good use releasing footage of him. It makes them cash, which is the point of the exercise. But Cabana has said he doesn't see a penny of any sales made, which is naturally going to irk him as ROH is benefiting from his success.

What's peculiar is that this indicates Ring of Honor understand Cabana has enough if a following to make producing a DVD worthwhile. Yet they haven’t done everything they can to bring him in.

It was revealed during Kevin Steen's second AOW appearance that ROH contacted Cabana after Jim Cornette left last year. Obviously nothing much came of that contact. They should keep trying. In Cabana ROH would have a readymade main event star to use. As with TNA he could wrestle enjoyable matches against pretty much the whole roster.  

Then there's WWE. I can understand why they didn't keep him around as a wrestler. He's not out of shape but he's also not ever going to get into the condition the promotion likes its top stars to be in. He's also unlikely to produce a five star WWE style match.

But what he could do is be a great colour commentator. To put it slightly indelicately, Jerry Lawler is not going to be able to stay at the commentary desk forever. The RAW team will probably end up as JBL and Cold when 'The King' retires but it would be prudent to introduce a third man or an alternative now, on SmackDown or one of the peripheral shows, to allow for a smoother transition when the time comes.

Cabana could obviously provide the insight on what the wrestlers are going through that colour guys are supposed to and his age and experience using social media for himself should allow him to more naturally plug polls and talk about tweets than Lawler (and JBL for that matter). A final bonus of having Cabana working as a commentator is that he'd be available for matches against guys having tryouts or joining the main roster from NXT.

Perhaps Colt himself is against all of the above and is happy roaming the world wrestling smaller shows. If he is then great. It's nice that he's enjoying himself. But I hope it is his choice, because if it's not a very talented man is being wasted.