WWE SummerSlam 2004 review

A few weeks ago I watched SummerSlam 2004 and tweeted about it. The only thing I initally remembered about the show was the main event in which Randy Orton won his first World Heavyweight championship. The rest of the card turned out to be a mostly pleasant experience. Booker T v John Cena, Triple H v Eugene and JBL v The Undertaker were all a bit of fun if you could look past their shortcomings (Cena's ropey wrestling, the offensiveness of the Eugene character, and JBL being in a WWE title match respectively) and the Intercontinental title three-way was good fun. Plus there was fun nonsense on offer from the Diva Dodgeball showdown (featuring a bunch of women you almost certainly don't remember or have never even heard of) and Matt Hardy v Kane for the right to marry Lita. Here's what I thought in tweet form...

Intro

Tweet 1: Watching SummerSlam 2004. I remember very little about this show other than the main event of young boy Randy Orton versus -REDACTED-.

Tweet 2: Opening package is highlighting how strange this is. Heavy on Teddy Long. Mid-card Cena. Kane v Matt Hardy for the right to marry Lita.
Tweet 3: Wall-to-wall nonsense by the looks of it. Excited for this show. No idea if this is good or a train wreck.
Tweet 4:

The Dudley Boys v Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman and Paul London

Tweet 5: Dudleys in a six man opener. This is during that weird phase where Spike was heel and bossing Bubba and D-Von. Forgot all about this.

Tweet 6: "This is going to be a rough and rumble match-up" - Michael Cole on the Dudleys v Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman and Paul London
Tweet 7: I like that quote. It's basically Cole saying the Dudleys are going to stiff some cruiserweights for lols.
Tweet 8: Spike Dudley there, spitting on Mexico's greatest legend Rey Mysterio.
Tweet 9: "I'll beat your face in!" - Bubba Dudley with the loudest spot call I've ever heard
Tweet 10: "Vintage Dudley Boys" - Michael Cole
Tweet 11: Mysterio v Spike in a cruiserweight exchange for the ages now. Still-good-Rey's fluidity against Spike's stomps. Gold.
Tweet 12: Just been reminded Kidman did a move called the BK bomb. Christ...
Tweet 13: Spike's better than I remember as a straight up wrestler. He doesn't really work as a heel though.

Till Death Do Us Part: Matt Hardy v Kane

Tweet 14: Till Death Do Us Part match. Ambrose and Rollins will get to this as their never-ending feud gets into more obscure stips.

Tweet 15: Recap of the Matt Hardy v Kane feud that would go on to secretly involve Edge in 2005. Loved this nonsense at the time.
Tweet 16: I'm not comfortable with Lita being so blatantly presented as a prop in this match. Or with the rape connotations, obviously.
Tweet 17: Typical that heel Lawler is bigging up Kane for impregnating Lita. I'm waiting for the unsavoury comments to start.
Tweet 18: Corporate Kane is way better than mid-00s baldy Kane. Not least because he acts like David Puddy.
Tweet 19: "I think Kane might make an alright husband" - Jerry Lawler on storyline rapist Kane
Tweet 20: They just did a nice choke slam off the ropes for the finish so at least the match ended well.
Tweet 21: Poor old Lita though. She's been married to Kane for ten and a half years now.
Tweet 22:

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton

Tweet 23: Randy Orton is telling Todd Grisham he's going to beat the man. I dunno, mate...

Tweet 24:

Tweet 25: Orton and Cena bickering backstage. Is the origin of their aeons-long feud?

John Cena v Booker T

Tweet 26: I'd forgotten all about Booker T and Cena having a best of five series too. I hadn't forgotten Cena's #BasicThuganomics intro theme though.

Tweet 27: I'm interested in this match. I want to see early Cena work and Booker's great. Good combo.
Tweet 28: Also it seems to be heel Booker. Second only to King Booker in the League of Bookers pantheon.
Tweet 29: "Shades of the great Iron Sheikh" - Michael Cole on a Booker T camel clutch
Tweet 30: Yeah. Cena's early work is, unsurprisingly, rough around the edges. He just did one of the worst small packages I've ever seen.
Tweet 31: Just remembered that there's a triple threat match on this show where Toronto turns heel and boos their hometown boy Edge.
Tweet 32: Cena wins lol.

Teddy Long and Eric Bischoff chat about being general managers backstage

Tweet 33: Pointless backstage natter with Long and Big Boy Bisch here. Teddy wants to sign Eugene and make him a big star.

Tweet 34: Eugene. Oh lord.
Tweet 35: Diva Dodgeball now. What even is this show?

Intercontinental championship: Edge (c) v Batista v Chris Jericho

Tweet 36: That was just a plug. We're getting Big Wave Batista v Edge v Jericho first. I bet this'll be a classic with Wave involved.

Tweet 37: This is back when Jericho was reasonably enjoyable. Never been a massive fan though tbh.
Tweet 38: "He's never met his father!" Steady on, JR.
Tweet 39: I like JR choosing to get Batista over by saying he could play in the NFL. Good one, Jim.
Tweet 40: The flaps of Edge's left boot have come loose. Technical wizard Wave Batista will target the boot and get a win via tapout.
Tweet 41: Speaking of Edge's boots, it looks like he has Shane Douglas's Franchise symbol on them. Probably some sort or rib masterminded by The Kliq.
Tweet 42: I'm a fan of Shane Douglas's career of poorly chosen shoot comments.
Tweet 43: That match was better than I half-remembered it. Amazed at how good Batista looked.

Eddie Guerrero v Kurt Angle

Tweet 44: Eddie Guerrero v Kurt Angle? Saywhaaaaaat?!

Tweet 45: This recap of Eddie winning the title has made me realise I'm going to see a JBL WWE title match.
Tweet 46: Remember that time Kurt Angle died?

Tweet 47: Roman's long lost brother LUTHER REIGNS!
Tweet 48: Eddie's gimmick was basically that he was a great wrestler who loved stealing cars.
Tweet 49: Toronto, Canada getting behind wrestling's Captain America, Kurt Angle. Eddie's thievery has made him a pariah north of the border.
Tweet 50: Just noticed Baby Brian Hebner refereeing this match wearing his stupid blue trainers. Never been a fan of his work. He draws the eye.
Tweet 51: WWE missed a trick not releasing Pirates of the Caribbean-esque Luther Reigns earrings. #merch
Tweet 52: This is an odd match. Slow paced, based on the mat, and they're both using Angle's moves. It's not bad but it's not what I expected.
Tweet 53: I always find it weird when wrestlers take off their boot and use it to knock someone out.
Tweet 54: Because, y'know, when they kick it does minimal damage.
Tweet 55: Fun match. Probably match of the night considering there are Eugene and Johnny Layfield matches to come.

Triple H v Eugene

Tweet 56: Let's not forgot that Eugene was in Evolution with Playboy editor-era Triple H.

Tweet 57: "Eugene, I was NEVER your friend!" - Triple H, with the greatest heel promo of all time
Tweet 58: He followed up by near murdering his former Blue Bloods pal William Regal. This was powerful stuff.
Tweet 59: JR making the strong accusation that Triple H is guilty of conduct unbecoming of a RAW superstar. Serious business.
Tweet 60: Trips using Lilian Garcia, every man's weakness, as a foreign object there.
Tweet 61: Trips doing the Flair Flop better than Flair. Didn't even see the hands come up. Because he's a pro, dammit.
Tweet 62: Hilarious "Eugene sucks!" chant going on right now.
Tweet 63: I'm enjoying Triple H's general lack of selling here. It's refreshing. Don't get enough no-sells in 2015.
Tweet 64: Did Eugene ever give a reason for Tripper being his fave number one wrestler of all time? I'd be interested in his reasoning.
Tweet 65: Now's as good a time as any to mention that I never liked the Eugene character. It was poor taste. Not that WWE cares about taste.
Tweet 66: Eugene using all these moves he's "seen on television." What about those Don't Try This At Home ads, mate?
Tweet 67: Triple H kicking out of the leg drop as a big middle finger to Hogan there.
Tweet 68: Flair's been at ringside less than two minutes. He's already taken his jacket off and started throwing a fit.
Tweet 69: Triple H wins with the Pedigree. He probably got flack for that at the time. Makes sense though...
Tweet 70: He's a former world champion. Eugene should have lost. Plots he cheated to win. Eugene was protected and it was a memorable first defeat.

Diva Dodgeball

Tweet 71: Meanwhile, over in a high school gym, Jonathan 'Coach' Coachman is adjudicating Diva Dodgeball.

Tweet 72: No idea who most of the Diva Search lasses are. I recognise Mrs Michael Bennett, TNA announcer, and 'Taker wife but that's about it.
Tweet 73: This is a Divas division for workrate though. Trish, Jazz, Molly Holly, Victoria and Gail Kim are there. Plus Stacey Keibler.
Tweet 74: Amused by Coach's commentary.
Tweet 75: Also: NIDIA.
Tweet 76: I'd like Nidia to reappear on RAW in a backstage segment with Jamie Noble. Lols to he had there.
Tweet 77: Jerry Lawler offering to help restrain Trish Stratus. #stillgotit

WWE championship: The Undertaker v John Bradshaw Layfield (c)

Tweet 78: Oh no...

Tweet 79: I don't mind Undertaker or JBL but they did not work well together. Part of the problem was that nothing was made of their Ministry history.
Tweet 80: John Ladshaw Layfield.
Tweet 81: The mystique of that Undertaker entrance was slightly ruined by a guy in the front row give him double middle fingers.
Tweet 82: Only just now remembering Orlando Jordan's transformation from innocent young boy into sinister Chief of Staff, overseeing the Bashams.
Tweet 83: JBL running is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Tweet 84: Worth nothing that in August 2004 Mark Calaway looked more like Fake Undertaker than real Undertaker.
Tweet 85: It's like he's done himself up as an Undertaker parody.
Tweet 86: The crowd are doing a Mexican wave. 'Taker should use the dark arts to make them pay attention.
Tweet 87: This match isn't doing much for me but I can recognise they're doing good stuff. JBL taking a superplex, for example.
Tweet 88: Did this feud progress to JBL stealing Undertaker's urn? If not, why not?
Tweet 89: Great potential in a segment with JBL melting the urn down and turning it into a magical gold cowboy hat.
Tweet 90: Tazz is hyping boots. Might be at the bottom of the barrel here, folks.
Tweet 91: When selling, Nick Patrick looks like Johnny Vegas.
Tweet 92: Loads of interference and assorted shenanigans in that match. Makes the DQ ending a disappointment.
Tweet 93: Undertaker will get revenge by Tombstoning JBL's limo.
Tweet 94: Lol at 'Taker choke slamming JBL through the roof of the limo. Textbook mid-00s overkill.
Tweet 95: Even funnier is Jordan dragging JBL, who could have spinal injuries after being THROWN THROUGH A ROOF, out onto the concrete.
Tweet 96: EMTs coming out to help JBL. Remember when WWE introduced BB as an EMT?
Tweet 97: She lasted about three months, married 'Hard to the Core' Robert Holly, then was never heard from again.
Tweet 98: Maybe she'll turn up with Kayfabe Commentaries one day.

World Heavyweight championship: Randy Orton v -REDACTED-

Tweet 99: Can Randall Keith Orton do it? Can he become the youngest ever world champion? Can he beat -REDACTED-?

Tweet 100: Love WWE trolling the Canadian fans by having Earl Hebner ref this.
Tweet 101: Lawler pushing Orton as "a Greek god." It's possible he's being fed material by Vince.
Tweet 102: The crowd don't seem as into this as I'd thought they'd be. Silence for this -REDACTED- wrist lock, for example.
Tweet 103: Orton gets a shoulder block. Crowd explodes.
Tweet 104: More trolling with Orton slapping on a Sharpshooter. *slow clap*
Tweet 105: -REDACTED- with a sloppy reversal there. I don't think he's even Canadian. Real Canadians have perfected the Sharpshooter by age five.
Tweet 106: This isn't about -REDACTED-, Orton, or Orton's first world title. It's about Hebner earning forgiveness from Canada by officiating fairly.
Tweet 107: What was WWE's thinking for pulling the trigger on this Orton main event push? Was it just a case of "Welp, we need new guys"?
Tweet 108: It's taken a while but this match is hotting up. That's been a theme across this show tbh.
Tweet 109: Orton with a cross body, a move he once used as a finisher. Like a 1970s babyface.
Tweet 110: Love -REDACTED- foregoing the -REDACTED- Crossface and using the Sharpshooter because he's in Canada.
Tweet 111: Part of the reason this crowd's getting behind Orton is because he's being presented as a fiery babyface who won't give up.
Tweet 112: Knees up on that top rope headbutt. That may explain some things...
Tweet 113: "RKO outta nowhere! RKO outta nowhere!" - Jim Ross
Tweet 114: Orton should cry more often.
Tweet 115: The handshake that turned Randy Orton from a crying young boy into a #manly world champion.

Tweet 116: That was a laugh, weren't it?

The Fall of Man

The Ascension haven’t had an easy time of it since their promotion to the main roster on the December 29 RAW. It’s a bit of a surprise when you consider how well the clearly limited pair were handled in NXT and Triple H’s promise that people would only be moved from NXT to WWE when a spot was open for them. It’s disappointing because used correctly The Ascension could have been useful for the main roster.

The current Ascension team came together in June 2013 with Viktor (at that point still Rick Victor) replacing the artist now known as Bram¹ and then known as Kenneth Cameron, who’d been released in 2012. Konnor (at that point still trading under the name Conor O’Brian) had been working as a singles performer in the months since Cameron’s release. The partnership with Viktor signalled his return to the doubles ranks.

And yeah, that return was pretty successful. They won their first two matches against non-entity teams before losing an eight man tag match to a team that included Xavier Woods and CJ Parker, but they didn’t take the pinfall in that. In fact the only loss they suffered in their first year together was on an NXT live event to then-tag champions Adrian Neville and Corey Graves.

They were protected with short matches that allowed them to appear ferocious and explosive, and they beat everybody. From unimpressive jobber pairings like Mac Miles and Steve Cutler to more formidable units like Sami Zayn and Tyson Kidd, The Vaudevillains, Too Cool and The Legionnaires², everyone who stepped into the ring with The Ascension wound up putting them over, usually via their Fall of Man double team finisher.

It was a simple, effective approach that got the pair over because it was designed to make them look good by playing to their strengths. Even when they eventually lost the tag team titles to the Lucha Dragons they were protected, the match being presented as the Dragons getting lucky with their timing as much as anything else.

The face paint didn't help...

The Ascension’s first month on the main roster undid all of that hard work. They were ridiculed by JBL, booked to compare themselves to tag teams from the 80s and 90s, easily dispatched by the nWo, the New Age Outlaws and the APA, and had a competitive match in their pay-per-view debut. Nothing about the approach seemed designed to make fans think of these newcomers as anything special.

Had it ended with JBL having some digs at them things would have been fine. That could have been ignored or a segment could have been booked in which the APA reunited to get trounced by the younger guys, putting them over in the process. What we actually got seemed designed to let us know that The Ascension aren’t as good as the Road Warriors, Demolition, or the APA, and they can only just about take care of the Outlaws.

Imagine how different things would have been if Konnor and Viktor had spent their first weeks beating jobber teams inside two minutes before being confronted by Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, the Outlaws and the APA (the youngest of that gaggle being Waltman at 42), and they'd taken out all of them. They would have looked unstoppable. They could have been pitted against the scant few teams WWE has over the course of two months before being booked to dethrone the Usos in a competitive match on the WrestleMania 31 pre-show. After months of easy victories seeing them in a competitive match would have made it clear the Usos are an above average team, keeping them strong in defeat.

Instead The Ascension were used to appease the egos of a bunch of guys who mean little to WWE’s current mass audience. What a waste.

***

¹ TNA were presumably influenced by Bram Stoker when selecting this name. Maybe the original intention was for Bram to be a vampire? That would be very TNA.

² Describing some of these teams as formidable may tickle some people but I think it’s an accurate statement. They had been presented as such in other matches on NXT. That’s what counts.

That RAW Recap 13.10.14

I'm calling this That RAW Recap but it's really not really a recap. It's a series of observations regarding things that happened on RAW. Specifically things involving John Cena and Dean Ambrose. The title’s about as appropriate as anything else I could use.

The opening promo segment started off with Ambrose stating that he’d like nothing more than a Hell in a Cell match with Seth Rollins. That made sense: the pair have been embroiled in a very personal feud (what could at one time have been dubbed a blood feud) since June. There are no two men on the roster better placed for a Hell in a Cell match right now. Ambrose then acknowledged the finisher exchange he and Cena shared last and declared that his plan was simply to beat Cena in their contract on a pole match to earn his match with Rollins.

All of that was fine. Ambrose ran through what was essentially a recap and exposition in entertaining enough fashion and his motivations and “plan” made sense. He wants Rollins because Rollins wronged him and wants to beat Cena for no other reason than because he needs to to get to Rollins.

"I'm the star!"

Things started unravelling once Cena showed up. He patronisingly told Ambrose to relax, reminded him that their pole match (which he referred to as the match of Ambrose’s life) was still two weeks off, and offered up some veteran advice (which was basically “Prepare for the match”). As was the case on the October 10 SmackDown Cena seemed to be going out of his way to undercut and marginalise Ambrose, doing everything he could to remind viewers who was the bigger, more established star.

Ambrose offered up a spirited response. Cena came back with more of the same (although he made the addition of calling Ambrose “son”). The crowd booed Cena heavily. So much so, in fact, that Cena turned his head towards the entranceway, mistakenly thinking that The Authority had made their scheduled arrival early and without music. If even Cena is mistaking his heat for lead heel heat there’s definitely a problem.

When Trips and Stepher did join the segment they segued it into a triple threat match. Ambrose and Cena were paired up to face the Usos and the dust brothers. Naturally as the feuding main eventers who’d never worked as a tag team before Ambrose and Cena won. The Authority then returned to reveal that the pole match was being moved forward to the RAW main event.

And it was in that main event that the real hatchet job took place.

The match started with both Cena and Ambrose making a dash for the corner¹. Neither of them managed to grab the contract, obviously, and so they went into a regular match. The handful of times Cena had Ambrose downed he made a play for the contract, and got stopped. By contrast Ambrose was booked to ignore the contract on five distinct and separate occasions, opting to continue beating up Cena rather than grabbing the contract to win (which, remember, would have earned him the Cell match he desperately against Sethy B that he craved). Michael Cole made an attempt at covering for the way in which Ambrose was booked to behave by talking about how he wanted to prove himself against Cena (which in storyline terms was plausible enough). Sadly that was quickly trampled over by JBL, who was far more interested in denouncing ‘The Lunatic Fringe’ as an idiot. Oh, and for good measure Triple H, Randy Orton, Kane and Rollins, all of whom were at ringside for the match, had a good laugh about Ambrose ignoring the contract too.

Lovely font work on the contract.

The right decision was made for the winner at least: Ambrose left victorious. But the way in which he managed it was less than inspiring: after being tossed aside by Kane, Ambrose left the Authority henchmen to target Cena and took the opportunity to climb up the turnbuckle to grab the prize. So he was only permitted to beat Cena because Cena was distracted by heel interference (which he overcame, leaving him to dejectedly stare at Ambrose’s unassailable position). And that’s overlooking the fact that the reason this was a pole match in the first place was to avoid having Cena getting pinned.

The final touch was Cena’s response to losing. He applauded Ambrose’s ingenuity and gave a wry smile. The message he was conveying seemed pretty clearly to be that Ambrose had one because Cena took his eye off the ball, not because Ambrose was a serious competitor who was on Cena’s level.

I’ve defended Cena on this blog before. I’ll probably do so again. But he was wrong here. The booking was not designed to help Ambrose. In places it seemed to be intended to hinder him. That’s not Cena’s fault and ultimately he couldn’t do anything about it. But he could have done more to help Ambrose within his own, unscripted promo material. Not patronising, undercutting and generally belittling his foe would have been a start. And a slightly more heated reaction to the loss wouldn’t have hurt either.

I understand why WWE protects Cena so much. They rely on him a lot, and for far more than just merch sales. But protecting him doesn’t have to come at the expense of establishing new names. Sooner or later the company’s overly protective attitude towards Cena is going to do real harm.

***

¹ If you’re new to this, item on a pole matches see a pole attached to a ring post, from which the item in question is hung. Generally speaking you win by being the first to grab the item, although there are variations².

² Apologies if this explanation is patronising. I just feel that pole matches can be a particularly bewildering aspect of pro wrestling if you’re not au fait³ with the logic.

³ It’s French. Deal with it⁴.

⁴ Yes, that is a deliberate reference to Batista.

The JBL and Cole Show Episode 71 review

If you've watched The JBL and Cole Show before you're probably wondering how anyone would go about recapping it. There's a fair chance you're wondering why too. I have no answer for the first question. We'll all find out together as I write this.

I do have an answer for why this is being written though. As this being WrestleMania weekend my intention was to write a string of posts covering all the major offerings from Dragon Gate USA, EVOLVE and ROH. But then I thought it was a nice chance to write about some different things going on. Things that exist on the fringes of wrestling. And when you talk about the fringes of wrestling you talk about The JBL and Cole Show.

It's The JBL and Cole Show, brother!

I'll provide an explanation at this point because while TJACS is one of WWE's better weekly offerings it's not actually on TV and so it's entirely possible some people reading this may not know what it is. As the name implies the show started out as a vehicle for Michael Cole and JBL. It initially featured sports natter and special guests but quickly evolved into a showcase for the vast number of WWE wrestlers under contract who don't get onto TV every week. In its current guise it's a collection of running gags, recurring characters and wrestling in-jokery presented in the style of the more comedic backstage skits WWE is known for.

It's also not featured Michael Cole in anything other than a minor cameo in months. So, y'know, it's got that going for it too.

The appeal of the show is its humour and creative use of wrestlers. Many of the characters that appear are naturally funny and the plots and stories that feature (more on which below) are designed to be absurd and frivolous affairs. Many WWE stars have benefited from appearances on the show, everyone from Torito to Corporate (and indeed non-corporate) Kane to Renee Young to Cesaro.

The two men I think many would agree have benefited from the show the most are Bad News Barrett and Cody Rhodes. Barrett actually picked up his Bad News moniker on The JBL and Cole Show and gets far more to do with it there (it’s completely wasted on the main roster). Meanwhile Rhodes has displayed a distinctly Frat Pack-esque sense of humour, a penchant for non-sequiturs and a willingness to send himself up.

The show's recent storyline, which had been running since late last year (who says WWE doesn't do long term booking?), concerns a controversial Cody Rhodes bowling victory. This has involved his golden boot prize being held in abeyance, Rhodes launching an investigation into alleged chicanery at WWE headquarters, the discovery of JBL’s secret nephew Clem Layfield, and a case being brought against Cody in wrestlers’ court (which is a real thing, for the record).

Episode 71 was little more than a recap show, reminding people of why what’s happening is happening and keeping a current voting poll, which will decide the fate of Cody’s JBL and Cole Show career (or possibly Bradshaw leave the show). The most significant aspect of the programme was the debut of Hulk Hogan. And that was more because he’s Hulk Hogan than because he did anything noteworthy. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s never watched the show. No, I’ll go one better than that. It would surprise me if he has.

*** 

At time of writing this episode of The JBL and Cole Show can be watched here.

SmackTalk 21.02.14

For the final (relatively) significant piece of WWE television to air before the arrival of The WWE Network SmackDown felt anti-climactic. The new streaming service was, to the best of my recollection, not mentioned once and the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view was half-hearted. It was as though WWE were producing a piece of television by the numbers. While that’s nothing new I would have expected their final non-Network era piece of work to be more meaningful.

As understated as the show was it was still enjoyable. The opening two matches in particular were very good. The first saw Daniel Bryan defeat Jack Swagger relatively quickly with a running knee. The second also featured Bryan, this time tangling with his old indy foe ‘Don’t Call Him Antonio’ Cesaro. That one got longer and was more enjoyable, even though it saw Bryan writhing in pain for a lot of its run time.

The main event, Christian v Sheamus, wasn’t bad but wasn’t especially good either. It was a standard match from the two men. That they’re deemed worthy of headlining SmackDown demonstrates how little effort is put into the programme these days. The same match closing RAW simply wouldn’t happen.

A better choice for the main event would have been the lively six man tag that pitted Erick Rowan, Luke Harper and Bray Wyatt against Goldust, Cody Rhodes, and Rey Mysterio. The Wyatts are easily as over an act as either Christian or Sheamus, Goldust and Cody aren’t far behind and Rey Mysterio, for all he’s falling apart and passed his best, can still excel in multi-man showings. It was the best match on the show.

Opening

Tweet 1: It's SmackTalk time!
Tweet 2: Nothing says B show like a Christian v Sheamus main event.

Daniel Bryan v Jack Swagger

Tweet 3: But don't worry, Daniel Bryan's in the opener! "Why put the most over man in the company on last?" he asked rhetorically.

Tweet 4: Lengthy recaps of RAW happenings. Never a good sign. Still, it's nice to see Kane wrestling in his vest again.
Tweet 5: Swagger v Bryan? And we could have had Cesaro v Bryan. #continueddisappointmentofSwaggersexistence
Tweet 6: Anyone else noticed that Zeb Colter usually wears a tie? I like that. So few people dress for ringside anymore.
Tweet 7: Just look at Jerry Lawler.
Tweet 8: Actually, don’t.
Tweet 9: I still don't understand why The Real Americans aren't wrestling in red, white and blue gear. Natural fit for their characters.
Tweet 10: Swagger's working the injured arm but I bet he'll still try the ankle lock at some point.
Tweet 11: Swagger gets randomly belted with the knee then loses. Completely unsurprising result.

Daniel Bryan v Cesaro

Tweet 12: Oh look, it’s Rita Repulsa!

Tweet 13: Oh we ARE getting Bryan v Cesaro? Delightful.

Bryan v Cesaro never gets old

Tweet 14: JBL says it's best for business. I think that line's played out by WWE. Does Triple H even say it anymore?
Tweet 15: How many times has Vickie Guerrero been the SmackDown general manager? It's got to be at least four.
Tweet 16: Michael Cole concedes that, on paper, Bryan v Cesaro is best for business.
Tweet 17: "Whaddaya doing, Jack?" - Unbiased commentator Michael Cole
Tweet 18: "No! No!" - Jack Swagger, misunderstanding the concept of yes chants
Tweet 19: Why was Kane's walk down to ringside not televised? That could have been a highlight of this show.
Tweet 20: Why refer to your most popular wrestler as a gnome and a farm animal?
Tweet 21: Small package followed by a Swiss Death European uppercut. Good exchange. Nice that those moves are now established as convincing finishes.
Tweet 22: Kane interferes. What a bad dude. I'm pretty much convinced he's going to do the same at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 23: I'm getting worried that WWE are planning Kane v Bryan at WrestleMania. The correct use of Bryan at 'Mania is a triple threat title match.

Christian speaks to Renee Young backstage

Tweet 24: Christian getting some boos there.

Tweet 25: 'The Man of the Peeps' lashing out at the fans there. No reason for it beyond reminding us he's a heel now.
Tweet 26: I'm bored of all WWE heels sounding the same.

The Wyatt Family v Goldust, Cody Rhodes and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 27: JBL is wearing a polka dot tie and a checked shirt. Not cool, bro. #fashionsense

Tweet 28: The Wyatt Family are being booed. What exactly have they done or said to make them heels?
Tweet 29: Bray Wyatt: king of nonsense.
Tweet 30: Remember when Mysterio and Cody Rhodes hated each other and Dusty came in to betray his pal for his son? Well now they're tagging together.
Tweet 31: I miss Goldust’s pink gloves.
Tweet 32: "Constantly talking in riddles..." - Michael Cole on Bray Wyatt. I think he was thinking of The Riddler
Tweet 33: Goldust needs a better brand of face paint. The one he currently uses is always running. Maybe put in a call to Prince Devitt...
Tweet 34: Goldy gets the hot tag to Cody. Has Rey even been in this match yet?
Tweet 35: Ah he's just tagged in. Knee status: frisky.
Tweet 36: I couldn't be more pleased that Harper escaped the 619. Mysterio is a smug little ferret who needs taking down a peg.
Tweet 37: Erick Rowan is tossing Rey Mysterio around in a bear hug. It's not particularly interesting but bless 'im for trying.
Tweet 38: "He's like a member of the MENSA society" - Michael Cole on... wait for it... Bray Wyatt

FYI: Rey Mysterio's outfit was modeled on the Swiss flag

Tweet 39: Goldust is the most over man on his team. WWE need to find a way of transferring some of that reaction to Cody permanently before they split.
Tweet 40: Tasty little springboard from Cody there.
Tweet 41: Great finishing sequence to that match. Lots going on and people being taken out. Right result too: Wyatt over Goldust with Sister Abigail.

Sheamus speaks to Byron Saxon backstage

Tweet 42: Sheamus, cut back on the hair gel, yeah?
Tweet 43: "A fired up Christian is just what the doctor ordered!" - Sheamus, revealing his view on America's leading religion

Renee Young hosts a dance off involving Emma, Santino, Summer Rae and Faaaaaan… daaaaaan… goooooo

Tweet 44: Emma and Santino... *rolls eyes*

Tweet 45: Renee Young's hosting the dance off, so it's not all bad.
Tweet 46: And in fairness I love me some Fandango.
Tweet 47: I wasn't that into this crowd to begin with but they've completely lost by not humming Fandango's music.
Tweet 48: Cole's feigned enjoyment of Emma's dancing is nauseating.
Tweet 49: #hipaction
Tweet 50: Forget Bryan, Fandango v Santino needs to be the WrestleMania main event! #grudgematch

Titus O’Neil v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 51: I'm still a fan of Titus O'Neil even though he's not going anywhere as a singles wrestler.

Tweet 52: Darren Young's on commentary claiming that The Prime Time Players were the roughest and toughest tag team in WWE. He is incorrect.
Tweet 53: This match is a waste of Dolph Ziggler.
Tweet 54: Darren 'You Know What?" Young.
Tweet 55: Nice that Ziggler won but doing it off a WHISTLE distraction? C'mon, WWE.

Road Dogg v Jimmy Uso

Tweet 56: The Usos gets a televised entrance but the Outlaws don't? Poor...

Tweet 57: It says something about the younger members of the WWE roster that Road Dogg has worked the crowd better than anyone else on this show.
Tweet 58: Yes, including Bryan. He's more over than Road Dogg but he was selling for most of his matches. There wasn't much interaction there.
Tweet 59: Road Dogg loses. That makes me think the Outlaws will be winning at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 60: So does Michael Cole saying that the Usos have the Outlaws' number.

Sheamus v Christian

Tweet 61: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!

Tweet 62: "Sheamus is out there, cue up the piped in crowd noise, quick!"
Tweet 63: After my comments about Road Dogg's crowd interactions it's probably fair to point at that Sheamus is also doing well in that area.

Tweet 64: Who does Michael Cole think has the most momentum going into the Chamber match? Cesaro...

Tweet 65: Even if that were true (it's not) Cesaro ain't winning the WWE title at EC.
Tweet 66: Orton's never won a Chamber match. That's another reason to predict a victory for him.
Tweet 67: Why did Sheamus take a bump near the timekeeper's table? He wanted to look up Lilian Garcia's dress. #filthySheamus
Tweet 68: It sounded like Sheamus just shouted "I'm Irish!"
Tweet 69: JBL's sports guru gimmick is annoying.
Tweet 70: Mostly because he only knows things because he looks them up specially on Wikipedia, as opposed to having a genuine interest.
Tweet 71: JBL thinks Christian is bad looking. What he needs is a blue dot over his face...
Tweet 72: Tornado DDT being countered into the Irish Curse was nice.
Tweet 73: Anyone who thought Christian would win doesn't know WWE. 
Tweet 74: SmackDown ends with Sheamus hitting his own chest and then being knocked out of the ring by Christian.

It was never going to end well for Christian

Tweet 75: Maybe 'The Celtic Warrior' will be the man jobbed out by Lesnar at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 76: I don't want to see that. Because ti will almost certainly mean we're getting Lesnar v Shaymo.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 43

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 43 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Remember when JBL was a main event wrestler? We do. And it’s one of the things we discuss in this episode. When he was first given the promotion I wasn’t a fan of the decision. I was used to him as a tag wrestler in the APA and didn’t feel he looked or wrestled like someone who belonged at the top. It didn’t help that he beat Eddie Guerrero for the championship.

By the end of his title reign I’d warmed to him. He still feels like an anomaly on the list of WWE champions but he did produce some enjoyable brawls in the role. What really won me over was his character. The glad-handing phoney inspired by politicians and JR Ewing was gauged just right. Had they not gone far enough, or gone too far, it would have flopped or become incredibly irritating. It ended up a highlight of the often dodgy mid-decade’s WWE output.

The big question is whether Tozawa would keep the mouth guard in NXT

Also discussed are cage matches. Specifically we talk about types of cage matches, our favourite cage matches, and whether the gimmick’s had its day. I also voice my displeasure at wrestlers being able to win cage matches by pin.

The main portion of the episode is given over to a Breaking In segment. Need to be reminded of what that is? We talk about the chances of three wrestlers from another company making it through the WWE system. This episode’s outsiders come from Dragon Gate USA: AR Fox, Akira Tozawa and Chuck Taylor. Want to know if we think they could make it in WWE as well as our general feeling on them? Then you’d better hit that play button, bro!

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 16

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 16 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

In this episode Michael and I talk about the potential that a wrestling edition of Big Brother holds. Well, I say we chat about it but that’s not strictly true. I had to spend several minutes selling him on the idea of this hypothetical concept and explaining bits and pieces about Big Brother. But once that’s done and he’s warmed to the idea a little we chat about it. We discuss how the show would work, who we’d put in there and name drop the seemingly forgotten Legends’ House.

Plus there’s a JBL anecdote from Michael! If that doesn’t get you listening I don’t know what will.

 

If WWE got involved with Big Brother it'd be better than this (probably)

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 5

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 5 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

In this week’s episode of That Wrestling Podcast we mainly discuss finishing moves. What makes a good finishing move? What are some of the best finishers? What are some of the worst finishers? That sort of thing. If this sounds appealing give it a listen. If it doesn’t then maybe listen anyway. Maybe you’ll enjoy our droning despite the topics.

Cabanarama

Despite not working for any wrestling promotion with a meaningful television deal Colt Cabana is known to a lot of wrestling fans. His notoriety can be explained by his stints in ROH and (as Scotty Goldman) WWE. In the former he gained a reputation for being a well-rounded performer, someone who could brawl, wrestle technically, do comedy or cut a promo with spirited proficiency. Fans appreciated him for his versatility as much as anything else. He was little more than enhancement talent in WWE but he brought something even to that lowly role.

Since parting ways with Ring of Honor in 2011 Cabana has maintained a high profile, thanks largely to his Art of Wrestling podcast. You've probably heard of it. If not I suggest listening to an episode. The general idea is that Colt speaks to fellow wrestlers about their personal lives, wrestling careers and feelings on the business. It provides a fascinating insight into wrestling and usually makes you appreciate wrestlers who appear in a new light.

It's also given us an insight into Cabana as a person. That he is routinely affable and humorous makes the podcast a good listen, as does his under-appreciated skill as an interviewer. He gets the best out of his guests.

That he's fashioned a name for himself as a podcasting personality shows that he knows how to connect with wrestling fans and that fans want to follow, support, listen to and watch him. With that in mind I'm surprised he remains out of the loop of North America's big three promotions.

TNA should be desperate for new talent to add to their bedraggled embarrassment of a roster. Cabana would fit the bill perfectly. He's likeable enough to prove inoffensive to existing viewers, a good enough wrestler to give us enjoyable matches with mostly everyone in the company, and could feasibly attract a small number of new viewers who'd want to see what TNA does with him. There are very few wrestlers available to TNA at the moment who could have the potential impact of Cabana.

 

A happy young man

 

A return to ROH seems to be hindered by a long-standing and hazily defined grudge Colt holds against the group. He originally left because he was unhappy with the treatment he received during SBG's purchase of the promotion and dealing with Jim Cornette. He has since been angered by DVDs being released on his career. I can understand both sides there. ROH has realised Colt is popular and put their library of matches to good use releasing footage of him. It makes them cash, which is the point of the exercise. But Cabana has said he doesn't see a penny of any sales made, which is naturally going to irk him as ROH is benefiting from his success.

What's peculiar is that this indicates Ring of Honor understand Cabana has enough if a following to make producing a DVD worthwhile. Yet they haven’t done everything they can to bring him in.

It was revealed during Kevin Steen's second AOW appearance that ROH contacted Cabana after Jim Cornette left last year. Obviously nothing much came of that contact. They should keep trying. In Cabana ROH would have a readymade main event star to use. As with TNA he could wrestle enjoyable matches against pretty much the whole roster.  

Then there's WWE. I can understand why they didn't keep him around as a wrestler. He's not out of shape but he's also not ever going to get into the condition the promotion likes its top stars to be in. He's also unlikely to produce a five star WWE style match.

But what he could do is be a great colour commentator. To put it slightly indelicately, Jerry Lawler is not going to be able to stay at the commentary desk forever. The RAW team will probably end up as JBL and Cold when 'The King' retires but it would be prudent to introduce a third man or an alternative now, on SmackDown or one of the peripheral shows, to allow for a smoother transition when the time comes.

Cabana could obviously provide the insight on what the wrestlers are going through that colour guys are supposed to and his age and experience using social media for himself should allow him to more naturally plug polls and talk about tweets than Lawler (and JBL for that matter). A final bonus of having Cabana working as a commentator is that he'd be available for matches against guys having tryouts or joining the main roster from NXT.

Perhaps Colt himself is against all of the above and is happy roaming the world wrestling smaller shows. If he is then great. It's nice that he's enjoying himself. But I hope it is his choice, because if it's not a very talented man is being wasted.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 4

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 4 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

So Jim Ross is no longer affiliated with WWE. I’ve already discussed that here but there was no input from That Wrestling Podcast co-host Michael King. He wasn’t convinced we’d be able to fill an entire episode with JR talk. Find out if we did by giving this a listen!

… Okay a mild spoiler. We didn’t just discuss Jim Ross. We also discussed our thoughts on the role of commentators and the state of wrestling commentary in WWE.

2013's Seventh Champion

As part of the ongoing Daniel Bryan v Triple H saga the WWE championship has been vacated. This is not something I’d expected to happen (which I'm sure certain parties in WWE consider makes it an instant success). I'd thought Randy Orton would enjoy a lengthy title reign before losing the belt to Bryan or a transitional champion. Surely 'The Face of WWE' should have had the title for as long as possible?

The WWE title being vacated doesn't bother me like the ROH title vacation earlier this year did. The companies operate very differently and portray their championships accordingly. Ring of Honor, as a promotion that promotes good sportsmanship and wrestling as an athletic contest, needs to ensure their top title is always seen as the most cherished prize to its wrestlers. They’ve traditionally done this by conserving title changes for special occasions and ensuring only the best men hold it, although they've not consistently managed that for a while before the vacation, I admit.

WWE uses its title to signify who's a headliner and who's someone we should believe can win. It's an important part of WWE but it's not always at the centre of the top plots. The history of the title is, in many ways, more important than its current status. Being able to rattle off the name of greats to have held it during modern title matches is what matters, especially where John Bradshaw Layfield is concerned.

 

Is this a sight we'll see again?

 

There are several ways we could see the story advance. A singles match could be announced to determine a new champion. Randy Orton could prove to ‘The Game’ as Mrs McMahon-Leveque that he’s worthy of being their figurehead by punting a few skulls. He made a good start showing that he’s still got his mean streak when he (storyline) injured The Miz on RAW.

Daniel Bryan would almost certainly be the other man in this scenario. His inclusion doesn’t need to contradict Triple H’s stated feelings on him. The COO could have his hand forced by the roster threatening to walk out if Bryan’s not given a fair shot. Trips could even decide to put Bryan in the match of his own volition, trotting out the “it’s best for business” line before screwing him and getting the belt back on Orton.

However a Bryan v Orton match was brought about it would be a disappointment given the situation. Why vacate the title in the middle of their feud only to have them face off again with the championship vacated?

Personally I like the idea of a tournament being held for the title. WWE’s not the kind of company that would book a sixteen man tournament for its top prize, although they have the roster depth to give us a good one. An eight man tournament would be ideal for several weeks of television.

Battleground could work nicely as a starting point in this scenario as it would allow four matches featuring big names to have some meaning on the card. Bryan could be pitted against corporate stooge Big Show. Orton could be put against someone at the Zack Ryder level, allegedly to give someone lower down the ranks a chance but really to give Orty an easy first round. The expected CM Punk v Ryback bout could even be incorporated into the tournament, with whoever lost costing whoever won their second round match to keep that programme separate and away from the title.

This isn’t a path WWE are likely to take though. They’re not a company keen on tournaments or stories that revolve around wins and losses. As good as this would be for stretching out easy to follow stories for a few weeks it’s simply not something WWE are likely to have an interest in.

A four man tournament seems a little likelier. They could get that out of the way in one night and involve Bryan, Orton, Big Show and one other person whom they deem fit to give a crack at headlining. That would also allow them to present that Bryan v Orton match that we can probably expect to decide a new champion.

The final option that occurs to me is omitting Bryan entirely and giving ‘The Viper’ an easy ride to regaining the gold. That would take us back to the situation of a few weeks ago, thus being pointless, but that’s not something likely to stop WWE. This idea has one interesting possible scenario: Orton being put in a match with Big Show to decide a new champ and ‘The World’s Largest Athlete’ refusing to lay down and battering Orton, forcing him to overcome ‘The Giant’. Or at least taking a beating before Trips and-or Steph ordered Show to “take it easy” on Orty.

The championship being vacated presents WWE with some interesting booking options. I’m interested to see what they go with because it will not only tie into the Orton v Bryan programme and Bryan’s push but also because they’ve been going out of their way since SummerSlam to give us match results that don’t fit with their usual approach to the progression of main event feuds. We may be seeing a different format emerging. That’s something WWE should have experimented with years ago.