Second Opinion: RPW Uprising 2014

I wasn’t the only person at last Saturday’s RPW Uprising show. Michael King was there too. Sitting next to me, as it happens. On Sunday I asked him if he fancied contributing some thoughts to my write-up (you can find that here). What he sent over ended up being over one thousand words long. Which, y’know, is easily a blog post in its own right so I decided to present it in full. It’s presented below, with anything in italics added by me. Because why not?

***

Lionel Richie’s All Night Long runs four minutes 19 seconds. Rich Swann’s entrance, based around the song, felt significantly longer. By the end of the match the crowd had cheered itself out, much to the detriment of what followed. It’s a shame this didn’t go on after the interval.

The match was good. Think a PPV/Network Special opener, or post Cena-promo Uso tag match on RAW. Lots of reversals, combos and dives to the outside, all pulled off with exceptional timing and little to no regard for psychology. Aries is as crisp in person as he is on TV. 2 Unlimited bad-guyed it up despite their adorable denim waist coats and propensity to move their mouths as if to taunt the crowd, but not actually say anything. Maybe they have very silly voices (They’re Irish so they probably do). Aries took the mic after the match to tell the crowd to keep the energy up. He obviously knew what was happening before we did.

Britain's premiere hoss. That'd be a good moniker for him, actually.

The next match featured Dave Mastiff against Karl Anderson. You’d think Anderson, being used to wrestling to the sound of a dripping tap in the Tokyo Dome men’s room (and only getting a pop for re-entering the ring) would have adapted better to the lack of atmosphere, but it seemed to put him off. Mastiff lives his gimmick and generally held up his end of the match. On reflection this match was pretty decent. A good ol’ meat bash (Oh!) with some big spots and a decent finishing sequence, but it felt a little flat whilst it was going on. We have Swann and Richie to thank for that.

To take us into the break we saw the best wrestler in the world face Adrian Neville’s old tag partner. To be fair Joel Redman is a much better singles wrestler than viewers of NXT would believe, but he was the wrong opponent, in the wrong slot. A big part of these RPW shows is being part of the reaction these big ticket foreign stars receive. Seeing Hiroshi Tanahashi burst through the curtain twelve months ago (in the main event) was surreal, and the reaction appropriately massive. Okada got some weak chants and a single streamer. The crowd wasn’t ready for him.

The match itself was decent, despite a complete lack of chemistry between the two men. Redman seemed a little unsure of his role and Okada’s deadpan arrogance didn’t work with the smaller crowd in the same way as Tanahashi’s stiff  arm air-guitar or Nakamura’s nuanced epileptic routine. I can’t stress enough how insane it was that this went on pre-interval. Okada, at 26 years old, is the biggest star in the world’s number two promotion, and will most likely be on top for at least another decade. Anyway, enough of that. Okada won.

The show resumed with the Revolutionists facing Too Cool. I should preface this by saying that I spent a long time where my only access to WWE was VHS tapes and Sunday Night Heat, which at the time seemed to consist of lovingly framed shots of Trish Stratus; Mick Foley going to theme parks; and Too Cool main events. This probably goes some way in explaining why I enjoyed this so much (Amazingly other people enjoyed their tedious routine too. I think I was the only one who didn’t see the appeal in a former light heavyweight champ, a grossly overweight Samoan, and Jerry Lawler’s estranged son). I wanted to be angry for Okada, but seeing these three men go through their old routine moved me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. This was so, so, so stupid and I loved it.

That said, Sha Samuels is great and deserves better than this. (I couldn’t agree with this more)

The championship match was set up with a video package. I didn’t hear a word but most of it still came across. Stone was angry because he is less well thought of than Mojo Rawley. Scurll is crazy now because he has a beard and an umbrella and that’s why he is the best Martin. These two had by far the best match of the evening, with plenty of outside brawling, near falls, heelish shenanigans and Scurll’s Vince McMahon impersonation. Scurll seems a little restless with his gimmick and it’s easy to see why. He is so far ahead of those round him in terms of presentation, pacing, crowd interaction and work rate that he probably changes things up so frequently to keep himself entertained. I can’t get into Stone. As a wrestler he’s fine, but his ring gear, promo delivery and lack of personality give him the feel of a fill-in main eventer.

Michael isn't one for national pride.

The post-match angle involving the (wonderfully panto) Knight family was a fun bit of wrestling nonsense. It went on far too long, but so did everything on the show. Dave has said all that needs to be said about the pacing, so instead I’ll complain about the constant references to the UK made on the show. This was the first RPW offering in a while to not feature anyone in Union Jack trunks (the UK wrestler equivalent of black wrestlers wearing animal print), but we still had it incorporated into the set (see right for one of Michael’s least favourite aspects of the show), and the Knight family patriarch (who based on the relative appearances of his sons and daughter (Paige), is a dismal producer of XX chromosomes) referring to the invaders as The UK Hooligans.

No-one in the building was confused about where we were, neither will anyone be when watching a DVD. The ostensible main event featured a man called Martin fighting another man called Martin. Wrestlers used scarfs and umbrellas as foreign objects. Not one reference was made to college football. All the UK references make the production look as indy as anything.

Ospreay vs Sydal went on last. There were flips. I question the decision to put an amiable face v face crusierweight match on after a number a genuine star attractions and a hard fought, angle heavy, championship match. But hey I also like my brief intervals to last less than 40 minutes (He wasn’t interested in a picture with Austin Aries and former TNA megastar Rosita).

A strange show, bafflingly less than the sum of its parts. Too Cool were oddly perfect, but with so many indy free agents now snapped up by NXT and the NJPW roster tapped, I wonder whether RPW can channel some of it’s momentum into building the size and profile of its home grown roster. Scurll versus Gangrel at Summer Sizzler?

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 49

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 49 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

I’m not going to write loads about this episode. Basically, I think it’s one of our better episodes and it functions as a nice jump-on point to what we do.

Can this be improved on?

The opening natter covers a variety of topics. Included are niche manga available in Japan, the recent series of BBC crime drama Jonathan Creek, and an idea Michael’s had for months for a detective wrestler gimmick. So if you’re into Jonathan Creek, or the career of tousley-haired, large-chinned comedian-cum-actor Alan Davies, this is something you may find interesting.

Yes, it’s still a wrestling podcast.

The main topic is our second Three Improvements instalment. Last time we discussed tweaks that could be made to WWE tag teams. This time we discuss the more sombre matter of three TNA performers. Specifically we look at Rockstar Spud, a talented wrestler who doesn’t wrestle; Samoa Joe, a once great wrestler who’s let himself go a bit due to the indifference that TNA instils in everyone; and TNA world champion Magnus, a man Michael and I have very different views on.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 43

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 43 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Remember when JBL was a main event wrestler? We do. And it’s one of the things we discuss in this episode. When he was first given the promotion I wasn’t a fan of the decision. I was used to him as a tag wrestler in the APA and didn’t feel he looked or wrestled like someone who belonged at the top. It didn’t help that he beat Eddie Guerrero for the championship.

By the end of his title reign I’d warmed to him. He still feels like an anomaly on the list of WWE champions but he did produce some enjoyable brawls in the role. What really won me over was his character. The glad-handing phoney inspired by politicians and JR Ewing was gauged just right. Had they not gone far enough, or gone too far, it would have flopped or become incredibly irritating. It ended up a highlight of the often dodgy mid-decade’s WWE output.

The big question is whether Tozawa would keep the mouth guard in NXT

Also discussed are cage matches. Specifically we talk about types of cage matches, our favourite cage matches, and whether the gimmick’s had its day. I also voice my displeasure at wrestlers being able to win cage matches by pin.

The main portion of the episode is given over to a Breaking In segment. Need to be reminded of what that is? We talk about the chances of three wrestlers from another company making it through the WWE system. This episode’s outsiders come from Dragon Gate USA: AR Fox, Akira Tozawa and Chuck Taylor. Want to know if we think they could make it in WWE as well as our general feeling on them? Then you’d better hit that play button, bro!

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 40

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 40 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

A subject I’ve wanted to write about for quite a while now is whether or not a large scale (or larger than the current scale) British wrestling promotion could succeed. There are enough talented wrestlers based in Britain to put together a worthwhile roster but that’s only part of what would be required. Regular shows available for viewing on TV or online, ongoing storylines, and an identity beyond being just another company using the same guys to put on good matches would all be necessary too.

This is not an image I'm happy with. For various reasons

It’s a subject that would take thousands of words to do justice, and that sort of thing takes time to write. It doesn’t take long to say them though. So the topic seemed liked a good one for That Wrestling Podcast to cover.

As part of the topic Michael and I talk about guys we’d like to see in a leading British promotion, what sort of style we think would work, the scale on which the company could operate and platforms that could be used to get it seen. It’s not as comprehensive as the subject warrants but it’s close enough. Maybe we’ll come back to it at some point. It is, as I say, something I’ll write about at some point in the future.

Also discussed (for the bulk of the episode in fact) are names synonymous with Extreme Championship Wrestling. Michael and I each pick four guys to go on to a (completely fictional) Mount Rushmore celebrating the talents of ECW. Among the names discussed are Taz, Raven, Sabu, the Dudleys, Rob Van Dam, Paul Heyman, Rhino, Joey Styles and, of course, Jerry Lynn. It proves a far more interesting discussion than a WCW Mount Rushmore because there are so many more men and women linked to ECW than there are to WCW. The reason? Most of WCW's big names worked for the WWF before and WWE after their stints in World Championship Wrestling. Plus, y'know, WCW was really defined by Goldberg's winning streak and the invasion of a outsider faction. Beyond that there was little identity to WCW, and that makes it hard to link guy's to the promotion.

Anyway, how about you press play?

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 33

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 33 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Somewhere during the last ten years The undertaker’s WrestleMania undefeated streak became an important part of that show. It’s easy to understand why. The number of appearances ‘Taker has made in the WrestleMania series is remarkable. That he’s one every one of his matches (the first by DQ, which I always think tarnishes his accomplishment a little) is even more impressive.

 

Leather around flames? Brave fella

It’s difficult to imagine anyone else ever managing to rack up the number of appearances he’s made. It’s impossible to imagine an undefeated record on ‘The Dead Man’s’ level ever being achieved again. Like Bruno Sammartino’s eight year WWWF world championship reign it’s something that will never be equalled. It’s something that was designed to happen, it came about naturally. That’s often how things gain longevity in wrestling.

 

It’s The Streak that’s the topic of today’s episode. Amongst the things we touch on are potential opponents, how much longer we think ‘The Phenom’ will wrestle, and, of course, whether or not anyone will ever end the thing, with the natural accompanying question of whether they should.

 

Also discussed is the strained relationship between commentators and wrestlers’ monikers. The natural accompanying topic to that is the strained relationship between Michael Cole’s brain and Michael Cole’s mouth. That gets discussed too. At some point we’ll probably do an entire episode on Cole. He’s a fascinatingly banal and contradictory figure.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 31

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 31 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

It's like this picture was taken just for this episode!

Anyone who listens to every episode of That Wrestling Podcast (which is probably none of you) will be familiar with episodes that cover how far three guys in WWE can make it up the card. This episode is a twist on that theme: we look at three guys from New Japan (Pro Wrestling (a wrestling company)) and discuss how far they could make it in WWE.

The three men in question are Bullet Club members Karl Anderson and Prince Devitt and former six time IWGP heavyweight champion Hiroshi Tanahashi. You can probably guess some of our reactions to the chances of these three succeeding in the WWE system but that shouldn’t stop you having a listen. Should it?

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 30

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 30 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

I’m quite a fan of Batista. He’s not my favourite wrestler or anything like that but I appreciate the things he does well and feel the things he’s bad at are minor enough to be easily overlooked. Michael is not a fan of Batista. He can’t overlook any of the things he’s bad at and doesn’t feel the things he’s good at warrant any special praise. We did the natural thing in this situation and recorded a podcast episode arguing for and against ‘The Animal’.

This picture represents an underrated time to be a wrestling fan

And then a week later WWE announced that Batista’s returning.

Needless to say if we’d known he was coming back we would have devoted a lot more time to the topic of Batista. We probably would have altered the approach we took too, discussing who he could feud with and what he’s likely to do when he turns back up on RAW. Unfortunately we’re (again) victims of poor timing.

I remain a Batista fan. I imagine I’ll write something about his upcoming return at some point. For now you’ll have to make do with me arguing in favour of his matches with The Undertaker and Eddie Guerrero.

A Conversation With Dan Pryce

If you’ve listened to That Wrestling Podcast you’ll probably have heard mention of Dan. We had intended for him to be a regular contributor but it’s not really worked out. Partly because he doesn’t live near enough to London to make recording easy for him and partly because he’s just become a dad. Congrats again, brother!

But not being able to record with him doesn’t mean I don’t speak to him. Facebook comments are regularly exchanged, almost exclusively about wrestling. Sometimes they’re brief flurries and sometimes they span dozens of posts and hundreds of words. And just recently I had the idea of converting one of these exchanges into a blog post, giving everyone the flavour of Dan Pryce (oh!) I want them to experience despite not being able to record with him.

Below you’ll find a conversation from Facebook. The fact that it’s from Facebook should be remembered: it’s all very informal and not originally designed for being a blog post. A light bit of editing has been performed but for the most part it’s the conversation exactly as it first appeared. To clarify the opening comment was a post on my wall. The rest are comments on that.

Consider this an unofficial podcast entry.

***

Dan: Just watched Survivor Series. Worst main event in living memory.

Dave: It's not good is it? Even with Orton stalling and ringside brawling Show could only handle eleven minutes. He was blown up walking to the ring.

Dave: The best bit was the crowd singing his music.

Dan: It genuinely made me a little bit depressed.

Dave: What do you think was the best match?

Dan: I enjoyed the first match. It was kind of slow and flowed badly, but there were good spots and Reigns was excellent. That was a push, if ever I saw one. I couldn't sit through Ryback v Mark Henry. I'd rather sit through Mohnil¹ imbibing a whole turkey. The Punk and Bryan match was pretty okay. I expected something a little more. Cena v Del Rio was just their last match, without the benefit of the surprise factor. Cena very much got beaten and Del Rio very much did that angry Mexican face.

Dan: I'm still not entirely sold on the Wyatts. Great gimmick, sloppy wrestling.

Dan: Harper and Rowan are big men who do lots of hitting.

Dan: #hitting

Dave: I thought the opener was the best thing and it all went downhill after, with various peaks and troughs. Reigns was wonderful. Things were laid out for him to look great and he made sure he did. Totally agree about Cena v Del Rio.

Dave: I'm not sold on Erick 'Upside Down Sheamus Face' Rowan. I like me some Luke Harper though. That guy is magic. Bray's the best wrestler of the three but he always seems to be injured. He's had three or four sidelining injuries in the last year. He's the new Batista...

Dan: He DOES have an upside-down Sheamus face!

Dan: I'm deeply, deeply, utterly ambivalent about Orton v Cena. At least this means they won't do it at WM.

Dave: Do you think the titles are actually going to be unified? A lot of people seem to think they’ll be swapped.

Dan: I think they'll switch them somehow. Or more shenanigans. I smell Big Show's big fist.

Dan: Ohhh.

Dave: I think there's a chance of Cena v Bryan II at WrestleMania. And apparently Sheamus is pushing for an Undertaker match.

Dan: I'd rather see Undertaker wrestle a bun.

Dave: My immediate reaction was that Cena will win. Because he's Cena.

Dan: Cena wins, starts a feud with The Authority, something happens, Big Show cries.

Dan: Why didn't they wait for Rumble to do Orton v Cena?

Dan: That would have been huge. Keep it going for Elimination Chamber, send them both into big feuds for WM. THAT'S booking. *pow*

Dave: I thought that about the Rumble. I had my hopes pinned on Cena defending against Cesaro at TLC. And I expected an Orton v Show rematch.

Dave: Regarding you preferring Undertaker v a bun to Undertaker v Sheamus, I'd prefer Undertaker v the concept of buns to Undertaker v Sheamus.

Dave: I do not like Sheamus.

Dave: Undertaker v a Stetson > Undertaker v Sheamus

Dan: It's not that I don't like him. It's just that anything bad that happens in the world is directly attributable to the existence of Sheamus.

Dave: Apparently he's shaved off his beard and-or hair while injured. Which makes him even more generic than he was before.

Dave: Forget the brogue kick. You're not beating Undertaker with that.

Dan: I genuinely do not know what they have planned for WM. Very little, I suspect. OR: they may have something remarkable lined up.

Dan: Sheamus minus the beard looks like Kreplach:

 

Dan: Kreplach with a face.

Dave: Is that a recent photo of him? He's lost weight...

Dan: Very recent.

Dan: I'm particularly enjoying the 'Daniel Bryan' chants whenever Orton appears. Sometimes, you can just count on wrestling fans to be wonderful dicks.

Dave: They don't have anything remarkable lined up. Lesnar v Undertaker and Cena v Hogan are what I'm expecting.

Dave: Yeah, that's right. Cena v Hogan.

Dan: That would be...

Dan: It would be kreplach again.

Dave: How are you going to feel when Bryan appears wearing a vest and jeans and cuts a promo about Bray Wyatt being the messiah?

Dan: Cena's vehemently denied that he thinks Hogan will wrestle. So you're probably right. We're probably in for it.

Dave: Rock told interviewers he was retired a few months before he hosted WrestleMania and set up his Cena match. I hadn't heard that about Cena so I'm now even more sure Hogan will wrestle. And if he does Cena is the obvious match.

Dan: I'd like a Bryan heel turn. I'd like him to live in the basement, eat only things he finds in the trash, recite Edgar Allen Poe poems and wrestle in a full body tweed-in-one.

Dan: Is Rock at WM 30? I think it needs his bulging, 'about-to-explode' head.

Dan: Also, Orton is not a heel. He's just a guy who has stumbled upon a belt.

Dave: Triple H and Stephanie are bigger heels than Orton. Rock probably won't wrestle but I think he'll do something at WrestleMania.

Dave: That he's probably not wrestling is part of why I think Hogan will.

Dave: They should splash the cash and do Hogan v Cena and Punk v Austin.

Dan: I hope he stages some sort of eating contest. Involving Mark Henry, Brie Bella and Ron Simmons. The Rock, that is.

Dave: Ends with Brie giving everyone her finisher (which she'll have by then).

Dave: Hogan v Cena, Austin v Punk and Lesnar v Undertaker would be a good triple main event line-up. Won't happen though. Austin's done.

Dan: Austin ain't coming back. It's hard to see how they can rise to the thirty years challenge. Lesnar v Taker is a good start. Punk v Bryan would be great. But there always needs to be one, mind-blowing, “this match will never happen-oh, wait, it's happening” match-for-the-ages match at these events. Maybe Michaels will come back? Not that I'd want him to. Hogan v Cena fits the bill. It also fits the “I do not want this match” bill.

Dave: How about the other potential Hogan match: Hogan v Undertaker?

Dan: URGH.

Dave: Just read a rumour that Cena will win the WWE championship and Orton will win the World Heavyweight championship. This is something I thought about and then dismissed as too daft even for them. It surprises me to find it on a credible (as far as such sites can be credible) news site.

Dave: They didn't even want to do a unification match until mid-week. That's why they didn't say the word on RAW. That's why the company's as uninspiring as it is.

Dan: They need to pull their fingers out of their asses.

Dave: They need to buy the rights to Red Dwarf and introduce a stable based on the cast.

Dave: Goldberg v Ryback? That'd be LOLage.

Dan: I'd LOL. If LOL means self-harm.

Dave: It's what The Ryback wants. If that means some fans self-harm then so be it.

Dan: Ryback is as relevant as disco.

Dave: So you want Ryback versus Disco Inferno?

Dave: Or Ryback versus Disco Inferno... AND ALEX WRIGHT?

Dave: I want WrestleMania XXX to feature a guest appearance from Stephen Fry in a full length QI segment. Guests to be The Rock, Ryback, Kevin Nash and Booker T.

Dan: Four way dance: Ryback, Horace Hogan, Judy Bagwell vs. Taz (2013 version). Inferno match. On a pole.

Dave: Bret Hart on a pole inferno match?

Dan: First one to Bret Hart gets to tag-team with Alex Riley.

Dave: Bret Hart would no-sell being on a pole like an absolute trooper.

Dan: He'd give the match 4/10 though.

Dave: Loser must star as Jack in a full remake of Lost.

Dan: I'd very much like to see Judy Bagwell replace the lead actor in famous TV shows.

Dave: Commentary team for this consists of Brad Maddox, Gillberg and David Mitchell.

Dan: "IT'S THE ISLAND, KATE!"

 

Dave: I've often thought that about Judy Bagwell. I'd particularly like to see her in recent non-hit Under The Dome. As the male bearded lead, natch.

Dave: Oh, Judy Bagwell. I miss you so much. Thank you for giving us Buff. He is indeed the stuff.

Dan: I think they need more wrestler mother storylines. I miss Shelton Benjamin's momma daily.

Dave: They should have done more with Brodus Clay's "momma" (who looked considerably younger than him) when she made that cameo at WrestleMania.

Dave: You know who'd be perfect for the mother gimmick? Ryback.

Dave: He could start bellowing "Feed me more!" again. And she could do it!

Dan: His mum could be portrayed by a dwarf. Vince would get a kick out of it.

Dave: Interferes in matches to give him tins of spinach. Which cause him to get a burst of energy, like Popeye. At this point the best thing they can do with Ryback is give him a bunch of ludicrous gimmicks. He's not getting the main event back.

Dan: It could be a kind of Freudian situation, where he's unable to say no to anything she says. Including odd sexual gestures towards other wrestlers.

Dave: Until this moment I've never thought "I want to read that person's autobiography." But Vince? I would read that thing cover-to-cover on the day of release. NOBODY has a better combination of interesting life story and mad personality.

Dave: The sexual gestures thing is pure McMahon.

Dan: I know, right? Vince needs to write that. Hold nothing back.

Dave: Like the time he suggested that they do a storyline where he'd gotten Stephanie pregnant. She shot it down... like a ruddy coward!

Dave: Oh, Vince wouldn't hold anything back. If there was a way to write "that" walk he'd do it.

Dave: I want to read stories about him winning shoot fights with jobbers and then telling them "That's why you're at the bottom of the card!"

Dan: If you're going to do Katie Vick, why not that?! I wonder what the explanation for the pregnancy would be. How would they explain it? His grapefruits are SO powerful that they have, through some strange osmosis, impregnated even his own family?

Dave: I always assumed that if they did it that's EXACTLY how they'd end up explaining it. Vince being too sexually potent for his own good is textbook WWE.

Dave: I miss that era of wrestling. The era when Vince was having a mid-life crisis on international television. It made a lovely contrast to the Attitude Era without being TOO different.

Dan: Or they'd drag it out for months, and it would turn out in the end that it was just Hornswoggle's fault. Triple H would come out and deliver the most po-faced, rambling twenty-five minute promo explaining the whole thing.

Dan: 2005-2006 was just pure Vincey-time!

Dave: But it would still be the highlight of that week's television.

Dan: If he wasn't being blown up, he was dropping N-bombs!

Dave: It would end with Vince shaking his first and shouting "Hornswoggleeeeeeeeeeeeee!" like a character from a 70s sitcom.

Dan: Cena appears, shouts “JACK!” then leaves.

Dave: I'd forgotten the exploding limo story that got dropped without explanation (thanks, Benoit!). That's exactly the sort of thing I'd want Vince to write about. He wouldn't care about stuff that's gone wrong. He's that kind of cat.

Dan: End of episode. Cole giggles uncontrollably.

Dave: They could do a YouTube show where Cole is shown clips of fat people falling over, causing him to giggle uncontrollably.

Dan: Benoit. Always ruining perfectly implausible storylines!

Dave: That's why he never got to book.

Dan: "Stop talking about Krispen Wah!"

Dave: He looks like a trout having a stroke.

Dan: Look at Vince's peach suit!

Dave: Only one other man could pull that off: Mark Henry. And he wouldn't do as good a job.

Dan: Vince needs a match at WM 30. I vote for Vince vs Pancake Patterson.

Dan: 'Darren Young on a pole' match. There's a joke in there somewhere.

Dan: Last question: Royal Rumble winner?

Dave: The joke wouldn't be the one you expect. It would be Darren Young balanced precariously atop a Polish person.

Dave: Rumble winner I'm currently leaning toward Punk or Bryan. I don't want to say definitely on Bryan too soon in case his Wyatt Family stint is longer than I expect.

Dan: I'd like somebody out of left-field. Maybe Eva Marie. She seems to be deeply entrenched in the world of wrestling. Didn't she train in the Hart Dungeon?

Dave: Yes. She also did six months in a Japanese dojo and two years under a mask in Mexico.

Dave: She has also worked extensively for SHIMMER.

Dan: Don't forget those two years in ROH.

Dave: First woman to challenge for the ROH championship. She gave Joe a run for his money. The chops she dished out were some of the stiffest I've ever seen.

Dave: And I've seen some stiff chops...

Dave: She'd be a nice challenger for The Streak.

Dan: I say bring Flair out of retirement for a feud.

Dan: This wrestling conversation is 122 comments long.

Dave: Flair versus anyone would be gold. As long as he can chop, apply the figure four and do a Flair flop he's set.

Dave: This is some solid wrestling chat is what it is.

Dan: Where's Mike Takada King when you need him?

Dave: He's staying silent. And stealthy. Like a Japanese ninja.

Dan: He'll come in with a diamond soon. A diamond or a Booker quote.

Dan: AWWWWW......

Dave: Or a Diamond Cutter.

Dan: I haven't watched RAW. Is it worthwhile? I imagine Cena acts heroically dismal.

Dave: This might tease him out.

 

Dave: Cena acts like a medieval dragon slayer.

Dan: QWACKETY QWACK!!

Dave: If that was the NXT commentary team ratings would go through the roof.

Dan: Nash v Booker is the ULTIMATE commentary team.

Dan: Especially white-haired Nash.

Dave: Please note that Booker is not wearing a shirt.

Dan: A leopard-print jacket, but no shirt.

Dave: White-haired Nash is the best kind of Nash.

Dave: Booker no-sells shirts whenever he can.

Dave: Shirts held him down in WCW.

Dan: I just dropped a Ric Flair joke into a conversation about a university black tie event. I said I'd only go if I could dress like this:

 

Dave: Those robes allegedly cost thousands of dollars. You'd have spent more than anyone wearing a tux. You'd need to be prepared to throw it on the floor and elbow drop it. Maybe punch yourself in the forehead until you bleed...

Dan: I'm going to have to go method and knock some people out with my loafers.

Dave: Would you be prepared to do a Flair flop?

Dave: I dread to think what Flair would be like at a university event with alcohol and twenty-something females available to him.

Dan: I'm very prepared.

Dan: It would be his ultimate fuel. More so than an empty ring and the sight of his own blood.

Dan: Ric Flair v Dawn French. WM pre-show.

Dave: If Dawn wins she gets plane tickets back to England. If she loses she has to ride Space Mountain.

Dave: Woooooooooooooooooo!

Dan: My favourite thing is when Flair starts hyperventilating and can only pronounce one word at a time.

Dave: That's serious Flair. You don't wanna mess with serious Flair.

Dan: This video.

Dan: The first ten seconds illustrates this perfectly.

Dan: This is a work of art.

Dave: The bit with the ropes at 1.10...!

Dan: This is what I'm going to do at my university dinner.

Dan: WOOOOOOOOO!

Dave: This is the most perfect Flair video I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. The best bit is that it's taken from ONE promo!

Dan: I imagine this is how it feels to be inside his mind.

Dave: Modern wrestlers need to learn how to cut an unscripted promo like this.

Dan: Where are his clothes?

Dave: I reckon his clothes were in the crowd before the three minute mark.

Dan: Modern wrestlers need to learn how to cut a SCRIPTED promo.

Dave: I want real personalities on TV. Ric Flair's not playing a character! That was an absolute shoot every Monday night. Woooooooooooooo!

Dave: I'm now watching him cut a promo on Goldberg.

Dave: "The line? The line?! The line! I am the line!" *Flair drops to the floor and rolls from side to side* "I'm the line!"

Dave: Ric Flair is magnificent.

Dan: His hair is magnificent.

Dave: Early 90s Flair had the best hair of all the Flairs.

Dave: I should point out that I like to imagine something akin to the Captain Britain Corps for Flair. All the Flairs of all the eras existing at once, all in different alternate universes.

Dan: "HE JUST RIFLED A GUCCI SHOE!"

Dave: I want to know the context of that and at the same time I don't. It's a magical quote.

Dave: This... this was some solid nonsense.

Dan: I think we should keep it rolling.

Michael: How did this get to 180?

Dave: How did it not get more?

***

¹ Mohnil is an acquaintance of Dan, myself and Michael. He’s a husky gentleman, hence the reference to him guzzling down an entire turkey. We’ve asked him to come onto the podcast several times before but he always says he’s busy. I know this isn’t true, I just can’t prove it.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 26

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 26 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

A couple of weekends ago I and my That Wrestling Podcast co-host attended a wrestling show in South London, along with the guys who do the (always worth listening to) South London Hardcore podcast, Jack and Steve. Michael and I were there because we like wrestling. Jack and Steve were there because they were doing an episode about wrestling in South London. You can download it from iTunes and visit their site here. I’d recommend doing both.

The wrestling event was not all it could have been.

The show was held in a small venue in Elephant and Castle. Announced beforehand were numerous British and American wrestlers, including Colt Cabana, Dave Mastiff, Marty Scurll, Adam Cole, Drake Younger, and Eddie Kingston. Before the first match had even started we were informed that Cole and Haskins were stuck on a ferry after wrestling in Germany. The promise was that if they made it to the venue the first thing they’d do was go to the ring and wrestle.

In hindsight I should have known from then that they weren’t going to appear. There were less than one hundred people in attendance and the likelihood is that they’d already gone home after realising that appearing at a theatre in South London wasn’t worth their time.

But this wasn’t my initial reaction. My initial reaction was to lean over to Michael and share my belief that the promoters were employing a classic British trick of announcing that a big star wasn’t going to be able to attend knowing full well they were sitting backstage, all in order to set up a big pop when said wrestler did show up after all.

I’m an optimist. Clearly.

Oh, and Eddie Kingston and Drake Younger didn’t appear. No reason was given as to why.

The first half of the show saw Rampage Brown defeat Nathan Cruz, Martin Kirby defeat the Lion Kid, and Johnny Storm defeat Marty Scurll. Yeah, the guy that’s faced Hiroshi Tanahashi and starred in ITV’s Take Me Out went on before the interval. Shocking!

ROAR!

The opener was completely average. Rampage was playing the heel but was far more over because he exhibited more personality. The small crowd latched onto that and didn’t let go. It’s also worth noting that he was a hit with both Michael and Jack. I think his legs (stocky and covered in hair) were cited as a reason. Kirby versus the Lion Kid was memorable for the Project Ego member’s comedy stalling and cat gags (at one point referring to Kid as Simba). I’d expected a greater ease performing in front of a smaller crowd from a seasoned pro like Lion Kid.

The highlight of the first half (and, for me, the entire show) was Storm versus Scurll. It was, like everything else on the card, a comedy affair, but it was elevated greatly by the experience of both men, in particular Scurll’s willingness to send himself up. Thanks to years of working in dingy school gyms and town halls ‘The Wonderkid’ was unphased by the miniscule crowd and did everything he could to keep us excited and making noise. What really made the match stand out was a spot with the referee. We go into more detail on that during the podcast. For the four of us it was the spot of the evening.

Big lad Dave Mastiff there!

After the interval Dave Mastiff, described by Michael as “fridge-like” and by me as “a modern day Henry VIII”, defeated Kris Travis. It was another basic affair that would have benefited from Mastiff playing the bad guy. He seemed reluctant to do so despite the clear size advantage that dictated he should.

The main event was the most proficient wrestling bout of the evening. It saw Colt Cabana beat Chuck Taylor. There was a lengthy pre-match sequence involving ‘The Kentucky Gentleman’ stealing a sign from a(n incredibly obnoxious) child in the audience and threatening to tear it up. Cabana made the save, natch.

Colt Cabana doesn't give up to headlock, no matter how they're applied

There’s not a huge amount to say about the match. It was well-paced and funny in all the right places, basically what you’d expect from Cabana. Taylor was a revelation for me. I’d never thought of him as anything particularly amazing, but his crowd interaction was top notch. He’s someone that Gabe Sapolsky, TNA and ROH should all be pursuing to get on as many shows as possible in 2014. In fairness the same is true of Cabana.

All this said the price of the tickets wasn’t high and the wrestlers that did show up all did their best to put on a good show and ensure we had a good time, which we did. Whether the no-shows were down to a lackadaisical ferry or shady promoting tactics we had as good a time as we could expect to for a tenner. Ultimately that’s all that matters.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 24

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 24 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Over the years my feelings of Kane have changed almost as frequently as he has. When I first got into wrestling I found him slow and boring. After a year or two I started to appreciate him as his costume started changing and he started toying with comedy. Then I went off him again as he became overexposed, predictable and dull. And then I liked him again when he lost his mask and was revealed to have lied about his fire-damaged past.

And so on. You get the idea. I’ve swung both ways on the Kane scale.

Nothing shows power like ripping off a cage door

This time last year I wrote about how I felt that it was time for ‘The Big Red Machine’ to be written off TV as a regular character. My argument was that he’d become boring again and there was nothing left for him to do.

I was wrong. He went on to form a very popular team with Daniel Bryan (which has been quietly forgotten by WWE now) and has recently been repackaged as Corporate Kane. In my defence the Corporate gimmick is not a million miles away from what I suggested for the character when I said he should go part time. It’s just the suit, tie and office job trappings that I didn’t think of.

As you may have picked up by now, Kane is the subject of this episode. We talk about the character’s history and journey to where he is now. That includes his relationship with his “brother” The Undertaker, some of the many tag teams he’s been in over the years, and the original plan for ‘Taker at WrestleMania XIV.