No Mercy 2002 review

WWE recently announced Brock Lesnar's Go to Hell tour, a month of Network-related content centred around 'The Beast' himself. It culminate with a Lesnar versus Undertaker Hell in a Cell match. Having watched WWE for a while my first thought when this was announced was that it's a repeat of the No Mercy 2002 main event, which saw Bikertaker face 'The Next Big Thing' inside the Cell. I thought I'd give that show a watch in preparation for their rematch almost exactly thirteen years later. Here's what I thought...

Intro

Tweet 1: 'Taker versus Lesnar in Hell in a Cell has me so hyped that I'm going to watch No Mercy 2002, the show that featured their first HIAC match.

Tweet 2: Such a powerful opening shot. No better way to start a pay-per-view...

Tweet 3: I know nothing about this show other than it has Undertaker v Lesnar in a HIAC match...
Tweet 4: The intro vid is clearing some things up. Triple H v Kane is happening. It's World title v IC title. And it's the Katie Vick feud.
Tweet 5: Also, Heyman just said HIAC is Taker's signature. You're forgetting the dreaded casket match there, Paul mate.

World tag team championship: Chris Jericho and Christian (c) v Booker T and Goldust

Tweet 6: Opener features Chris Jericho. Seems to be heel Jericho. Timeline feels right for him to tagging with Christian.

Tweet 7: Yeah, nailed it. Christian will save this opener for me.
Tweet 8: Prime Christian.

Tweet 9: This show is thirteen years old and features JR knocking Fozzy.
Tweet 10: The Canadian Lads v Bookdust. Jericho aside this should be good.
Tweet 11: Trying to figure out if Jericho was still good at this point. The crowd are giving him some mad heat. That indicates he was.
Tweet 12: They're crazy into the main man, future royalty Booker T too. Little Rock, Arkansas knows what's up.
Tweet 13: Weird period for Jerry Lawler this. He's still pro-heel but he's happy when faces do their big spots.
Tweet 14: He seems keen to see a Spinneroonie here, for example.
Tweet 15: I miss Shattered Dreams. Possibly the best low blow with theatrics in the entire history of the grapple game.
Tweet 16: "A Spinneroonie, razorback style!" - Jim Ross, prompting a strong you wot, mate?
Tweet 17: Jericho won off a top rope moonsault. You know, the top rope moonsault he was always doing.

Funaki interviews Al Wilson backstage

Tweet 18: YES.

Tweet 19: Getting a recap of Al Wilson's relationship with Dawn Marie. I've stumbled into one of WWE's hottest post-Attitude Era periods.
Tweet 20: This is what wrestling's all about, folks.

Tweet 21: "Why were you wearing your clothes in the shower?" - Funaki to Al Wilson

Dawn Marie v Torrie Wilson

Tweet 22:  Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson are about to do a wrestle. Michael Cole and The Tazz are on commentary. This show just got rough.

Tweet 23: SmackDown was considered the work rate brand at this point wasn't it...?
Tweet 24: "We want puppies!" - The crowd within seconds of this match beginning
Tweet 25: Tazz and Cole analysing the win-loss record of these two against one another in lingerie matches.
Tweet 26: Spot where Dawn and Torrie roll about with the referee there. Dawn had a go at him because she's a heel.
Tweet 27: Face women of this era were fine being felt up apparently.
Tweet 28: Torrie winning off a swinging neck breaker because why not?

Jonathan Coachman interviews Rob Van Dam backstage

Tweet 29: Great chinos on Coach here. Meanwhile RVD sets himself up as a man of the people and parodies Ric Flair. It's poor.

Tweet 30: Not hyped for Flair v Van Dam.
Tweet 31: Who's this Tracey lass? JR says she's a Jezebel. Jerry thinks she's hot. Has she made accusations against 'Mean' Mark? No memory of this.

Ric Flair v Rob Van Dam

Tweet 32: "He is Ric Flair" - Jerry Lawler on Ric Flair

Tweet 33: The opening minute has been far better than I expected tbf.
Tweet 34: Lol at JR saying Flair may have won thousands of matches with the figure four.
Tweet 35: Rob Van Dam can't sell a figure four. Who knew?
Tweet 36: Quite enjoying this match and I'm going to credit that to 'Naitch' because I dislike more of RVD's work than I like outside of ECW.

Big Show chats to Stephanie McMahon backstage until Eric Bischoff turns up and says he owns him

Tweet 37: WE-ELLLLLLLLL it's a Big Show backstage segment. Top notch stuff.

Tweet 38: Yet another highlight here: the Bischoff and Stephanie feuding GMs thing.
Tweet 39: "I'm a giant!" - Big Show
Tweet 40: Show angry that he's not been on PPV since July. He was overweight and lazy. I'm with Bisch on this. Good call, buddy. Keep him off shows.
Tweet 41: Everyone's favourite IC title memory.

Cruiserweight championship match: Jamie Noble (c) v Yoshiro Tajiri

Tweet 42: Tajiri in a cruiserweight title match? I'm down.

Tweet 43: YES.

Tweet 44: Just noticed Brian Hebner is refereeing this match. I'm not going to let it get to me.
Tweet 45: First mention of women being tomatoes from Tazz there.
Tweet 46: Tazz putting over Tajiri and saying he's been in the ring with him. Failing to mention he wasn't happy facing or selling for him.
Tweet 47: Sickened by Michael Cole not talking about educated feet when Tajiri started doing some kicks.
Tweet 48: Nidia's not doing much here. Pretty much sums up her run. I always thought she was good and deserved more than she got. #justsaying
Tweet 49: Nidia helps Noble win. Tajiri forces himself on her to even the score. She smiles about it. This booking though...

Los Guerreros, Kurt Angle and [REDACTED] backstage

Tweet 50: Awks backstage segment.

World Heavyweight championship v Intercontinental championship unification: Triple H (WHC) v Kane (IC)

Tweet 51: Kane being pushed as a top guy by embracing being a "freak". My word.

Tweet 52: Clean shaven Triple H accusing 'The Big Red Machine' of murdering sweet, innocent Katie Vick, the purest girl in all of rasslin'.
Tweet 53: I remember hating this match at the time it happened.
Tweet 54: Jerry Lawler trying to flesh out the Katie Vick story is just ridiculous. Who, other than Vince, thought this story was a good idea?
Tweet 55: Let the record show Kane is wearing his sexy semi-see-through ring gear here.
Tweet 56: Lawler cracking jokes about a kayfabe dead woman. Whadda pro.
Tweet 57: This match would be so much more enjoyable if it featured time-travelled-from-the-future Corporate Kane. In a vest.
Tweet 58: I'd be interested in knowing who thought Triple H v Kane would interest people in 2002.
Tweet 59: Plus side: this is the best period of Triple H's career as far as his hair is concerned.
Tweet 60: Hahahahaha run-in by The Hurricane hahahahaha.
Tweet 61: "Triple H is still alive" - Jerry Lawler, who I fully expected to follow up with "... unlike Katie Vick!"
Tweet 62: Imagine if another human being actually hit another human being in the head with a sledgehammer though.
Tweet 63: Lost count of the number of ref bumps in this match. Genuinely more than I remember from any Attitude Era main event.

Stephanie McMahon chats to Tracey in the office

Tweet 64: Another segment with this Tracey woman who I don't remember. She just called 'Mean' Mark a bastard. #strongwords

Tweet 65: Stephanie and Tracey having a heart-to-heart, just them and the cameras.
Tweet 66: Tracey confiding in Stephanie that she lied and wants 'Taker back. In front of cameras. Also Undertaker WAS STOOD IN THE ROOM.

Tag team championship tournament finals: Kurt Angle and [REDACTED] v Edge and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 67: Should be good.

Tweet 68: By good I mean I'm pretty sure it won some MOTY awards.
Tweet 69: "Kurt Angle in search of the one title that's eluded him" - Michael Cole as Angle entered for a match to crown the first ever champs
Tweet 70: Edge with his poor "Never gonna stop!" Zombie lad entrance music here.
Tweet 71: I'd already recommend this match on the strength of the opening sequence between Mysterio and Angle.
Tweet 72: You'd never get WWE putting some of their best workers and biggest stars in an extended tag feud now. It's a shame.
Tweet 73: This three-way feud shows how effective it can be. I'm sure the strength of his work here helped Edge get over.
Tweet 74: *Waits for Rey to tag in and blow his knee*
Tweet 75: Rey Mysterio doing Bronco Busters... *shakes head*
Tweet 76: 619 to [REDACTED] as he had the [REDACTED] Crossface on is such a great spot.
Tweet 77: That was a career highlight for all four lads. Obviously won't make it onto any compilations because of [REDACTED] but it deserves to.

Undertaker gets something injected into his hand

Tweet 78: What's 'Taker been up to...?

Women's championship: Trish Stratus (c) v Victoria

Tweet 79: Jerry Lawler talking about puppies, JR calling Victoria "chronically pre-menstrual", it could only be a WWE women's match from the early 00s.

Tweet 80: Disappointed Big Stevie Cool isn't paired up with Victoria at this point. That was an under-utilised act.
Tweet 81: Not exactly a classic that. But it was good. Could've done without Dawn v Torrie, splitting the time between this and the cruiser match.

Pre-Hell in a Cell chatter

Tweet 82:

Tweet 83: Pre-match video package establishing that Tracey was with Undertaker in 1995. He looked like this...

WWE championship Hell in a Cell: Undertaker v Brock Lesnar (c)

Tweet 84: The Hell in a Cell main is starting. Think I'm about to watch the best 'Taker-Lesnar HIAC match there will ever be.

Tweet 85: Mat wrestling and a cast plot line. This is how you start Hell in a Cell!
Tweet 86: I'm assuming this ends with Lesnar climbing to the roof and hitting a Shooting Star Press off the roof through a table.
Tweet 87: "The champion seeing his own blood. TASTING his own blood." Get a room, Cole.
Tweet 88: For the record I don't approve of pins or pin attempts outside of the ring in HIAC.
Tweet 89: I wish Tazz would refer to this as a big man extravaganza because that's EXACTLY what it is.
Tweet 90: Undertaker is wrestling in a bandana. I bet his Ministry of Darkness era self would be ashamed to learn of this.
Tweet 91: No Mercy: Battle for the Wank Rag.

Tweet 92: Lesnar and Heyman are both bleeding. If 'Taker doesn't blade it's ridiculous.
Tweet 93: Interesting note: Michael Cole is fully erect throughout this entire match.
Tweet 94: Undertaker versus Brock Lesnar in a Pub Car Park Disagreement match.

Tweet 95: Lol at 'Taker Hulking up here.
Tweet 96: Upset Tazz didn't refer to the choke slam as a goozle.
Tweet 97: This match should end with Brock taking a Tombstone then immediately kipping up to hit an F5.
Tweet 98: Pins on the floor are legal but rope breaks still count. What even are these rules?
Tweet 99: 'Dead Man Inc' fell to a single F5. What a weakling.
Tweet 100: I'll be amazed if they top that at Hell in a Cell.
Tweet 101:

Tweet 102: I liked that match and I liked that show. There was way more to it than I expected.

John Cena's Sweet Sixteen

Over the last year much has been made of the fact that John Cena's next world title win will tie him with Ric Flair's record of sixteen. Ever since he lost his fifteenth world championship at SummerSlam 2014 we've been hearing rumour through The Dirt Sheets™ that WWE wants to have Cena's next win and the reign it kicks off be big deals. We heard it mentioned on-screen leading up to SummerSlam this year, Cena's first title shot since January's Royal Rumble, with him specifically name-dropping Flair and announcing that he wants to reach that milestone.

This makes sense. With only one man having been as prolific as Cena when it comes to winning world titles it's entirely understandable that WWE would want to focus on that journey as a story. Cena equalling a record tally is a logical, understandable plot for wrestling because it focuses on wins and losses and the importance of titles. It's also something that has never really been done before in wrestling, at least not in the exact circumstance of someone tying Flair.

The thing is that Cena's world title win won't see him equal Flair's actual record. It will see him equal the WWE approved record, the one that discounts a number of 'Naitch's' early NWA world championship victories. For what it's worth Flair is said to privately consider himself something like a twenty-one time world champ. Not that Flair's private feelings or the legitimate number of title reigns he's had actually matters. What matters is that Flair is known as a sixteen time world champion and Cena's next win will see tie this.

The once and future champ.

When it comes (and it will come) Cena's next WWE championship reign needs to be something memorable¹. Running through standard issue title defences against Rollins, Kane and Orton won't cut it if WWE wants to do the story they're going for justice. What is the story they're going (or will be going) for? That in winning sixteen world championships Cena, who is frequently lambasted as a poor wrestler with little understanding of selling and ring psychology, is every bit as good as Ric Flair, who is frequently held up as the greatest professional wrestler ever.

A long title reign will be needed to do this story justice and for a long title reign WWE will need plenty of challengers. Right now there are very few people who could believably defeat Cena on pay-per-view. The number who could defeat him for a world title is even smaller, especially such an importantly numbered title. And if a long Cena title reign is to work in 2015 or beyond then the audience should be able to feel that Cena could lose in any defence, adding to the drama of each match, therefore heightening reactions and making the achievement of each successful retention seem greater.

Had one of Cena's allegedly star-making feuds against Bray Wyatt, Rusev or Kevin Owens gone differently over the last eighteen months things could be different. Had Cena left any one of those feuds without getting a victory then the opponent in question would be perfectly positioned as a title challenger for 'Big Match John' come his next world title reign. They could have been presented as the only man of the last decade Cena had failed to defeat and a favourite in a title match against him. Basically, Cena losing more in these programmes would have made a victory for him at a later point a bigger deal.

Rusev in particular could have been great in this role. Had WWE thought enough about it 'The Bulgarian Brute' could have been built up as Cena's gateway to a sixteenth world title. Had Rusev dropped Cena on three or four straight pay-per-views he would have been established as a juggernaut and a natural contender to the WWE world title. He could have won that from Rollins, either in a singles match (in the right city Rollins could have played the face) or a three-way including someone like Ambrose, Lesnar or Reigns to give people a face to get behind, and gone on to have a few months as a dominant world champion. Cena could have gone on his undercard quest to find himself (the Open Challenge thing could have worked as Cena testing himself instead of as a US title reign) before challenging Rusev to a world title match and beating him. This would have seen Cena finally getting the victory that had eluded him, ending Rusev's undefeated streak, and equalling the sixteen title reigns record in one match.

But, sadly, nobody in WWE seems to think that far ahead.

The good news is that Cena's next world title win is unlikely to roll around until next year.  Roman Reigns seems like the natural choice to take the belt from current champ Seth Rollins, likely at WrestleMania 32 Star in Texas next April. It's unlikely Reigns' inaugural world title run would last less than four months, which would take him through to SummerSlam, a fitting stage for Cena's big win. Next August gives WWE plenty of time to rebuild Rusev, Owens and Wyatt, along with preparing other acts like Cesaro, Stardust and Ryback, giving Cena the stacked roster he needs to make his sixteenth world title reign the success it deserves to be.

***

¹ The irony here is that Flair's final WCW world title reigns were massively underwhelming. The fifteenth world title reign of Ric Flair began on an episode of Nitro and lasted seven days, ending when he was stripped of the belt by Vince Russo. Jeff Jarrett then won the title later on the same show and lost it the following evening to Kevin Nash at a Thunder taping. 'Big Sexy' then handed the title back to Flair on the following Nitro², with Flair going on to lose the title back to Jarrett later on in the show.

Yes, that means Flair's famed sixteenth world title reign began with Kevin Nash handing him the belt and lasted less than two hours. Woooooo!

The Look Versus Charisma

Randall Keith Orton was booked to criticise indy darling Kevin Owens' physique earlier this week, mockingly asking if the former NXT champion had put on weight during a promo on RAW. It's true that KO is something of an anomaly on the WWE roster, not possessing shredded abs or twenty-four inch pythons (not that that particular breed of python is en vogue these days after recent... revelations). But is that such a bad thing? Owens is far from a slob and his look helps him to stand out. Being able to pass as a cover star for Muscle & Fitness isn't the be all and end all for wrestlers, despite beliefs to the contrary over at Titan Towers.

Massively out of shape apparently.

This is an old problem within WWE. So much so that it's not really worth me going into great detail on the back-story here. These are issues that have been documented elsewhere by people far more knowledgeable than me. The gist, for any newcomers to wrestling and WWE in particular, is that decision makers in The Business frequently opt to push guys based on their "look" (that is to say their general attractiveness and dedication to hitting the gym) as opposed to generally more sensible qualities like experience, aptitude and ability.

It's a tendency particularly associated with WWE and Vince McMahon. There are dozens of stories floating around online and in shoot interview DVDs (most of which are also, I realise, available online, but whatever) about Vince's love of signing muscled up dudes to big money contracts despite them having little or no wrestling experience. They range from the signings of duds like The Great Khali and Lex Luger to the debacle that was the World Bodybuilding Federation, a company Vince set up to showcase muscled lads doing a flex and that, funded by money from his wrestling promotion¹.

The drawing power of lads with big muscles is not great. Yeah, Hulk Hogan and, to a far lesser extent, Ultimate Warrior did well and were by any reasonable definition, body guys. But in both cases a substantial part of their attraction lay in their charisma. People paid to see them because they were larger than life characters, not because they had big muscles. Their looks were definitely a part of their charm, I'm not denying that. A Hogan promo delivered by a guy with the physique of Mr Bean would not work anywhere near as well as they were delivered by a six foot six pulsating mass of steroids. But there was more to them than being big.

There are far more failures than there are successes when it comes to body guys in wrestling. Lex Luger, Kevin Nash and Billy Gunn (even Orton himself, ultimately) all have enviable bodies but none have ever proven to be a draw, and all were given ample chances to be. Meanwhile guys like Mick Foley, Ric Flair and Kurt Angle, while all in good shape in their primes, didn't have megastar bodies yet were successful contributors to the success of their employers. Meanwhile the closest 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin, a guy I personally believe to be the single most important wrestler in WWE history, came to a six pack when he was in his prime was his post-match beer-swilling celebration.

"Yeah, I see your double jump moonsault and Swanton bomb. What else ya got?"

Look is important in wrestling. Having a good body is too, and it has the added bonus of ensuring that you're healthier and likelier to live longer. But there's not really any tangible correlation between having the proverbial million dollar body and being of great benefit to the company. On some level the people that run WWE know this. If they didn't then Cesaro, who is a great wrestler, a great promo, can speak five languages, is very, very strong, and is in amazing shape, would be headlining pay-per-views.

WWE is wrong to criticise Owens based on his look alone, and even more wrong to use Orton as the man to deliver the message. Owens has proven is talent again and again during recent years, including his time in WWE's own developmental territory. I've not seen 'The Viper' bust out many double jump moonsaults lately, despite being in such better shape. I'd rather look like the one time 'Mr Wrestling' and have his attitude and outlook on life than look like Randy Orton and think it's okay to defecate in people's bags and be a general under-achiever despite being given every opportunity to become The Man in WWE. And judging by the comment made during RAW WWE seems to think it's Orton, not Owens, who's the better role model.

***

¹ A running theme with Vince is that he routinely takes money from the one thing he's successful at, that being promoting pro wrestling, and diverts it into vanity projects designed to show that he is capable of succeeding at literally anything else. These have included the WBF, a film studio, and, perhaps most ludicrously, a football league. That none of these things have never succeeded to the point of being self-sustaining has taught Vince nothing².

² In fairness this is part of Vince's charm.

Fantasy Booker: Edge's First World Championship

On January 8 2006 Edge defeated John Cena to win his first WWE championship. On January 29 2006, just three weeks later, he lost the title back to Cena. Sandwiched between these two matches with Cena was a TLC match opposite Ric Flair which was rather good despite being a crazy booking decision.

This three week reign with only one successful title defence was the culmination of a story that had started in the autumn of 2004. Edge had become increasingly bitter about his status within the company and his lack of world championship opportunities at the expense of the "old guard" lads like Triple H and Shawn Michaels. Despite these perfectly legitimate complaints (he really had been marginalised both in storyline and in reality) fans turned on him.

That an eighteen month build ended with a three week title reign that did nothing to elevate Edge was frustrating. It was made more frustrating by the fact that the RAW after Edge's title victory got the show's highest ratings in years. People were interested in Edge as champion. WWE did nothing to encourage people to stick with the product, a disservice to themselves and their newly crowned champion.

'The Rated R Champion'. Boom!

Things should have been different. Edge had been a presence on WWE television since 1998. For all of that time he had been presented as a future main event star. His first world title victory and reign should have been presented as a far bigger deal. WWE got it right with the booking of Edge's win over Cena and with his "live sex celebration" with Lita the next night on RAW (they rolled around in a bed set up in the ring) but faltered by continuing his uninspiring feud with Ric Flair and giving him only three weeks as champion.

So I thought it would be nice to kick back in the ol' armchair for a brief spot of fantasy booking. Here's what I'd have done...

The January 9 edition of RAW would have featured the "sex celebration" as was, because it was amusing, got over Edge's scumbag character perfectly, and helped to attract a strong rating. Usually I don't keep things that actually happened when I'm writing these fantasy booking things but let's just assume that whoever suggested it would still have suggested it, eh?

Although I've criticised the decision to continue Edge's feud with 'The Nature Boy' I'd do the exact same thing. The difference is that I wouldn't be planning to take the belt off of Edge so quickly, meaning that his bout with Flair wouldn't be the only successful defence he'd make. I'd have Flair, as he did in reality, knock Edge for conduct unbecoming of a champion¹ and set up a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match for the following week's RAW. Naturally that would be won by Edge.

The pre-Rumble RAW would be all about hyping up the Edge-Cena rematch and the Rumble itself would be where I'd finally diverge from reality. Edge would successfully defend the gold against 'The Franchise', but he'd do it via some shady, heelish tactics. I would want to build Edge up as a crafty, cowardly heel who'd win at any cost, a man desperate to keep the world championship he's worked so hard and waited so long for. Because, well, that would have actually made sense considering the story arc he'd been on for the preceding eighteen months.

Let's say Edge would have won with a belt shot to the head of Cena while Lita distracted the referee. That would get over Edge's character, make use of Lita, protect Cena (still a fairly legitimate concern at this point as he'd only been granted his top guy push in the spring of 2005), and create reason for a rematch. Elsewhere on the show Rey Mysterio would still win the Rumble only he'd do so by last eliminating Shawn Michaels (instead of real life finalist Triple H), with HBK overcoming Vince McMahon flavoured interference throughout the match². Mysterio would go on to challenge for SmackDown's World Heavyweight championship at 'Mania.

The third Edge-Cena match of the series would take place on an episode of RAW between the Rumble and WrestleMania 22, because at this point WWE was doing the branded pay-per-views ting and February's No Way Out was a SmackDown show. In the lead up to this the Cena and Edge programme would begin to crossover with the Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon programme. Michaels would confront Edge about not having proven himself capable of beating Cena fairly. Cena, the valiant babyface, would thank Michaels but tell him he can speak for himself (tension!). McMahon would interject to endorse Edge as company figurehead and champion and make some claim along the lines of "Edge is ten times the champion Shawn Michaels ever was." The idea would be to keep each feud a separate entity but begin teasing the possibility of Michaels v Cena and Michaels v Edge.

Being the blow off to the rivalry, and coming after two regular rules matches between the two, the hyped-up-RAW match would need to have a stipulation. Last Man Standing would work. Cena's good in those. A cage would work too. Let's say it would have been a cage match (I can't bring myself to break Cena's LSM streak, even in a fantasy booking scenario set a decade in the past). Cena and Edge could probably do something good in a cage, and they'd have Lita at ringside to throw a chair or two in if needed.

Edge wins lol.

More importantly they'd have Lita to pull a chain and padlock form under the ring and lock the door shut as Cena tries to escape. With Cena arguing with the referee about getting the door opened, possibly even going so far as to try and wrench the door off its hinges (because Super Cena™), the champ would try sneaking over the top of the cage. Cena would spot him, grab him, and pull him back into the ring for an AA. During this sequence Lita would unlock the padlock and scrabble into the ring to grab Cena by the leg as he tried to climb out (with the commentators making it clear Cena still thought the door was locked). Edge would then crawl through the open doorway and slump down to the mats to win.

A cheap, convoluted finish. Using a woman, no less! Outrageous! Exactly the sort of thing a cowardly champion would dream up.

Also on this specially hyped episode of RAW would be Shawn Michaels versus Vince McMahon in a street fight, with the stipulation that Michaels would get a WWE title match at WrestleMania if he won and renounce God if he lost (which isn't my idea of a great stipulation but would fit nicely with the existing themes attached to their feud). Naturally Michaels would win, setting up 'The Rated R Superstar' versus 'The Heartbreak Kid' for WrestleMania.

Edge would successfully retain in this match too, though Lita's influence would be less pronounced. She'd interfere throughout the first half of the match and get wiped out by a Sweet Chin Music aimed at Edge (who'd move, obvs). Just to be clear, I'm not a big fan of man-on-woman violence in wrestling (or out of it for that matter) but used sparingly it can be impactful. WrestleMania is exactly the sort of show that can benefit from a rare spot and Lita is the sort of woman who should be involved in this sort of thing: she had massive heat at this point, making the spot count for more.

After Lita's elimination Edge would kick out of a Sweet Chin Music. Michaels would kick out of a spear and the lifting DDT Edge had used earlier in his career and ascribed about four different names too. Edge would avoid another SCM (assuming he'd have taken one before Lita went backstage, meaning he'd taken two in total) and hit Michaels with a spear for the win. This would hopefully carry enough credibility for a WWE championship match on 'The Showcase of the Immortals' but keep Edge's cowardly streak alive by again featuring heavy interference from Lita.

Backlash would be the traditional WrestleMania rematch, giving us another Michaels v Edge exchange. This would be a Last Man Standing match with more interference and shenanigans than the WrestleMania match. The finish would see Lita distract Michaels, allowing Edge to sneak in with a spear and half a dozen chair shots to the back. He'd then finish the challenger off with a Conchairto.

Only Cena could do this justice.

All of which brings me to the problem of fantasy booking something like this: at some point you have to acknowledge One Night Stand. WWE's second ECW reunion show was used as launching pad for the ill-fated ECW "brand" and was built around Rob Van Dam cashing in his Money in the Bank title shot against John Cena. Having the title on Edge for that show would produce a better quality match but that misses much of the point of the exercise. One Night Stand needed the spectacle of John Cena, the most WWE guy on the roster, facing the personification of ECW, Rob Van Dam. Only Cena and RVD could produce that main event atmosphere that was needed.

Cena would need to win the title back from Edge so that feud would be reignited. But, because it would have only been wrapped up a couple of months earlier, it would need to happen in a spur-of-the-moment kind of way, setting up and having the match in one night. So Cena would interrupt a show-opening promo from Edge, remind him that he never beat him in a fair one-on-one match, and goad him into a title match in the main event.

Edge would drop the belt to Cena. Cena, the newly crowned two-time champ, would then be confronted by Rob Van Dam. We'd get the RVD v Cena at One Night Stand match and Van Dam would leave as champion. Edge would have had the inaugural world title reign he deserved (or at least something closer to it than he got in reality). And when Van Dam failed the drugs test we'd be in a great position to keep people guessing as to who'd replace him as champion: Edge or Cena.

There we go. Better than reality.

***

¹ Yes, Ric Flair, the limosine-riding, jet-flying, kiss-stealing, wheeling-dealing sonnovagun, actually accused Edge of not behaving like a true world champion because he was celebrating his world title win by rolling around in bed with a hot woman. The hypocrisy of this is baffling: it's hard to imagine a segment more geared towards 'Naitch' in his prime than Edge's "live sex celebration."

² Michaels and Vince had been feuding since December 2005 after Vince had taken it upon himself to mock Michaels Christian beliefs. In reality Michaels defeated Vince in a no holds barred match at 'Mania 22. Vince would team with his son Shane to face Michaels and God³ at Backlash. Vince and Shane won that one⁴.

³ Yes, really.

⁴ If it surprises you that Vince McMahon, the owner of the company, would book himself to not only face but defeat God in a wrestling match then you're clearly not very familiar with him. "Eccentric" does not do him justice.

John Cena's Mid-Card Excursion

Four weeks ago John Cena won his first United States championship in over ten years, his fourth overall. I initially thought this was WWE's way of keeping him occupied while Seth Rollins enjoyed his inaugural reign as world champ. You know, before the trigger is pulled on Cena's journey to world title number sixteen, the reign which will tie him with Ric Flair for most world championship reigns ever (even though Flair has had a number of secret and unacknowledged reigns that take him above that official tally). 

This hasn't been the case. What I assumed was going to be nothing more than a bit of placeholder action has had meaning and purpose. Instead of running through the usual array of mediocre brawls and contracts signings opposite his rival (in this case the former US champ, Rusev) Cena has taken the weekly open challenge route.

John Cena: doing it for America!

This is a simple thing but it's worked wonders. It's opened Cena up to working with a wider variety of guys than he usually does. What are the chances of Stardust or Bad News Barrett getting to work with Cena if the open challenge wasn't on the books? Slim to none is my opinion. It's also meant we get a Cena match every week. He may not be the greatest wrestler ever, or even amongst the best in WWE, but he's not awful in small doses and his matches always get a reaction, which counts for a lot. Plus it keeps him away from lengthy promo segments. Those are a strength of his but he doesn't really keep them varied.

Basically, what's currently being done with Cena is what should have been done years ago. He's in a position to wrestle competitive matches with fresh opponents and newer names. The opponents get some exposure by working with the top boy and Cena gets to do something new. It's WWE finally doing something to prepare for the future.

No, nobody's beating Cena yet but that's not the purpose of the task. Cena isn't going to start losing every week. He's the company's top babyface. As a rule top babyfaces don't lose that often. They certainly don't lose to mid-carders on TV as a regular thing, even by count out or DQ. It's enough that Cena's in a position to wrestle these guys for now. The time will come where someone does beat him for the United States strap. It could happen on pay-per-view in a feature feud (like tonight against Rusev, although I really, really doubt that will happen) but it would be best if someone less established got an upset victory. It would be unexpected, give someone a huge boost, and contribute to making the US title mean something.

That last point hasn't been accomplished yet. Simply sticking the title on Cena was never going to be enough on its own. But it does mean more than it did on Rusev or Sheamus or Ambrose or anybody else who's held it over the last few years. The process of making the title mean something has been started. That in itself is an accomplishment.

The Nature Briscoe

Back in September, shortly after he’d won the ROH championship for the second time, I mentioned that Jay Briscoe could work as a modern day Ric Flair. I never really expanded on the comment and I feel that I probably should. Because it’s something I still believe and, perhaps more to the point, it’s an idea that probably needs a bit of clarification.

On the surface you couldn’t have two men who look more different. They’re both average sized wrestlers, being neither giants nor cruiserweights, but that’s about where the similarities end. Jay Briscoe is covered in tattoos, keeps his dark hair short or shaves it off completely, sports a whopper beard, and dresses like a farmhand who’s keen on camouflage gear. Flair is free of tattoos, and in his prime had long blonde hair, a clean shaven face, and a love of designer suits, shoes, and watches.

'King of Brawl' would be a decent nickname. Book it.

Their characters and wrestling styles are different too. Flair was a limousine ridin’, jet flyin’ womaniser who bragged about his money and ritzy lifestyle whilst Jay is a committed family man who grew up and lives on a farm. ‘The Nature Boy’ was a technical wrestler who’d frequently cheat. Briscoe is a brawler with more experience as a tag guy than a singles guy. It can even be noted that the closest thing Flair had to a finisher was the figure four leg lock, while Jay has an impact move in the Jay Driller.

So, no immediate parallels in any way at all. But right now ROH has the chance to pattern Briscoe’s career after Flair’s. Specifically they could go out of their way to make Briscoe their modern day equivalent of ‘Naitch’. And considering the status Flair has in the world of wrestling that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Looking passed Flair’s character we have a man who was a constant at the top of the card for the NWA, WCW and the WWF (though the NWA was his golden era). He was the guy they would put the belt on when they were in a tight spot, the guy they knew they could always rely on for a cracking promo and a very good match. He was their Mr Dependable.

I’m not arguing that Briscoe is in any way comparable to Flair in terms of ability. He’s clearly not as good a talker and his in-ring style is simply too different to bare meaningful comparison. What I’m saying is that Flair was (and is) synonymous with the NWA and its championship at a time when both were meaningful (in no small part due to lair himself). Briscoe, as a man unlikely to ever head to WWE, is ideally placed to fill that role for Ring of Honor. They already play up his history with the company and have made tweaks to his character that do so to.

ROH could go further with this. Make Briscoe’s current reign a lengthy one and have him defend against a variety of opponents. Every few years give him a reign of a few months so that in seven or eight years’ time Briscoe can be presented as the quintessential ROH champ. They’re clearly going to go for that with him anyway. A career that’s taken in four or five ROH world title reigns would make it feel that bit more legitimate.

Every wrestling promotion needs a figure like this once they get to a certain size. ROH is at that point. And Briscoe, because of his tenure with the promotion and his credibility as a top line act, is the perfect choice for them.

NXTweet 14.08.14

Comments from Twitter on the most recent episode of NXT, collated here for your ease and-or enjoyment. Please enjoy at your leisure.

Intro

Tweet 1: Gonna tweet some NXT, innit...

Tweet 2: Recap of that Zayn v Breeze match from Takeover. Even with the iffy finish it was great.
Tweet 3: Plus, y'know, Regal's commentary.
Tweet 4: Instead of releasing Teddy Long they should've made him a referee in NXT. Only officiating tag matches, naturally.

Mojo Rawley and Bull Dempsey v The Vaudevillains

Tweet 5: Bull Dempsey: yes. Mojo Rawley: no.

Tweet 6: Nojo Rawley.
Tweet 7: I love that The Vaudevillains are so over.

NXT doesn't get much better than this.

Tweet 8: Bull Dempsey is "the last of the old warriors"? That's got to get a lol.
Tweet 9: Renee Young likes everything Bull stands for. Get a room, Renee.
Tweet 10: It couldn't have been more obvious that Bull was going to turn on Mojo there. Still funny though.
Tweet 11: Crowd chanting "Thank you, Bull!"
Tweet 12: What we've learned from this match is that The Vaudevillains are massively over and nobody likes Mojo Rawley. Both good things.

Sasha Banks and Bayley backstage

Tweet 13: "What you should do is go back to Lala Land" - Sasha Banks to Bayley. I mention this as I think Bayley should be announced from Lala Land

Tweet 14: That Slam City advert. Cena keeps the WWE title in a draw and The Rock sounds nothing like The Rock. Tremendous.

Bayley v Sasha Banks

Tweet 15: Bayley is like Emma before she went all thiefy.

Tweet 16: That "Bayley's gonna hug you!" chant.
Tweet 17: That was the slickest mat wrestling pin exchange I can remember seeing in WWE for a long time. Slick stuff yo.
Tweet 18: Suggestion to the WWE seamstress team: make Bayley's tights busier.

If Breeze and Neville hadn't headlined this probs would've been match of the night.

Tweet 19: Tom Phillips calling Sasha cold blooded has made me think of Matt Hardy. That's definitely not your job, Tom.
Tweet 20: I'd enjoy it a lot if WWE re-signed Matt and made him restart in NXT. I'd enjoy him becoming an NXT trainer a lot less.
Tweet 21: Not that I think either's on the cards.
Tweet 22: What was the point of that 'Cold Blooded' nickname he was pushing? If it was to do anything but make people laugh it was a fail.
Tweet 23: Sasha's backstabber into a crossface was beautiful. Nice counter pin finish too. I liked that match a lot.
Tweet 24: Wouldn't be surprised if Bayley won the women's championship to free Charlotte up for a move to the main roster.
Tweet 25: They want something for Flair to do. Managing his daughter is good an idea as any.

Sin Cara and Kalisto v Buddy Murphy and Wesley Blake

Tweet 26: Sin Cara and Kalisto's team name should be Carlisto.

Tweet 27: Kalisto standing on the rope pumping his arms like a madman makes him look like El Torito. Maybe get a minis division going so they can feud.
Tweet 28: Wesley Blake and Buddy Murphy. Me neither...
Tweet 29: Murphy looks like a short, young Undertaker. Their tights have a Rockers feel.
Tweet 30: Sin Cara mentoring Kalisto. Because Cara's had so much success and should definitely be mentoring guys. #kayfabe
Tweet 31: Sin Cara just botched a clothesline. Doesn't matter who's under the mask, the character always botches. Just go full JT Smith with it.
Tweet 32: What had Blake and Murphy done to get into that tournament? Guess we'll never know.

Team Carlisto.

The Legionnaires speak at Devin Taylor

Tweet 33: Meanwhile The Legionnaires are pushing a rivalry with Enzo and Big Cass.

Tweet 34: And speaking with French accents that wouldn't be out of place in 'Allo, 'Allo, natch.

NXT championship: Adrian Neville (c) v Tyler Breeze

Tweet 35: Can Mike Dalton become the NXT champion?

Tweet 36: I'm surprised, and pleased, that WWE haven't recycled John Morrison's old parkour gimmick for Adrian Neville.
Tweet 37: #seasonalresidence
Tweet 38: Nobody's ever going to have a seasonal residence in Newcastle.
Tweet 39: Tyson Kidd standing on the desk, there. Because why not, I guess?
Tweet 40: As usual Tyson is plastered in makeup. Not a good-looking man, clearly.
Tweet 41: Pretty sure Kidd is wearing a non-merch hoodie. If so I approve.
Tweet 42: Maybe Nev should invest in some slightly larger trunks. #justsaying

Standing shooting star press from Nev, there.

Tweet 43: "The land of no return!" - Byron Saxton on the top rope
Tweet 44: That tornado DDT and the way Nev sold it is one of the best things I've seen this year.
Tweet 45: Tyson's hoodie has his name written on it so I assume it is merch. Pity.
Tweet 46: Storyline-wise Nev totally brought on that Tyson interference. He super kicked the guy for no reason. Perhaps he didn't have a ticket...
Tweet 47: Kidd, Nev and Breeze having a three-way ruck is "chaos" apparently.
Tweet 48: Zayn makes the save. If this were a SmackDown episode from a few years back Teddy Long would be making a tag match about now.

NXT Takeover review

Three months into the WWE Network Era and we already have our second live NXT special. Perhaps someone in WWE realised NXT is their most consistent and enjoyable weekly programme and decided to treat us. More likely it was simply felt that the NXT stars warranted another live airing. Whatever the reason it was certainly welcome.

The commentary team for the evening consisted of Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton and William Regal. It was a relief not to have Alex Riley clogging things up with his insipid comments. And I wasn’t sad that Jason Albert (formerly gaijin warlord Tensai) was sitting things out either. He’s far easier to take in the role than A-Ry but he’s still not close to being amongst WWE’s verbal elite.

Before I talk about the wrestling I’d like to mention William Regal. He’s always entertaining and knowledgable when providing commentary but he was particularly good here. He continually and tirelessly put over the efforts of all performers on the card, enhancing everyone with his comments and pushing NXT as the important part of the WWE machine it is. Particularly good was his commentary during the main event, during which he discussed British wrestling and the difficulties of making a name for oneself in the US as a foreign star

And he danced to Rusev’s music. The guy can do it all!

The show opened with Adam Rose entering Full Sail through the front door with his Exotic Express in tow. He came through the crowd. That simple little difference and the reaction he got made him look like a star. It’s a pity he’s not been given anything better to do since turning up on RAW because the characters very enjoyable (and is also facing a struggle because it fits better in the smaller NXT Arena than in the cavernous lairs RAWs held in every week.

By contrast Camacho didn't even get to ride out on his tricycle. And he was called a party pooper by the fans. He looked like the bit part player he is.

"Is that a lollipop in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

Rose played around for the first minute before Camacho took control. He kept control until the end of their five minutes, at which point Rose hit a spinebuster, an Exotic Express (formerly the heat-magnet-when-performed-by-Sean-Waltman Bronco Buster) and his Ace Crusher DDT for the victory. In this environment Rose is tremendous.

A video package recapped Sami Zayn's feud with Cesaro and how hard he worked to get to WWE. Also mentioned was his personal dislike of Tyler Breeze. Personally I like both guys. It was an effective video package that demonstrated Zayn’s passion for wrestling, as well as the much-vaunted heart and desire that are an integral part of his appeal.

After that ring announcer announced 'Prince Pretty' had entered the building.

And then The Ascension came out. They were loudly cheered, as has become the fashion. It would be nice if WWE made an NXT tag division a priority. Konnor and Viktor are over but they can only go so far without any meaningful opposition. People like them squashing jobbers, but it won’t do them any favours in the long term.

Challengers Kalisto and EL Local (the masked identity of ring announcer extraordinaire Ricardo Rodriguez) jumped the champions before the bell, sending them to the outside of the ring. A pair of suicide dives were met with elbows. That put things in the champions' favour and things stayed that way for a few minutes. Kalisto was kept in the ring for a while. He mostly took clotheslines and punches but there was a fair bit of getting rammed into turnbuckles too.

The Legion of Ascension.

Eventually he tagged in El Ricardo. That sparked off a frenetic sequence involving all four. It didn't take long for The Ascension to isolate Local and drop him with Fall of Man for another successful title defence.

Tyler Breeze was shown in the back looking from a phone to a mirror and back again. Just in case it wasn’t clear from his general gimmick that he’s a narcissist, presumably. A video about him was shown. It was far more gimmicky than Zayn's, because Breeze is more of a wrestling character than an extension of a real life personality. That said they did have Breeze say that being pretty isn't all he can do. For the record Breeze is still doing his Zoolander voice all the time. And it's still fun.

Zayn v Breeze followed that. It was a number one contendership match. The winner would progress to a match against the winner of the NXT championship main event. ‘Prince Pretty’ debuted new music. It featured the line “Part man but all model” and was as great as that should imply.

They wrestled. For fifteen minutes. Non-stop. It was pretty great. After starting out with some counter wrestling they got the story underway: Breeze shoved Zayn off the top rope to the floor, which put Zayn on the back foot and played into his recent (storyline) concussion trouble. After Breeze had controlled the pace for a bit the pair broke into the big spots.

Zayn v Breeze: match of the night.

Highlights there included a sitdown moonsault to the outside by Zayn; Zayn's blue thunder bomb; a high power bomb from the corner by Breeze; an exploder suplex into a turnbuckle from Zayn; a perfect super kick from Breeze, which earned him a scintillating near fall; and a suplex into a blue thunder bomb from Zayn (which was a really convincing false finish). It was ‘The Gorgeous One’ who got the win when he gave Zayn a Beauty Shot after a low blow during a Helluva kick attempt. Regal claimed he was just getting his hands up to protect himself. Phillips didn't seem convinced.

Backstage we saw Bret Hart having a chat with Tyson Kidd and Natalya. I’d like to think he was praising Natty for wearing pink and black and encouraging Kidd to do the same.

Back at ringside Lana strutted out into the entranceway. She introduced Rusev, as she tends to, who came out waving a Russian flag very aggressively. Rusev has, according to Lana, expanded his power across RAW and SmackDown. Putin was shown on the big screen and got booed. That's a great little gimmick. Rusev spoke in Russian then waved his flag like a madman again.

Mojo Rawley, who I still don't see the appeal of, came out and reminded Rusev and 'The Ravishing Russian' they were in America. Babyfaces tend to assume foreigners forget where they are all the time. 'The Hype Man' rushed the ring, got knocked down, and placed in the Steiner Recliner (or, if you prefer, The Accolade). That didn’t satisfy ‘The Ravishing Russian. She had Rusev chuck Mojo out of the ring and placed in the hold on the entrance ramp. Afterwards Rusev did a lot of hilarious fist-shaking. I want that to become a regular part of his act.

The pro-Russian shtick can, in the context of WWE, be ended by only one man. I'll give you a hint: he sells a lot of merch. I still think that could be a significant match at SummerSlam.

Another backstage scene was shown. Charlotte was walking around with her dad. That segued into a video showing the Charlotte v Natalya feud. Natty said she wants to be the best Hart ever and how she's proud to be the first female wrestler of the family. Charlotte said she's improved and keeps improving. The whole thing was given a Harts versus Flairs vibe. That didn't help Charlotte, because she’s nowhere near as charismatic as 'The Nature Boy' and she never will be. It was also inaccurate because the Flairs are not a wrestling dynasty as the Harts are. Only one Flair has achieved anything of note in wrestling, and that’s ‘The Nature Boy’. You can’t get a one man family dynasty, not even if you’re Ric Flair.

Paige strode out to the ring before the women's championship match. She thanked the fans and said the next champion needed to exhibit strength, character and grace. Yes, the NXT women’s champion needs grace. Also, she made the point that holding the NXT belt can lead to bigger things and brought attention to her Divas championship. Talking's not her strong point but she didn’t do too badly. It helps that she’s basically playing a regular woman and so can more easily draw on her personal experience and beliefs.

Charlotte entered to an enjoyable techno ditty featuring samples of the Space Odyssey theme no wrestling fan can hear without thinking of her dad. Flair looked better than he had in years. Natalya got her regular boring music. Bret was wearing jeans. He looked like he’d been sleeping rough. His insistence on hanging on to his raggedy ponytail didn’t help there.

The two were presented as an even match for the most part. Charlotte was the first to enjoy an extended period of control, impressing with her figure four headlock. Natty came back with a snapmare and a dash across Charlotte's neck, which looked dangerous (an indication of how good Natalya is). Charlotte busted out a top rope moonsault. As was usually the case for her dad the move to the top didn't pay off as Natalya rolled out of the way. Still, it was a good move smoothly performed.

The first championship of sixteen?

Natalya locked in a Sharpshooter. Charlotte survived around thirty seconds before rolling through it and applying a figure four (woooooo!). Natty pushed up and reversed the pressure but Charlotte refused to break the hold. Then they slapped each other a bit. Finally Charlotte rolled to the outside and hung off the apron for extra leverage. That prompted referee and noted Flair enthusiast Charles Robinson to break the hold. As an insult to Bret, Charlotte applied the Sharpshooter to Natty, looking right at ‘The Hitman’ as she did so. Natalya promptly countered out of it but wasn't quick enough to avoid a Bow Down to the Queen. That gave ‘The Nature Girl’ the win and the title. It was a very good match. Charlotte in particular was impressive, though that may be because I didn't expect as much from her.

Flair went nuts at ringside (he kept his shoes on luckily) and then the two women hugged in the ring. Ric and Bret shook hands and then congratulated the other's charge. It was a nice moment for all involved and emphasised once again that NXT is the wrestling show, not a storyline show.

The final video of the evening was a look at the build-up to Tyson Kidd versus Adrian Neville for the latter’s NXT championship. Kidd talked about being hungry and wanting to get back to the big time. Neville discussed being undefeated in 2014 and facing a variety of opponents. It was an approach I'd like to see WWE use more: they used wrestling to create a story and made the men relatable through their aspirations within their field.

It was another match that started with counter wrestling. They put a twist on it by casting Tyson as the cocky veteran who was underestimating his foe. This was best shown when he decked Neville with a big elbow shot and ruffled his hair. They exchanged the advantage throughout the match but they never seemed to quite click with one another. It wasn't a bad match, it's just that they set a relatively sedate pace when you consider they're both known for being fast high-fliers.

Neville's still the champion. The belt's still ugly.

Highlights included a big power bomb by Neville; a Russian leg sweep countered from a second rope springboard by Kidd; Neville suplexing Kidd over the top rope and tumbling over with him; and Neville’s match-winning top rope hurricanrana and Red Arrow. One the subject of ‘The Jumping Geordie’s’ repertoire he could do with adding one or two key or setup moves. That would give fans more to react to beyond his (admittedly impressive) corkscrew shooting star.

Kidd hung around in the ring after the match. When Neville had finished celebrating (after about two minutes) he offered a handshake. Kidd barged passed him and walked out. Perhaps he felt irked that it took the champion so long to acknowledge him. If so that’s understandable. If they do a rematch, and I suspect they will, I hope the pair gel better than they did here.

There wasn’t a single duff performance on the show. The forgettable segments (Rose v Camacho and the Rusev beatdown) were inoffensive and there were two very good matches in Charlotte v Natalya and Zayn v Breeze. The main event was a tad siappointing but it was still a decent match. NXT Takeover is not going to go down as WWE’s finest show of the year but it will go down as an enjoyable one. I think that’s good result.