No Mercy 2002 review

WWE recently announced Brock Lesnar's Go to Hell tour, a month of Network-related content centred around 'The Beast' himself. It culminate with a Lesnar versus Undertaker Hell in a Cell match. Having watched WWE for a while my first thought when this was announced was that it's a repeat of the No Mercy 2002 main event, which saw Bikertaker face 'The Next Big Thing' inside the Cell. I thought I'd give that show a watch in preparation for their rematch almost exactly thirteen years later. Here's what I thought...

Intro

Tweet 1: 'Taker versus Lesnar in Hell in a Cell has me so hyped that I'm going to watch No Mercy 2002, the show that featured their first HIAC match.

Tweet 2: Such a powerful opening shot. No better way to start a pay-per-view...

Tweet 3: I know nothing about this show other than it has Undertaker v Lesnar in a HIAC match...
Tweet 4: The intro vid is clearing some things up. Triple H v Kane is happening. It's World title v IC title. And it's the Katie Vick feud.
Tweet 5: Also, Heyman just said HIAC is Taker's signature. You're forgetting the dreaded casket match there, Paul mate.

World tag team championship: Chris Jericho and Christian (c) v Booker T and Goldust

Tweet 6: Opener features Chris Jericho. Seems to be heel Jericho. Timeline feels right for him to tagging with Christian.

Tweet 7: Yeah, nailed it. Christian will save this opener for me.
Tweet 8: Prime Christian.

Tweet 9: This show is thirteen years old and features JR knocking Fozzy.
Tweet 10: The Canadian Lads v Bookdust. Jericho aside this should be good.
Tweet 11: Trying to figure out if Jericho was still good at this point. The crowd are giving him some mad heat. That indicates he was.
Tweet 12: They're crazy into the main man, future royalty Booker T too. Little Rock, Arkansas knows what's up.
Tweet 13: Weird period for Jerry Lawler this. He's still pro-heel but he's happy when faces do their big spots.
Tweet 14: He seems keen to see a Spinneroonie here, for example.
Tweet 15: I miss Shattered Dreams. Possibly the best low blow with theatrics in the entire history of the grapple game.
Tweet 16: "A Spinneroonie, razorback style!" - Jim Ross, prompting a strong you wot, mate?
Tweet 17: Jericho won off a top rope moonsault. You know, the top rope moonsault he was always doing.

Funaki interviews Al Wilson backstage

Tweet 18: YES.

Tweet 19: Getting a recap of Al Wilson's relationship with Dawn Marie. I've stumbled into one of WWE's hottest post-Attitude Era periods.
Tweet 20: This is what wrestling's all about, folks.

Tweet 21: "Why were you wearing your clothes in the shower?" - Funaki to Al Wilson

Dawn Marie v Torrie Wilson

Tweet 22:  Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson are about to do a wrestle. Michael Cole and The Tazz are on commentary. This show just got rough.

Tweet 23: SmackDown was considered the work rate brand at this point wasn't it...?
Tweet 24: "We want puppies!" - The crowd within seconds of this match beginning
Tweet 25: Tazz and Cole analysing the win-loss record of these two against one another in lingerie matches.
Tweet 26: Spot where Dawn and Torrie roll about with the referee there. Dawn had a go at him because she's a heel.
Tweet 27: Face women of this era were fine being felt up apparently.
Tweet 28: Torrie winning off a swinging neck breaker because why not?

Jonathan Coachman interviews Rob Van Dam backstage

Tweet 29: Great chinos on Coach here. Meanwhile RVD sets himself up as a man of the people and parodies Ric Flair. It's poor.

Tweet 30: Not hyped for Flair v Van Dam.
Tweet 31: Who's this Tracey lass? JR says she's a Jezebel. Jerry thinks she's hot. Has she made accusations against 'Mean' Mark? No memory of this.

Ric Flair v Rob Van Dam

Tweet 32: "He is Ric Flair" - Jerry Lawler on Ric Flair

Tweet 33: The opening minute has been far better than I expected tbf.
Tweet 34: Lol at JR saying Flair may have won thousands of matches with the figure four.
Tweet 35: Rob Van Dam can't sell a figure four. Who knew?
Tweet 36: Quite enjoying this match and I'm going to credit that to 'Naitch' because I dislike more of RVD's work than I like outside of ECW.

Big Show chats to Stephanie McMahon backstage until Eric Bischoff turns up and says he owns him

Tweet 37: WE-ELLLLLLLLL it's a Big Show backstage segment. Top notch stuff.

Tweet 38: Yet another highlight here: the Bischoff and Stephanie feuding GMs thing.
Tweet 39: "I'm a giant!" - Big Show
Tweet 40: Show angry that he's not been on PPV since July. He was overweight and lazy. I'm with Bisch on this. Good call, buddy. Keep him off shows.
Tweet 41: Everyone's favourite IC title memory.

Cruiserweight championship match: Jamie Noble (c) v Yoshiro Tajiri

Tweet 42: Tajiri in a cruiserweight title match? I'm down.

Tweet 43: YES.

Tweet 44: Just noticed Brian Hebner is refereeing this match. I'm not going to let it get to me.
Tweet 45: First mention of women being tomatoes from Tazz there.
Tweet 46: Tazz putting over Tajiri and saying he's been in the ring with him. Failing to mention he wasn't happy facing or selling for him.
Tweet 47: Sickened by Michael Cole not talking about educated feet when Tajiri started doing some kicks.
Tweet 48: Nidia's not doing much here. Pretty much sums up her run. I always thought she was good and deserved more than she got. #justsaying
Tweet 49: Nidia helps Noble win. Tajiri forces himself on her to even the score. She smiles about it. This booking though...

Los Guerreros, Kurt Angle and [REDACTED] backstage

Tweet 50: Awks backstage segment.

World Heavyweight championship v Intercontinental championship unification: Triple H (WHC) v Kane (IC)

Tweet 51: Kane being pushed as a top guy by embracing being a "freak". My word.

Tweet 52: Clean shaven Triple H accusing 'The Big Red Machine' of murdering sweet, innocent Katie Vick, the purest girl in all of rasslin'.
Tweet 53: I remember hating this match at the time it happened.
Tweet 54: Jerry Lawler trying to flesh out the Katie Vick story is just ridiculous. Who, other than Vince, thought this story was a good idea?
Tweet 55: Let the record show Kane is wearing his sexy semi-see-through ring gear here.
Tweet 56: Lawler cracking jokes about a kayfabe dead woman. Whadda pro.
Tweet 57: This match would be so much more enjoyable if it featured time-travelled-from-the-future Corporate Kane. In a vest.
Tweet 58: I'd be interested in knowing who thought Triple H v Kane would interest people in 2002.
Tweet 59: Plus side: this is the best period of Triple H's career as far as his hair is concerned.
Tweet 60: Hahahahaha run-in by The Hurricane hahahahaha.
Tweet 61: "Triple H is still alive" - Jerry Lawler, who I fully expected to follow up with "... unlike Katie Vick!"
Tweet 62: Imagine if another human being actually hit another human being in the head with a sledgehammer though.
Tweet 63: Lost count of the number of ref bumps in this match. Genuinely more than I remember from any Attitude Era main event.

Stephanie McMahon chats to Tracey in the office

Tweet 64: Another segment with this Tracey woman who I don't remember. She just called 'Mean' Mark a bastard. #strongwords

Tweet 65: Stephanie and Tracey having a heart-to-heart, just them and the cameras.
Tweet 66: Tracey confiding in Stephanie that she lied and wants 'Taker back. In front of cameras. Also Undertaker WAS STOOD IN THE ROOM.

Tag team championship tournament finals: Kurt Angle and [REDACTED] v Edge and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 67: Should be good.

Tweet 68: By good I mean I'm pretty sure it won some MOTY awards.
Tweet 69: "Kurt Angle in search of the one title that's eluded him" - Michael Cole as Angle entered for a match to crown the first ever champs
Tweet 70: Edge with his poor "Never gonna stop!" Zombie lad entrance music here.
Tweet 71: I'd already recommend this match on the strength of the opening sequence between Mysterio and Angle.
Tweet 72: You'd never get WWE putting some of their best workers and biggest stars in an extended tag feud now. It's a shame.
Tweet 73: This three-way feud shows how effective it can be. I'm sure the strength of his work here helped Edge get over.
Tweet 74: *Waits for Rey to tag in and blow his knee*
Tweet 75: Rey Mysterio doing Bronco Busters... *shakes head*
Tweet 76: 619 to [REDACTED] as he had the [REDACTED] Crossface on is such a great spot.
Tweet 77: That was a career highlight for all four lads. Obviously won't make it onto any compilations because of [REDACTED] but it deserves to.

Undertaker gets something injected into his hand

Tweet 78: What's 'Taker been up to...?

Women's championship: Trish Stratus (c) v Victoria

Tweet 79: Jerry Lawler talking about puppies, JR calling Victoria "chronically pre-menstrual", it could only be a WWE women's match from the early 00s.

Tweet 80: Disappointed Big Stevie Cool isn't paired up with Victoria at this point. That was an under-utilised act.
Tweet 81: Not exactly a classic that. But it was good. Could've done without Dawn v Torrie, splitting the time between this and the cruiser match.

Pre-Hell in a Cell chatter

Tweet 82:

Tweet 83: Pre-match video package establishing that Tracey was with Undertaker in 1995. He looked like this...

WWE championship Hell in a Cell: Undertaker v Brock Lesnar (c)

Tweet 84: The Hell in a Cell main is starting. Think I'm about to watch the best 'Taker-Lesnar HIAC match there will ever be.

Tweet 85: Mat wrestling and a cast plot line. This is how you start Hell in a Cell!
Tweet 86: I'm assuming this ends with Lesnar climbing to the roof and hitting a Shooting Star Press off the roof through a table.
Tweet 87: "The champion seeing his own blood. TASTING his own blood." Get a room, Cole.
Tweet 88: For the record I don't approve of pins or pin attempts outside of the ring in HIAC.
Tweet 89: I wish Tazz would refer to this as a big man extravaganza because that's EXACTLY what it is.
Tweet 90: Undertaker is wrestling in a bandana. I bet his Ministry of Darkness era self would be ashamed to learn of this.
Tweet 91: No Mercy: Battle for the Wank Rag.

Tweet 92: Lesnar and Heyman are both bleeding. If 'Taker doesn't blade it's ridiculous.
Tweet 93: Interesting note: Michael Cole is fully erect throughout this entire match.
Tweet 94: Undertaker versus Brock Lesnar in a Pub Car Park Disagreement match.

Tweet 95: Lol at 'Taker Hulking up here.
Tweet 96: Upset Tazz didn't refer to the choke slam as a goozle.
Tweet 97: This match should end with Brock taking a Tombstone then immediately kipping up to hit an F5.
Tweet 98: Pins on the floor are legal but rope breaks still count. What even are these rules?
Tweet 99: 'Dead Man Inc' fell to a single F5. What a weakling.
Tweet 100: I'll be amazed if they top that at Hell in a Cell.
Tweet 101:

Tweet 102: I liked that match and I liked that show. There was way more to it than I expected.

The Steve Austin Show

For a long time after retiring from in-ring activity 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin struggled to find a new calling. He hung around in WWE for a few years in a variety of authority figure roles but it never felt quite right. As a wrestler one of his defining characteristics had been his anti-authority bent. Seeing him laying down the law felt odd. On top of that it was clear that Austin missed actually wrestling. He was fun in these roles but they were never truly Steve Austin.

Eventually he left those roles behind in favour of chasing acting work in Hollywood. The high point of that endeavour was his appearances as lead goon Paine in The Expendables. When it became clear that acting wasn't going to pan out for him as it did The Rock (or even Hulk Hogan), Austin took a sidestep into hosting. Specifically he headed up WWE's initial, pre-Network, revival of Tough Enough and Country Music Television's Redneck Island. When those were received well he launched a podcast and got himself another TV show, Broken Skull Challenge¹.

Austin looking massively unimpressed there. Great stuff.

A combination of Austin being a likeable host and having a mostly sensible, respectable view on the wrestling business made his podcast a success. That in turn lead to WWE offering Austin a slot on the Network to interview Vince McMahon on 1 December 2014. No official ratings are available for the Network but it's hard to imagine this didn't do well: it was Vince's first appearance on a podcast answering questions from someone he'd had a close working relationship with for a number of years. It clearly did well enough to make someone in WWE decide that it should be a frequent thing as Austin has since returned to interview Triple H, Paul Heyman, Paige, and Edge and Christian.

It's possible that reading that list one name stands out over the others. Paige is not the first person who springs to mind when you think of potential interviewees for 'The Rattlesnake'. The common belief is that she was an emergency replacement for Hulk Hogan, who had been revealed as a bit of a racist a week or so earlier. If we assume that Hogan was the initially scheduled guest² we end up with a list of top level talent who would have worked with Austin during his run as an active wrestler (with all but Heyman being around him at his peak).

With an impressive pedigree established for Austin's Network shows it will be interesting to see who else gets lined up as a guest. There are a number of names I'd like to see, with Eric Bischoff being at the top of the list. They have an interesting history together. An injured Austin was released from his WCW contract by a cost-cutting Bischoff and he went on, via some angry anti-WCW promos in ECW, to be the biggest star in wrestling. When Bischoff rocked up in WWE years later he would end up working closely with Austin. Any heat between them will have long since been resolved but it still be interesting to see the pair discuss Austin's WCW firing and their later working relationship.

Both Mick Foley and The Rock would also be good guests. They worked with Austin at his hottest. Foley was his first feud after winning the WWF championship at WrestleMania XIV and would go on to work as a transitional champion getting the strap from Austin to Triple H in summer 1999. These periods of work, along with the fact that Foley has known Austin since the early nineties, give Foley an insight into Austin's journey to the top and his behaviour while he was there that few others could have. It's unlikely Ausitn would bring up his difficult behaviour once he was established as a top star on his own show but Foley could allude to it. Even if he didn't they're two of the biggest stars of the Attitude Era who respect one another's work and it would be nice to see them reminiscing about their time on top.

This is podcast material right here.

The appeal with The Rock is slightly different. Both he and Austin have mentioned over the years that they didn't get on when they first met but they went on to have the defining rivalry of wrestling's hottest period. If their secret handshake-heavy appearances in recent years (see WrestleMania XXX) are anything to go by they're very good pals now. As with Foley a large part of the appeal is seeing the pair chatting about their work together, although it feels like there's more chance of Austin acknowledging his early dislike of 'The Great One' than of his '99 paranoia.

The Undertaker was also around Austin at the same time as Foley and Rock but as he's had a WWE career that's lasted for well over two decades it's safe to assume that, rather than his late nineties dealing with Austin, would be the focus. Austin's mentioned on previous shows, as well as his regular podcast, that he was unhappy that The Streak ended. Seeing him discuss that topic with 'The Phenom' could fill a substantial amount of time by itself, especially if they looked back on The Streak as a whole. Even leaving The Streak aside 'Taker's worked with such a wide variety of WWE names and had so many bizarre periods of his career (who doesn't want to see Austin discuss Ministry of Darkness era 'Taker or 'Big Evil' era 'Taker?) that he'd be a natural choice for guest. Though somehow I don't think we'll see this happen until 'The Dead Man' is ready to call it a day on his career. WWE are, rightfully, protective of the character's mystique and appearing on a podcast would be damaging to that.

As the breakout star of the last year or so Seth Rollins would be a cool interview. Even though he's only been on the main roster for less than three years 'The Future' has accomplished a lot. He participated in a revival of trios matches (which I'm convinced would prompt Austin to drop a Freebirds reference), had a cracking singles feud with Dean Ambrose in which they headlined a PPV over John Cena, and he won the WWE championship in a WrestleMania main event. He'll be on top of WWE for years to come and I'd like to see Austin passing on some pointers with that in mind.

Talk, Owens, talk.

A breakout star of lesser status right now is Kevin Owens. I think he'd be a good addition to the show's line-up because he's such a fan of Austin. He's spoken before about happening to run into Austin at an airport when he was first starting out as a wrestler, where Austin told him to never stop running his mouth. Anyone who's seen Owens wrestle knows that's advice he took on board and it's likely advice that ultimately helped him to get signed by WWE. Seeing the pair discuss that aspect of KO's act would be fun, as would Austin delving into Owens' other career influences and his status as one of WWE's hottest heels, and one of the few to have motives beyond being bad because they're bad. I'd also like to see Austin speak to someone who's been in NXT since it became the "hot brand" it currently is, and Owens fits the bill perfectly.

Perhaps a slightly odd choice would be Cesaro. Not because he doesn't have anything interesting to say (he does) but because he's not the big name that everyone else on this list is. Austin is an outspoken fan of 'The King of Swing' so it's easy to imagine him wanting to have him on the show to give him a platform to promote himself. On top of that Cesaro's had an interesting journey to WWE, winning a green card lottery and all, and always comes across as an affable, humble lad in interviews.

Finally, there's John Cena. He's one of only a handful of men to have ever been positioned as the centrepiece of WWE. Austin is one of the others. He's one of the few people who can understand the pressure of Cena's spot. He's a fan of Cena's work too, which seems to be the case for a lot of WWE veterans. I'd like to see him discuss Cena's ring work with Cena to see if his claims are genuine and, if they are, what it is he specifically enjoys. Plus the subject of the springboard Stunner could be fun.

***

¹ This sounds less painful than it is. Though, to be clear, it is still a very painful show for those who appear on it.

² For the record I think it's a real shame Hogan is now unlikely to ever appear on Austin's Network show. It would have been fascinating to see Austin and Hogan discuss Hogan's WCW politicking (which Austin believes held him down there), Austin's ECW parodies of Hogan, and which of them is the bigger, more important name in WWE history.

Charisma Expert

For the first fifteen years of his wrestling career Jay ‘Christian’ Reso managed to remain injury free. If you look at how common injuries are in wrestling that was a fairly remarkable feat. It allowed Christian to build up a reputation for being reliable and afforded him a consistent spot on the roster, which in turn granted him enough face time to build a loyal following.

Unfortunately for him his once glowing track record with injuries has become notoriously spotty over the last few years. Less than two years after he returned to WWE from a moderately successful run in TNA he was struck with a pectoral injury. He was back in the ring for around seven months before suffering another injury, this one to his neck. He came back from that too, but since then he’s been plagued by injuries, most of them to his shoulder.

This has transformed ‘Captain Charisma’ from a reliable go-to guy who can be sent out to have a good match with anyone into a fragile liability. Or at least that seems to be WWE’s opinion of him. Even when he’s cleared to wrestle these days they seem reluctant to let him do so. I’m sure this is largely because of the lengthy injury list. His recent concussion problems and his age (forty) probably don’t help either.

"Hey look! There's my push!"

It seems that Reso’s in-ring career is winding down. I think he’s done enough for the company to deserve a televised retirement match on a pay-per-view. Because he was never a considered “a draw” by the promotion that seems unlikely. ‘The Instant Classic’ is likely to be shuffled off into a special appearance based role similar to Booker T’s.

Which, of course, is a massive waste of Christian’s talent. Even though I don’t agree with it I can understand WWE deeming him unreliable. But he’s only “unreliable” for actual wrestling. There are contributions Christian could make outside the ring that would improve WWE’s TV shows. I’ve written before that he’d make a good announcer. Surely something other than clogging up the NXT announce desk could be found for Alex Riley and the artist formerly known as Lord Tensai to do. Christian would be a far better fit: he’s a better talker than either and has accomplished more in his career.

The thing I’d really like to see Christian do is become a manager. His above average microphone skills and nineteen years as an active wrestler make him ideal for the role. Theoretically it could be argued that he’d be a good guy to pair with the incoming KENTA because he’d do a fine job of handling his promos. But in actuality that would be terrible, the only thing making it at all appealing is the timing of Christian seemingly being free from wrestling duties and KENTA signing and being in need of someone to talk for him.

Christian would be a natural manager for a tag team. That’s where he had the greatest levels of success in his career. It would be easy for the commentary team to pass him off as a tag veteran and expert taking a fledging team under his wing and guiding them to the top. Any heel team that aren’t very good at promos would benefit from having Christian doing their talking and interacting with audiences during their matches.

But the truth is that Christian’s unlikely to be used as a manager or a regular commentator. WWE have never seen him as anything more than a nifty mid-carder and they’ll continue treating him as such, no matter in how many ways he could improve and help with new acts. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for one… more… match. But I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Elimination Chamber 2014 review

Last night WWE did what they could do all the time but only seem to do rarely. They produced an excellent pay-per-view. The show never dipped below good in terms of match quality and everyone who appeared seemed to be doing everything in their power to make themselves stand out. That’s such a rarity with WWE that it stood out. Everyone, from Big E and Jack Swagger to the six men in the titular title tussle, did everything they could to make this a great event. And it paid off. If only WWE could do this all the time.

The evening’s action kicked off with the pre-show tag match. Larry ‘The Axe’ Hennig, a big name a couple of decades ago who lives in the area, accompanied his grandson Curtis Axel, along with The Ryback, to ringside for their encounter with the Rhodes bros Goldust and Cody. The four put on an energetic show which did a good job of presenting the teams as even. It was the former tag champs who went over though, with Cody hitting Cross Rhodes for the win.

The only other noteworthy thing on the pre-show was the expert panel of Mark Henry, The Miz and Rey Mysterio being introduced. The talked up the night’s card in the standard fashion.

The show proper kicked off with Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter being introduced. As they meandered to the ring (Zeb is not a man who merely walks) they told us that the E in Big E stands for “enough”. Big Enough? Doesn’t make sense to me. Zeb revealing that his reasoning was that Big E hasn’t done enough as Intercontinental champion to improve the standard of living in North America didn’t help matters. If anything it left me more confused.

Big E got booed as he smacked his chest and roared on the apron. He managed to win the audience over during the match, thanks to a combination of a fast paced, E’s power moves, and Swagger taking some impressive bumps to help make his foe look impressive and playing the coward in the early minutes. Their greatest moment saw Big catch Swag as he attempted a Swagger bomb, then, realising he couldn't hit him with the Big Ending, dunk him onto the apron and spear him down to the mats. It got a well-earned "Holy shit!" chant.

Whoever thought Swagger and Big E would produce anything special?

The match was the first of many that felt like both men trying to prove something to the fans, and possibly management and themselves too. If so it worked. It was the best match I've ever seen the former Langston have and the best non-gimmick outing I've seen from Swaggalag. This is what I was talking about when I mentioned wrestlers being given more freedom on this show. Big E retained after countering out of the patriot lock and hitting the Big Ending.

As the champ celebrated Bad News Barrett appeared. His bad news was that Russia had outperformed the US in the Winter Olympics. I have some bad news at this point too. It was not the last we’d see of the former Nexus frontman on the show.

After some video recaps and Byron interviewing Bryan, both of which were designed to remind us the latter was not at one hundred per cent, it was time for the tag team title match. It was another great outing. The Outlaws fell about all over the place like they were still in their prime. The Usos kept up with some big falls of their own. Particularly impressive were a tope and a rough hip toss into the corner from Road Dogg.

I'd expected the match to end in a way that setup a rematch. That wasn't the case. Billy got a roll up on Jimmy after he'd super kicked Road Dogg off the apron. It was clean but I still expect the teams to clash again at WrestleMania. It feels as though WWE are ready to make a move with the Usos.

Wade Barrett returned to tell fans that Daniel Bryan would lose the Elimination Chamber match. That would make the fans turn on him and bring an end to the yes movement. The fans responded with a no chant.

Darren Young and Titus O'Neil sadly weren't able to keep the hot streak of matches going. They did what they could, D-Young looking impressive tumbling over the ring post to the floor and Titus doing everything in his power to look like an unstoppable monster, but the fans just weren't interested. I suspect that was a mixture of their issue seeming forced and the match's place on the show. Titus won a competent match with Clash of the Titus.

Bad News was out again after that. His bad news was that he had overshadowed  Hulk Hogan. That didn’t qualify as news or truth but hey, that’s the WWE creative team for you. Over on the expert panel ‘The World’s Strongest Man’ revealed he's unhappy with what's happened between the PTPs and Miz and Rey raved about the IC and tag matches respectively.

Best Shield match ever?

Both The Shield and The Wyatt Family got cheered as they were introduced for the six man tag match. The audience roared out chants for both units as they stared each other down. Ambrose threw the first punch, triggering a ruckus that his team got the better of. The match that followed was one of the best I've ever seen from either team. All six men looked good, doing everything they could to make the match exciting and memorable and stuffing it with special moments: the initial meeting of Reigns and Wyatt, an incredible clothesline from Harper, Rollins getting choke bombed through the Spanish announce table, and Reigns powering out of Sister Abigail and taking out all three Wyatt members being just some of them. It could not have been better. The crowd made it even better: the reaction they gave the match made it seem like a big deal. It's a shame it couldn't be saved until WrestleMania.

Presumably it wasn't because bigger and better things are planned for 'The Granddaddy of Them All'. Reigns took the loss, being pinned by Bray Wyatt, which could see him labelled as the weak link by Ambrose and-or Rollins. A three-way match seems the obvious thing for WWE to present at this point, and considering the way the group's been built up the natural place for it to happen is WrestleMania. Hopefully that match can match this one. It won't be easy.

Backstage Renee Young spoke to Christian. He said he'd win the WWE title. Nobody believed him.

AJ Lee extended her 252 day Divas title reign went to 253 by escaping her encounter with Cameron with the gold. They didn't get long and so smartly focused on interacting with the crowd as opposed to trying to cram in a load of moves. It was most notable for Tamina accidentally super kicking her charge and then roughing up Cameron to cause the DQ. The dissent between AJ and Tamina will probably lead to a match at WrestleMania.

Bad News Barrett's final piece of bad news was that the WWE Network will be so good that people will become obsessed with it. Kids will be expelled to lack of attendance and adults will lose jobs. It was painful, as were all his segments. As I’ve written before, this is not the character that’s going to turn Wade Barrett into a star.

After Emma, The (Not So) Great Khali, Los Matadores, El Torito and Santino were shown playing with a LEGO-like toy in the back it was time for Batista v Alberto Del Rio. The audience made it very clear that they weren't fans of 'The Animal' by giving him the loudest boos of the night. Batista did a typically poor job rising above the response while the announcers no-sold the boos.

Who could resist cheering this?

ADR came out on a crutch and said he wouldn't be able to compete. The inevitable attack didn't get the blistering heat that was expected for two reasons. One: it was obvious that it was coming. Two: people wanted to see Del Rio assault Batista. The fans chanted "Sie!" and "Bootista" throughout the match, also throwing in chants for Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, RVD, Brock Lesnar and 'Y2J'. Mid-way through the match things had become so bad that the order was given to acknowledge the hostile crowd, although it was stated to be an unusual situation as opposed to the norm. WWE were adamant the Rumble winner remain a face.

The entire match was a transparent attempt to try and make Batista appear sympathetic. That aside it wasn't a bad showing. Yes it was basic. Yes the fans were more entertaining than the wrestling. Yes Batista's victory was terribly predictable. But the bout could have been far worse. That said I think WWE really need to listen to their audiences and turn Batista heel.

The expert panel were asked for their opinions on the Elimination Chamber match. Miz selected Bryan as the winner while Mark Henry went with Sheamus and Mysterio backed Cesaro. I mention this for completion rather than for interest. Because it's not interesting.

My prediction regarding Brock Lesnar attacking someone (specifically Christian) and nabbing their Chamber pod turned out to be incorrect. It would have been nice to see 'The Pain' involved but considering the quality of the match we got I'm not too unhappy it didn’t happen.

I’d expected Cesaro and Bryan to start the match. I was half right. 'The Swiss Superman' began with Sheamus. They hammered one another with uppercuts and closed fists and tumbled around on the steel structure for good measure. It was a good opening exchange that kept the crowd interested without involving anyone too important. Bryan was the third man into the match, immediately nailing both opponents with a top rope drop kick and then laying in some stiff kicks. Seconds later he trapped Shaymo in an Indian death lock and performed a northern lights suplex on Cesaro, a nice spot. On the outside Cesaro sent Bryan sailing through the "bulletproof" glass of an empty pod. That would become a theme.

After that things quietened down until entrant number four was added. 'Captain Charisma' started off targeting D-Bry's shoulder. Moments later he took out Sheamus with an inverse DDT on the steel grating and then got power bombed into an empty pod and uppercutted back into the ring by Cesaro.

Entrant five was Cena. He AAed Christian onto Cesaro before taking a top rope hurricanrana from Bryan. Before Bryan could connect with his big kick Christian snuck in with an Unprettier (no, I won’t call it the Killswitch). A sequence of finishers, signature moves and near falls followed, including a Swiss Death uppercut, Christians tornado DDT and Shaymo's White Noise. When the klaxon sounded to signify Orton was entering everyone was down. He started off with stomps but quickly broke out a pose when he started drowning in boos. That this is all Orton can think to do when he’s receiving such strong heat is incredibly disappointing. Anyway, the posing gave everyone time to recover and corner the champ, which sent him scurrying back into his pod.

That didn't work out well for him: in one of the highlights of the match Sheamus nailed him with a brogue kick through the pod. Back in the ring Orton was subjected to Cesaro's Big Swing. Moments later he was back on his feet to play a part in the first elimination, performing a superplex on Sheamus, which was followed up by a splash from atop a pod from Christian. That would be the only elimination 'The Instant Classic' would make though: he almost immediately fell victim to Bryan's running knee.

Cena and Bryan traded punches before Cena scooped Bryan up for an AA, only to be scooped up himself, still clutching Bryan, for a Cesaro German suplex. Cena countered a gut wrench into a hurricanrana, AAed 'The Real American' onto the steel and then made him tap to the STF. Cesaro looked incredibly strong in defeat. Not only did it take three major moves to put him down but it was the company’s top star that pinned him.

WrestleMania preview?

Cena wasn't done with his trusty STF. He slapped it onto 'The Viper' less than fifteen seconds later. That application would prove less fruitful. The lights were cut before The Wyatt Family appeared in the ring. They took out Bryan and then triple teamed Cena, ending with a Sister Abigail. That allowed Orton to eliminate Cena and left him alone with Bryan.

Kane went to ringside to order the Wyatts to the back and then entered the cage, to help remove the slumped Cena, where he absorbed a flying knee from Bryan. 'The Dazzler' and 'The Apex Predator' traded the upper hand for a minute or two before Bryan escaped an RKO attempt and dropped Orton with the running knee. The referee's count was broken up by Kane. He got a roundhouse kick for his behaviour, which allowed Orton to connect with an RKO for a believable false finish. Bryan came back with a small package and another kick but then got smacked by 'The Big Red Machine' and dropped with a second, match-winning, RKO.

As Orton left with his belts Cole confirmed that Batista v Orton will headline WrestleMania for the championship. They are the two most hated men on the roster. If WWE goes through with that and doesn't involve Bryan they deserve all the negative and abusive chants they get during that match.

The booking the show seems to indicate that Daniel Bryan will clash with company COO Triple H at WrestleMania XXX. This doesn’t necessarily preclude him from the WWE championship match he deserves to be a part of. He could be booked in the match opposite ‘The Game’ with a stipulation that he’ll be placed into the evening’s main event if he wins. A big name wrestling twice at WrestleMania may seem odd but it’s not unprecedented (WrestleMania X) and it would fit with Bryan being the man who wrestles two or three times on practically every other episode of RAW.

The last thing WWE management should be doing is sticking to their guns and planning Orton v Batista in a singles match. That is not best for business.

SmackTalk 21.02.14

For the final (relatively) significant piece of WWE television to air before the arrival of The WWE Network SmackDown felt anti-climactic. The new streaming service was, to the best of my recollection, not mentioned once and the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view was half-hearted. It was as though WWE were producing a piece of television by the numbers. While that’s nothing new I would have expected their final non-Network era piece of work to be more meaningful.

As understated as the show was it was still enjoyable. The opening two matches in particular were very good. The first saw Daniel Bryan defeat Jack Swagger relatively quickly with a running knee. The second also featured Bryan, this time tangling with his old indy foe ‘Don’t Call Him Antonio’ Cesaro. That one got longer and was more enjoyable, even though it saw Bryan writhing in pain for a lot of its run time.

The main event, Christian v Sheamus, wasn’t bad but wasn’t especially good either. It was a standard match from the two men. That they’re deemed worthy of headlining SmackDown demonstrates how little effort is put into the programme these days. The same match closing RAW simply wouldn’t happen.

A better choice for the main event would have been the lively six man tag that pitted Erick Rowan, Luke Harper and Bray Wyatt against Goldust, Cody Rhodes, and Rey Mysterio. The Wyatts are easily as over an act as either Christian or Sheamus, Goldust and Cody aren’t far behind and Rey Mysterio, for all he’s falling apart and passed his best, can still excel in multi-man showings. It was the best match on the show.

Opening

Tweet 1: It's SmackTalk time!
Tweet 2: Nothing says B show like a Christian v Sheamus main event.

Daniel Bryan v Jack Swagger

Tweet 3: But don't worry, Daniel Bryan's in the opener! "Why put the most over man in the company on last?" he asked rhetorically.

Tweet 4: Lengthy recaps of RAW happenings. Never a good sign. Still, it's nice to see Kane wrestling in his vest again.
Tweet 5: Swagger v Bryan? And we could have had Cesaro v Bryan. #continueddisappointmentofSwaggersexistence
Tweet 6: Anyone else noticed that Zeb Colter usually wears a tie? I like that. So few people dress for ringside anymore.
Tweet 7: Just look at Jerry Lawler.
Tweet 8: Actually, don’t.
Tweet 9: I still don't understand why The Real Americans aren't wrestling in red, white and blue gear. Natural fit for their characters.
Tweet 10: Swagger's working the injured arm but I bet he'll still try the ankle lock at some point.
Tweet 11: Swagger gets randomly belted with the knee then loses. Completely unsurprising result.

Daniel Bryan v Cesaro

Tweet 12: Oh look, it’s Rita Repulsa!

Tweet 13: Oh we ARE getting Bryan v Cesaro? Delightful.

Bryan v Cesaro never gets old

Tweet 14: JBL says it's best for business. I think that line's played out by WWE. Does Triple H even say it anymore?
Tweet 15: How many times has Vickie Guerrero been the SmackDown general manager? It's got to be at least four.
Tweet 16: Michael Cole concedes that, on paper, Bryan v Cesaro is best for business.
Tweet 17: "Whaddaya doing, Jack?" - Unbiased commentator Michael Cole
Tweet 18: "No! No!" - Jack Swagger, misunderstanding the concept of yes chants
Tweet 19: Why was Kane's walk down to ringside not televised? That could have been a highlight of this show.
Tweet 20: Why refer to your most popular wrestler as a gnome and a farm animal?
Tweet 21: Small package followed by a Swiss Death European uppercut. Good exchange. Nice that those moves are now established as convincing finishes.
Tweet 22: Kane interferes. What a bad dude. I'm pretty much convinced he's going to do the same at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 23: I'm getting worried that WWE are planning Kane v Bryan at WrestleMania. The correct use of Bryan at 'Mania is a triple threat title match.

Christian speaks to Renee Young backstage

Tweet 24: Christian getting some boos there.

Tweet 25: 'The Man of the Peeps' lashing out at the fans there. No reason for it beyond reminding us he's a heel now.
Tweet 26: I'm bored of all WWE heels sounding the same.

The Wyatt Family v Goldust, Cody Rhodes and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 27: JBL is wearing a polka dot tie and a checked shirt. Not cool, bro. #fashionsense

Tweet 28: The Wyatt Family are being booed. What exactly have they done or said to make them heels?
Tweet 29: Bray Wyatt: king of nonsense.
Tweet 30: Remember when Mysterio and Cody Rhodes hated each other and Dusty came in to betray his pal for his son? Well now they're tagging together.
Tweet 31: I miss Goldust’s pink gloves.
Tweet 32: "Constantly talking in riddles..." - Michael Cole on Bray Wyatt. I think he was thinking of The Riddler
Tweet 33: Goldust needs a better brand of face paint. The one he currently uses is always running. Maybe put in a call to Prince Devitt...
Tweet 34: Goldy gets the hot tag to Cody. Has Rey even been in this match yet?
Tweet 35: Ah he's just tagged in. Knee status: frisky.
Tweet 36: I couldn't be more pleased that Harper escaped the 619. Mysterio is a smug little ferret who needs taking down a peg.
Tweet 37: Erick Rowan is tossing Rey Mysterio around in a bear hug. It's not particularly interesting but bless 'im for trying.
Tweet 38: "He's like a member of the MENSA society" - Michael Cole on... wait for it... Bray Wyatt

FYI: Rey Mysterio's outfit was modeled on the Swiss flag

Tweet 39: Goldust is the most over man on his team. WWE need to find a way of transferring some of that reaction to Cody permanently before they split.
Tweet 40: Tasty little springboard from Cody there.
Tweet 41: Great finishing sequence to that match. Lots going on and people being taken out. Right result too: Wyatt over Goldust with Sister Abigail.

Sheamus speaks to Byron Saxon backstage

Tweet 42: Sheamus, cut back on the hair gel, yeah?
Tweet 43: "A fired up Christian is just what the doctor ordered!" - Sheamus, revealing his view on America's leading religion

Renee Young hosts a dance off involving Emma, Santino, Summer Rae and Faaaaaan… daaaaaan… goooooo

Tweet 44: Emma and Santino... *rolls eyes*

Tweet 45: Renee Young's hosting the dance off, so it's not all bad.
Tweet 46: And in fairness I love me some Fandango.
Tweet 47: I wasn't that into this crowd to begin with but they've completely lost by not humming Fandango's music.
Tweet 48: Cole's feigned enjoyment of Emma's dancing is nauseating.
Tweet 49: #hipaction
Tweet 50: Forget Bryan, Fandango v Santino needs to be the WrestleMania main event! #grudgematch

Titus O’Neil v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 51: I'm still a fan of Titus O'Neil even though he's not going anywhere as a singles wrestler.

Tweet 52: Darren Young's on commentary claiming that The Prime Time Players were the roughest and toughest tag team in WWE. He is incorrect.
Tweet 53: This match is a waste of Dolph Ziggler.
Tweet 54: Darren 'You Know What?" Young.
Tweet 55: Nice that Ziggler won but doing it off a WHISTLE distraction? C'mon, WWE.

Road Dogg v Jimmy Uso

Tweet 56: The Usos gets a televised entrance but the Outlaws don't? Poor...

Tweet 57: It says something about the younger members of the WWE roster that Road Dogg has worked the crowd better than anyone else on this show.
Tweet 58: Yes, including Bryan. He's more over than Road Dogg but he was selling for most of his matches. There wasn't much interaction there.
Tweet 59: Road Dogg loses. That makes me think the Outlaws will be winning at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 60: So does Michael Cole saying that the Usos have the Outlaws' number.

Sheamus v Christian

Tweet 61: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!

Tweet 62: "Sheamus is out there, cue up the piped in crowd noise, quick!"
Tweet 63: After my comments about Road Dogg's crowd interactions it's probably fair to point at that Sheamus is also doing well in that area.

Tweet 64: Who does Michael Cole think has the most momentum going into the Chamber match? Cesaro...

Tweet 65: Even if that were true (it's not) Cesaro ain't winning the WWE title at EC.
Tweet 66: Orton's never won a Chamber match. That's another reason to predict a victory for him.
Tweet 67: Why did Sheamus take a bump near the timekeeper's table? He wanted to look up Lilian Garcia's dress. #filthySheamus
Tweet 68: It sounded like Sheamus just shouted "I'm Irish!"
Tweet 69: JBL's sports guru gimmick is annoying.
Tweet 70: Mostly because he only knows things because he looks them up specially on Wikipedia, as opposed to having a genuine interest.
Tweet 71: JBL thinks Christian is bad looking. What he needs is a blue dot over his face...
Tweet 72: Tornado DDT being countered into the Irish Curse was nice.
Tweet 73: Anyone who thought Christian would win doesn't know WWE. 
Tweet 74: SmackDown ends with Sheamus hitting his own chest and then being knocked out of the ring by Christian.

It was never going to end well for Christian

Tweet 75: Maybe 'The Celtic Warrior' will be the man jobbed out by Lesnar at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 76: I don't want to see that. Because ti will almost certainly mean we're getting Lesnar v Shaymo.

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 21

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 21 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Putting things up that are a little out of date is nothing new for this podcast. But it’s never been this bad. In the first several minutes you’ll hear us discussing Dixie Carter’s “recent” heel turn and how we think it’s going to go. I could have tried editing this out but, well, I’m lazy and I think it’s interesting enough (in so far as anything on this podcast is interesting) to stay in. It provides an insight into what Michael and I expected from TNA a month or to ago and where they’ve gone in that time.

Oh, and we also talk about Rey Mysterio’s potential comeback! I wonder how that will turn out…

The reason this happened is that this is a Breaking Out episode. Breaking Out? Yes, that’s the name we selected for those episodes where we discuss how far wrestlers can rise up their respective roster’s totem of standing¹. The company in question in today’s episode is WWE. The wrestlers we discuss are Sin Cara, Wade Barrett, and Christian.

Plus, there’s a substantial tangents about the popularity of William Regal’s popularity in Britain and how WWE could (dare I say should?) go about creating their next masked character. These tangents are arguably more interesting than the episode’s main focus, so I’d recommend listening out for them.

***

¹ The phrase “totem of standing” is included for no other reason than that I like it. It doesn’t sit right, I know that. I also don’t care.

Snakeskin Case

It’s taken two years but Randy Orton is finally back on top of WWE. Well… sort of.

‘The Viper’s’ show-closing, briefcase-snatching victory at Money in the Bank has set him firmly back on the track to the WWE championship. That’s a title he’s not held since November 22^nd 2010. Funnily enough he lost it to a Money in the Bank cash-in from The Miz.

Part of what’s kept Orton away from the top is his history with WWE’s Wellness Policy. Having tested positive for banned substances twice Orton’s next infraction will see his contract terminated. Should that happen WWE would, by their own rules, be unable to rehire him until a year had passed and he’d passed a drug test. Naturally this sort of high risk situation is not something WWE have wanted to link to their top title.

Orton’s last brush with the top of the card came in 2011. He had the feud of the year opposite Christian for the World Heavyweight strap, winning it twice and leaving the rivalry with it. But as good as those matches were they were not for the company’s most treasured belt. Vacating the WHC or taking it off someone in a hurry would be an annoyance but it wouldn’t be a disaster. Getting the WWE title, the real world title, off someone in hurry would be.

Presumably ‘The Apex Predator’ has kept his nose clean for long enough (his last suspension came to an end on July 30^th last year) to convince WWE that he can be trusted with the championship. That he’s been outside of the main event bracket for so long and thus can be involved in relatively fresh matches and feuds probably doesn’t hurt either. In fact his briefcase win has put him on course for what has to be considered one of the freshest pay-per-view matches WWE can currently present.

I’m talking of course about the potential Orton versus Daniel Bryan series.

We’ve seen the two men wrestle several times before. They first clashed on SmackDown at the beginning of last year. The match was good but it was a standalone incident, something to keep both men busy. They’ve met again this year and actually had a respect based TV rivalry that saw them exchange clean wins in regular and gimmicked matches. Those bouts were never anything less than thrilling.

 

Orton has remained in an unassuming role since Money in the Bank. The most noteworthy thing that’s happened to him is getting low blowed by a fan in South Africa. The second most noteworthy thing that’s involved him was a short lived rumour that he was injured and would be missing ring time (in the end he missed one or two TV tapings and turned out to be fine). As far as scripted events go he’s done nothing of interest beyond walking out to pose with his briefcase during segments involving Daniel Bryan and-or WWE champion John Cena.

The message those posing scenes have sent has been clear. Orton intends to add himself to the WWE title picture. And soon.

 

Orton's been doing a lot of this since winning the case

 

The obvious time for this to happen would be the SummerSlam main event. I’ve outlined in a couple of posts now how Bryan could win the title to a huge ovation only to lose it moments later to Orton. Cashing in on in the ultra-popular ‘King of Beards’ would not endear Orton to fans and would make a natural starting point for a heel turn. Even if he lost his cash-in attempt, which seems incredibly unlikely, a villainous streak could emerge: he could become eaten up by frustration at losing in what was considered a “can’t lose” situation.

Orton winning the MITB briefcase initially disappointed me. It painted a dreary picture of his 378^th feud with John Cena. Thankfully WWE gave us a pleasant surprise when Daniel Bryan was awarded a title match at SummerSlam. Not only did that make use of a red hot talent but it also hinted at more Orton v Bryan matches, on pay-per-view and with one man playing a heel. If any changes could help them better their efforts of the last few months it’s an upgrade to PPV and one man playing an aggressive bad guy.

Further adding to Orton’s fortunes is the supposed elbow injury John Cena has suffered. I’m not convinced this isn’t a work to give Cena an excuse to tap out to the Yes Lock but whether it’s real or not it’s part of WWE storylines it hints that Cena will be taking time off in the next few weeks. That would leave Orton alone for a run opposite ‘The Dazzler’. Should Cena stick around we’ll see a three-way feud instead. That won’t be bad but I’d rather Bryan and Orton be left to tear it up alone.

Orton’s return to the main event could not have come at a better time.