SmackTalk 29.01.15

When snowstorms stopped WWE from promoting a live post-Royal Rumble RAW they compromised, relocating to WWE Headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut to put on a show based around interview segments. It was a smart move to make and they put on a very good show considering the severe limitations placed on them. But wrestling is about, well, wrestling, and as much as I suspect they enjoyed producing a three hour show with no in-ring content WWE needed to get back into an arena at some point. They decided to reschedule their trip to the XL Center in Hartford from Monday to Thursday, promoting a live edition of SmackDown in its new timeslot.

Michael Cole, Byron Saxton and Jerry 'The King' Lawler welcomed us to the show, immediately hyping Reigns v Big Show and Bryan v Kane in a casket match. They referred to it as the final battle in their long feud. It’s worth noting at this point that the Bryan and Kane problems date back to the spring of 2012. They’ve feuded, on and off, for nearly three years. Time will tell whether this really will be the end but I'm not expecting it to be true.

Triple H got things going with a promo. Because WWE is incapable of starting live TV shows without an in-ring promo. He welcomed the crowd to Monday Night RAW (what a joker, eh?) before putting over WWE being great for working around not being allowed to do RAW on Monday and finally hitting their Network subscribers goal. After some jokes about balls (related to some sort of NFL controversy I'm not aware of because I’m not American) he said he will resolve the problem that is Sting at Fast Lane.

Then he talked about the controversy of the Royal Rumble. Apparently Reigns winning is considered controversial. I don't understand why it's controversial that a man won a match completely legally. 'The Game' said he'd end the controversy on Monday's RAW. Presumably this will take the form of a match announcement for Fast Lane.

Roman Reigns smouldering.

Before Tripper could leave he was joined by Reigns, who agreed with my feeling that his Rumble win was not a controversial situation. He was booed. Big Show was brought out for their scheduled match and Trips ambled backstage. The match would have been enjoyable had Reigns steamed through Show in minutes, a dynamic performance to demonstrate that he's above proven losers like Show.

But that didn't happen. What we got was a twelve and a half minute match that saw Reigns being worked over and failing to look like a powerhouse. At one point he did a performed a headscissors takedown, the exact opposite of the sort of moves he should be doing. He was also heavily booed throughout the match. WWE should have realised less is more and limited Reigns' camera time. He did at least win though, kicking out of a choke slam to hit two Superman punches, on a 'Giant' who had stupidly clambered up to the top rope, and a spear. Yep, it took three finishers to put Show down.

After a reminder that Schwarzenegger is going into the Hall of Fame Seth Rollins wandered out for a bit of a chat. His entrance got more cheers than Reigns' did. He put over his performance at the Rumble, how he’d come one second away from winning the title, and how he’s broken Lesnar's rib. He issued an open challenge, waited for approximately one second, and then started bragging that nobody wanted to face him.

Ryback not ruling.

Ryback's music hit and he came out to prove Rollins wrong. J&J Security and Rollins jumped Ryback. ‘Eerie’ Erick Rowan made the save. Rollins knocked him off the apron and went back to stomping 'The Big Guy'. Ziggler came out to round things out. The heels managed to fight their way out of the ring and ran backstage. I expected this to lead to a match later in the show. It didn’t.

We were next shown a topless Kane caressing a casket in a dimly lit room somewhere in the building. He talked about ending Daniel Bryan. It was distinctly un-PG.

Match number two was the very promising Tyson Kidd v Jey Uso. Sadly they got less than three minutes, nowhere near long enough for the competitive match they could have produced. Kidd worked the leg and got the win after drop kicking the knee and hitting a fisherman’s neck breaker. This match should have had its time swapped with Reigns and Show. That would have resulted in a far more enjoyable match and Reigns looking like a juggernaut for trouncing Show.

Another shot of Kane was shown with the casket. This time he didn't say anything. He just gazed into the casket. Maybe he was thinking about Katie Vick?

Rusev and Lana rocked up for a promo as the first hour drew to a close. Speaking English, Rusev said he should have won the Rumble. Even though he was thrown out easily and Reigns never got put over the top rope. Weak argument, bro. He said he deserved Lesnar but he was being given a man with no titles, hunger or desire, a man from the past, John Cena.

Naturally these words brought Cena out to the ring. Cena half-heartedly put over Rusev's accomplishments then vigorously talked himself up before challenging Rusev to fight him then and there. Rusev was up for it. Lana told him not to waste his time. He listened to her and they left the ring. The crowd booed. Cena made a gag about Lana being a ho and said he'd defeat Rusev at Fast Lane. But he would say that wouldn't he.

I'm not liking Rusev's chances.

There’s time to make the Rusev v Cena feud great but their early interactions haven’t filled me with confidence. Cena doesn’t seem to want to treat Rusev seriously. If he doesn’t then he’ll undo a year of good work building Rusev up as a credible upper mid-card heel and tank his chances of progressing further. The progression would help the company as a whole but create competition for Cena. It’s worth remembering that.

Paige spoke to Renee Young about her Divas championship match at Fast Lane. She was immediately interrupted by the Bellas. They made comments about Paige's skin tone, comparing her to snow and vampires. Paige laughed then elbowed Brie. The Bellas ended the segment on top, Nikki posing with her belt like she was in the ring.

The Ascension had a picture in picture promo as they headed to the ring for their match against Goldust and Stardust. Konnor called the New Age Outlaws D-geriatrics (because they were in D-Generation X, geddit?) and Viktor called Goldust "Oldust". Great stuff. The writing team really earned their money with this stellar material. It was a standard issue tag match. Stardust was pinned with The Fall of Man after tagging himself in against Goldust's better judgement.

Kane was again shown with the casket. Smoke had appeared in the room since he was last shown. He laughed (maybe because of the smoke?) then slammed the casket shut.

It wasn’t main event time quite yet. A backstage promoting a Syfy show about magic had to take place first. Alicia Fox, Zack Ryder, Summer Rae, and R-Truth were shown marking out over a magician from said Syfy magic show. He took a bite out of an Oreo cookie appear (product placement much?) and then made a whole one appear. Everyone was amazed by this.

Miz and Mizdow showed up. The magician lad said he'd always wanted to do a "trick" (ermmmmmm... real magicians call them illusions) with an A-lister. Miz fawned before the guy revealed he was talking about Mizdow, who broke character to shake his hand. The guy taught Miz a trick. Mizdow mimed Miz’s hand movements. The magician ended up cracking an egg he'd made appear on Miz's face, to prove it was real. It was as funny as you'd expect. In other words, not at all (except for Mizdow's miming).

In a darkened room Bray Wyatt asked what made people happy. He revealed that he's happy doing things most people aren't. He also mentioned smiles. It was even more pointless than the magic skit.

Budget cuts meant that there were no crew to set up the casket for the casket match. Kane had to  wheel it out and put it in place before Bryan's entrance. Poor old Kane, always getting lumbered with the unglamorous jobs. And, for that matter, the jobs.

They had the best match possible considering the crummy gimmick they were lumbered with and the over familiarity of their pairing together. The final three minutes were very good. Bryan slipped out of a Tombstone piledriver on the apron and hit several charging drop kicks, wobbling 'The Demon' over the coffin before getting thrown to the mat with a choke slam. ‘The Big Red Machine’ rolled Bryan into the casket and leant across him to close the lid. Bryan applied the Yes Lock and worked Kane into the casket and himself onto the apron. He tried closing the thing but Kane fought out and back into the ring where they ran through Tombstone, Yes Lock and choke slam attempts before D-Bry yanked down the top rope and a charging Kane wound up on the apron. A roundhouse kick dizzied him and a running knee sent him sprawling back into the casket, slamming the lid closed to win.

He's beaten Kane on SmackDown but what will he do at WrestleMania?

Bryan stood on the casket celebrating for two minutes before the show ended. It was a long time to celebrate, but for some reason the decision had been made for Michael Cole to yammer away about Triple H’s promise to address the imaginary controversy on RAW as the show closed. Bryan had to hang about because of that. Still, there are worse ways to close a show.

For the most part this SmackDown was decent. I’m concerned about the way WWE are choosing to use Reigns though. Having him win the Rumble is one thing, putting him in lengthy singles matches on TV is another. It doesn’t play to his strengths and it’s going to do nothing to dissipate the hostility towards him. Having him blitz people inside three minutes is the way to go. Something tells me they’re not going to learn that though.

SmackTalk 10.10.14: SmackDown Fifteenth Anniversay

If I could I’d start this post by making note of some of my favourite SmackDown memories from the past fifteen years. With it being an anniversary show it seems the appropriate thing to do. Unfortunately I can’t remember anything that wasn’t highlight by WWE during the show. That’s mostly due to SmackDown being the number two show for the majority of its life.

In fact the only thing I feel that’s worth mentioning here is that the first regular episode of SmackDown aired in the US on 26 August 1999. That means WWE are close to two months late with this fifteenth anniversary celebration. And, for the record, that wasn’t even the first episode of SmackDown. The first episode had been recorded and aired as a special in April ’99. I’d understand WWE ignoring that date in favour of the show’s debut as a weekly fixture, but I can’t say the same about this random October date.

But this isn’t the first time WWE have changed facts and figures for their own needs. It won’t be the last either. What was nice about the show was that WWE managed to capture the general pointlessness the programme has in 2014 and turn it into something worth celebrating. Truly they are masters of turning nothing into something (albeit something forgettable and entirely skippable).

The show kicked off with a video package filled with fast cuts between memorable SmackDown moments. Included were a generic Edge and Christian bit; some double posing from Triple H and Hulk Hogan; a face-off between Hogan and Brock Lesnar; Rock’s sliding People’s Elbow on The British Bulldog (it wasn’t clear that it was Bulldog, but it was); Schwarzenegger holding a replica title belt over his head and grinning; Rhino goring Chris Jericho through the stage set; Bischoff swerving the universe at the Billy and Chuck wedding by peeling off a fake face (which is particularly strange taken out of the wedding context as it was here); Cody throwing Sandow's briefcase into water and Sandow leaping in after it; Eddie Guerrero doing a frog splash off a cage (I can’t remember who took it, for which I can only apologise); Cena debuting opposite Kurt Angle; the Lesnar-Big Show ring explosion; Austin blowing up the DX Express; Rock making Coach dance the Charleston; and Undertaker parodying himself with the "Buckle up Teddy!" line. After that the video rattled through shots of Austin, Rock, Undertaker, DX, Jericho and others on SmackDown, presumably to remind us that the show was once pretty relevant.

Sadly there was no "Tag match, playa!" But we'd get to that. In fact we’d get back to many of the clips shown here. WWE replayed many of them later in the show in a series of celebratory reminders which, again, seemed designed to remind people that things used to happen on SmackDown.

In the arena it was Stephanie McMahon who got the show started. She was introduced not only as a principle owner but also the first ever SmackDown GM. As she strode to the ring Michael Cole informed us that when SmackDown first aired JBL was still wrestling and Tom Philips was ten years-old. Naturally he avoided revealing that when SmackDown first aired he was being humiliated by The Rock on a weekly basis.

Stephanie mentioned Rock coining the term SmackDown and losing to Triple H on the debut episode. Then she got interrupted by John Laurinaitis. The initial reaction to him was (understandably) uninspired but a nice “People power!” chant started up as soon as his music cut. Big Johnny said he'd been researching (though he didn't say what) on the WWE Network and had some matches he wanted to make. He didn't get to reveal them because Teddy Long came out, to a much louder reaction than Laurinaitis had received. JBL got up to dance and shake Teddy's hand. The crowd broke out in a “Teddy!” chant. Children wept with happiness. Women screamed out their love and adoration. Men shouted that they aspired to one day be as charismatic, powerful, and downright cool as Teddy Long. WWE were fools to release the man. He's money.

"Tag match, playa!"

Teddy and Johnny had a little back and forth (including Teddy nonsensically cramming in the line "The proof is in the playa") before Johnny announced a tag match. Teddy upped it to a six man tag match. Laurinaitis jumped it to a ten man tag. Teddy stacked it up further still, settling on a fifteen man tag match. It took him an age to run through the teams. I’m sure this as a joke at his expense, and that the segment was edited heavily.

Steph added the stip that the two men would captain the teams. The winning team would earn their captain the title of Best GM Ever. She put over the night’s Miz TV and then Adam Rose danced out to wish SmackDown a happy birthday and tell Stephanie to be a Rosebud. Stephanie booked him in a match with Kane. The three GMs danced into a break for some mid-2000s SmackDown surrealism.

The evening’s first glance to the past video played. It focused on the main event of the first episode, Triple H defending the WWF world championship against The Rock. It ended with guest referee super kicking ‘The Brahma Bull’ in the face, allowing his buddy to recover and hit a Pedigree for the win. I have never seen this match because Sky took a while to start airing SmackDown. I’ve seen enough Rock v Triple H matches to assume it was good.

After a break Kane came out. He was not wearing a vest, sadly. He listed some of the things he's not (a cheeseburger, a bunny, a lemon, a Rosebud) and said that what he is is a party pooper. Obviously he did this because those things were in Rise's entourage, but listing what he's not should be a new Kane gimmick. Basically, I want Kane to be made as peculiar and strange as possible. He no longer makes sense in any way as a character. WWE should embrace that.

‘The Big Red Machine’ won quickly with a choke slam. It was Rose’s first loss, pretty impressive when you consider how long he’s been on TV without a serious push behind him. He can now fulfil his destiny and become a jobber to the stars. After the match Kane punched, kicked and choke slammed a number of the Rosebuds. He nearly got his hands on the bunny, but it got away.

Blast from the past vid number two saw Kurt Angle issuing an open challenge to any young guy in the back wanting a shot at him. Because he was a big star in a big company back then, and a competitive match against him was a big deal. Cena lost the match, although WWE omitted that fact because these days Cena has to be shown as all powerful, not someone who’d lose to cleanly to a guy who no longer works for the company. Rikishi, Ron Simmons, and, most significantly, then-WWE champion Undertaker were booked to congratulate him afterwards. Ron said Cena would go far. He is wrestling’s Nostradamus.

Match two saw AJ Lee wrestle Alicia Fox. It was another short match. AJ won when she got picked up for a slam and countered into a Black Widow. Paige attacked after the match but AJ quickly dispatched her and skipped off.

The third recap focused on big stunts. Included was footage of Eddie Guerrero leaping off a cage (again); Jeff vaulting from one ladder over another ladder and going through a table; Rey Mysterio's debut jumping off a cage onto the UnAmericans; Kane jumping off a turnbuckle onto the New Age Outlaws during an inferno match; Mark Henry breaking into a cage; Mark Henry awkwardly jumping off the second rope through a table (probably edited to fool people not paying attention into thinking Henners did a top of the cage splash through a table); The Shield triple power bombing The Undertaker through a table; Stephanie slapping Linda; Rhino Goring Jericho through the set (again); and Lesnar superplexing Big Show to collapse the ring (again).

Kofi's face equals pain.

That was followed by Seth Rollins v Kofi Kingston. Rollins had Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble with him at ringside. Which gives me a chance to talk about their status as the New Stooges. Basically, I’m all for this. Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco received a sort of second career when they became Vince McMahon’s stooges in 1998, and it’s arguably what they’re most remembered for now. I like the idea of Triple H having a similar relationship with Noble and Mercury, two guys who were always competent but never especially over during their runs as active wrestlers.

Rollins versus Kingston was not the first match you'd probably expect. Rollins controlled the bulk of the encounter and kept the pace slow. Early foray to ringside and brief Kofi comeback aside there was nothing much to see. Rollins won with a buckle bomb and a Curb Stomp.

That was followed by a Wyatt Family video. It focused on Luke Harper having been fixed and getting sent out into the world. I think splitting the trio is a mistake. You can read a lengthy explanation here, but basically Harper and Rowan are more likely to be booked, and booked relatively prominently, if they remain affiliated, even loosely, with Bray.  

Another recap followed that. The topic was Money in the Bank cash-ins. It was an odd choice as there were only two to show. The first was Edge’s World Heavyweight title win over ‘Taker, one night after he’d defeated original Money in the Bank contract holder Mr Kennedy for the briefcase. The second saw Jack Swagger cashing in on Jericho to win his one and only world title.

Everybody taps.

Ziggler v Rusev was preceded by the obligatory replay of The Rock's surprise appearance on RAW. The match was, by the standards of Rusev's TV appearances, a competitive affair. Ziggler sold for a while before making a comeback with a corner splash and a Fameasser. Rusev weathered those, blocked a super kick, then hit a super kick of his own and applied The Accolade for the tap out victory.

Afterwards Lana laid into Philadelphia (hey, you gotta get that cheap heat) and The Rock. Rusev said Rock would pay for what he'd done and also challenged Big Show to face him on RAW, promising to crush him. I expect that will be more angle than match. The natural place for that bout is Hell in a Cell (the show, not the gimmick).

A reminder that Steve Austin and Booker T once brawled around a supermarket came next. I hated this segment at the time. It was a funny enough premise but it dragged. I’m sure the unedited version lasts around five minutes, which is a painful amount of time to watch two men hit each other with groceries.

The Rock, Triple H and Stephanie were shown meeting up backstage after RAW. It started with awkward, unamusing smalltalk. They reminisced about the first SmackDown main event. Rock brought up how amazing it would be for them to have one more match at a WrestleMania. Both thought they'd win, obvs. The segment ended with Triple H telling Stephanie Rock was cheap for never picking up a cheque. It took a while to get going but it ended up being pretty enjoyable.

For the record I think WWE could do worse than a Triple H versus Rock match at WrestleMania 31 or 32. The most interesting thing about the idea, to me, is that even though they feuded on and off for years they never had a singles match at a WrestleMania. In fact, the only match they had at a 'Mania was a four-way elimination including Mick Foley and Big Show which saw ‘The Great One’ and ‘The Game’ as the final two. Promoted as their final ever confrontation, with videos put together to remind us that their feud was a constant as they progressed from the middle to the top of the roster and included dozens of TV and pay-per-view confrontations, I think it could be a big nostalgia attraction. That said, I think it would be better to have both men facing younger guys.

Back in the arena Michael Cole showed a (sloppily made) cake with the SmackDown logo on it. JBL chucked it over Tom Phillips and everyone had a good laugh. Well, Cole and Layfield did. The audience chuckled humourlessly. I rolled my eyes. The eye-rolling stopped when Booker T was introduced as a guest commentator for the main event. His first sentence on the headsets included the words “shucky ducky quack quack”. I’d be completely fine if JBL were only on RAW and Booker was left to handle SmackDown again.

The final flashback video showed highlights of the episode of SmackDown where Austin psyched out the McMahon-Helmsley faction. They went out the ring to call him out, foolishly leaving their tour bus unattended. ‘Stone Cold’ took that opportunity to hijack a crane and blow the bus up. Natch.

Match-wise Team Teddy versus Team Johnny was the main event. Teddy team was comprised of Sheamus, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, the Usos, Los Matadores, and El Torito. Big Johnny’s was comprised of Cesaro, Bo Dallas, Stardust, Goldust, Damien Mizdow, Slater Gator, and Mini Gator.

It was the longest match of the night by a wide margin. It had time to be good but there were too many guys involved for it to accomplish that. Everyone seemed to settle on making it inoffensive and they managed it. And if that doesn’t perfectly sum up fifteen years of SmackDown I don’t know what does.

Dives are always good for a pop.

Jimmy Uso was kept in the ring to play babyface in peril for a while. During this time there was a loud “We want Mizdow!” chant and extended cheers when he tagged in. When Jimmy finally managed to make the tag it was to Sheamus. He blasted through the majority of his opposition and a sequence of Big Spots™ kicked off. Shaymo lined up Cesaro, Stardust and Slater to give them all his ten punch spot. The babyface tag teams hit some dives. Henry went to hit a World’s Strongest Slam on Bo but found himself sent tumbling over the top rope. Bo then power bombed El Torito onto a gaggle of guys hanging around at ringside. The ending saw Mizdow tag in and try an SCF on ‘Great White’, only to be rammed into the turnbuckle, slump to the mat, and take the match-wnning top rope splash from an Uso. Let's say it was Jey.

After another Wyatt video, this one focusing on Erick Rowan (described as a big child) it was time for the main event promo segment. Before introducing his guests Miz announced that the Ambrose v Cena match at Hell in Cell will not just be for a Cell match with Rollins. It will also be a contract on a pole match. Maybe Russo, free of the constraints of working for TNA, has returned to WWE to book pole matches. But probably not.

Ambrose kicked things off by saying he attacked Cena on RAW to show that it doesn't matter who he is or what he’s accomplished: nobody crosses Dean Ambrose. Anyone that crosses him gets hunted down. He also made it clear that he wants Rollins inside the Hell in a Cell because Rollins crossed him. Which was a good move: it would have been all too easy for the focus of the segment to be Cena and Ambrose's match, when it should have been about the hatred both have for Rollins and their reasons for wanting him. Which is what ended up happening, unfortunately. But hey, Ambrose tried.

Cena immediately did his best to undercut Ambrose by being patronising, telling him he was impressed. Apparently he listens to the reactions everyone gets and watches every segment of every show. Which is probably true, but it could make him sound a little paranoid about the safety of his spot. He said Ambrose has "it", that mythical, undefinable quality that separates the massively successful wrestlers from their peers? No. A pair of baseballs, which Cena pulled from his pocket. Presumably they were there to represent testicles, a shorthand for tenacity and determination in wrestling.

How else was WWE going to close their fifteenth anniversary SmackDown show?

Cena yammered a bit more putting himself over and saying he likes his chances at Hell in a Cell. Miz asked Ambrose if he likes his chances against Cena. Ambrose’s response: "Yep." Cena said he'd see Ambrose at HIAC. Miz stopped him and tried to stir things up between them. The faces gave Miz a beating. Cena quickly hoisted 'The Awesome One' up for an AA but decided to put him down and let Ambrose hit the double arm DDT instead... after which Ambrose took an AA.

As a wrestling show, this episode of SmackDown was subpar. Only one segment did anything for the next pay-per-view and only one match lasted more than five minutes, and it wasn’t very good. But as a celebration of SmackDown’s fifteen year history it worked. Teddy Long, John Laurinaitis and Booker T were all used effectively and everything about the self-contained story of the episode (the battle of the former GMs) screamed inconsequential filler. And if that’s not SmackDown for most of the past fifteen years, I don’t know what is.

SmackTalk 20.06.14

SmackDown’s generally a one match show. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It can lead to good matches ad interesting matches and good interesting matches. This week’s show featured the latter. The seven participants in the WWE championship ladder match at Money in the Bank were placed in a four-on-three handicap match. It was well booked and made the more important match the seven are to be involved in seem more interesting.

It’s an approach I think WWE should use more often. Getting a number of guys together who don’t usually interact is a good way of starting fresh issues. With that seeming to be something WWE has a problem with (so much so that they rarely bother doing it outside of the main event) it’s odd that they’ve not realised this themselves.

Anyway, just for fun, here’s a tweeting session I did.

Seth Rollins v Kofi Kingston

Tweet 1: Let's tweet some Smack.

Tweet 2: First guy out is Seth Rollins, meaning I have to make the obligatory Agents of SHIELD comment.

Seth Rollins, agent of SHIELD.

Tweet 3: Rollins was wearing trainers when Ambrose attacked him on Main Event. Can't imagine image conscious Triple H approved of that.
Tweet 4: He's facing perma-disappointment Kofi Kingston who's decked out like The Flash.
Tweet 5: "Dean Ambrose belongs in a rubber room" - JBL, perhaps hinting at plans for WWE to steal the Samuel Shaw story
Tweet 6: Kofi lost surprisingly quickly. I don't think it'll hurt his chances of being added to Money in the Bank though.
Tweet 7: Uh-oh, Seth's got a mic...
Tweet 8: Is Kane's new ring name Demon Kane? Everyone seems to be calling him that. It's like he's a DBZ villain who's reached his second power level

John Cena promo, featuring interruptions from Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, Cesaro, Paul Heyman, Roman Reigns, and Randy Orton

Tweet 9: Michael Cole's welcoming us to the show after the first match and a recap vid. Weirdo.

Tweet 10: John Cena on SmackDown? SAYWHAAAAAAT?!
Tweet 11: Cole's introducing himself AGAIN. This is getting out of hand.
Tweet 12: Cena's jokes falling flat there.
Tweet 13: Rough cut to the crowd chanting "Yes!" It's almost like they didn't take Cena's original cue and had to be prompted a couple more times.
Tweet 14: Hahahaha interrupted by Del Rio of all people.
Tweet 15: Remember when ADR first debuted and he feuded with Rey about three separate times in his first year?
Tweet 16: Sheamus came out. I wanted him to say that he was going to unify the US title with the WWE and World titles to make the WWE triple crown.
Tweet 17: He didn’t. Poor.
Tweet 18: Heyman getting the most heat of the entire show by mentioning Lesnar ending The Streak there.
Tweet 19: Reigns and Cena could be something one day.

Wouldn't surprise me if this was a WrestleMania main event one day, to be honest.

Tweet 20: And I don't mean slash fic.
Tweet 21: Randy Orton. Go to guy for exciting promo segments.
Tweet 22: That promo segment ended with all the guys fighting. Didn't see that comin'...

Dolph Ziggler v Bad News Barrett

Tweet 23: Dolph putting the moves on Lilian Garcia there.

Tweet 24: Bad News Cape Klaxon!!
Tweet 25: Leave it to Barrett to drop in a football reference. Helping to stereotype all Brits as football lovers.
Tweet 26: Could've done with that being longer. Still good though. I want Ziggler v Barrett on the next three PPVs. I'll take them in MITB together.
Tweet 27: Bad News hit Ziggler so hard that his music stopped. Impressive.

Titus O’Neil v Adam Rose

Tweet 28: They're idiots for not saving Titus v Rose for a pay-per-view.

Tweet 29: Love the fact that Rose's entourage are the most excited people in the arena. Most people in the crowd aren't bothered.

The most excited people in the building.

Tweet 30: Can't wait for that bunny heel turn.
Tweet 31: Titus loses. Demands a rematch. Loses again. I'm sure someone, somewhere finds that hilarious.

Kane v Dean Ambrose

Tweet 32: #DemonKane

Tweet 33: Nice to see Rollins has put some effort in for his spot as a guest commentator. So few wrestlers care these days.
Tweet 34: Look at Lawler. He sits there in naff T-shirts every week.
Tweet 35: Once again I feel compelled to comment on Dean Ambrose being really, really surprisingly over as a singles babyface.
Tweet 36: Rollins didn't cost Ambrose the match. mbrose cost Ambrose the match. #BretscrewedBret

Jack Swagger v Big E

Tweet 37: BIG HOSS.

Tweet 38: It's the grudge match we've all been waiting for: Big E v Jack Swagger!
Tweet 39: These two had a cracking match at Elimination Chamber. My hopes are raised for this.
Tweet 40: Lasted about a minute so nowhere near as good as the match at Chamber. Gonna pin my hopes on Big E v Rusev.

Fandango, Summer Rae and Layla backstage

Tweet 41: Fandango not using his gimmick voice is the most kayfabe-breaking thing I've seen in years.

Tweet 42: Summer mouth rapes Fanners and Layla sees. Nothing is said. Their eyes do the talking.
Tweet 43: Yep. Really hyped for that Layla v Summer Rae match.

Bo Dallas v Fandango

Tweet 44: Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo!Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bo!

Tweet 45: The obvious finisher for Bo Dallas is the bow and arrow. Why is this not happening?
Tweet 46: 'Dirty' Curty going back to his old ways, basically.
Tweet 47: Not pleased with Layla and Summer trying to overshadow Bo Dallas.

"Are you a... Boliever?"

Tweet 48: Is part of Bo's gimmick that he becomes a bystander in other people's storylines and gets wins out of it? If not it should be.
Tweet 49: Anyone who says Bo's not getting over is wrong. There are signs in the crowd for him and his victory is being booed.

Bray Wyatt backstage promo

Tweet 50: Wyatt Family screen thing going off with Bo in the ring made me think they were going to acknowledge them as brothers.

Tweet 51: 'The Designer of Chaos' is another great moniker for Bray.
Tweet 52: Nice that WWE are savvy enough to have Bray say that he's only siding with the other heels briefly.

Randy Orton, Cesaro, Alberto Del Rio, and Bray Wyatt v John Cena, Sheamus and Roman Reigns

Tweet 53: Instead of a four-on-three match they could have done Sheamus, Reigns and Cena v ADR, Orton and Cesaro v The Wyatt Family.

Tweet 54: Could've been interesting. Maybe they'll do it next week. But they won't.
Tweet 55: The question that everyone wants answered is: are there Mexican flags on the ring posts?
Tweet 56: Awkward shot from the cheap seats there. It was so they didn't have to show a bunch of tarped seats I expect.
Tweet 57: Bray Wyatt foregoing a musical entrance and instead choosing to teleport to the ring there.
Tweet 58: Love Cole making out Reigns is untrustworthy because he said nobody could stop him from winning the world title.
Tweet 59: This match perfectly illustrates how WWE could use six man tags to start new feuds every few months.
Tweet 60: It's not actually a six man tag, but still...
Tweet 61: "Sheamus loves to fight, don't he?" - Michael 'I Can't Think Of Anything To Say' Cole
Tweet 62: The announcers are pushing a lack of trust towards Reigns but Cena teamed with him and Ambrose the week after Rollins turned. Ridiculous.
Tweet 63: Cena and Orton tag in at the same time. The audience immediately begins booing.
Tweet 64: Needlessly sexual cover from Orton there.
Tweet 65: For those playing along at home it was the one he went for after he pointed at Reigns.
Tweet 66: "It's his first big chance at the title!" - Michael Cole on Cesaro, who also wrestled for the title in the main event of Elimination Chamber
Tweet 67: The Crowd Noise Machine is going into overdrive now that Reigns has tagged in.

Bray Wyatt's about to get Lex Luthored.

Tweet 68: Pretty good finish to that. All of Reigns' spots were used and then he went over. Works for me.

Tweet 69: I wish JBL would stop talking about watching Reigns erupt though. #filth

SmackTalk 14.03.14

This episode of SmackDown typified how little attention WWE pays to the show. With WrestleMania three weeks away it’s clear that everything that means something is being saved for RAW, because that’s the show that people associate with big announcements. SmackDown is the supplementary show that does a bit more wrestling and catches people up with Monday night happenings.

Think Triple H’s promo on Daniel Bryan proves me wrong? Think again. Nothing of interest is said by a shakier than usual ‘Game’. The aim is to remind everyone that Triple H and Bryan are going to face off at WrestleMania, and that D-Bry will get added to the main event if he wins. There was no new information and there won’t be until Tripper interacts with Bryan. Which will happen on RAW, naturally.

But just because nothing important happens doesn’t mean SmackDown’s not enjoyable. The quality of matches was high. The tag team opener, Sandow versus Rollins, and Ziggler versus Del Rio were all above average, and Bray Wyatt versus Kofi Kingston and the heavyweight main event clash were both inoffensive affairs. Even the Divas match between Nikki Bella and Tamina was watchable.

Most importantly this show demonstrated consistency. No major storyline advancements occurred but everyone who appeared was a known quantity who did what we as an audience expected from them. Predictability isn’t good all the time, but when it results in reliable second tier shows I think there’s something to be said for it. If WWE could get storylines going for everyone on the card, no matter how minor, I think their product would be about as good as it can get. As it is it’s not far off.

Opening

Tweet 1: Let's tweet some smack.

Tweet 2: Cena being prominent in the SmackDown opening is a bit ridiculous isn't it? He's barely ever on the show.
Tweet 3: I imagine he'll be opening the show now...

The Real Americans v The Rhodes Brothers

Tweet 4: Oh no. It's the Real Americans. Lovely stuff. Antonio Cesaro. Heeeeeey...

Tweet 5: Michael Cole needs to start referring to Swagger as 'Big Hoss'. Not just because it's on Swag's jacket but because it's funny.
Tweet 6: Loving Cesaro nearly dropping Cody then powering him up like he's nothing.
Tweet 7: If The Real Americans split who will Zeb side with. Realistically it should be Cesaro. But Swagger needs a manager more.


Cesaro is a swinger

Tweet 8: Duelling tags. Uh-oh-spaghetti-ohs!
Tweet 9: Yeah if I was Swagger and Cesaro beating up a weakened man I'd totes run away from Jimmy and Jey Uso too...

Triple H promo

Tweet 10: Bryan v Triple H is what's best for business. As is the title match stipulation.

Tweet 11: Cole's got heat with Triple H. 'The Game' stood him up. #heat
Tweet 12: Daniel Bryan's not on SmackDown because of the people. Nothing to do with him being on a house show at all.
Tweet 13: This promo is all over the place. What do you want to say, Triple H? Sort that out and say it.
Tweet 14: Alright, D-Bry's an underdog. We get it. We don't need to hear it said fifty different ways.
Tweet 15: "At WrestleMania I put an end to your dreams and I bury Daniel Bryan" - Triple H, who had to know what he was saying there
Tweet 16: What happened to Sandow's push? Did it disappear along with the sleeves of his T-shirts?
Tweet 17: Triple H is fine saying talent but not wrestler. Priceless.
Tweet 18: Is Triple H shrinking or is Sandow taller than I thought?

Damien Sandow v Seth Rollins

Tweet 19: Rollins facing Sandow. Who's the face here?

Tweet 20: It's Rolins, isn't it? Even though he's got back-up at ringside.
Tweet 21: If Triple H wanted to punish Sandow shouldn't he have booked him against Kane? Or Reigns? Or all three Shield guys?
Tweet 22: Rollins is a good wrestler but he's not intimidating is my point.
Tweet 23: Ambrose won't fist bump. But he will instigate a beatdown. And a triple power bomb.
Tweet 24: How much posing do these three want to do...?

Damien Sandow: staring at lights and fists

Big E v Fandango

Tweet 25: Faaaaaan... daaaaaan... goooooo's still got it. #neverlostit
Tweet 26: What the Andre battle royal needs is some grace and class. Because Andre was known for both.
Tweet 27: I wish JBL would stop pushing Fandango's win over Jericho as the biggest upset in WrestleMania history.
Tweet 28: Everyone knows it's Sheikh winning the gimmick battle royal.
Tweet 29: I've nothing against Big E but he shouldn't be squashing Fandango.
Tweet 30: I can't hear the Big Ending mentioned without thinking it sounds filthy.

Bad News Barrett gives some bad news

Tweet 31: I've got some bad news. There's a Bad News Barrett segment...

Tweet 32: "Look at that podium!" - Fan of podiums, Michael Cole
Tweet 33: Barrett's bad news was that The Undertaker will lose at 'Mania which will lead to everyone watching getting fired.

RAW Recap: Hulk Hogan and John Cena are confronted by The Wyatt Family

Tweet 34: I can't be the only one who noticed that Hogan placed himself right in the middle of the ring for the Wyatt promo on RAW.

Tweet 35: He literally stole Cena's spotlight.

Bray Wyatt v Kofi Kingston

Tweet 36: Bray Wyatt doesn't need the SmackDown Crowd Noise Machine.

Tweet 37: Wyatt versus Kingston. Technically this is a pay-per-view quality match. Y'know, cos they faced each other at Battleground last year.
Tweet 38: I'm not a fan of Kofi's Joker tights. He'd look good with a Spider-man design.
Tweet 39: "You are far less a man than I" - Bray 'Mid-Match Promo' Wyatt
Tweet 40: If Wyatt wins he gets his own era? Is that an official stip?

Bray Wyatt: maxing and relaxing

Kane speaks to The Shield backstage

Tweet 41: Corporate Kane is one of the best things in wrestling today.

Tweet 42: That they're still using the flame motif for Kane is great. It doesn't make sense any more but who cares?

Nikki Bella v Tamina

Tweet 43: Nikki Bella stretching there. No comment.

Tweet 44: Nikki's hat is covered in spikes. Is that what fashion is now? If so you can keep it.
Tweet 45: AJ's on commentary talking about how the Divas division has stepped up. She's wrong.
Tweet 46: That was a rough looking super kick from Tamina.
Tweet 47: Nikki using the backbreaker drop is pretty impressive. The win over Tamina's not bad either.


This is called a Rack Attack. True story

Dolph Ziggler v Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 48: That people still react to Ziggler is encouraging. I don't think he's getting pushed again though.

Tweet 49: This match could be really good if they're given ten minutes. I doubt they will be.
Tweet 50: Is there a more overused spot in wrestling than wrestlers insisting to the referee that they should have just made a three count?
Tweet 51: Pretty sure Ziggler does it in every match.
Tweet 52: Fameasser!! #BadAssBillyZiggler
Tweet 53: Inverted superplex. Impressive that they're pulling that out on SmackDown.
Tweet 54: Ziggler over clean with the Zig Zag. Great match considering the time they had.
Tweet 55: Ziggler's in the Andre battle royal. Someone's got to take the bumps...
Tweet 56: Ziggler saying he'll finally get his WrestleMania Moment could lead to an interesting story. Have him go for it every year and always miss.
Tweet 57: Then in four or five years give him something really memorable on the show.

Carlos Colon Hall of Fame announcement

Tweet 58: Carlos Colon's going into the Hall of Fame. And it's being announced on SmackDown.

Tweet 59: Twenty-six time WWC heavyweight champ. You may also be interested to know that he owned the promotion.
Tweet 60: I want Mideon to induct him.

Kane v Big Show

Tweet 61: Kane’s vest status: existential.

Tweet 62: Will Michael Cole reference the tag title reigns Kane and Show have had? Doubtful.
Tweet 63: Nip slip from Big Show there.
Tweet 64: Choke slam attempt versus choke slam attempt. This is drama!
Tweet 65: Big Show kicks out of a choke slam from the top rope. All the big moves are getting pulled out for this show.
Tweet 66: Nice that Rollins was the one to call off that attack. WWE seem to be going out of their way to not make one Shield guy a leader.
Tweet 67: And Kane goes down to a choke slam. Not even a top rope one. What a baby.

Poor Kane

Tweet 68: And then Kane takes a spear. No triple power bomb though. He probably asked not to be subjected to that. Like a baby.

SmackTalk 21.02.14

For the final (relatively) significant piece of WWE television to air before the arrival of The WWE Network SmackDown felt anti-climactic. The new streaming service was, to the best of my recollection, not mentioned once and the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view was half-hearted. It was as though WWE were producing a piece of television by the numbers. While that’s nothing new I would have expected their final non-Network era piece of work to be more meaningful.

As understated as the show was it was still enjoyable. The opening two matches in particular were very good. The first saw Daniel Bryan defeat Jack Swagger relatively quickly with a running knee. The second also featured Bryan, this time tangling with his old indy foe ‘Don’t Call Him Antonio’ Cesaro. That one got longer and was more enjoyable, even though it saw Bryan writhing in pain for a lot of its run time.

The main event, Christian v Sheamus, wasn’t bad but wasn’t especially good either. It was a standard match from the two men. That they’re deemed worthy of headlining SmackDown demonstrates how little effort is put into the programme these days. The same match closing RAW simply wouldn’t happen.

A better choice for the main event would have been the lively six man tag that pitted Erick Rowan, Luke Harper and Bray Wyatt against Goldust, Cody Rhodes, and Rey Mysterio. The Wyatts are easily as over an act as either Christian or Sheamus, Goldust and Cody aren’t far behind and Rey Mysterio, for all he’s falling apart and passed his best, can still excel in multi-man showings. It was the best match on the show.

Opening

Tweet 1: It's SmackTalk time!
Tweet 2: Nothing says B show like a Christian v Sheamus main event.

Daniel Bryan v Jack Swagger

Tweet 3: But don't worry, Daniel Bryan's in the opener! "Why put the most over man in the company on last?" he asked rhetorically.

Tweet 4: Lengthy recaps of RAW happenings. Never a good sign. Still, it's nice to see Kane wrestling in his vest again.
Tweet 5: Swagger v Bryan? And we could have had Cesaro v Bryan. #continueddisappointmentofSwaggersexistence
Tweet 6: Anyone else noticed that Zeb Colter usually wears a tie? I like that. So few people dress for ringside anymore.
Tweet 7: Just look at Jerry Lawler.
Tweet 8: Actually, don’t.
Tweet 9: I still don't understand why The Real Americans aren't wrestling in red, white and blue gear. Natural fit for their characters.
Tweet 10: Swagger's working the injured arm but I bet he'll still try the ankle lock at some point.
Tweet 11: Swagger gets randomly belted with the knee then loses. Completely unsurprising result.

Daniel Bryan v Cesaro

Tweet 12: Oh look, it’s Rita Repulsa!

Tweet 13: Oh we ARE getting Bryan v Cesaro? Delightful.

Bryan v Cesaro never gets old

Tweet 14: JBL says it's best for business. I think that line's played out by WWE. Does Triple H even say it anymore?
Tweet 15: How many times has Vickie Guerrero been the SmackDown general manager? It's got to be at least four.
Tweet 16: Michael Cole concedes that, on paper, Bryan v Cesaro is best for business.
Tweet 17: "Whaddaya doing, Jack?" - Unbiased commentator Michael Cole
Tweet 18: "No! No!" - Jack Swagger, misunderstanding the concept of yes chants
Tweet 19: Why was Kane's walk down to ringside not televised? That could have been a highlight of this show.
Tweet 20: Why refer to your most popular wrestler as a gnome and a farm animal?
Tweet 21: Small package followed by a Swiss Death European uppercut. Good exchange. Nice that those moves are now established as convincing finishes.
Tweet 22: Kane interferes. What a bad dude. I'm pretty much convinced he's going to do the same at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 23: I'm getting worried that WWE are planning Kane v Bryan at WrestleMania. The correct use of Bryan at 'Mania is a triple threat title match.

Christian speaks to Renee Young backstage

Tweet 24: Christian getting some boos there.

Tweet 25: 'The Man of the Peeps' lashing out at the fans there. No reason for it beyond reminding us he's a heel now.
Tweet 26: I'm bored of all WWE heels sounding the same.

The Wyatt Family v Goldust, Cody Rhodes and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 27: JBL is wearing a polka dot tie and a checked shirt. Not cool, bro. #fashionsense

Tweet 28: The Wyatt Family are being booed. What exactly have they done or said to make them heels?
Tweet 29: Bray Wyatt: king of nonsense.
Tweet 30: Remember when Mysterio and Cody Rhodes hated each other and Dusty came in to betray his pal for his son? Well now they're tagging together.
Tweet 31: I miss Goldust’s pink gloves.
Tweet 32: "Constantly talking in riddles..." - Michael Cole on Bray Wyatt. I think he was thinking of The Riddler
Tweet 33: Goldust needs a better brand of face paint. The one he currently uses is always running. Maybe put in a call to Prince Devitt...
Tweet 34: Goldy gets the hot tag to Cody. Has Rey even been in this match yet?
Tweet 35: Ah he's just tagged in. Knee status: frisky.
Tweet 36: I couldn't be more pleased that Harper escaped the 619. Mysterio is a smug little ferret who needs taking down a peg.
Tweet 37: Erick Rowan is tossing Rey Mysterio around in a bear hug. It's not particularly interesting but bless 'im for trying.
Tweet 38: "He's like a member of the MENSA society" - Michael Cole on... wait for it... Bray Wyatt

FYI: Rey Mysterio's outfit was modeled on the Swiss flag

Tweet 39: Goldust is the most over man on his team. WWE need to find a way of transferring some of that reaction to Cody permanently before they split.
Tweet 40: Tasty little springboard from Cody there.
Tweet 41: Great finishing sequence to that match. Lots going on and people being taken out. Right result too: Wyatt over Goldust with Sister Abigail.

Sheamus speaks to Byron Saxon backstage

Tweet 42: Sheamus, cut back on the hair gel, yeah?
Tweet 43: "A fired up Christian is just what the doctor ordered!" - Sheamus, revealing his view on America's leading religion

Renee Young hosts a dance off involving Emma, Santino, Summer Rae and Faaaaaan… daaaaaan… goooooo

Tweet 44: Emma and Santino... *rolls eyes*

Tweet 45: Renee Young's hosting the dance off, so it's not all bad.
Tweet 46: And in fairness I love me some Fandango.
Tweet 47: I wasn't that into this crowd to begin with but they've completely lost by not humming Fandango's music.
Tweet 48: Cole's feigned enjoyment of Emma's dancing is nauseating.
Tweet 49: #hipaction
Tweet 50: Forget Bryan, Fandango v Santino needs to be the WrestleMania main event! #grudgematch

Titus O’Neil v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 51: I'm still a fan of Titus O'Neil even though he's not going anywhere as a singles wrestler.

Tweet 52: Darren Young's on commentary claiming that The Prime Time Players were the roughest and toughest tag team in WWE. He is incorrect.
Tweet 53: This match is a waste of Dolph Ziggler.
Tweet 54: Darren 'You Know What?" Young.
Tweet 55: Nice that Ziggler won but doing it off a WHISTLE distraction? C'mon, WWE.

Road Dogg v Jimmy Uso

Tweet 56: The Usos gets a televised entrance but the Outlaws don't? Poor...

Tweet 57: It says something about the younger members of the WWE roster that Road Dogg has worked the crowd better than anyone else on this show.
Tweet 58: Yes, including Bryan. He's more over than Road Dogg but he was selling for most of his matches. There wasn't much interaction there.
Tweet 59: Road Dogg loses. That makes me think the Outlaws will be winning at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 60: So does Michael Cole saying that the Usos have the Outlaws' number.

Sheamus v Christian

Tweet 61: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!

Tweet 62: "Sheamus is out there, cue up the piped in crowd noise, quick!"
Tweet 63: After my comments about Road Dogg's crowd interactions it's probably fair to point at that Sheamus is also doing well in that area.

Tweet 64: Who does Michael Cole think has the most momentum going into the Chamber match? Cesaro...

Tweet 65: Even if that were true (it's not) Cesaro ain't winning the WWE title at EC.
Tweet 66: Orton's never won a Chamber match. That's another reason to predict a victory for him.
Tweet 67: Why did Sheamus take a bump near the timekeeper's table? He wanted to look up Lilian Garcia's dress. #filthySheamus
Tweet 68: It sounded like Sheamus just shouted "I'm Irish!"
Tweet 69: JBL's sports guru gimmick is annoying.
Tweet 70: Mostly because he only knows things because he looks them up specially on Wikipedia, as opposed to having a genuine interest.
Tweet 71: JBL thinks Christian is bad looking. What he needs is a blue dot over his face...
Tweet 72: Tornado DDT being countered into the Irish Curse was nice.
Tweet 73: Anyone who thought Christian would win doesn't know WWE. 
Tweet 74: SmackDown ends with Sheamus hitting his own chest and then being knocked out of the ring by Christian.

It was never going to end well for Christian

Tweet 75: Maybe 'The Celtic Warrior' will be the man jobbed out by Lesnar at Elimination Chamber.
Tweet 76: I don't want to see that. Because ti will almost certainly mean we're getting Lesnar v Shaymo.