Sean O'Haire: A Retrospective

On Tuesday 9 September Sean O'Haire was reported dead. The following day the cause of his death was given as suicide. O'Haire had hanged himself in his home in Spartanburg, South Carolina. He was 43.

Back in 2000 I would do something pretty unfashionable for the time and watch WCW. Worldwide had a pretty enviable late afternoon spot on Channel 5 at the time and Nitro was shunted around very late night slots on Bravo. I'd tape that when I could. Overall the shows were unengaging and confusing, being heavy on nonsense storylines and past their prime names. But I watched it because I was desperate for as much wrestling as possible.

In amongst the paternity tests, pole matches and reformations of groups I was given no reason to care about were a handful of guys being presented as rising stars. Amongst them was Sean O'Haire. When I first saw him he was teaming with Mark Jindrak. By the time Worldwide was scrubbed from 5's afternoon line-up and Nitro became even harder to locate with a TV remote he was teaming with Chuck Palumbo.

Neither of these teams was amazing. The latter clearly had more promise because Palumbo was a more capable guy than Jindrak, which was the point of the shift. A constant across both pairs was the impressiveness of O'Haire. He was a six foot six inch dude who could do spin kicks and planchas and he used the Swanton bomb (dubbed the Sean-ton bomb because wrestler's are obliged to cram their name into move names whenever possible) as a finisher. Mixed with the more expectable power offence and a fair amount of energetic dashing about it was clear that O'Haire was a very athletic man who would go far in wrestling.

Sadly, he never did.

When the WWF purchase of WCW happened in the spring of 2001 O'Haire was one of the performers who made the move for the invasion storyline. It seemed a promising move. O'Haire had the size and look that the Fed traditionally liked in their featured stars. It was fair to assume that he would be a key player in the invasion storyline, especially with an increasing number of recognisable WCW names opting to sit it out in favour of continuing to get paid by AOL Time Warner.

Along with Palumbo he appeared on WWF television, wrestled at the InVasion pay-per-view, and entered a lopsided feud with The Brothers of Destruction. Palumbo and O'Haire lost the WCW tag team titles to Kane and 'Taker in a poor cage match on the August 9 2001 SmackDown. They never regained them. Worse still, they were dropped down the card with O’Haire ultimately plummeting to the developmental level, deemed not polished enough for the bright lights and heady highs of Monday Night RAW.

It's true that O'Haire (and Palumbo for that matter) were not as good as many of their peers but they were better than they had been a year before. They were also in an established team, which was helping to disguise their lack of polish. But that didn't matter. They were demoted.

O'Haire made his return in January 2003. He'd grown out his hair, gotten some more tattoos, adopted a spider motif for his tights, and taken to wearing a long leather jacket. He was also doing a devil's advocate type gimmick with the catchphrase 'Hey, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.' It was a character that had potential to go somewhere and set O’Haire apart.

Unfortunately, through no fault of O’Haire’s, the character bombed. WWE clearly had no plans for it beyond the introductory vignettes and O'Haire found himself paired up with the washed up Roddy Piper. He worked in an enforcer role for a while, with the devil’s advocate aspect entirely forgotten beyond token remarks from the commentary desk, before Piper left the company and he found himself a regular on weekend show Velocity. Later in the year he was injured in a bike crash. He would return to action in OVW in February 2004. In April he asked for and was granted his release from the company.

I never saw O'Haire wrestle after he left WWE. He appeared for a few indies and apparently worked some New Japan shows, but he achieved nothing of note. He dabbled in MMA too, but didn't make much of an impression there either. He won't go down as one of the all-time greats, but he was never really given the chance to do so. He peaked early in WCW and WWE never did anything much with him after seemingly tiring of him during the invasion. I'll always think of O'Haire as a guy that showed promise and deserved more of an opportunity than he was ever given. But hey, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

Royal Rumble 2014 preview

This year's Royal Rumble is being sponsored by Jackson Hewitt. That’s a tax company. This has nothing to do with the show but I think it's something that should be brought to people's attention. WWE pay-per-views are being sponsored by tax companies now. It's a long way from Castrol GTX.

The show also feels a long way from last year's version. Headlined by CM Punk defending the WWE championship against The Rock it was clear in advance that the 2013 edition of the Rumble would be a financial success. It ended up being watched by 498,000 homes. While lower than the expected 500,000 it was still the most financially successful Rumble since 2002. This year's event will probably exceed the 400,000 mark, because it's WWE's second biggest annual show these days, but it's not likely to crack the half million barrier.

The reason for this is the absence of The Rock. Without him it's just another Rumble with no reasons to tune in beside the obvious. Brock Lesnar has a certain appeal and carries a big fight feel on to any show he appears on but he's not The Rock. He attracts a different sort of crowd, one not as large as the Attitude Era faithful that tune in to see 'The Great One'.

Even if Lesnar was the sort of man who brought a significantly larger audience pitting him against Big Show is not the sort of match that will make the event a must-see. It feels like it's happening to get 'The Pain' on to the show rather than a battle between megastar names. And that's because it is just a way of getting Lesnar onto the show. Their interactions have done nothing for me and I'm not at all interested in the match. Lesnar has shown fear in order to make 'The Giant' look like a legitimate threat to his dominance. It's nice to see but I don't believe for a moment that Lesnar won't overcome Show. He'll win, to remind everyone that's what he does, and then he'll move on to better, but not necessarily bigger (see what I did there?), things.

The WWE title match between challenger John Cena and champion Randy Orton is another match that doesn't feel special. It should, because they're two of the company's top names. The reason it doesn't is over familiarity. They wrestled each other at TLC and they've had various other rivalries over the years. People know how their matches will go and aren't capable of or intereste din being shocked by the pair.

I'll be surprised if the title (it would be more accurate to say titles but whatves) changes hands in this match. Orton became the undisputed champ at the last PPV by beating Cena. If Cena was to have the championship(s) he probably would have just had them at TLC, granting him a longer reign and making his eventual loss of the title more meaningful.

So I'm predicting a successful defence for 'The Alex Predator'. That said you can never be fully certain Cena will fail when it comes to title matches. While I don't expect it I wouldn't be surprised if Cena came out on top. It would cast some doubt on to the WrestleMania card if nothing else. Cena currently looks a bit of a spare part for that show. The title would alter that.

The card proper will feature just two other matches: Bray Wyatt v Daniel Bryan and the Rumble itself. But there's also a pre-show match that will see tag team champions Goldust and Cody Rhodes defend against the New Age Outlaws.

I find the prospect of this match more exciting than anything else that's been announced bar the Rumble itself. Codedust (a name just as good if not better than internet fave The Brotherhood) have had a steady stream of match of the night performances on pay-per-view and RAW over the last few months and the Outlaws are one of the greatest teams ever. They're not fantastic technical wrestlers but they make up for that by being incredibly engaging and working as a team. I think this will be the second best match of the night behind the Rumble. As much as I like them I don't think the Outlaws will win. That doesn't seem to be their role now. But I'd love to be wrong here.

Back on the main card there will be a showdown between Bray Wyatt and Daniel Bryan. 'The Dazzler' has been linked to the Wyatt Family for around three months so it's impressive that we're only now seeing a singles match between him and the faction's leader. As feuds go it's been okay but nothing special. I think they’ll end on a high here. Bryan is a barrel of popularity, Wyatt is a compelling and convincingly insane character, and both are very good wrestlers. They will have the crowd interested and ought to produce something memorable.

I'm expecting a Bryan win. As I've already said I think this will be the final entry in the Bryan-Wyatts saga. Having a mid-card bad guy beat the most popular man on the roster just as the hype begins for WrestleMania would make no sense. Expect a clean victory for Bryan. Probably via the Yes Lock.

Speaking of Bryan he is not one of the twenty confirmed entrants in the Royal Rumble. A surprising number of people seem to have taken this to mean he definitely won’t be in the match and it means nothing of the sort. Bryan could very easily take one of the ten remaining spots and if he does he stands a very good chance of being amongst the final men in the match.

For much of the last month I’ve been split on who to pick as a winner. Daniel Bryan is the hottest man in the company, with the crowd being so into him it would feel like a massive waste if WWE didn’t have him win this year. CM Punk is a top babyface and doesn’t really have much going on storyline-wise, something a Rumble win would obviously change. Ultimately it’s the fact that Punk has nothing clear lined up for WrestleMania whilst Bryan has an obvious match waiting for him with Triple H that has made me pick Punk.

There are other names that deserve a mention here. Batista returned on Monday’s RAW and immediately became a lot of people’s favourite to win (including friend of the blog Dan Pryce). Roman Reigns has been prepped to become the breakout member of The Shield. I think most people are expecting the group to split and have a triple threat match at ‘Mania but maybe WWE will surprise us and award Reigns a huge push before we can see it coming.

The same could go for Big E Langston. He’s got the headliner look and would be just about believable as a surprise winner. I’m still not convinced WWE won’t do a Big E Langston v John Cena face versus face encounter, and having each win their respective matches at the Rumble would set that up nicely. Speaking of surprise winners brings up the thought of Sheamus. His victory from nowhere two years ago was part of WWE’s effort to have fans accept him. It didn’t completely work but it didn’t completely fail either. Shaymo could return at this year’s event and get a second surprise win. Nobody wants to see it but that won’t stop them!

Of course, predicting the Rumble is about more than simply discussing potential winners. There are first entrants, last entrants, longest lasters, most efficient eliminators, cameos, returnees, and final fours to discuss. In one of many example of WWE reusing tried and tested storylines the first entrant has already been announced as CM Punk. I’d like the flexible Rumble format to be used to tell a new story instead of the number one entrant thing we get every year. Clearly I’ll be waiting until 2015 or beyond.

For the record I think Seth Rollins will go in at two. He’s a big enough name to get a reaction without being big enough to be considered a waste going in so early. And he and Punk can have an exchange that engages the crowd. That’s important, obvs.

For the final spot I’m going to select Alberto Del Rio. I’m assuming that Batista will enter fairly late and be amongst the final people in the match. Having ADR enter fresh would allow him to get the better of Batista without making Batista look weak. Not only that but it would ensure someone significant enters last. WWE is very keen on having notable members of the roster in notable spots. Which irritates me, because the entry numbers are supposed to be random. Anyway…

The final four is impossible to predict. Obviously I expect Punk to be there as I think he’ll win. ‘The Animal’ will probably be involved too, simply because he’s a returning name. I could see a scenario in which Batista reveals he’s aligned with The Authority towards the end of the match (done by Triple H and Stephanie wandering to the ring again), making him a final obstacle for Punk to overcome before winning (as opposed to a good sportsman who respects Punk and will fight him fairly for the right to go on to ‘Mania). It would fit with the current pattern of ‘The Game’ using his old cohorts to help him achieve his goals and would be an interesting development for WrestleMania.

I don’t think it’s likely though. I think Batista’s going to be face for a while. If Bryan’s in the match I’d like to see him in the final two with Punk. It would split the crowd and create an unpredictable finishing sequence because either of those two men could win. This doesn’t seem too likely either.

Roman Reigns has a realistic chance of being the final man eliminated. With that in mind I’ll say the final four will be Punk, Reigns, Del Rio and Batista. Now watch as I’m completely wrong!

Speaking of Reigns I was thinking he’d be the man who makes the most eliminations and lasts the longest this year. Because it would help him stand out, convince us he’s going to win, and continue the preparation for his big singles push. But if I’m picking Punk to win, which I am, and he’s going in at number one, which he is, then I have to select him as the man who’ll be in the match the longest. Reigns is still my guy for most eliminations though. And he’ll roar like a hippo as he does it!

Which leaves me only the cameos and returnees to mention. A Chris Jericho appearance wouldn’t be at all shocking but in truth I quite fancy a WrestleMania without his involvement. Rob Van Dam should come back and get the ‘Y2J’ treatment this year. He can comfortably perform the same function. Sheamus is another obvious name to mention when it comes to returns. I’d be happy if he never came back but that’s obviously not on the cards.

I’m expecting a cameo appearance from Jake Roberts. He’s been talking it up all year and the Hall of Fame induction rumours make me think he’ll get his Rumble moment. The same logic applies to Roddy Piper. There’s talk of his WrestleMania I main event match being inducted into the HOF. Reminding people what he looks like wouldn’t be a bad move. Even Goldberg’s worth a mention, just in case WWE have decided to do something with Ryback and those chants (but I bet you they haven’t and never will).

I am, as always, looking forward to the Royal Rumble. Nothing about this one makes me think it will be a classic edition but I’m confident it will avoid being actively bad.

Predictions summary:

CM Punk to win the Royal Rumble
Randy Orton to defeat John Cena
Daniel Bryan to defeat Bray Wyatt
Brock Lesnar to defeat Big Show
Cody Rhodes and Goldust to defeat The New Age Outlaws

The Man in the Boiler Suit

If you didn’t watch RAW last week you’ll have missed Daniel Bryan finally giving in and joining the Wyatt Family. I wrote last month about why this is not a good move. You can read that here. My opinion hasn’t changed since.

This is happening. Get used to it

What was Bryan’s reasoning? The support of the fans hadn’t gotten him anywhere apparently. Yep, the classic heel turn excuse. Only, really, this isn’t the most passionate heel turn in history. Bryan has cut any scathing promo on wrestling fandom. He’s just had enough and joined up with a group that says they want to help him. Maybe he’ll do something more overtly heelish on this evening’s show.

Assuming he appears on tonight’s RAW (and why wouldn’t he?) D-Bryan will probably be sporting a rather natty navy boiler suit. It’s what he’s worn at house shows over the last week to demonstrate his Family ties. The amusement factor is something to look forward to I suppose.

The show as a whole will be presented with the much loved (by somebody, somewhere) old school theme. This basically means there will be a range of former WWE stars on hand for the show, many of whom were more prominent before the debut of RAW than after. Among them are Roddy Piper, Sergeant Slaughter and Dusty Rhodes. Attitude Era fans will be catered for with The Godfather and the reunion of Too Cool. If you’re wondering that reunion’s happening don’t worry: we all are.

He may be a free agent as of this morning but don’t expect Jeff Jarrett to show up. ‘Double J’ and WWE had a falling out fifteen years ago and it’s unlikely the man from Memphis will ever appear for WWE again. In fact it’s likelier that Hulk Hogan will appear. He definitely fits within the old school remit and it would allow WWE to start setting something up for him at WrestleMania. Assuming he’ll be doing something at WrestleMania, of course.

The point of this (yes there is a point) is that I tend to like the old school editions of RAW. Because WWE actually puts some effort into making them watchable and special. It’s not about seeing the stars of yesterday today, more that hiring them forces WWE to make use of them and doing that involves some thought. Generally speaking these episodes are proof that when the creative team put their minds to it they can churn out an enjoyable episode of RAW that doesn’t follow a pay-per-view. I hope make tonight’s episode entertaining. And if they do I hope they realise that they could, in theory, do the same thing every week.

Down and Out in Orlando, Florida

Nearly thirty years ago Hulk Hogan body slammed and leg dropped The Iron Sheikh in Madison Square Garden to capture his first WWF world title. He was champion for the next four years, spearheading the promotion's expansion from regional territory to national powerhouse. By the early 90s he'd gone part time and was eying a career in Hollywood. That didn't pan out and so 'The Hulkster' returned to wrestling full time.
 
He did not head back to the WWF however. Thanks to the famous steroid scandal that hit the Fed in ‘94 (and also because of the offer of a fat paycheque) Hogan wound up in WCW. He defeated Ric Flair for the Big Gold Belt in his debut match on July 17^th 1994 and remained with the company until it was sold by AOL Time Warner in March 2001.
 
Hulk's final appearance for World Championship Wrestling came at Bash at the Beach 2000. He won the company's world title from Jeff Jarrett in a whacky worked shoot (or possibly legitimate shoot, nobody seems entirely sure) that was more angle than match, prompted by disagreements between Hogan (who had a creative control clause in his contract) and head writer Vince Russo, and never appeared for the league again.
 
At the time many felt that Hogan’s career as a headline attraction in wrestling could be over. A return to the WWF seemed likely. A run in the main less so.
 
Hulk proved everyone wrong. He inked a contract with the WWF in early 2002 and made his first appearance for the company in over eight years at February's No Way Out pay-per-view. While the nWo reunion he was a part of on the show was ultimately underwhelming and disappointing it set 'The Hulkster' back on track to the top.
 
He was in the most anticipated match of WrestleMania X8, facing The Rock. Despite losing that match he was booked to headline Backlash the next month. Not only did he headline that show but he toppled Triple H to become a six time WWF champion. His reign didn't last long (the belt changed hands again at May's Judgment Day) but that didn't matter: Hogan had risen back to the top of the card in record time, despite his age and physical limitations.
 
By WrestleMania XIX Hogan was feuding with Vince McMahon and once again got himself a prime slot on the bill. He and the chairman clashed in a wild and memorable street fight that featured the surprise return of Roddy Piper and went on a respectable second from last.

One more WWE run, brother?!

 
The law of diminishing returns finally began to catch up with 'The Hulkster' shortly after that. Fan reactions decreased, his physical state worsened and he had a variety of fallings out with WWE management. 2005 saw him inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame and main event SummerSlam against Shawn Michaels, arguably the final meaningful aspects of his WWE career (at least for now).
 
Hogan's most recent WWE appearance was the 15^th anniversary edition of RAW, held on December 10^th 2007. Things went quiet on the Hogan front until October 2009 when it was revealed he, along with former WCW chieftain Eric Bischoff, were to join TNA. And that, readers, was the first sign that Hogan had finally accepted that he was not the huge draw he had been in the 80s.
 
It was widely believed at the time of the announcement that 'The Immortal One' was only returning to TNA (he had briefly been linked to the group during one of his sojourns away from WWE in 2003 but had never appeared in an arena for them) because of the very expensive divorce he was going through. Hogan had teased a trip to TNA before, but only when negotiating with WWE. Having exhausted his options in New York the former NWA affiliate was his best bet for making quick cash.
 
Hogan and Bischoff made their IMPACT debuts on January 4^th 2010. Almost three years later the pair have done exactly nothing to make TNA a more important part of the wrestling landscape than it was prior to October 2009. They have created no new stars, signed nobody to attract new fans, failed to increase ratings, and storyline quality remains the same. They have contributed nothing of value.
 
At 59 years of age and with a knackered back a return to the ring for a full match seems unlikely. Even with the shortcuts offered by a street fight or similar gimmick it seems a long shot. The occasional hobble-in to give bad guys a pasting seems to be the guy's limit for as long as he remains with TNA.
 
And how long will that be exactly? Hogan's contract came up for renewal late last year or earlier this year. That he's still with the group makes it clear he re-signed. Knowing Hogan's knack for self-preservation and bargaining prowess it seems unlikely that he didn't at least enquire with WWE about a potential return.
 
I think that sooner or later Hogan will be back in WWE. The TNA paycheque may be nice but sooner or later Vince McMahon is bound to find a use for 'The Hulkster' again. When that happens he'll easily outbid Dixie Carter. Perhaps the bigger question is whether Hulk will wrestle for WWE again. It may seem unlikely now but for the right price I suspect his back issues may disappear. Don’t count out one final ‘Mania appearance.

The Fall Guy

The last few weeks of RAW have seen Heath Slater interacting with stars of yesteryear. First he was beaten by Vader. Then he interrupted Cyndi Lauper’s WWE return and ended up getting floored by ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper. Last week saw him get smashed by former WWE and WCW champion Sid.

This gimmick has been devised as part of the build-up to the 1,000^th episode of Monday Night RAW. It’s a clever move to have the same guy facing the returning stars each week as it becomes a storyline for them as well as hype for a show. Having a young star lose to veterans each week (the majority of whom are going to be well into their fifties) may not seem ideal but it’s better than not giving them anything to do at all. Slater hadn’t done worthwhile for months, this storyline at least makes use of him and plays to his apparent strength of playing a comedy heel.

So who can we expect to see facing ‘The One Man Rock Band’ in the coming weeks?

There’s a strong rumour that tonight’s show will feature the return of Diamond Dallas Page. If that’s true I think Slater is pretty much guaranteed to find himself on the wrong end of a Diamond Cutter. If DDP does appear I hope we get to see a “self high five” and his “PMA smile”. Entering to his WCW music would be good too.

Heath Slater did not fair well against Sid

Tomorrow’s live SmackDown is being billed as a Great American Bash event (no, it’s not a name worthy of pay-per-view status anymore) and an appearance by tiresome plank-lover ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan has been confirmed. A segment in which Slater brags about being a great American only to be flattened by Duggan’s ever present two-by-far is easy to imagine.

Beyond that who can say? There are literally dozens of people who could work in the role of Slater squasher between now and the 1,000^th RAW episode, far more than will actually be required. My personal favourites for the role would be the Brooklyn Brawler, Papa Shango, Gillberg, the Bushwhackers and Steve Blackman.

"It's me, it's me, it's D-D-P"

It’s impossible to guess who WWE will use for these matches but the likelier candidates are the ones who remain on good terms with the organisation or work behind the scenes, which makes JBL , Kevin Nash, and Dusty Rhodes solid contenders for an appearance. There’s a good chance Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler and-or Booker T will join in the fun at some point, although part of the pleasure of these segments is seeing a star that is no longer a regular on WWE television.

This gimmick is likely to end on the 1,000^th episode of RAW. WWE will need someone special to deal Slater his final loss. Lawler would be a good bet there, but there’s a chance The Undertaker will perform the task instead. It may seem a wasteful use of him on such a historic episode of RAW but ‘The Dead Man’ could easily be booked to dispatch the former Nexus member and then either head backstage or cut a succinct promo, depending on WWE’s plans for him.

However the gimmick ends WWE should try to think of something similar for Heath Slater to do in the future. He will never be a world champion in the company but he makes a fine fall guy. In wrestling that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

That RAW Recap 18.06.12

This week’s episode of RAW opened with the news that Cyndi Lauper would be making her first appearance for WWE in close to twenty years. That did not fill me with confidence. Nor did the sight of Mick Foley shuffling out to the ring. Don’t get me wrong, Foley has had some great matches with some great (and not so great) guys and is one of the best promo men ever in wrestling. He could and should be regarded as one of the most entertaining and influential wrestlers ever.

Can you feel a “but” coming?

Sadly, Foley has done a lot of harm to his own image over the years. His numerous retirements (the first of which occurred in 2000) make it difficult to believe he means what he says while some of the promos he’s produced over the last decade have veered dangerously close to mid-life crisis territory (in particular when working with Ric Flair). Meanwhile his “deliberately awful” This Is Your Life segment for John Cena upon his return to WWE last year harmed his reputation as a guy who helps out youngsters: it ate up a preposterous amount of air time, wasn’t entertaining and failed to elevate anybody except perhaps Foley himself.

With all of this in mind you should be able to understand why I had mixed feelings when Foley opened up RAW. In the end it wasn’t a big deal. His role was to inform us of the new storyline approach to General Managers now that Laurinaitis has been fired (the mysterious Board of Directors will appoint former GMs and commissioners to run RAW and SmackDown on a weekly basis until a permanent candidate is found for the role) and then introduce the former Dynamic Dude for his farewell address.

What followed was the typical Laurinaitis promo, complete with the inevitable interjection from Foley to get some extra heat on the villainous former talent boss. The only thing he said that was worthy of note was that his final official act as GM had been to book himself, David Otunga and Big Show in a handicap match against John Cena. Why he decided to do this, having failed to defeat Cena so many times before, was not explained.

As Laurinaitis headed backstage Sheamus and CM Punk made their entrances. They predictably mocked their former boss before sharing a laugh in the ring. All WWE babyfaces are great mates.

The opening contest was CM Punk and Sheamus teaming to take on Kane and Daniel Bryan. It was talked up as a huge match but there was a very similar match on Friday’s SmackDown (Ziggler teamed with Bryan in place of Kane) so it was difficult to get too excited about. It was a typically good match until the obligatory storyline advancement took place.

AJ came skipping out to ringside in a makeshift Kane costume. After performing a circuit of the ring she returned to the locker room, with ‘The Big Red Machine’ following her halfway up the aisle doing his best to convey bemusement with body language alone. Bryan was no match for Punk and Sheamus by himself and swiftly fell victim to a GTS and Brogue Kick combo.

The entire Punk, AJ, Bryan and Kane story is incredibly frustrating. Punk and Bryan are two of the best wrestlers in the company and the best bet for creating a new rivalry that could thrive on WWE for years to come. There will be plenty of time for an addition like AJ in the future but for now the two men should be allowed to just concentrate on producing classic matches.

This time last year WWE put everything they had into a Punk push, over the last several months Bryan has turned himself into a highly successful tweener character, and not three months ago Kane was cutting promos about how he wanted to be seen as a monster again. I don’t see why WWE has decided to draw these three men together and use them to get AJ over.

Back to RAW…

Backstage Swagger and Ziggler bickered over who was riding whose coattails. Vickie rocked up and said they’d find out who was best in a singles match and the winner would get her managerial services.

Elsewhere in the arena David Otunga and John Laurinaitis were being smug about their main event tussle with John Cena. Big Show was there but he looked disinterested in proceedings. I imagine most viewers felt the same.

The Jack Swagger v Dolph Ziggler match was enjoyable. ‘The Show Off’ was subtly booked to play a babyface, besting Swagger and playing to the audience before hurting his ankle and valiantly battling back against his larger opponent. It’s a WWE classic, but it’s a classic for a reason: it’s a simple story to perform and follow and usually gets the desired effect.

This week’s RAW was no exception. Fans rallied behind ‘The Heel’ and cheered him on in his victory over ‘The All American American’. They only turned on him after the match when he kissed the loathed Vickie Guerrero and exited with her. I’d like a Ziggler face turn soon. The reception he got on RAW and at No Way Out proves that it could work.

Next up was a Paul Heyman promo. The previous evening at No Way Out storyline COO Triple H challenged Brock Lesnar to drop his lawsuits and fight him at SummerSlam. Heyman was there to issue a response on behalf of his business acquaintance. That answer was no.

Heyman told us that Lesnar had no interest in returning to WWE or facing Triple H. ‘The Game’ interrupted to inform the former ECW boss that if Brock did accept then SummerSlam would be built around their match, revealing a poster for the event that featured a shot of Lesnar gaping into the camera.

There was a little back-and-forth. Heyman said ‘The Pain’ couldn’t be won over because he wasn’t motivated by ego, ‘The Cerebral Assassin’ reminded him that Lesnar had previously demanded RAW become known as Monday Night RAW: Starring Brock Lesnar. The segment finished with Hunter punching Heyman in the face (which may have been more impactful had RAW not ended on John Cena punching out Laurinaitis a week or two ago) and opining that if Lesnar doesn’t accept his challenge the world will assume it’s because he’s scared of getting the same treatment.

Forget what was said on RAW, Lesnar v Triple H will headline SummerSlam

A brief battle between Alberto Del Rio and Santino followed that. It ended in a loss for ‘The Milan Miracle’. After the match Ricardo Rodriguez gave the US champion an arm breaker. I suspect this is the next feud for ADR. If it is I’m not looking forward to it.

The next segment was utterly bizarre. It opened with Layla introducing Cyndi Lauper and Wendi Richter. Lauper churned out some of the stock pleasantries guests on WWE television always do before she was interrupted by Heath Slater. Slater told the “broads” to quieten down and stand in the corner while he sang his “future number one single.” The women laughed and Lauper kept talking as ‘The One Man Rock Band’ launched into a deliberately awful solo.

‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper then randomly joined the fun and buried the hatchet with Lauper. There was some sort of angle-feud between them twenty years ago and it should be noted that WWE now markets itself primarily to people half of that age so why they thought referencing that ancient rivalry would be a good idea I have no idea. Roddy then presented Lauper with a plaque acknowledging her work establishing Rock ‘n’ Wrestling (or something).

Slater got himself back into the mix, telling ‘Hotrod’ and Lauper that nobody cared about what happened between them years ago (a valid point in my opinion) and then starting his song again. Piper punched him and Lauper smashed her plaque over his head. The faces then laughed amongst themselves in the ring.

I think this segment would have been better used reintroducing Kharma to television. She could have destroyed the Divas’ champion, a (sort of) legendary female wrestler, and a woman who helped to launch the first WrestleMania and in one night established herself as the company’s most dominant female performer (which I admit isn’t really saying much right now). Alternatively Layla could have been booked to fight the returnee off or Beth Phoenix could have been booked to do a run-in and tackle Kharma herself in an attempt to set up a marketable Divas feud.

I understand why this didn’t happen (WWE wanted Lauper’s return to be a feelgood segment and she was there to promote a new record, not put over new talent) but bringing back Kharma would have helped the promotion prepare for the future.

A recap of AW’s shenanigans at No Way Out was shown. For those unaware he turned on his clients Epico and Primo and helped Darren Young and Titus O’Neil, the Prime Time Players, become the number one contenders to the WWE tag team titles. That guarantees Young and O’Neil a tag team title shot at some point and presumably makes Epico, Primo and Rosa Mendes good guys. Why not? With Rosa as their valet they should at least be assured a pop from crowds and they weren’t exactly doing anything interesting as heels.

For the record the Prime Time Players took a count out loss rather than try to beat E&P fairly.

A vignette was shown advertising the return of Chris Jericho on next week’s RAW. That ‘Y2J’s’ comeback is being advertised in advance makes me think he will be reintroduced as a babyface. The video included footage of a recent Fozzy performance in Britain. I spied a Brazilianflag in one of the crowd shots. That amused me.

John Laurinaitis, David Otunga and John Laurinaitis came to the ring for their match against John Cena. Before that match begun Show announced that he would not be participating and left the ring. What odd stipulations have been added to Show’s contract that allow him to refuse to wrestle? Surely wrestling when and where he’s told is his sole contractual obligation while being employed as a wrestler.

The match was the same sort of stuff we’ve seen from all three men before. Otunga eventually tired of the affair too, leaving Laurinaitis to tackle ‘The Leader of the CeNation’ alone. He took three AAs and then immediately tapped out to a sloppily applied STF. Teddy Long, who’d been sat at ringside doing absolutely nothing of worth, celebrated along with Cena as the show went off the air.

There were no worthy developments with regards to Money in the Bank, WWE’s next pay-per-view on July 15^th. World champion Sheamus currently seems to have no opponents lined up for the immediate future and the WWE title picture will apparently continue to revole around AJ for at least another month. The light at the end of the tunnel was the Triple H and Paul Heyman segment, which made it very clear that SummerSlam will be headlined by ‘The Game’ versus ‘The Pain’. Next week will need some time dedicated to Money in the Bank if WWE wants that event to be even a moderate success.

SmackTalk 13.04.12

With this week’s SmackDown being billed as a Blast From The Past it would have been very easy for WWE to overload on nonsensical skits and forget about their regular performers. Thankfully that didn’t happen. The Legends’ (yep, WWE uses a capital L when referring to its retired performers) involvement was kept to a minimum, most of them acting as filler in backstage segments rather than monopolising the show. That was the right thing to do.

The central Legend of the show was ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper. As you’ll read during my tweets I’ve never been a massive fan of ‘Hotrod’. That could stem from him having been long gone from the WWF by the time I started watching in the late nineties. Although it can’t help that I’ve only ever experienced him returning to WWE occasionally and that he’s never really elevated anyone on the roster. I find it hard to find a reason to like him.

His contribution to the show was Piper’s Pit (that’s an interview in front of the crowd with the ring decked out in tartan). That turned out better than expected, thanks mainly to Piper’s guest: Daniel Bryan. At the start of the segment the former ROH world champion received cheers and chants of “Yes!” which he did nothing to discourage. There was no point trying to force the audience into booing him early on: it clearly wouldn’t have worked. Bryan took the smart approach and let them realise for themselves that he’s not playing a nice guy and they turned on him quickly enough.

Piper’s Pit was the best thing on the show as it got Bryan over as the heel and furthered the breakup storyline between him and AJ. It was also announced that Bryan will receive his rematch for the World Heavyweight championship at Extreme Rules in a decidedly un-extreme two-out-of three falls match. The twist (revealed during the show’s opening segment) is that Sheamus will be fired if he lays his hands on a WWE official (because of his actions on last week’s show). That could indicate a title change or loss of a fall for Sheamus but it’s too early to be sure.

The Kane v Orton feud rumbled on. It’s still ridiculous and a waste of time but WWE is going to see it through so there’s no point complaining about it. At least Kane seems to understand that it’s not the liveliest feud ever and is attempting to envigorate things up with hammy acting. It’s appreciated, Glenn.

The final thing worthy of mention is the use of Heath Slater. After months of aimless drifting ‘The One Man Rock Band’ may have found his niche as a comedic pseudo-tweener foil to Tyson Kidd’s babyface straight man. Their brief interaction backstage on SuperSmackDown was enjoyable for WWE’s mid-card. I hope the writing team noticed and keep the two together as a regular combo. It’s the best work I’ve seen Slater do in his two years on TV and it will get Tyson Kidd more television time. Two birds. One stone.

Opening segment, featuring Sheamus, John Laurinaitis and Mean Gene Okerlund

Tweet 1: SuperSmackDown Blast From The Past starring Hillbilly Jim. There's no way THIS can go wrong.
Tweet 2: Bryan and AJ's breakup was just referred to as "devastating and shocking". Hilarity is ensuing.
Tweet 3: Mean Gene opening the show! Let me tell you something, brother...
Tweet 4: Sheamus is one of Gene's favourites. That'll get the champion over.
Tweet 5: "Thank you, Mean Gene. It's an absolute honour to be in the ring with a legend such as yourself." That's not how you address, Gene...
Tweet 6: You should ALWAYS start with either "Let me tell you something, brother" or...
Tweet 7: "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAN... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BY GOD... GENE!!"
Tweet 8: Anyway... Sheamus was just apologising for kicking a referee in the face and now John Laurinaitis has joined him.
Tweet 9: There were chants for Daniel Bryan as Sheamus was talking.
Tweet 10: Ricardo Rodriguez is brilliant.
Tweet 11: Sheamus gets fired if he touches a referee. Just don't touch a ref then. Simple.
Tweet 12: Sheamus gets fined half a million dollars. Course he does.
Tweet 13: Mean Gene wrestling on this show will be painful.

John Laurinaitis is not a Sheamus fan

Kane v Randy Orton

Tweet 14: Randy Orton saunters to the ring looking like a baby oiled reprobate.

Tweet 15: Orton v Henry. This match happened on pay-per-view twice last year. Henry won clean. His push has slowed down since then.
Tweet 16: If this is a Blast From The Past episode then shouldn't there be some old school commentators? How about Jim Ross and Mick Foley? Or JBL?
Tweet 17: As you may have gathered the match isn't really holding my interest.
Tweet 18: I like the idea of Mark Henry and Booker T talking about championships backstage.
Tweet 19: I have JUST realised that the Mark Henry v CM Punk match they're talking about will main event the RAW I'm seeing. I'll enjoy that.
Tweet 20: Where's Abraham Washington? Click here.

Kane and randy Orton’s surreal backstage shenanigans

Tweet 21: Oh no. Kane's pyro and music. And now Kane's going to cut one of his legendarily terrible promos on the Titantron!

Tweet 22: Kane has attacked 'Cowboy' Bob backstage. How villainous!
Tweet 23: Orton struggled to open some door handles there. He should've RKO'd them.
Tweet 24: "I'm a sucker for family reunions" - Kane, having just attacked Bob and Randy Orton backstage
Tweet 25: That Kane line took the Kane v Orton rivalry even further into the realms of unmitigated lunacy.
Tweet 26: How much will Kane’s fine be?
Tweet 27: "That was just... a blast!" - Booker T, somehow making the nonsense worse

Ryback v Benny Camer

Tweet 28: Benny Camer promo time is interrupted by Ryback. If he carries on like this Ryback is going to get some serious heat.

Tweet 29: Pat Patterson enjoyed that showing from the muscular youngster.

Heath Slater and Tyson Kidd v The Usos

Tweet 30: #HeathSlatercomedysegment

Tweet 31: I think the Tyson Kidd and Heath Slater pairing could work if they got vignettes like that every week. Slater actually works as a babyface foil.
Tweet 32: Mick Foley doing commentary. No reason has been given but why not?
Tweet 33: I like Jimmy Hart being at ringside. I'm not so keen on the Usos green trunks...
Tweet 34: Jimmy Hart talking about being the best manager ever. He's not. That's Bobby Heenan.
Tweet 35: The Usos win by pinning Slater after an elevated Samoan drop and a top rope splash. Took a lot to keep him down.
Tweet 36: Mick Foley looks like he's been volunteering at a soup kitchen.

Piper’s Pit with Daniel Bryan and AJ

Tweet 37: Piper's Pit. I've never been a huge fan of Piper.

Tweet 38: "Roddy looks great," says Michael Cole. He doesn't.
Tweet 39: I want Bryan to refer to AJ as a succubus.
Tweet 40: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Tweet 41: YES!!
Tweet 42: I love the "Yes!" chants. Click here.
Tweet 43: Bryan v Sheamus in a two-out-of-three falls match at Extreme Rules. That's an extreme stipulation right there.
Tweet 44: Bryan needs to stiff AJ with an elbow as she comes through the ropes.
Tweet 45: She's getting light boos. AJ comes across as whiney. Very few people will cheer her over Bryan.
Tweet 46: "I've been watching you since your debut" - Roddy Piper to AJ
Tweet 47: Daniel Bryan. Heel extraordinaire.
Tweet 48: I can see the Sheamus v Bryan match going to Bryan after Sheamus gets DQed on the third fall.
Tweet 49: Bryan bitch-slapping Roddy Piper? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

The Great Khali, Natalya and Alicia Fox v Drew McIntyre, Brie Bella and Nikki Bella

Tweet 50: Great Khali dancing? Really?

Tweet 51: This show has been noticeably light on Blasts From The Past so far.
Tweet 52: Alicia Fox pins a Bella. It doesn't matter which one. They're interchangeable.
Tweet 53: Yeah, that was a great use of Natalya.
Tweet 54: Mae Young. Michael Cole gets in early with an age gag. It was probably supplied by Jerry Lawler.

Damien Sandow, a RAW recap and Sheamus and Mean Gene in a locker room

Tweet 55: The Damien Sandow gimmick is just good enough for me to overlook the fact that he looks like Sylvester Terkay.

Tweet 56: The "You're welcome" catchphrase is a nice heel touch.
Tweet 57: RAW footage. I wonder if Triple H tries to enforce the WWE dress code with Lesnar.
Tweet 58: Mixed reaction for Cena. What a shock.
Tweet 59: David Otunga is ridiculous. #Otungapose
Tweet 60: "How can you smile?" - Mean Gene to Sheamus (while smiling)
Tweet 61: There was something sinister about Sheamus putting his arm around Gene there...

Hunico v ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan

Tweet 62: Hunico on a bike!!

Tweet 63: Hunico on the mic!!
Tweet 64: Hunico is cutting a promo about people not caring about legends. That means he'll lose to Jim Duggan.
Tweet 65: Sergeant Slaughter has pretty cool entrance music.
Tweet 66: Hunico jobs to Duggan, Slaughter and a piece of wood. Brilliant.
Tweet 67:  The highlight of that segment was Cole's comment about Slaughter being "straight from World War One."

Cody Rhodes promo

Tweet 68: Cody's right. We should look forward to him being IC champion again.

Tweet 69: Dusty Rhodes interrupting Cody Rhodes. Last time he appeared on WWE TV he turned heel on Mysterio. That won't be referenced.
Tweet 70: #eefyooweel
Tweet 71: 'Dashing' Cody Rhodes was a great gimmick. I enjoyed seeing that clip again.
Tweet 72: That was a peculiar segment. The commentary team didn't know what to make of it either.

Father and son

Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio v Sheamus and Mean Gene Okerlund

Tweet 73: Aberdeen, Washington. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Tweet 74: Ricardo Rodriguez time…
Tweet 75: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Del Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Tweet 76: Did I just hear that Extreme Rules is going to be in Chicago? If that's right then I predict that Bryan will get heavy cheers.
Tweet 77: #Finkelpop
Tweet 78: Anyone else the bizarre Howard Finkel heel turn on Lilian Garcia and Trish Stratus?
Tweet 79: "They have till a five count" - Michael Cole on Alberto Del Rio and Daniel Bryan #Ihavetillfive
Tweet 80: Roddy Piper is clearly going to come out.
Tweet 81: Not just Piper but a whole bundle of old-timers.
Tweet 82: Even the commentary team laugh at Pat Patterson.
Tweet 83: Ricardo taking bumps from everyone is a solid end to the show.
Tweet 84: Scratch that. It was topped by Sheamus hugging Patterson and smacking him on the backside. Suddenly this World title reign makes sense.