Real American

Anyone who's watched WWE over the last twelve months will be able to tell you that Antonio Cesaro has been a great success story. He's carved out a niche for himself as a rising star and enjoyed ring time with several of the company's top acts. Nobody gets to have competitive matches with Randy Orton, Sheamus and The Ryback unless they're being presented as something of worth.
 
The crowning achievement of Cesaro's WWE run so far is arguably his United States title reign. He won the strap on the SummerSlam pre-show, broadcast on YouTube, from comedy act Santino. Since then he's been presented as a fighting champion, working surprisingly enjoyable matches with the likes of R-Truth, Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel.
 
He has proven himself to be a reliable wrestler and a reliable promo. Practically anyone on the roster could be put in a match with him and be made to look at least decent. He got something passable out of The Great Khali. Twice! If that doesn't prove his talent I don't know what does.

Zips are cool

 
Over the last few months Cesaro has dropped the anti-America shtick that characterised the early weeks and months of his US title run and instead started embracing the country. Coming to the ring waving Old Glory and wearing trunks patterned with stars and stripes while disingenuously endorsing the US has proven a far more effective way of having fans turn on him than merely proclaiming himself (and Switzerland) better would in 2013. It's been a smart, enjoyable move.
 
I'd like to see Cesaro take things even further and begin emulating Hulk Hogan. Throughout the 80s 'The Hulkster's' chief gimmick was that of the uber-patriot. It was a clever move back then. The Cold War was still an ongoing thing and the US fans were generally happier to cheer a guy wrestling in a singlet interpretation of the national flag than they are today. It was cheap but it didn't matter. It worked.
 
Have Cesaro wrestle decked out in red and yellow tye dye trunks with a Swiss Cross or the Stars and Stripes on them. Let him keep the flag and the championship he's restored credibility to and add the Hogan pose routine to the act. Even if just for one night, say WrestleMania, I think it would be great. The heel European rubbing the embarrassing, overly-patriotic image of Hogan, a man who has since become somewhat of an embarrassment to the wrestling business in general, into the faces of fans. I can hear the boos (and ironic cheers) now.

SmackTalk 28.12.12

The best that could be mustered for the final SmackDown of 2012 was a pitiful show-long story revolving around comedy characters challenging Big Show for the World Heavyweight title. It’s not exactly scintillating stuff is it?

First we were told that Santino would be tangling with ‘The Giant’. That lasted all of about twenty minutes, at which point ‘The Milan Miracle’ pulled a hamstring while learning how to execute the Brogue Kick. The live crowd seemed to find this genuinely funny. I just found it nauseating: the Santino phenomenon has never made much sense to me.

Santino’s replacement was Ricardo Rodriguez. He ended up getting KOed by ‘The World’s Largest Athlete’ and so his spot was given to Alberto Del Rio. Why WWE opted for this round the houses approach to promoting a Show v ADR is a mystery. Perhaps it has something to do with Del Rio only recently having become a good guy. The company should have the courage of their convictions though: if they think ‘The Essence of Excellence’ is worth cheering they should give fans a reason to cheer him. That could have been achieved by having his name picked at the end of the opening segment.

Beyond that SmackDown was its usual muddle of fair to middling bouts and wasted opportunities. In a way it was a fitting way for the blue brand to end the year.

Recap video

Tweet 1: Oh hi, everyone. Let's watch SmackDown.

Tweet 2: "Tonight... on SmackDown"... MORE Sheamus v Big Show? Does Sheamus not have feuds less than four months or something?
Tweet 3: More from AJ and Dolph? Now that's win.

Sheamus promo, featuring Big Show, Booker T and the rest of the roster

Tweet 4: Sheamus kicks off the show with his lilting, mincing walk.

Tweet 5: Sheamus didn't really have a great Christmas. He spent it in a ditch.
Tweet 6: This is fascinating. I think Sheamus has regressed since his mega push started in January.
Tweet 7: Sheamus calls out Big Show. Big Show waddles out. How wonderful would it have been if David Otunga had responded instead?
Tweet 8: "Don't boo me!" You should be booing yourselves...
Tweet 9: "I am the world's largest athlete" - Big Show (by largest he means fattest)
Tweet 10: Is Booker T a tweener now?
Tweet 11: Big Show will be in action. A chilling promise.
Tweet 12: Booker is putting the name of every wrestler in a tumbler. The man whose name is drawn will get a World title shot.
Tweet 13: Apparently this took all week for Booker to devise.
Tweet 14: Reminder that Eve and Teddy don't like one another there.
Tweet 15: Santino wins a WHC match. That would have been a disappointment six months ago when he was vaguely popular. Now it's an insult.

Brodus Clay v Primo

Tweet 16: This guy… #Funkasaurus

Tweet 17: Instead of watching Brodus squash Primo can't I just watch Naomi, Cameron and Rosa dance for three minutes?
Tweet 18: Cameron and Naomi double suplex Rosa then small children swarm the ring to dance with a man pretending he's a dinosaur. This is a low point.

Santino and Sheamus backstage

Tweet 19: Santino + Sheamus = anti-comedy

Tweet 20: Sheamus's teaching consists of empty rhetoric. I hope he never becomes an agent.

Wade Barrett and The Rhodes Scholars v Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No

Tweet 21: Didn't we see this six man tag last week? No wait, I'm confusing the Prime Time Players with the Rhodes Scholars. Easy mistake to make...

Tweet 22: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Tweet 23: Bryan wants to be called 'The Dazzler'? That's almost as good as his request to be called 'Beutiful' Bryan.
Tweet 24: Josh please stop saying that Cody and Damien came together. Thank you.
Tweet 25: "Cody sucks" says the audience. You don't get the sucks chants much these days, he said wistfully.
Tweet 26: Did JBL just namedrop Steve Corino?
Tweet 27: Pacey little finishing sequence there. Kofi sold the Bullhammer very well.

Booker T, Ricardo Rodriguez and Big Show backstage

Tweet 28: Santino can't compete because of a torn hamstring? Eh? What's the point of this plot, exactly?

Tweet 29: It feels like I'm watching an episode of Thunder. I might cry.
Tweet 30: Who will Big Show face? My money's on the KISS Demon.
Tweet 31: Booker thinks a still-technically-heel announcer being knocked out by a fat bloke is ridiculous. He hasn't said why. I don't think he will.

The KISS Demon v Big Show could have been a massive draw

Zack Ryder v Antonio Cesaro

Tweet 32: Antonio Ceasro! HEEEY!!

Tweet 33: I am still bothered by the lack of kneepads. #AttitudeEratraditionalist
Tweet 34: Will 2012 end on a high note for Zack Ryder? No. Triple H has made it very clear he does NOT want to push the guy.
Tweet 35: Cesaro blasts Ryder with a hilariously stiff Neutralizer for the win.
Tweet 36: JBL predicts Khali v Cesaro will "fantastic". I predict he'll be wrong.

The Miz v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 37: Recap of Big E hitting his finish on Miz. I still think it's a stupid move. It's like a botched Ace Crusher.

Tweet 38: How do you botch an Ace Crusher?
Tweet 39: Since he turned face Miz has begun gesticulating towards his crotch before sliding onto the ring apron. Is that what good guys do?
Tweet 40: Big E is stoic. By stoic I mean bland. By bland I mean chronically bland.
Tweet 41: The match begins and JBL immediately starts reading out accoaldes regarding Big E Langston he printed out from Wikipedia.

Miz: haters heart him

Tweet 42: I'll tell you who's a better colour commentator than JBL: Cyrus the Virus.
Tweet 43: Big E catches Dolph Ziggler in what will probably be the spot of the night.
Tweet 44: Josh says Ziggler and Miz both want to end 2012 on a high note by winning in this match. I guess he's forgotten about next Monday's RAW.
Tweet 45: Ziggler can't even beat Miz without an assist? Uh oh...
Tweet 46: Big E needs to learn to throw a clotheline. And hit a proper Ace Crusher for that matter.
Tweet 47: What's that move called? I might start referring to it as the Langston Cutter.

Brad Maddox and Booker T backstage

Tweet 48: Booker hasn't got time to speak to Brad Maddox. He has to stare at Ricardo Rodrigueez and say his name repeatedly.

Tweet 49: With Brad Maddox dismissed Booker can happily resume saying Ricardo's name.
Tweet 50: ADR will wrestle for the World title. He's one of the last guys I want to see wrestle Show.

Brad Maddox v Sheamus

Tweet 51: Is Brad Maddox auditioning for the part of Willy Wonka?

Tweet 52: Brad Maddox versus Sheamus is WWE's Christmas gift to fans.
Tweet 53: Maddox is left handed. Miz's face turn now makes sense: WWE refuses to have two left handed guys on the same side of the heel-face divide.
Tweet 54: Brad eats a Brogue Kick. Add Sheamus to the list of guys he's jobbed to. What is the point of this story?

The Prime Time Players v The Usos

Tweet 55: Darren Young dances like he's got a ferret in his trunks.

Tweet 56: The Usos have been a tag team "since day one". #DemBoys
Tweet 57: The Usos win with Twin Magic. Awful. Just awful.

Matt Striker interviews Big Show

Tweet 58: I wish Striker was facing Big Show. I'd love to see his face plastered all over the ring.

World Heavyweight championship – Big Show (c) v Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 59: How can you tell SmackDown's a taped show? ADR got a serviceable pop.

Tweet 60: Why is Lilian making announcements AFTER the bell's rung? Shouldn't they be locking up by now?
Tweet 61: "Who will leave 2012 as World Heavyweight champion?" asks Josh Mathews. Big Show, Josh. Big Show.
Tweet 62: "Who sucks now?" - Big Show, channelling D'Lo Brown
Tweet 63: This match is, at best, average.
Tweet 64: Ahhhhh the old heel walking out on the match routine. It's a classic.
Tweet 65: Sheamus jumps Show. Show makes short work of him. Will Ricardo run-in next?
Tweet 66: Oh no, just the entire roster.
Tweet 67: Because they're both faces now Sheamus and ADR are happy to team up to batter Big Show.
Tweet 68: You know you're in trouble when you turn Alberto Del Rio face and use Sheamus to give him a rub.

Middle of the Road

Over the last couple of months WWE have made a noticeable effort to do something with non-main event performers. Daniel Bryan and Kane have been placed together as Team Hell No and are currently on top of the most interesting WWE tag team division in years. The Divas have enjoyed a competent storyline which, in a roundabout way, has illustrated how much the Divas title means to the performers involved.

This is very much a positive thing. Not only has it given viewers more reasons to tune in but it’s also given performers something constructive to do. When that happens there’s more chance of them getting over.

Unfortunately the mid-card singles scene has remained pretty much untouched. If the promotion is serious about wanting to create new stars then this is an area they are going to have to improve.

Main events should be populated by the most over stars. That’s logical. While a handful of men can get over enough thanks to a strong push, such as Ryback, Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio, others have to take a slower path and earn their way up the card by continually putting in solid performances and building a rapport with fans. Dolph Ziggler is a perfect example of this.

The trouble WWE has at the moment is that their main event bracket is so thin they have gotten into the habit of rushing guys to the top. They plug a gap at the top only for another to appear as one of their established stars leaves, goes part-time, or hits the injured list. That then means another guy is fast-tracked. It’s a vicious circle. The mid-card has become neglected and as such there is nowhere for those not blessed with a sustained push from the office to get themselves over.

Zack Ryder is a man who has been let down by the lack of a proper mid-card. This time last year ‘Long Island Iced Z’ was beginning to look like he could become a meaningful part of the company’s future. He teamed with WWE champion CM Punk and World Heavyweight champion Daniel Bryan in a six man tag match on the December 19^th RAW. Not just anybody gets put into that spot.

Things went bad for Ryder when he was chosen to work as cannon fodder for Kane during ‘The Big Red Monster’s’ programme with John Cena. Obliterated on a weekly basis ‘The Internet Champion’ soon found his fan base shrinking.

Had there been a functioning mid-card in place, populated by performers fans had been given a reason to care about, meaningful championships, and matches that received a decent amount of time, then Ryder could have been quickly rehabilitated. His senseless multiple jobs to ‘The Devil’s Favourite Demon’ and harmful presentation as Cena’s li’l buddy could have been erased within a month and Ryder could have gotten back on track.

 

It’s not inconceivable to think that by now Ryder could have been in a high mid-card spot, featured in a purposeful match on RAW every week, had he been treated better at the start of the year. That hasn’t happened because WWE doesn’t have the tools to help talent of his level out.

On the bright side there are signs that WWE is going to get serious about this area of their programming again. Antonio Cesaro has had some relatively lengthy title defences since winning the United States championship. Let’s not forget that he received a surprisingly rowdy response when he lifted the gold from Santino during the SummerSlam pre-show. That showed that fans will still take an interest in performers outside of the headline zone, if they are presented in the right fashion.

Kofi Kingston’s Intercontinental title victory over The Miz last month was also indicative of a renewed interest in the mid-card. Over the years ‘The Boom Squad General’ has proven to be WWE’s performer of choice when they need a babyface to fill a role outside of the main event.

 

Is he happy or in pain? I know I can't tell...

 

During the summer of last year he was placed into a tag team alongside Evan Bourne. The idea was that the two would spearhead a revival of WWE’s tag team scene, working against teams such as Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (unofficially known as All American Perfection) and Awesome Truth. That was followed by this year’s stint alongside R-Truth, and there are numerous examples of him being tossed the Intercontinental or US title throughout his five years on the main roster.

Kingston as Intercontinental champ is a good move. He can have the mid-card division built around him, and there are plenty of opponents waiting, such as Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger, Tensai, Hunico, and the Three Man Band. If time is invested into giving Kofi matches and storylines that fans can believe in then the mid-card (and the IC belt too, for that matter) could be revived quickly.

Triple H, Edge, and The Rock all earned their way to the top of WWE by making themselves stand out in the mid-card to earn a promotion. Plucking successful guys from the lower ranks and hoisting them up the ranks used to be something the federation excelled at. With a little work that can be the case again.

SmackTalk 28.09.12

When I said Sheamus needs a fresh opponent I didn’t really mean the Big Show. Sure it makes a change from ‘The Celtic Warrior’s’ endless bouts with Alberto Del Rio but I can’t see them producing anything that could be described as a classic. Wade Barrett would have been a far better choice to oppose Sheamus for the World Heavyweight championship.

This week’s SmackDown felt like a chore to watch, partly because of the Big Show’s ascension to the lofty status of number one contender. His boring, plodding victory over Randy Orton didn’t make either man look good and did nothing to excite me for the WHC match that will take place at Hell in a Cell.

At this point the only interesting thing I think WWE could do with the situation they’ve placed themselves in is to have ‘The World Largest Athlete’ defeat Sheamus and then lose the title to a cashing-in Dolph Ziggler. That would get the title onto a wrestler who would inject something new into the stagnant headline scene and would tie in nicely to Show losing the title to Daniel Bryan moments after winning it at last year’s TLC.

There were only two good things on this week’s show. The first was the news of a tag team tournament to crown number on contenders to the WWE tag team championship, currently held by Team Hell No. WWE’s tag team division has been crying out for attention for years and it’s nice to see it finally get some. True the bout pitting Jimmy and Jey Uso against the Rhodes Scholars wasn’t a great example of tag wrestling but there’s still plenty of time for the tourney to improve.

 

Future WWE tag team champions?

 

The other good thing about the show was the Divas battle between Beth Phoenix and Natalya. ‘The Glamazon’ did everything she could to fire up her hometown crowd and they reacted to her like a genuine star. That had to be nice for Phoenix. The match was the best Divas match of 2012 and shows that if WWE gave the women lengthier matches and some basic plots fans would view them as a relevant part of the show.

The way WWE treats its female grapplers is unlikely to change anytime soon, and that’s part of the reason Beth Phoenix is leaving. Assuming she’s not convinced to stay Phoenix’s departure will be another blow to a division that is thinner than it’s been in years. On the plus side WWE seems to be going somewhere with Eve Torres as the league’s figurehead. We can only hope that the ladies get the same treatment as the tag teams have.

In conclusion I’d say that if you missed this week’s episode of SmackDown then there’s no real point catching up with it. You can find out what happened below and save an hour and a half of your life being lost.

Opening moments

Tweet 1: SmackDown. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Tweet 2: Recap of the shenanigans between Bryan and Kane, including Bryan hiding in a bin.
Tweet 3: As good as that show-long story was does it really warrant a three minute recap?
Tweet 4: Ah, wait, they finished on that shot where Kane looks like Al Bundy. It all came good in the end.
Tweet 5: "It's one of the biggest main events in SmackDown history" - Michael Cole on Randy Orton v Big Show

Big Show promo, featuring Randy Orton

Tweet 6: For the last year Big Show has been continually involved in title feuds. #worryingWWEstatistics

Tweet 7: Looks like Orton's teasing some sideburns.
Tweet 8: On Show's WMD punch: aren't closed fists illegal?
Tweet 9: Oh good, Alberto Del Rio's still in the title picture.

Santino v Antonio Cesaro for the United States championship

Tweet 10: The United States championship is every WWE fans favourite championship.

Tweet 11: Is Aksana going to be paired with Santino next? Might as well. She's got nothing else to do.
Tweet 12: Santino's singlet is a bit loose. I don't like it. I'm worried it's going to slip off. Nobody wants to see that.
Tweet 13: Maybe Jack Swagger will return as a babyface and beat Cesaro for the US title on RAW. I'm going to make that an Official Prediction.
Tweet 14: I now want Cesaro to say "winner" in five different languages.
Tweet 15: Has anybody made a Swiss gold joke yet? Probs.

Beth Phoenix v Natalya

Tweet 16: I've heard Phoenix v Natalya is a great match. I'm looking forward to it. Looking forward to Eve's Tout less.

Tweet 17: Beth and Natty adhere to the Code of Honor.
Tweet 18: This match should be for the Divas championship. Best WWE women's match of the year.
Tweet 19: Eve promo. This one's live. No Tout involved.
Tweet 20: So they know that a blonde attacked Kaitlyn. Assuming that's true why does nobody suspect Kelly Kelly.
Tweet 21: Oh yeah… She left.

Booker T, Teddy Long and Eve have a natter backstage

Tweet 22: Is Booker going to reform Harlem Heat to compete in the tag team tournament? Hope so.

Tweet 23: More trouble brewing between Teddy and Booker. GM storylines are the bestest!

Wade Barrett v Zack Ryder

Tweet 24: Want to see Barrett's ring coat? Too bad. He's retired it.

Tweet 25: Barrett is doing a bare knuckle boxing gimmick and starts the match by kneeing Ryder multiple times. Also, Kassius does it better.
Tweet 26: "Wade whadda you doin', uh?" - The referee that looks like Benedict Cumberbatch
Tweet 27: Barrett should be feuding with Sheamus. His weekly battering of jobbers is wasteful.

Miz TV, with Sheamus as guest

Tweet 28: I like Miz but I couldn't care less about Miz TV. WWE's cycle of chat segments needs to come to an end. #datedconcept

Tweet 29: What's this segment meant to achieve?
Tweet 30: A radio show, a book, and a film. Miz is actually doing a lot better than Sheamus overall. Gutted, fella.
Tweet 31: #Zigglerpop #heel #heelsdoitbetter
Tweet 32: Ziggler has just announced he'll cash-in at Hell in a Cell. I'm not convinced.

Sheamus prepares to take flight

The Usos v The Rhodes Scholars

Tweet 33: Reason for the lack of shouty entrance for the Usos? They have sore throats.

Tweet 34: The Rhodes Scholars seem like a safe pick here. I can't see the Usos getting close to the belts anytime soon.
Tweet 35: Not much of a match but the right team won.

Ryback v Tensai

Tweet 36: Ryback being on Twitter feels wrong.

Tweet 37: "Smash! Smash! Smash!" - Tensai as he threw punches at Ryback
Tweet 38: What is Ryback's finisher called? Ryback Buster?

Randy Orton v Big Show

Tweet 39: I assume Orton has been written out of the match and Del Rio will replace him. I'm tired of ADR. He should be given a month or two off.

Tweet 40: Bring him back and give him a fresh feud.
Tweet 41: Being a super-babyface Orton is going to wrestle despite the handful of punches he received backstage.
Tweet 42: It's also interesting to note that ADR smashed a box into 'The Viper's' leg but Orton's holding his ribs.
Tweet 43: It's almost like wrestling isn't real...
Tweet 44: "Big Show's hands are as wide as a football" - Michael Cole
Tweet 45: Christ, this match is dull.
Tweet 46: An RKO isn't enough to keep mega-heel Big Show down. He shrugs off finishers like a machine.
Tweet 47: Not to be outdone Orton kicks out of a choke slam. Show hits another and gets a (sort of) clean victory over 'The Apex Predator'.
Tweet 48: Sheamus versus Big Show. That will be utterly diabolical. Jim Ross on commentary could make it tolerable but that won't happen.

SmackTalk 24.08.12

On Thursday night I dreamt about Booker T.

I went to his house and had a conversation with him while sitting on his staircase. He had a cream coloured carpet. I told him that I missed him calling SmackDown. As I was leaving a graphic appeared in the lower right corner of my vision advertising a Kane v Booker T match. The words “Up Next” were displayed.

I then heard Michael Cole’s voice. It was not necessarily in my head, it was as though what I’d just lived through were now a backstage vignette. He described Kane as a “dangerous new threat” to Booker T. Then I woke up.

None of this has anything to do with SmackDown. I thought it would make a nice addition to the recap.

This week saw the boring feud between Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio rumble on. I had hoped SummerSlam would mark the end of it but it appears it will continue for at least another month. I’ve written several times that both men would benefit from fresh opponents. I still think it.

Del Rio versus a tweener Daniel Bryan could be fun and should provide some excellent matches, while ‘The Celtic Warrior’ would be the ideal opponent for the soon-to-return Wade Barrett. This rivalry has been going for close to half a year and they rarely produce anything other than a satisfactory bout.

While Night of Champions is currently set to see a singles match between ‘The Great White’ and ADR the booking of this week’s SmackDown makes me think ‘The Viper’ will be added to make the match a triple threat. The addition of Randy Orton to proceedings could freshen things up but it won’t take away from the fact that we’ve seen Del Rio and Sheamus clash many times before.

It’s looking as though Orton will be clashing with Dolph Ziggler at some point in the not too distant future but I don’t think it will be at NOC. I think the triple threat idea I more likely. A scenario that sees ‘The Show Off’ cost Orton the match would create a reason for the two to face off at Hell in a Cell in October.

SmackDown boasted some pretty good undercard segments.

Ryback trounced Jinder Mahal. Hopefully that match will mark the end of their dispute. As a short rivalry to give Ryback something to do and bring out a little more of his personality it worked well. He sold a little too much for my liking but working against an unlikeable fella like Mahal has helped him to get over. His various catchphrases are working well for him.

While I didn’t really acknowledge it when tweeting I thought the tag match pitting Epico and Primo against Kofi Kingston and R-Truth was very enjoyable. I hope the rumoured multi-team match at Night of Champions includes both units alongside Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. The Prime Time Players would likely get the final spot but I think it would be better given to the Usos. The PTPs would benefit from having a pay-per-view off and doing a run-in after the match instead.

Santino’s “comedy” promo was given far too much time but the appearance of Antonio Cesaro rescued things. As much as I find Santino irritating I think he’s a great opponent for ‘The Swiss Superman’: because he’s so over audiences sympathise with him, which means they react more to Cesaro’s heelish antics.

As decent as this week’s SmackDown was, it couldn’t compare to a dream about Booker T. Things don’t get much better than that.

Video recapping the events of the Alberto Del Rio v Sheamus feud

Tweet 1: Ooooh... tense stuff at the start. Serious announcer guy recapping the whacky finish to the SummerSlam World title match.

Tweet 2: Del Rio wants answers. Sadly all Booker T has are questions.

Randy Orton promo, featuring Sheamus, Booker T and Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 3: Orton promo. This looks bad. It will sound bad too...

Tweet 4: "My name is Randy Orton." He should have followed that with "But you already know that!"
Tweet 5: Orton is talking about the internet. I think the world may explode.
Tweet 6: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!
Tweet 7: Here's Booker. Get ready for some LOLage.
Tweet 8: ADR says the ref robbed him. At this point I'd happily watch a Del Rio v Chioda feud over more of his matches with Sheamus.
Tweet 9: I think Del Rio just said Hooker T.
Tweet 10: The good thing about Booker being GM is that we get to hear his entrance music every week.
Tweet 11: Jazz Mathews.

Ryback v Jinder Mahal

Tweet 12: Ryback, wearing a fresh singlet and entering to new music. Believe it or not he's singing on this track.

Tweet 13: As far as promos go Ryback is a modern day Ultimate Warrior.
Tweet 14: The "Feed me more!" catchphrase is over. The fans love them some Ryback.
Tweet 15: Ryback doesn't march around the ring before hitting his finisher. He wades.

Alicia Fox v Layla

Tweet 16: Alicia Fox gyrating like a stripper in the ring. She's a great role model.

Tweet 17: I like Kaitlyn but she may not have been the best choice of guest commentator for this match.
Tweet 18: "... she deserved to eliminate herself like she did last night in the battle royal" - Kaitlyn, inadvertently admitting SmackDown is taped
Tweet 19: Random Eve appearance. Why not? If they change their minds about the direction of the feud they can forget it happened. Not like this is RAW.

Where are they going with this?

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero gloat backstage

Tweet 20: Ziggler's backstage at SmackDown. #goodtimes #ShowOff #heelsdoitbetter

Tweet 21: Teddy Long appears. Is he going to make a tag match?
Tweet 22: No, he’s not. He made a non-title Ziggler v Sheamus match for tonight's show. Prediction: Ziggler will lose. There will be no cash-in.
Tweet 23: There will be a fake attempt though.

Sin Cara v Heath Slater

Tweet 24: Cody Rhodes is about to commentate a Sin Cara match. That will be the highlight. Cara is a terrible little botch machine of a wrestler.

Tweet 25: Heath Slater's not much better but at least he's funny.

Tweet 26: ACTIVATE THE MURKY LIGHTING!
Tweet 27: "Sin Cara excites the WWE Universe" - Michael Cole, lying
Tweet 28: I hate Sin Cara's 80s style mannerisms.
Tweet 29: Rhodes twists Cara's mask around, blocking his vision and allowing Slater to win.
Tweet 30: Even when the mask is on right Cara's eyes are covered. How does he see? Maybe he's blind and wrestles using sonar. Like a bat.

Dolph Ziggler v Sheamus

Tweet 31: Arrive. Ask "How damn good am I?" Leave.

Tweet 32: Why is Vickie Guerrero on commentary? Why isn't Christian just calling the entire show? Why am I listening to Michael Cole?
Tweet 33: They're not calling the action. Cole is just prattling away about Booker T being GM.
Tweet 34: "Tell us about the public celebration you and Dolph had once Chris Jericho was banished from WWE" - Michael Cole, refusing to call a match
Tweet 35: MOI NAME IS SHAYMUSS AN' OI LOIKE TO PUNCH PEEPUL IN THE CHEST TEN TOIMES!!
Tweet 36: Here's the teased cash-in I called earlier. This will be a regular feature of WWE television for a while yet.

Dolph Ziggler gives us the first fake cash-in of the night

Santino promo, featuring Antonio Cesaro

Tweet 37: What does it say for SummerSlam that one of its best matches was broadcast on YouTube?

Tweet 38: Santino promos bore me. I want Cesaro to come out and uppercut him.
Tweet 39: Is this the beginning of a Santino v Cobra feud? If it's not it should be.
Tweet 40: I love Cesaro's walk. It's as though he's too burdened with muscles to be able to move properly.
Tweet 41: Yes, it's Antonio Cesaro. Heeey!! #veryEuropean
Tweet 42: Interesting that Santino's right hand is obsessed with Aksana. Says a lot about his love life. #PGera

Kofi Kingston and R-Truth v Epico and Primo

Tweet 43: Darren Young and Titus O'Neil are on commentary. This won't go well...

Tweet 44: At least AW's not around. If he hadn't been fired before he certainly would be after a stint alongside Cole...

This is what people watch SmackDown for

Tweet 45: Titus sounds like he has a mouthful of gravel, treacle and wasps. Who decided to give him a microphone?
Tweet 46: Titus is now doing impressions of Booker T. I didn’t think things could get worse. I was wrong.
Tweet 47: Name of R-Truth's finisher this week: Jimmy Time.

Matt Striker interviews Kingston and Truth backstage before several other teams show up to ruck

Tweet 48: Four teams have shown up backstage to claim a shot at Kingston and Truth. All it did was emphasise how few duos there actually are in WWE.

Tweet 49: Of the teams that were present I'd like to see Gabriel and Kidd face Kingston and Truth at Night of Champions.

Booker T, Eve and Teddy long discuss the tag team division

Tweet 50: Eve has compiled win-loss records for all of those teams. #nerd

Tweet 51: We didn't learn which team has had the most wins. That's because someone in WWE would have actually had to work it out.

Alberto Del Rio v Randy Orton

Tweet 52: The commentator for the main event? Sheamus. WWE seem to have gone out of their way to pick the worst possible people to work with Cole.

Tweet 53: Albertoooooooooo Delllllllllll Riiiiiiiooooooooooo!!
Tweet 54: I wonder how much ADR pays to have those license plates with his logo on them.
Tweet 55: Nothing gets heat from a crowd like slapping your own chest and grimacing.
Tweet 56: I'd love it if Sheamus turned to Cole and said "What makes Del Rio such a tough opponent is that he works stiff."
Tweet 57: Reference to the car hood attack from Cole there. Sheamus didn't acknowledge it, just like he didn't sell the incident when it happened.
Tweet 58: ADR is working the left arm. For some reason this has reminded me Jarrett used to do that in '99. He'd then use a Figure Four as a finish.
Tweet 59: I think that's part of the reason I dislike Jeff Jarrett. Poor psychology.
Tweet 60: Orton tapped to the cross armbreaker? I didn't see THAT coming. How often does 'The Viper' lose clean?
Tweet 61: Hilariously Ricardo is now handing ADR his shoes to be lobbed at Sheamus.
Tweet 62: Sheamus won't sell a car bonnet be closed on his skull but he will sell a shoe to the chest.
Tweet 63: Another fake cash-in? This is getting out of hand. #lazybooking
Tweet 64: RKO to Ziggler. Guess that'll set up a Sheamus and Orton versus Del Rio and Ziggler match for next week.
Tweet 65: If that leads to a Ziggler v Orton singles feud I'll be happy.

SmackTalk 17.08.12

Any show that includes a match between Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan can’t be all bad. This week’s SmackDown was no exception: the two men in question had a belter of a match that was a highlight of the episode. That it was the highlight even though it had an unsatisfactory finish involving Kane’s entrance music should tell you just how good the match was.

Elsewhere on the show Chris Jericho wrestled a good match with Alberto Del Rio. It wasn’t quite as good as it could have been due to ‘Y2J’ having to sell an attack from Dolph Ziggler that had occurred moments before the match started, but it wasn’t bad. ‘The Highlight of the Night’ has had far worse outings in 2012.

The match had come about after an altercation between the two earlier in the evening. ADR had kicked off the show demanding his world title match with Sheamus at SummerSlam be reinstated (the match had been cancelled after the previous week’s SmackDown). Booker T told Del Rio that wouldn’t happen and Jericho came wandering out to suggest he challenge ‘Great White’ after beating Ziggler.

It was a basic segment but it got the job done.

Elsewhere on the show Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins introduced a new gimmick. Walking to the ring in matching suits and without entrance music it seemed a little uninspired at first. That changed when the two men started doing a striptease in the middle of the ring, to a loud chorus of boos.

I thought it was a nice idea. It sets the MidCard Mafia apart (are they even call that anymore?) and gives them something to do on a weekly basis. They’ve been wasting away as glorified enhancement talent for far too long. Anything that prompts a reaction from audiences and gets them on TV is a good thing.

I don't know who looks more deranged, Bryan or the screaming fan

Antonio Cesaro put in a good showing too. His United States title match with Santino is going to be broadcast on YouTube before SummerSlam and I think it’s a positive sign that WWE went out of their way to give the two men some time to create interest in that match on SmackDown.

Slightly less impressive was the absence of Damien Sandow and Ryback. I suppose you can’t have everything though.

Recap video of the ADR v Sheamus feud

Tweet 1: Stand back, I'm about to watch SmackDown.

Tweet 2: Recap of the Sheamus v ADR feud. Well, the recent parts of it at least.
Tweet 3: I'm pleased the car bonnet attack has been covered.
Tweet 4: Booker T has cancelled the match. Something tells me it will be back on within the next ninety minutes.

Alberto Del Rio promo, featuring Booker T and Chris Jericho

Tweet 5: Cole and Mathews are unchaperoned again. This is not going to go well.

Tweet 6: Doesn't Del Rio have dozens of cars? Why is bothered about Sheamus trashing one?
Tweet 7: Booker T's come straight from a Reservoir Dogs convention.
Tweet 8: ADR's right, he did earn the right to be number one contender a long time ago. It was April...
Tweet 9: Here's Chris Jericho, looking like he's stopped in on his way to the convenience store.
Tweet 10: The face Del Rio just pulled made it look as though he could smell a dead cat and was concerned about where it had been hidden.

Cody Rhodes and The Miz v Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 11: Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara v Rhodes and Miz. The potential for botches with Rey and Cara on one team is spectacular.

Tweet 12: Sin Cara's inability to work a crowd is really quite spectacular. It should warrant a permanent spot on Superstars but doesn't.
Tweet 13: Rhodes is continuing his silly quest to unmask Sin Cara. Nobody cares about Cara or his face.
Tweet 14: Miz is a movie star. WWE will help him on this new career path by bringing out the inflatable "AWESOME" from storage at SummerSlam.
Tweet 15: Nice use of the 619. Disappointing that it led to another loss for Cody. Where's his push?
Tweet 16: Sin Cara always keeps a small slice of cheese under his mask in case of emergencies.
Tweet 17: A child has hopped the guardrail and is playing with Miz's IC belt! Oh wait, it's just Rey...

Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins v two unnamed jobbers

Tweet 18: Hawkins and Reks have been given a stripper gimmick. They asked Booker T for an opportunity to get noticed and this is what they got...

Tweet 19: They have new trunks designed to look like black Y-fronts. This is Meat all over again...
Tweet 20: Reks is clearly more comfortable with gyrating in his underwear than Hawkins is.
Tweet 21: That was a pretty decent gimmick overhaul. I'll miss their bright green outfits though. They warranted a push.
Tweet 22: Perhaps the green outfits will come back to feud with Reks and Hawkins. #fingerscrossed

New highlight of SmackDown or utter embarrassment? You decide!

Eve v Kaitlyn

Tweet 23: Teddy Long is at ringside for the thrills and spills of Kaitlyn v Eve.

Tweet 24: I'd like to see Kaitlyn get the win but I think Eve winning is far more likely. They need some tension in the "Booker T administration."
Tweet 25: If Teddy likes Kaitlyn so much why didn't he hire her when he was in charge?
Tweet 26: "Kaitlyn telling me earlier today her biggest influence is Chuck Norris" - Josh Mathews
Tweet 27: I think the Eve character is great. I prefer her to AJ.

Daniel Bryan v Randy Orton

Tweet 28: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Tweet 29: #AberdeenWashington
Tweet 30: Orton v Bryan should be happening at SummerSlam, not on SmackDown.
Tweet 31: Orton goes to the top for a superplex. Whadda'pro!
Tweet 32: Boo-yay punch exchange is going on after a break. If this was a smart crowd they'd have yessed Orton punches and shouted no to Bryan's.
Tweet 33: Shouldn't Bryan be disqualifieed for throwing Orton into steps made from steel? It doesn't feel like that should be legal.
Tweet 34: RKO countered into the No Lock. Great spot!
Tweet 35: Orton wins via Kane music. Very effective finisher.
Tweet 36: Kane wanders out and laughs as Bryan cowers on the floor. What a pointless finish. Pointless feud too.

Antonio Cesaro v Zack Ryder

Tweet 37: Antonio Cesaro. Heeeey!!

Tweet 38: The fans are chanting "USA" at Cesaro's five languages gimmick. That's reason enough to put the US title on him isn't it?
Tweet 39: Why is Ryder allowed to do the Broski Boot but Orton can't do the Punt anymore?
Tweet 40: For a guy who just got thrown over a table Santino seems surprisingly energetic.

Michael Cole and Josh Mathews discuss Twitter nonsense

Tweet 41: Here's a new segment: Cole and Mathews lookign at tweets that have been sent out regarding the Michaels-Lesnar angle.

Tweet 42: They didn't read them all. They just chatted about some of them and made sweeping generalisations. JR never would have done that.

Alberto Del Rio v Chris Jericho

Tweet 43: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Dellll Riiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

Tweet 44: Jericho's in the main event and this is the first we've seen of Ziggler. Why is he even there? He didn't have a match. This makes no sense.
Tweet 45: Jericho will wrestle. He's going to no--sell that beating. It's how he rolls.
Tweet 46: 'Y2J' doesn't look too good. Maybe you should ask him, ref... #askhim
Tweet 47: Ziggler's at ringside. Considering this is a taped show it's pretty poor that he wasn't shown arriving.
Tweet 48: Oh noes! Jericho is trapped in the cross arm breaker with Ziggler shouting at him! What a villainous pair!
Tweet 49: Those jeans aren't very Talent Dress Code are they, Sheamus?
Tweet 50: Sheamus will compete even if he loses a limb. That doesn’t sound the best course of action to me…
Tweet 51: ADR claps Booker's decision. Sheamus grimaces. Great ending, writing team.

SmackTalk 27.07.12

It’s difficult to summarise this week’s episode of SmackDown. A large portion of the show was given over to recapping Monday Night RAW. In addition to covering the 1000^th episode in its entirety before SmackDown began the entire Punk heel turn and Triple v Lesnar segments were shown in full. While that makes sense because they are going to be two of the promotion’s top storylines in the coming weeks and months it left less time for fresh developments to take place on the blue show.

That’s nothing new though. SmackDown is routinely used as a way of getting the audience up to speed on the important things they missed on RAW. If they didn’t miss it… well, too bad. They’ll have to watch it again.

What SmackDown did achieve this week was crowning a new number on contender for Sheamus’s World Heavyweight championship in a match that pitted Kane, Alberto Del Rio, Daniel Bryan and Rey Mysterio against one another. It was ‘The Essence of Excellence’ that left victorious. Yes, he will once again challenge for ‘Great White’s’ belt.

The Sheamus v Del Rio feud has been going, on and off, since early April. That they will clash at SummerSlam in August verges on ridiculous. Part of the reason the feud’s been so lengthy is because of injuries to Del Rio. That was beyond WWE’s control but they’re still the ones keeping the rivalry going. Each man would benefit from being giving something else to do for a month or two before resuming this feud.

The way the four-way ended makes me think Mysterio may be getting added to the SummerSlam title match. If that happens then at least there will be something to freshen up ADR’s latest title challenge. That said I’d rather see Mysterio face Daniel Bryan in a singles match. If they were given fifteen minutes I think the two could produce one of the best WWE matches of the year.

Elsewhere Chris Jericho continued his programme with Dolph Ziggler when he threw ‘The Show Off’ into the ring to take a Brogue Kick. He followed that up with a Codebreaker. There’s plenty of time before SummerSlam to make this feud into something very special. I hope WWE makes the most of that.

The only other noteworthy occurrence was The Miz battling Christian in a rematch from RAW. This was presumably done to tie up loose ends and free ‘The Awesome One’ up for a completely new feud. Zack Ryder would be a good choice there.

While RAW 1000 may have been a big success the fact that the following evening’s SmackDown was so bereft of direction is worrying. RAW will be three hours long every week from now on and if the company’s writing team are already struggling to make SmackDown a high quality show things look very worrying indeed.

I suspected this would happen, but I didn’t think it would affect SmackDown this quickly. Apparently I was wrong.

RAW 1000 Recap

Tweet 1: WWE Then. WWE Now. WWE Forever. Yes... I'm watching SmackDown.

Tweet 2: Starting with a RAW recap makes sense for once.
Tweet 3: What was Vince's logic when hiring AJ as GM?
Tweet 4: I think the Big Angle would have been different if WWE had had access to Randy Orton. He's due a turn and is the next natural opponent for Rock.

Miz promo

Tweet 5: Over four and half minutes in I finally get to see some fresh footage.

Tweet 6: Is Miz now the most must see Intercontinental champion in history?
Tweet 7: It's what we've all been waiting for: an IC title feud built around tweets and Facebook likes!
Tweet 8: Booker doesn't think Christian taking his rematch right now is a good idea. It can't be then. Booker's never wrong.

Miz v Christian for the Intercontinental championship

Tweet 9: Miz has starred in one film that has yet to be released. That, in Cole's world, makes him a "huge movie star."

Tweet 10: Josh, if Miz didn't know he'd be competing then why did he come out in his wrestling gear?
Tweet 11: Iffy frog splash from Christian.
Tweet 12: Another frog splash? No, an iffy cross body instead.
Tweet 13: This is a tight match. Lots of counters and reversals.
Tweet 14: The spear? C'mon Christian you know that never works for you.
Tweet 15: Thumb to the eye, rollup with a handful of tights and 'The Awesome One' retains his white belt. Very good match.
Tweet 16: Rhodes v Sheamus. Why are they burying Cody?

Jinder Mahal v Ryback

Tweet 17: Jinder Mahal! AND THERE'S HIS PERSPEX BOX!!

Tweet 18: Mahal is on job duty to Ryback this week. He didn't even get the usual pre-squash promo.
Tweet 19: "Feeding time" for 'The Human Wrecking Ball'. #thingsyoullonlyhearinwrestling
Tweet 20: “Maw-hall” – Booker T
Tweet 21: Why is Ryback being booked to sell this much to Jinder Mahal?
Tweet 22: No selling the camel clutch?! That's power right there...
Tweet 23: Mahal is taking a count out because he's scared to face Ryback. What will happen to his Perspex box if he doesn't go back to the ring?

Ryback laughs at camels clutches...

Tout segment

Tweet 24: WWE are really pushing these Sonic sodas. Lawler made a thing of them on RAW and all three SD commentators were just pictured with them.

Tweet 25: Now to watch some incoherent clowns on Tout.
Tweet 26: Well everyone on Tout seems to love what Punk did to Rock. Not a very successful heel turn then.

Cody Rhodes v Sheamus

Tweet 27: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Tweet 28: Time to bury the impressive, main event calibre Cody Rhodes.
Tweet 29: If WWE got rid of the World Heavyweight title and booked the IC belt this strongly instead it would mean help to restore the mid-card belt.
Tweet 30: At this point the WHC can be viewed as the promotion's seconday title, despite it's "world" tag.
Tweet 31: "That's a rag-tagging right there, baby" - Booker T on a rag-tagging
Tweet 32: Is Booker saying baby so much because Cody is Dusty's son?
Tweet 33: Here comes Dolph Ziggler. Josh asks if he's about to cash in... as they cut to a break. Clearly not cashing in right away then.
Tweet 34: Ziggler will not cash in before SummerSlam. It will happen on that show or some time afterwards.

Here we see Ziggler doing an excellent job of hiding Josh Mathews from view

Tweet 35: They may have ADR be the one to take the belt off of Sheamus and then have Ziggler beat him.
Tweet 36: That could keep the three-way feud going and allow 'The Show Off' to work as a tweener.
Tweet 37: This is a pretty good match. Cody is unlikely to win but he's being allowed to look good against the champ.
Tweet 38: "Trust me, you don't get up from a kick like that" - Booker T, as Sheamus got up from a kick like that
Tweet 39: Cody is going to eat a Brogue Kick.
Tweet 40: 'The Heel' gets some heat for not cashing in. See? People want to see him as World champ.
Tweet 41: Jericho appears. Gone are the leather trousers and electric jacket, replaced by a Ziggler T-shirt and jeans.
Tweet 42: Jeans loose enough to allow a Codebreaker to be hit. 'Y2J' is very much a face again. That's a good thing. He's been a heel for years.

Santino v Antonio Cesaro

Tweet 43: Antonio Cesaro. Heeeey!!

Tweet 44: Cole describes Antonio as 'The Swiss Superman'. I want that to catch on.
Tweet 45: #Swissdeadlift
Tweet 46: This is non-title? I want Cesaro to win and then take the US gold from Santino in a rematch.
Tweet 47: Cesaro goes over with the brilliantly named Gotch Style Neutralizer. Because I like that name they'll probably stop using it.

Will the non-title victory lead to the former King of Wrestling becoming a champion?

Yoshi Tatsu v Damien Sandow

Tweet 48: Sandow v Tatsu. I can go with this.

Tweet 49: Well that was quick. What is his neckbreaker finish called? It needs a name.

Daniel Bryan v Rey Mysterio v Kane v Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 50: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Tweet 51: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Deeeeeel Riiiiiiiiiiiooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Tweet 52: I like the way Del Rio mimes playing a piano when he walks onto the ramp.
Tweet 53: Rey's wearing a vest with a question mark on it again. There's something funny going on here.
Tweet 54: Either Rey's out of shape or he's got a new tat WWE management don't approve of. I hope it's the latter.
Tweet 55: Mysterio v Bryan. That's a singles match I'd like to see!
Tweet 56: #yeskicks
Tweet 57: Did Cole just reference something that happened in 2010?! It's rare for him to mention anything that happened more than six months ago.
Tweet 58: ADR used a back stabber. The commentary team don't acknowledge it.
Tweet 59: Del Rio goes to tap, Kane stops him. Couldn't ADR just have told the ref he quits?
Tweet 60: 619 to Bryan and ADR. Ricardo yanks Rey out of the ring and Del Rio gets the pin. I assume this will lead to Rey being added to the match.
Tweet 61: Del Rio v Mysterio v Sheamus for the WHC could be good. It's certainly a fresh match.