Showing posts with label Curt Hawkins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Curt Hawkins. Show all posts

Saturday, 14 June 2014

The 2014 Future Endeavours Club

On Wednesday 11 June WWE hadn’t done a mass release of talent in around three years. That changed the following day when it was announced that Brodus Clay, Evan Bourne, Yoshi Tatsu, Camacho, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Aksana, Curt Hawkins, and JTG, as well as referee Marc Harris and odd job man Theodore Long, had been released from their contracts. Until 2011 it had previously been a rather unpleasant annual tradition that came in the months following WrestleMania. It originally came about through a combination of cost-cutting and clearing the roster of wrestlers who had run their course with the company. It was, in a way, spring cleaning. It had presumably fallen off in recent years because WWE were going through a phase of altruism and-or a phase of feeling the need to get everybody under contract accepted as a star.

The lack of mass releases wasn’t going to last forever. WWE employs too many people at too many levels for that. There had been hints that something big was coming with the release of four NXT names (Shaul ‘Raquel Diaz’ Guerrero, beefy Welsh lovemuffin Mason Ryan, Danny Burch, and former tag champ Oliver Grey) at the end of April, but at the time it was taken more as the beginning of a new norm: WWE making multiple releases from NXT and leaving the main roster alone. Clearly that was wrong.

Below I’ll look at ten of the eleven releases (what is there to say about a nondescript referee?), discussing what they achieved in WWE, whether it was right to release them and what they could end up doing next.

Before I start that I’ll mention that I won’t be discussing Global Force Wrestling as a prospective employer. The promotion hasn’t promoted or even announced its first show yet. All it’s done is flog T-shirts and post pictures on its website and social media accounts, a disproportionate number of which have featured non-worker Karen Jarrett. It’s entirely possible some or all of the people WWE released will end up in GFW but it’s impossible to discuss it realistically bright now because we’ve no idea what their product will be like to hypothesise on where any wrestler could fit into things.

We’ll begin with one of the bigger names on the list: Drew McIntyre. The Scotsman was introduced in a significant fashion (for 2009) and was initially positioned as singles act destined for greatness. He was infamously singled out as Vince McMahon’s on-screen ‘Chosen One’ which, while clearly a storyline, was indicative of there being a lot of faith in him as a performer. The company boss isn’t going to endorse someone on-screen if they doesn’t feel they can amount to something. Especially when that company boss is Vince McMahon.

For a while it looked as though Drew was going to meet the hype. He was shuffled into a rivalry with an authority figure (specifically SmackDown GM Teddy Long), one of WWE’s favoured methods of getting someone over, and quickly had the Intercontinental title slung his way. True, the belt didn’t mean as much as it once had but it was still a vote of confidence from the writing crew.

It’s tricky to know where Drew went wrong. He was never a bad wrestler and he seemed decent enough on the microphone. I suspect those in charge may have cooled on him when he went through a period of visa issues which prohibited him from making regular appearances on TV. Denied weekly use of him I imagine the writing team, and the notoriously fickle-with-mid-carders Vinnie Mac, lost interest.

Maybe they could form a team called 2 Out of 3MB.
Y'know, like 2 Out of 3 Count?
In the last year Drew had been killing time as a member of 3MB, alongside Heath Slater and fellow firee Jinder Mahal. It says something about how far McIntyre had fallen that when he helped found the comedy jobber trio it was seen as a step up for him. Mahal too, for that matter. He’d never been seen in quite the same light as McIntyre but he had been given a prominently booked, if confusing and dull, introductory feud opposite The Great Khali and been presented as a man of significance for a while afterwards.

3MB were never going to amount to anything. Everything you need to know about the group’s standing can be gleaned from the fact that they’d been playing second fiddle to Hornswoggle in his feud with El Torito for a month and a half before the releases occurred. An on-screen split wouldn’t have done them any favours. It would have harmed them in fact. At least in 3MB they had an identity and a chance of getting on to shows to be used in tag matches. Both McIntyre and Mahal would have struggled as singles acts because they’d been presented as losers for so long (something Heath Slater’s about to find out).

I’ll be surprised if McIntyre doesn’t hit up some British indies in the next few months, specifically Insane Championship Wrestling. It’s based in his home country of Scotland and by all accounts does very well for itself. I can’t imagine them passing up the chance to bring in a Scottish guy who has WWE priors. If they start to expand into new areas, and there are rumblings that they might, it’s possible Drew will work there frequently and take other bookings around Blighty. A move to TNA isn’t out of the question, but his ex-wife working there may make that… tricky.

Mahal’s future is a tougher call. There’s no obvious call for a man of average look and ability on the indies. He doesn’t strike me as a man who’d fit in anywhere really, so my best guess would be TNA. Because he’s a former WWE talent. Maybe he’ll surprise us and make it big in the ailing NOAH. Or All Japan. Stranger things have happened.

The release of Camacho isn’t really surprising. He had a brief run as an enforcer on the main roster but that came to an end when Hunico, the man for whom he was enforcing, got permanently morphed into Sin Cara. The most noteworthy thing that happened to him during his subsequent run on NXT was a weird rivalry with Adam Rose.

There was no obvious role for him to fill on the main roster and being a permanent fixture in NXT wasn’t an option, so his release was inevitable. He seemed like a nice enough guy but I don’t think he’s a loss. I think he’d be a good addition to EVOLVE but I that seems unlikely. I suspect the best he can hope for is a string of bookings with nondescript leagues.

Similar sentiments can be expressed for Yoshi Tatsu. If anything it’s arguable that his release seemed more likely. He first signed a WWE contract in 2007. Seven years later he was still stationed in the developmental system. He’d been promoted to the main roster during that time but he’d never progressed beyond an enhancement position. If WWE has no faith in someone who’s been in their system for that long a cut can’t be considered a shock.

Being Japanese Tatsu’s future could very well lie there. As much as I think he’d fit in in Ring of Honor I can’t imagine there’s much call for him there. They’ve got a partnership with New Japan anyway, making a guy like Tatsu less interesting than he would have been to them a year or two ago. For that matter both EVOLVE and TNA have Japanese partner promotions they can call on for foreign talent.

Aksana comes from a bodybuilding background, which makes her release a little surprising. Because Triple H is a big fan of bodybuilders. But then he’s also a fan of wrestling and Aksana was not a good wrestler. She looked good in slinky outfits. That’s about all that can be said for her as far as working in wrestling goes. And even in WWE that will only get you so far.

If TNA aren’t interested in her I think she’ll probably be leaving the wrestling world. So really the question is “Will TNA have an interest in her?” In her favour she has the already mentioned ability to look good in slinky outfits and a history with WWE. That’s probably enough to net her work there. Considering how much TNA enjoy replicating WWE storylines and characters it’s possible, perhaps even likely, that Aksana will be hired to work as their version of Lana, a sexy foreign heel who manages an unstoppable monster.

Speaking of Aksana, her on-screen-ex-boyfriend Teddy Long has gone too. More than any other person who was released I can imagine that there was a degree of amicability to this release. At sixty-six Long probably fancied retiring and putting his feet up. He’d done everything he was ever going to in WWE and was only going to continue to be the butt of jokes if he stuck around. That’s not something WWE is going to pay someone to do indefinitely.

The worst thing about Long’s departure is that it means there’ll probably never be a payoff to his strike storyline on The JBL and Cole Show.

Back to Ring of Honor? Probs.
Back on more surprising ground we have Evan Bourne. He’s been recovering from an ankle injury (suffered in a motorbike accident as opposed to the wrestling ring) since the spring of 2012. He had one match last year and realised that he needed to continue rehabbing. That match aside he’d been injured for twenty-seven months. Only the very top guys can take that sort of time off without fear of release, and Evan Bourne was not close to being a very top guy.

But even with that said Bourne’s release comes as a surprise. He was never going to be a big singles star but he could have been a nice addition to the mid-card or the tag ranks. In fact he’d already had a taste of both thanks to a brief but fun programme with Chris Jericho in 2010 and a tag team championship reign alongside Kofi Kingston as Air Boom. Perhaps there are medical reports that indicated WWE were going to have to wait months before he was ready to step back into the ring and they weren’t prepared to do so. I can understand that but it doesn’t change my belief that Bourne had something to offer.

Bourne is the only man released who has a history with Ring of Honor, as Matt Sydal. When he’s recovered he could head back there and get a spot just below the main event. He could form a tag team with his brother, who works there under the ring name Mike Sydal. A series with Bad Influence would be a natural fit considering Bourne held the ROH tag straps with Chris Daniels. He could even join forces with the Daniels and Kazarian to form a faction.

Beyond ROH I could see Bourne getting work in any other US-based wrestling promotion. New Japan may want him too, although his style is hardly unique and it’s not like they don’t have any guys that can fly. A return to Dragon Gate, and the work in DG USA that would bring, is possible too. Basically if Matthew ‘Evan Bourne’ Korklan can work his ankle issues out he’ll find work.

I’d like to say the same for Brodus Clay but I don’t think I can as he’s not held in as high regard. I thought he had the size, the look, and the verbal ability to be a somebody in WWE. Clearly someone in Stamford disagrees with me. Considering the size of the average modern wrestler he’s clearly cut out for a heel role but he’s a very likeable babyface too. His ‘Funkasaurus’ act could be cringe-worthy at points but people reacted to it, and he showed a lot of personality during his time on NXT season two. There was something likeable about the guy.

In hindsight Brodus's demotion to NXT earlier this year was probably a sign.
Brodus seems like a natural guy for TNA to make a play for. I suspect they’d do so based solely on his status as a former WWE guy but they should be doing it because he’s got the qualities to become an immediate headliner for them and make their product feel fresh. Ultimately the reason they go for him doesn’t matter. I just hope that they do. He never felt fully utilised in WWE.

Brodus working anywhere other than TNA doesn’t seem likely. His style wouldn’t fit in EVOLVE or ROH and I can’t imagine him wrestling a great match with anyone of those rosters. Japan seems unlikely too: he’s big, which they like, but he seems concerned about hurting his foes, which they don’t. The sports entertainment-lite and WWE rerun approach offered by TNA is what’s best for ‘Monstrous’ BC.

Curt Hawkins never really recovered from having his on-screen association with Edge ended in 2008. That was the high point of his WWE tenure. After that he got split from tag partner Zack Ryder, returned to developmental, and then made it back to TV in an enhancement role. He eventually wound up on NXT Redemption and formed a team with Tyler Reks. More could have been done with that pairing but they were victims of poor timing: they got together before WWE began even half-heartedly trying to get its tag team division back on track.

It’s hard to argue against the Hawkins release. He’d shown no signs of improving since his first televised appearance in 2007, had a generic look, and possessed the aura of a jobber (partly WWE’s own fault but it’s true nonetheless). He wasn’t going to become a major star. It would be hard to imagine him even being taken seriously as a contender to the mid-card titles. If he was kept around he’d only have been a jobber. And the reason WWE likes to freshen up its job squad every so often is that keeping guys around who lose all the time makes the company look bad. They can’t present themselves as the elite wrestling promotion if guys who never win are deemed worthy of continued employment.

A move to EVOLVE wouldn’t be the stupidest thing in the world for Hawkins. He started his wrestling career in the north-eastern US working alongside Trent Baretta and Anthony Nese, making storylines with them a natural fit. He could immediately join forces with them or he could show up and tell them he’s disappointed in what they’ve become, prompting a series of singles and tag matches before a swerve turn.

Finally there was JTG. He won’t be missed.

Of course, it should be pointed out that any of these people could find their way back to WWE at some point. If they show they’re still passionate about wrestling by taking more bookings and continue to improve WWE may decide to hire them back. That’s happened before, very occasionally resulting in a more prosperous run for the performer involved. Even Teddy may get rehired at some point. A talent like that won’t go overlooked for long.

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Tuft Luck

Yesterday WWE announced the release of Superstar™ Tyler Reks. Real name Gabriel Tuft, Reks had requested his release from the organisation on Monday 20th August in order to spend more time at home with his girlfriend and young daughter. He had made his wrestling debut in February 2007 and had been under contract to WWE since January 2008. In June 2009 he made his WWE television debut on the floundering WWECW.

On paper it’s an impressively quick career. Reks went from starting out as a wrestler to appearing for the biggest company in the world in a year and a half. Unfortunately for him he wasn’t selected for a prime spot on the roster and so didn’t receive a memorable introductory push. He was lumbered with a bland babyface surfer gimmick, limiting his opportunities for advancement.

ECW’s closure led to Reks being relocated to SmackDown. There he became a heel and had a wholly unimpressive run, the most notable moment being his appearance for Team SmackDown in a clash with Team RAW at Bragging Rights 2010. Even the most avid fan would be hard pushed to remember that tedious match and pay-per-view in any great detail. That it was the highlight of Reks’ SmackDown tenure tells you all you need to know about what he achieved on the show.

Reks found himself making regular appearance on weekend show Superstars soon after Bragging Rights. He had become one of the many wrestlers on the roster that creative weren’t interested in using in any meaningful way. When NXT was quietly reformatted into a middle-ground between developmental and the main roster last year Reks found himself moved there to form a team with Curt Hawkins.

It was this unit, dubbed the MidCard Mafia, which granted Reks his most successful run in the promotion. Using their lack of exposure on RAW and SmackDown as a storyline Reks and Hawkins became the show’s comedic heels and foils to matchmaker extraordinaire Matt Striker.

The two took the opportunity being placed into a team presented them with. They got matching outfits, worked on some double team moves, and tried their best to make themselves into an act the writing team would want to promote to the main roster.

Things didn’t happen quickly (they rarely do in WWE) but the duo’s patience paid off when they were rewarded with screen time on RAW, SmackDown and pay-per-view alongside on-screen boss John Laurinaitis. They weren’t off of NXT, but they were making appearances on more respected shows. It was a step in the right direction.
 
Say goodbye to these two as an act
 
The most recent change of direction for NXT led to the two being moved back to the main roster. All signs indicated that the two were to be rewarded with a minor push on SmackDown based around Booker T wanting them to up their game. Reks and Hawkins had pestered the GM for a chance to wrestle on a more regular basis, which had prompted Booker to tell them to “make an impact.”

That impact came in the form of a striptease on the August 17th episode of the show.

It was a promising sign for the tag team but Reks’ departure from the group means it will progress no further. As the act drew a decent amount of heat I believe WWE would have continued with it for a while. If the gimmick had become a regular part of the blue brand I think it could have been a hit, a strong heel act that would have gradually gained a following. We’ll never know now though.

Where does this leave Curt Hawkins? Unfortunately it may mean another drop into obscurity for the former Major Brother. It’s probable he’ll crop up on NXT and Superstars but there’s a small possibility that he’ll be awarded a low key singles push on SmackDown, perhaps keeping the stripper gimmick as a solo act. The good news for him and his fans is that he has a proven skill for reinventing himself and remaining relevant despite a lack of interest from the writing team.
 
It’s a pity that we’ll see the back of the MidCard Mafia act because there was a lot of potential there and it seemed that something was finally going to be done with them. I can understand why Reks wanted to leave WWE though. The travel schedule is incredibly tough and he wanted to spend more time at home with his family. That he has business interests outside of WWE has allowed him to make that happen.
 
This should be taken as a warning by WWE: Reks had worked hard to get himself noticed and earn a decent spot for himself. That he decided to ask for his release just as it appeared he was finally being given the chance he’d wanted could indicate that there’s a general feeling amongst mid-card members of the locker room that a career in WWE may not be worth pursuing.
 
The company needs guys in these positions, and as such they should be thinking of ways they can ensure more people don’t follow Reks out of the door.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

SmackTalk 17.08.12

Any show that includes a match between Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan can’t be all bad. This week’s SmackDown was no exception: the two men in question had a belter of a match that was a highlight of the episode. That it was the highlight even though it had an unsatisfactory finish involving Kane’s entrance music should tell you just how good the match was.

Elsewhere on the show Chris Jericho wrestled a good match with Alberto Del Rio. It wasn’t quite as good as it could have been due to ‘Y2J’ having to sell an attack from Dolph Ziggler that had occurred moments before the match started, but it wasn’t bad. ‘The Highlight of the Night’ has had far worse outings in 2012.

The match had come about after an altercation between the two earlier in the evening. ADR had kicked off the show demanding his world title match with Sheamus at SummerSlam be reinstated (the match had been cancelled after the previous week’s SmackDown). Booker T told Del Rio that wouldn’t happen and Jericho came wandering out to suggest he challenge ‘Great White’ after beating Ziggler.

It was a basic segment but it got the job done.

Elsewhere on the show Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins introduced a new gimmick. Walking to the ring in matching suits and without entrance music it seemed a little uninspired at first. That changed when the two men started doing a striptease in the middle of the ring, to a loud chorus of boos.

I thought it was a nice idea. It sets the MidCard Mafia apart (are they even call that anymore?) and gives them something to do on a weekly basis. They’ve been wasting away as glorified enhancement talent for far too long. Anything that prompts a reaction from audiences and gets them on TV is a good thing.

I don't know who looks more deranged, Bryan or the screaming fan

Antonio Cesaro put in a good showing too. His United States title match with Santino is going to be broadcast on YouTube before SummerSlam and I think it’s a positive sign that WWE went out of their way to give the two men some time to create interest in that match on SmackDown.

Slightly less impressive was the absence of Damien Sandow and Ryback. I suppose you can’t have everything though.

Recap video of the ADR v Sheamus feud

Tweet 1: Stand back, I'm about to watch SmackDown.
Tweet 2: Recap of the Sheamus v ADR feud. Well, the recent parts of it at least.
Tweet 3: I'm pleased the car bonnet attack has been covered.
Tweet 4: Booker T has cancelled the match. Something tells me it will be back on within the next ninety minutes.

Alberto Del Rio promo, featuring Booker T and Chris Jericho

Tweet 5: Cole and Mathews are unchaperoned again. This is not going to go well.
Tweet 6: Doesn't Del Rio have dozens of cars? Why is bothered about Sheamus trashing one?
Tweet 7: Booker T's come straight from a Reservoir Dogs convention.
Tweet 8: ADR's right, he did earn the right to be number one contender a long time ago. It was April...
Tweet 9: Here's Chris Jericho, looking like he's stopped in on his way to the convenience store.
Tweet 10: The face Del Rio just pulled made it look as though he could smell a dead cat and was concerned about where it had been hidden.

Cody Rhodes and The Miz v Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 11: Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara v Rhodes and Miz. The potential for botches with Rey and Cara on one team is spectacular.
Tweet 12: Sin Cara's inability to work a crowd is really quite spectacular. It should warrant a permanent spot on Superstars but doesn't.
Tweet 13: Rhodes is continuing his silly quest to unmask Sin Cara. Nobody cares about Cara or his face.
Tweet 14: Miz is a movie star. WWE will help him on this new career path by bringing out the inflatable "AWESOME" from storage at SummerSlam.
Tweet 15: Nice use of the 619. Disappointing that it led to another loss for Cody. Where's his push?
Tweet 16: Sin Cara always keeps a small slice of cheese under his mask in case of emergencies.
Tweet 17: A child has hopped the guardrail and is playing with Miz's IC belt! Oh wait, it's just Rey...

Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins v two unnamed jobbers

Tweet 18: Hawkins and Reks have been given a stripper gimmick. They asked Booker T for an opportunity to get noticed and this is what they got...
Tweet 19: They have new trunks designed to look like black Y-fronts. This is Meat all over again...
Tweet 20: Reks is clearly more comfortable with gyrating in his underwear than Hawkins is.
Tweet 21: That was a pretty decent gimmick overhaul. I'll miss their bright green outfits though. They warranted a push.
Tweet 22: Perhaps the green outfits will come back to feud with Reks and Hawkins. #fingerscrossed

New highlight of SmackDown or utter embarrassment? You decide!

Eve v Kaitlyn

Tweet 23: Teddy Long is at ringside for the thrills and spills of Kaitlyn v Eve.
Tweet 24: I'd like to see Kaitlyn get the win but I think Eve winning is far more likely. They need some tension in the "Booker T administration."
Tweet 25: If Teddy likes Kaitlyn so much why didn't he hire her when he was in charge?
Tweet 26: "Kaitlyn telling me earlier today her biggest influence is Chuck Norris" - Josh Mathews
Tweet 27: I think the Eve character is great. I prefer her to AJ.

Daniel Bryan v Randy Orton

Tweet 28: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Tweet 29: #AberdeenWashington
Tweet 30: Orton v Bryan should be happening at SummerSlam, not on SmackDown.
Tweet 31: Orton goes to the top for a superplex. Whadda'pro!
Tweet 32: Boo-yay punch exchange is going on after a break. If this was a smart crowd they'd have yessed Orton punches and shouted no to Bryan's.
Tweet 33: Shouldn't Bryan be disqualifieed for throwing Orton into steps made from steel? It doesn't feel like that should be legal.
Tweet 34: RKO countered into the No Lock. Great spot!
Tweet 35: Orton wins via Kane music. Very effective finisher.
Tweet 36: Kane wanders out and laughs as Bryan cowers on the floor. What a pointless finish. Pointless feud too.

Antonio Cesaro v Zack Ryder

Tweet 37: Antonio Cesaro. Heeeey!!
Tweet 38: The fans are chanting "USA" at Cesaro's five languages gimmick. That's reason enough to put the US title on him isn't it?
Tweet 39: Why is Ryder allowed to do the Broski Boot but Orton can't do the Punt anymore?
Tweet 40: For a guy who just got thrown over a table Santino seems surprisingly energetic.

Michael Cole and Josh Mathews discuss Twitter nonsense

Tweet 41: Here's a new segment: Cole and Mathews lookign at tweets that have been sent out regarding the Michaels-Lesnar angle.
Tweet 42: They didn't read them all. They just chatted about some of them and made sweeping generalisations. JR never would have done that.

Alberto Del Rio v Chris Jericho

Tweet 43: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Dellll Riiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Tweet 44: Jericho's in the main event and this is the first we've seen of Ziggler. Why is he even there? He didn't have a match. This makes no sense.
Tweet 45: Jericho will wrestle. He's going to no--sell that beating. It's how he rolls.
Tweet 46: 'Y2J' doesn't look too good. Maybe you should ask him, ref... #askhim
Tweet 47: Ziggler's at ringside. Considering this is a taped show it's pretty poor that he wasn't shown arriving.
Tweet 48: Oh noes! Jericho is trapped in the cross arm breaker with Ziggler shouting at him! What a villainous pair!
Tweet 49: Those jeans aren't very Talent Dress Code are they, Sheamus?
Tweet 50: Sheamus will compete even if he loses a limb. That doesn’t sound the best course of action to me…
Tweet 51: ADR claps Booker's decision. Sheamus grimaces. Great ending, writing team.

Saturday, 7 July 2012

Great American Bash SmackTalk 03.07.12

This week’s live Great American Bash edition of SmackDown taught us that Americans love nothing more than hanging out in underground car parks dancing to wrestling entrance music and bathing midgets in paddling pools. At least that’s what WWE superstars seem to enjoy at any rate.

Yes, instead of putting together a short video package showing apple pies steaming on window ledges, the Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore, the Grand Canyon and other American icons spliced with footage of proud moments from throughout company history WWE decided to air a series of backstage skits that were more tiresome than dull.

WWE blew an opportunity with this Great American Bash show. It was the perfect opportunity to try to elevate the US championship. Had a title defence been announced beforehand and a short video put together to highlight the strap’s history the show could have had a very eventful headline bout and Santino Marella could have been made to look like a star. Instead we got the aforementioned dreary vignettes and a battle royal ending the night.

Let’s talk about that battle royal. At the start of the evening a graphic for the match was flashed onto our screens, at which point Booker T stated that twenty of the top superstars in the company would be competing in the bout. While John Cena and CM Punk can very much be considered among the promotion’s top draws the same cannot be said of Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Jack Swagger and most of the other competitors. Even eventual victor Zack Ryder is not a huge name.

‘Long Island Iced Z’ winning was a nice surprise that sets up a potentially interesting episode of SmackDown for next week (the prize for winning was being the blue brand’s GM for a night). With no heels champions for Ryder to book himself against I assume he will instead face off with Damien Sandow. Over the last few weeks of television the two have entered into a mild feud that so far has consisted mostly of bickering. With Ryder in charge I expect that programme to be escalated a little.

Zack Ryder will be SmackDown General Manager next week

Perhaps the most ridiculous thing from the Great American Bash 2012 was the show’s opening segment. Yes, it was even more absurd than those backstage segments. Alberto Del Rio, who at one time looked like he was going to be a standout heel main eventer, to accuse paying customers of being in the country illegally (the show was held close to the US border with Mexico).

Del Rio’s MITB opponent Sheamus took exception to this and came out to give ‘The Essence of Excellence’ a walloping. That went well at first but then Ricardo Rodriguez involved himself and allowed ADR to gain the upper hand. Del Rio then smashed Sheamus in the back of the head eleven times with the hood of his car.

That should have caved in the World champion’s skull and killed him. Instead he was helped to the back with only a light trickle of blood on his face. The entire angle made it impossible to suspend disbelief. It was complete overkill.

CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and AJ had an enjoyable segment together that did a great job of getting over the characters involved. AJ was presented as being in need of mental help. Bryan wanted to benefit from this state of affairs by convincing AJ that he still cares for her, thereby hoping that she will favour him in the WWE title bout she will officiate at Money in the Bank.

‘The Voice of the Voiceless’ didn’t play those sort of games.

Punk told AJ she needed help and that he was worried about her. ‘The Diva Next Door’s’ response was to kiss both men and then skip out of the arena. That was a disappointing end to an otherwise exemplary segment as it made Punk (who got the second kiss) look like a clown for not pushing her off after she’d smooched the guy he’s feuding with (and Punk has compared Bryan’s face to that of a goat to boot). Does the WWE champion have no standards or self-respect?!

Finally, Dolph Ziggler and Cody Rhodes both qualified for the World Heavyweight championship briefcase bout (as predicted last week in the case of the latter). I expect ‘The Show Off’ to be booked as one of the stars of the match and take some memorable bumps. It’s possible he’ll win the thing but I think Rhodes is a slightly more likely candidate. He’s fallen down the card over the past few months but that often means a wrestler is being prepared for a big push with WWE.

Great American Bash party

Tweet 1: Time to watch SmackDown's Great American Bash. Yes!
Tweet 2: Natalya marking out Bret Hart there...
Tweet 3: There's so much nonsense going on here. It simply cannot all be commented on.
Tweet 4: Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn and Natalya? Yes!
Tweet 5: Teddy Long has been on the screem for around a minute now and he hasn't danced yet. Bad times.
Tweet 6: Ah, there he goes. Nice to see that Kane is firmly back in the comedy face camp. Who needs consistent booking?

Alberto Del Rio promo

Tweet 7: A graphic of twenty wrestlers appears. Booker mentions that it shows some of the biggest superstars in WWE. Heath Slater can be seen...
Tweet 8: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Deeell Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooooooooooooo!!
Tweet 9: Getting jobbed out by Del Rio is the highlight of Sin Cara's WWE career.
Tweet 10: I like Del Rio’s pronunciation of "Ireland." He says it better than Sheamus does.
Tweet 11: ADR is asking for papers from ringside fans. This is such a generic way of getting heat. Del Rio deserves better.
Tweet 12: Nice to see WWE is doing its bit with regards to recycling: Del Rio has been given JBL's old gimmick.
Tweet 13: Del Rio just slammed a CAR HOOD on to Sheamus around ten times. He'd be dead. This is why people don't take wrestling seriously.
Tweet 14: It was eleven times. I will repeat that Sheamus should be dead. Hilariously, he has only a light trickle of blood on his face.

Antonio Cesaro and Aksana v The Great Khali and Layla

Tweet 15: Layla and Khali are teaming against Antonio Cesaro and Aksana. Khali can't even walk convincingly.
Tweet 16: Antonio. Heeeey!
Tweet 17: Cesaro took some nasty looking lumps from clumsy Khali then a hefty bump over the top rope to the floor. Must've hurt.
Tweet 18: Layla's theme song is "I'm Insatiable." Not a very good message to send out to the kids is it?

Teddy Long and Cody Rhodes talk in a corridor

Tweet 19: What's on Teddy's head?
Tweet 20: So it's Cody v Christian, with Cody getting into MITB if he wins. I'm sure he will.

What's with the headgear, playa?

Money in the Bank qualifier – Christian v Cody Rhodes

Tweet 21: There's a briefcase hanging above the ring. Nobody has given a reason why.
Tweet 22: Instead of trying to pin Christian Cody decides to pause and stare at the briefcase. Booking like that makes wrestlers look daft.
Tweet 23: "You don't get many second chances here in WWE" - Michael Cole, who apparently doesn't know that you can do ANYTHING once you're a headliner
Tweet 24: As I type this Bobby Lashley is trending. Is his lack of personality enough to get him talked about that much?
Tweet 25: "Snapmare!" - Michael Cole after Christian performed an inverted DDT
Tweet 26: Rhodes wins and will compete in the World Heavyweight championship Money in the Bank match. I predicted that last week. He's my pick to win.

Great American Bash party

Tweet 27: Slater's now jobbing to food.
Tweet 28: Are we meant to believe that WWE stars like nothing better than watching a midget in a paddling pool and dancing to entrance music?

Money in the Bank qualifier – Alex Riley v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 29: Another MITB qualifier. Alex Riley v Dolph Ziggler. I think we all know who's going over here.
Tweet 30: Ziggler's even using Billy Gunn's "pause as I enter the ropes" spot. Yeah, I notice things like that...
Tweet 31: WHAT IS BOOKER TALKING ABOUT?!
Tweet 32: Ziggler in a ladder match? Consider that show stolen.

Michael Cole interviews AJ, featuring Daniel Bryan and CM Punk

Tweet 33: Another Michael Cole exclusive interview. Joy.
Tweet 34: What’s up with Cole’s hair?
Tweet 35: WWE have done great work making AJ an interesting and popular character. If put into the Divas division she could do a lot of good.
Tweet 36: What happened to Punk's promise that he'd get rid of this fugly championship belt?
Tweet 37: That was a great segment, although I disagree with Punk not having a problem with taking Bryan's sloppy seconds.

Santino, Sergeant Slaughter and Jim Duggan v Hunico, Camacho and Drew McIntyre

Tweet 38: Santino, Slaughter and Jim Duggan v Hunico, Camacho and Drew McIntyre. Why isn't Slater involved in this?
Tweet 39: "USA!" chant. I'd like to point out US champ Santino is playing an Italian and is actually Canadian.
Tweet 40: The faces win. What a shock. That match was a waste of time.

Great American Bash party

Tweet 41: I like Ezekiel Jackson's dancing.
Tweet 42: "Be it symbolic or genetic I am by no means your brother" - Damien Sandow to Zack Ryder
Tweet 43: Eve got all wet…

Curt Hawkins v Ryback

Tweet 44: Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks are getting the pre-match promo spot usually given to jobbers that face Ryback. Their careers aren't going well.
Tweet 45: Something positive about Hawkins: I like his tights. Not enough wrestlers wear tights that match their boots.
Tweet 46: I assume that next week we'll see Reks lose to Ryback. Maybe Ryback will beat them both at Money in the Bank.

Hawkins' tights warrant a push

Twenty Man Battle Royal

Tweet 47: Teddy Long has not lived up to expectations as GM. He didn't book a single tag match mid-show and he barely danced.
Tweet 48: Battle royal. More shows should end with these.
Tweet 49: Kane gets a big babyface pop. I hope he switches between heel and face multiple times during this.
Tweet 50: Tensai entered to silence. I feel a bit sorry for him.
Tweet 51: Cena is actually bearable when used in a diminished role like this.
Tweet 52: I imagine a face will win this. I can't see a heel GM happening.
Tweet 53: Tyson Kidd's push has been paused for the night so he can make Big Show look good (an article about Kidd is available here).
Tweet 54: Kane v Big Show choke slam contest. Not seen that before... #sarcasm
Tweet 55: Cena just steamed through three heels. How is anyone new going to get over when he sells nothing?
Tweet 56: Final two: Kane v Ryder. I'm picking Ryder. Kane as GM? No. Just no.
Tweet 57: Ryder will be SmackDown GM for a night. With all the belts held by faces he's unlikely to book himself a title shot so what WILL he do?