The Matador Gimmick

You know how sometimes you'll have an idea and you'll think you should share it with the world before someone else does it? Yeah. That.

A few years ago I had an idea for a really gimmicky wrestling character. I've continually put off mentioning it anywhere because I wanted to save it and ensure it had maximum impact when it was finally used. In hindsight this was a stupid decision. It's not like I'm ever going to book an actual wrestling company. The closest I'll come is fantasy booking blog posts and they're not the sort of place to use this idea. Waiting hasn't saved the idea, it's simply allowed actual wrestling companies enough time to beat me to it. I should've known that would happen. I've watched the sport long enough to know that sooner or later everything gets turned into a gimmick.

The promotion that's beaten me to this incredible idea is WWE (hey, they'd already been there before with Tito Santana). On Monday's RAW they aired an introductory vignette for a new tag team called Los Matadores. It's basically a repackaging of the previously directionless Epico and Primo into bullfighters. It appears to be a comedy gimmick, which is good because outside of CHIKARA or a crazier Japanese promotion I couldn’t see it working as anything else.

 

This seems good, but I had something better

 

For the record I think this is a good move. Epico and Primo are talented guys but they failed to stand out. A bullfighting gimmick isn't the sort of thing that will take them to the top but it helps them distinguishable from their peers. More lower card guys in WWE would benefit from this treatment.

The idea I had was for a singles wrestler, dressed as a matador. He wouldn't just have been a matador though. Oh no. He would also have carried an encyclopaedia to the ring to show he was an intellectual. And to give him a handy foreign object.

Before each match he would have asked a member of the audience to ask him a question, at random, using the encyclopaedia. He'd either have answered it correctly or turned the question back on the audience member and used it as a way of insulting the town he were in. I’d have had him wrestling like a matador, sidestepping opponents with a heelish flourish. That's not something I'm expecting from Los Matadores.

This may sound a little strange and peculiar and ultimately pointless and I suppose it is. Without any sort of context explaining the concept of a wrestling gimmick is a little pointless. But you've not heard the name yet. It's the character's name that I was most proud of and the name that I think could have made it work.

The name was... wait for it... The Mind-Over-Matador.

Thank you for your time.

The Longest Short Reign

When Daniel Bryan and Kane won the WWE tag team titles at last September's Night of Champions I didn't think I'd still be discussing their reign seven months later. As high profile wrestlers doing the feuding partners routine it seemed safe to assume that the pair would drop the gold to a more conventional combo after a short run together, going on either to resume their feud or being given something new to do. The latter of those is what I was hoping for.

Instead Bryan and Kane have continued to win as a team and keep hold of the straps long after their appeal has waned. The smart thing to do would have been introducing one or two fresh teams to the division while people were still interested in Team Hell No as a unit, leaving guys to inherit a hot and interesting division after the champs lost and split. The Rhodes Scholars were introduced but their push has been fumbled even more badly than Kane and Bryan's. They should have been the guys to replace 'The Big Red Machine' and 'The World's Toughest Vegan'.

Heyman describes Lesnar and Punk as 'The Beast' and 'The Best', epithets that are applicable here too

The Rhodes Scholars have been harmed by their ridiculous split and reunion between Royal Rumble and Elimination Chamber. The Prime Time Players, a team that has seemed on the cusp of winning the tag belts for a year now, have been moved away from the champions. They're wrestling just as much as they ever have but they're no longer being presented as any sort of threat to the tag titles.

Epico and Primo seem unlikely to get a win over genuine stars any time in the foreseeable future. Brodus Clay and Tensai (or Sweet T) have the size to be taken seriously, and a slightly more advantageous spot on the card than E&P, but even they seem unlikely to be the next champions.

The likeliest successors to Kane and Bryan right now appear to be Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston. Not only are they good enough wrestlers to be the champions but Ziggler's star profile gives them a very strong chance. It's status on the roster, more than anything else, that determines title reigns in WWE.

What makes a Dolph and Big E win at WrestleMania slightly least likely is the Money in the Bank briefcase. 'The Show Off' is expected to cash in at 'Mania and leave as World Heavyweight champion. Making DZ a double champion would be a great way to make him look a star and could even lead to a return of his late 2011 gimmick of working twice on each pay-per-views. Unfortunately making someone a double champion would go against WWE's current approach to championship. Having Ziggler as a tag champ could also dilute the importance of his WHC win, and the prestige of that title is getting pretty flimsy as it is.

But if it's not Langston and Ziggler that beat Team Hell No then who will?

SmackTalk 18.01.13

How many times can WWE present the same bunch of situations in more or less the same way? That seems to be what the promotion's writing team are trying to discover with SmackDown. It's becoming a thoroughly predictable show.
 
Case in point: this week's episode featured a six man tag team match putting tag team champions Team Hell No and Randy "I've got a beard and I'm not afraid to use it" Orton against Wade Barrett and The Rhodes Scholars. We've seen variations on this bout for well over a month now, with the Scholars, Kane and Bryan providing the regular backbone of the bouts. Wade Barrett’s joined them at least once before. It makes for dull programming.

The reason WWE’s booking these six man tags is sound enough. It’s to keep the feud between Team Hell No and the Rhodes Scholars bubbling away. It’s not a bad way of keeping things going it’s not a particularly good way either.

More variety with the singles guys could help but what would be even better would be for the two tag teams to be booked in in-ring promo segments. All four are perfectly good enough to make such a segment work. With RAW still chugging away with its bloated three hour run time it’s not as though there’s no place to fit something like that into the schedule.

The same problem is occurring with hints at Randy Orton’s heel turn. This week’s SmackDown got two little additions to that upcoming event. The first was the group hug he endured after his six man tag win. The second was a verbal disagreement backstage with Sheamus.

A slow approach to someone turning heel is a good thing. I’m not complaining about WWE foreshadowing the turn and presenting compelling and logical reasons for ‘The Viper’ to go bad. What I am against, however, is every TV show they promote adding to the story. It feels forced.

It wasn’t all negative though. Alberto Del Rio did a great job working a more fan friendly style and encouraging fans to back him. The interaction between he and Dolph Ziggler in the tag team main event were particularly enjoyable too.

Intro video

Tweet 1: I'm going to watch SmackDown. Join me!

Tweet 2: Tonight on SmackDown.... The Rock. Again.
Tweet 3: And... Alberto Del Rio holding a belt. Can you bear the excitement? Can you?!

Fiesta Del Rio

Tweet 4: Fiesta Del Rio. Is that a car?

Tweet 5: SmackDown should start like this every week.
Tweet 6: Albertoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Delllllllllllllllllll Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooooooooooooo!!
Tweet 7: Something I've noticed about ADR: his hair never gets any longer or shorter. He's been on TV for two years and he's never had a haircut.
Tweet 8: Will Del Rio's Latin hero gimmick make him a heel in Canada? I hope so.

Ricardo is rocking that bow tie!

Tweet 9: Ziggler needs to take better care of that briefcase.
Tweet 10: Big Show's not wearing a hoodie. He's got a tent stapled to his head.
Tweet 11: Sheamus isn't walk in a straight line. I'm taking that as a sign that he's drunk.
Tweet 12: Del Rio's a face now so Sheamus has forgiven him for attempting to crush his skull with a car bonnet. #WWEbabyfacearmy
Tweet 13: I'm beginning to think Booker's have a match with Big Show sometime fairly soon. I can't imagine it will be pleasant.
Tweet 14: A tag team match being made by the SmackDown GM? #revolutionary
Tweet 15: That segment was excruciatingly bad.

Antonio Cesaro v Kofi Kingston

Tweet 16: Antonio Cesaro. Heeeey!!

Tweet 17: #flagheat
Tweet 18: Nice spot to get into the Neutralizer there. What's happened to Kofi's push?
Tweet 19: The most he can hope for right now is to be booked to do a handstand in the Rumble. Oh wait... that happened last year.

The Great Khali v Tensai

Tweet 20: Khali can't even walk convincingly!!

Tweet 21: What point did Big E prove, Josh? He proved he could beat a midget. He's a powerful man!
Tweet 22: How is Tensai v Khali like watching two Transformers fight?

Randy Orton and Team Hell No backstage

Tweet 23: Randy Orton is interested in pain. Lots of pain.

Tweet 24: Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton hugging? I don't think SmackDown can get much better than that.
Tweet 25: Daniel Bryan has the best entrance of the current WWE roster.

No?

Tweet 26: Josh has just claimed that the winner of the Royal Rumble match will "headline WrestleMania." That's not happened for years.
Tweet 27: That was a pretty quick six man. They could easily have done another five minutes. I suppose they need to make space for a Ryback squash.
Tweet 28: The group hug. Another step on the road to Randy Orton's heel turn.
Tweet 29: So when they said Rock would be on the show they actually meant they'd repeat his appearance from Monday's RAW? #cheap

The Miz v Primo (or Epico…)

Tweet 30: Forget what I said about Daniel Bryan's entrance. I think Rosa's is better.

Tweet 31: So who is Miz facing? Primo? I think Josh just said Primo.
Tweet 32: If they're going to push Miz as the new Flair he needs to be given championships. That's what will make the shtick stick.
Tweet 33: I think Primo just had a longer match than Orton, Bryan, Kane, Barrett and the Rhodes Scholars.
Tweet 34: And since when do people tap out to the figure four? Is this 1976?

Kaitlyn v Aksana

Tweet 35: Eve's left the company so there's no pay off to the months of storyline time devoted to her feud with Teddy Long.

Tweet 36: How do you get your new Divas champion over? Put her in the ring with a limited worker who wrestles once a month.
Tweet 37: And there we go. Kaitlyn wins. How thoroughly predictable. I'm looking forward to Layla's inevitable heel turn.
Tweet 38: Nice Hall of Fame video for Mick Foley.

The Shield video promo

Tweet 39: Remember when Dean Ambrose was going to get called up for a singles feud with Mick Foley? That idea’s been recycled into The Shield push.
Tweet 40: Why did The Shield leave their camera lying on the ground? It'll get stolen.

Big Show and Dolph Ziggler v Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 41: No televised entrance for Dolph. We know who the stars are...

Tweet 42: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Tweet 43: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Dellllllllllllll Riiiiiiioooooo!!
Tweet 44: El champ is really embracing this Latin hero gimmick. I like the red, white and green gear. Nice touch.
Tweet 45: How do you know Del Rio is definitely a babyface? He's wearing white boots. #goodguyswearwhite
Tweet 46: I think ADR just did the most unconfident moonsault I've ever seen. I liked the backward roll recover though. Nicely done.
Tweet 47: Big Show is a stupid ring name. He should change it to Papa Rhino.

Papa Rhino

Tweet 48: Well... his boots are mostly white.
Tweet 49: Well... they have white on them.
Tweet 50: When is Papa Rhino going to buy new ring gear? He's had that camo singlet for years now. Change to something neon...
Tweet 51: To say Sheamus loves "being in the heat of battle" may be taking things a little far.
Tweet 52: Big Show jumping off the second rope reminds me of a Thwomp. Y'know, from the Mario games.
Tweet 53: ADR throws water over Big Show. WHY? And why did Ricardo have a bucket oover water at ringside?
Tweet 54: Papa Rhino walks out in disgust after having water thrown on him.
Tweet 55: The babyfaces win via count out. It is perhaps the stupidest match finish of all time.

SmackTalk 28.12.12

The best that could be mustered for the final SmackDown of 2012 was a pitiful show-long story revolving around comedy characters challenging Big Show for the World Heavyweight title. It’s not exactly scintillating stuff is it?

First we were told that Santino would be tangling with ‘The Giant’. That lasted all of about twenty minutes, at which point ‘The Milan Miracle’ pulled a hamstring while learning how to execute the Brogue Kick. The live crowd seemed to find this genuinely funny. I just found it nauseating: the Santino phenomenon has never made much sense to me.

Santino’s replacement was Ricardo Rodriguez. He ended up getting KOed by ‘The World’s Largest Athlete’ and so his spot was given to Alberto Del Rio. Why WWE opted for this round the houses approach to promoting a Show v ADR is a mystery. Perhaps it has something to do with Del Rio only recently having become a good guy. The company should have the courage of their convictions though: if they think ‘The Essence of Excellence’ is worth cheering they should give fans a reason to cheer him. That could have been achieved by having his name picked at the end of the opening segment.

Beyond that SmackDown was its usual muddle of fair to middling bouts and wasted opportunities. In a way it was a fitting way for the blue brand to end the year.

Recap video

Tweet 1: Oh hi, everyone. Let's watch SmackDown.

Tweet 2: "Tonight... on SmackDown"... MORE Sheamus v Big Show? Does Sheamus not have feuds less than four months or something?
Tweet 3: More from AJ and Dolph? Now that's win.

Sheamus promo, featuring Big Show, Booker T and the rest of the roster

Tweet 4: Sheamus kicks off the show with his lilting, mincing walk.

Tweet 5: Sheamus didn't really have a great Christmas. He spent it in a ditch.
Tweet 6: This is fascinating. I think Sheamus has regressed since his mega push started in January.
Tweet 7: Sheamus calls out Big Show. Big Show waddles out. How wonderful would it have been if David Otunga had responded instead?
Tweet 8: "Don't boo me!" You should be booing yourselves...
Tweet 9: "I am the world's largest athlete" - Big Show (by largest he means fattest)
Tweet 10: Is Booker T a tweener now?
Tweet 11: Big Show will be in action. A chilling promise.
Tweet 12: Booker is putting the name of every wrestler in a tumbler. The man whose name is drawn will get a World title shot.
Tweet 13: Apparently this took all week for Booker to devise.
Tweet 14: Reminder that Eve and Teddy don't like one another there.
Tweet 15: Santino wins a WHC match. That would have been a disappointment six months ago when he was vaguely popular. Now it's an insult.

Brodus Clay v Primo

Tweet 16: This guy… #Funkasaurus

Tweet 17: Instead of watching Brodus squash Primo can't I just watch Naomi, Cameron and Rosa dance for three minutes?
Tweet 18: Cameron and Naomi double suplex Rosa then small children swarm the ring to dance with a man pretending he's a dinosaur. This is a low point.

Santino and Sheamus backstage

Tweet 19: Santino + Sheamus = anti-comedy

Tweet 20: Sheamus's teaching consists of empty rhetoric. I hope he never becomes an agent.

Wade Barrett and The Rhodes Scholars v Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No

Tweet 21: Didn't we see this six man tag last week? No wait, I'm confusing the Prime Time Players with the Rhodes Scholars. Easy mistake to make...

Tweet 22: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Tweet 23: Bryan wants to be called 'The Dazzler'? That's almost as good as his request to be called 'Beutiful' Bryan.
Tweet 24: Josh please stop saying that Cody and Damien came together. Thank you.
Tweet 25: "Cody sucks" says the audience. You don't get the sucks chants much these days, he said wistfully.
Tweet 26: Did JBL just namedrop Steve Corino?
Tweet 27: Pacey little finishing sequence there. Kofi sold the Bullhammer very well.

Booker T, Ricardo Rodriguez and Big Show backstage

Tweet 28: Santino can't compete because of a torn hamstring? Eh? What's the point of this plot, exactly?

Tweet 29: It feels like I'm watching an episode of Thunder. I might cry.
Tweet 30: Who will Big Show face? My money's on the KISS Demon.
Tweet 31: Booker thinks a still-technically-heel announcer being knocked out by a fat bloke is ridiculous. He hasn't said why. I don't think he will.

The KISS Demon v Big Show could have been a massive draw

Zack Ryder v Antonio Cesaro

Tweet 32: Antonio Ceasro! HEEEY!!

Tweet 33: I am still bothered by the lack of kneepads. #AttitudeEratraditionalist
Tweet 34: Will 2012 end on a high note for Zack Ryder? No. Triple H has made it very clear he does NOT want to push the guy.
Tweet 35: Cesaro blasts Ryder with a hilariously stiff Neutralizer for the win.
Tweet 36: JBL predicts Khali v Cesaro will "fantastic". I predict he'll be wrong.

The Miz v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 37: Recap of Big E hitting his finish on Miz. I still think it's a stupid move. It's like a botched Ace Crusher.

Tweet 38: How do you botch an Ace Crusher?
Tweet 39: Since he turned face Miz has begun gesticulating towards his crotch before sliding onto the ring apron. Is that what good guys do?
Tweet 40: Big E is stoic. By stoic I mean bland. By bland I mean chronically bland.
Tweet 41: The match begins and JBL immediately starts reading out accoaldes regarding Big E Langston he printed out from Wikipedia.

Miz: haters heart him

Tweet 42: I'll tell you who's a better colour commentator than JBL: Cyrus the Virus.
Tweet 43: Big E catches Dolph Ziggler in what will probably be the spot of the night.
Tweet 44: Josh says Ziggler and Miz both want to end 2012 on a high note by winning in this match. I guess he's forgotten about next Monday's RAW.
Tweet 45: Ziggler can't even beat Miz without an assist? Uh oh...
Tweet 46: Big E needs to learn to throw a clotheline. And hit a proper Ace Crusher for that matter.
Tweet 47: What's that move called? I might start referring to it as the Langston Cutter.

Brad Maddox and Booker T backstage

Tweet 48: Booker hasn't got time to speak to Brad Maddox. He has to stare at Ricardo Rodrigueez and say his name repeatedly.

Tweet 49: With Brad Maddox dismissed Booker can happily resume saying Ricardo's name.
Tweet 50: ADR will wrestle for the World title. He's one of the last guys I want to see wrestle Show.

Brad Maddox v Sheamus

Tweet 51: Is Brad Maddox auditioning for the part of Willy Wonka?

Tweet 52: Brad Maddox versus Sheamus is WWE's Christmas gift to fans.
Tweet 53: Maddox is left handed. Miz's face turn now makes sense: WWE refuses to have two left handed guys on the same side of the heel-face divide.
Tweet 54: Brad eats a Brogue Kick. Add Sheamus to the list of guys he's jobbed to. What is the point of this story?

The Prime Time Players v The Usos

Tweet 55: Darren Young dances like he's got a ferret in his trunks.

Tweet 56: The Usos have been a tag team "since day one". #DemBoys
Tweet 57: The Usos win with Twin Magic. Awful. Just awful.

Matt Striker interviews Big Show

Tweet 58: I wish Striker was facing Big Show. I'd love to see his face plastered all over the ring.

World Heavyweight championship – Big Show (c) v Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 59: How can you tell SmackDown's a taped show? ADR got a serviceable pop.

Tweet 60: Why is Lilian making announcements AFTER the bell's rung? Shouldn't they be locking up by now?
Tweet 61: "Who will leave 2012 as World Heavyweight champion?" asks Josh Mathews. Big Show, Josh. Big Show.
Tweet 62: "Who sucks now?" - Big Show, channelling D'Lo Brown
Tweet 63: This match is, at best, average.
Tweet 64: Ahhhhh the old heel walking out on the match routine. It's a classic.
Tweet 65: Sheamus jumps Show. Show makes short work of him. Will Ricardo run-in next?
Tweet 66: Oh no, just the entire roster.
Tweet 67: Because they're both faces now Sheamus and ADR are happy to team up to batter Big Show.
Tweet 68: You know you're in trouble when you turn Alberto Del Rio face and use Sheamus to give him a rub.

SmackTalk 24.08.12

On Thursday night I dreamt about Booker T.

I went to his house and had a conversation with him while sitting on his staircase. He had a cream coloured carpet. I told him that I missed him calling SmackDown. As I was leaving a graphic appeared in the lower right corner of my vision advertising a Kane v Booker T match. The words “Up Next” were displayed.

I then heard Michael Cole’s voice. It was not necessarily in my head, it was as though what I’d just lived through were now a backstage vignette. He described Kane as a “dangerous new threat” to Booker T. Then I woke up.

None of this has anything to do with SmackDown. I thought it would make a nice addition to the recap.

This week saw the boring feud between Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio rumble on. I had hoped SummerSlam would mark the end of it but it appears it will continue for at least another month. I’ve written several times that both men would benefit from fresh opponents. I still think it.

Del Rio versus a tweener Daniel Bryan could be fun and should provide some excellent matches, while ‘The Celtic Warrior’ would be the ideal opponent for the soon-to-return Wade Barrett. This rivalry has been going for close to half a year and they rarely produce anything other than a satisfactory bout.

While Night of Champions is currently set to see a singles match between ‘The Great White’ and ADR the booking of this week’s SmackDown makes me think ‘The Viper’ will be added to make the match a triple threat. The addition of Randy Orton to proceedings could freshen things up but it won’t take away from the fact that we’ve seen Del Rio and Sheamus clash many times before.

It’s looking as though Orton will be clashing with Dolph Ziggler at some point in the not too distant future but I don’t think it will be at NOC. I think the triple threat idea I more likely. A scenario that sees ‘The Show Off’ cost Orton the match would create a reason for the two to face off at Hell in a Cell in October.

SmackDown boasted some pretty good undercard segments.

Ryback trounced Jinder Mahal. Hopefully that match will mark the end of their dispute. As a short rivalry to give Ryback something to do and bring out a little more of his personality it worked well. He sold a little too much for my liking but working against an unlikeable fella like Mahal has helped him to get over. His various catchphrases are working well for him.

While I didn’t really acknowledge it when tweeting I thought the tag match pitting Epico and Primo against Kofi Kingston and R-Truth was very enjoyable. I hope the rumoured multi-team match at Night of Champions includes both units alongside Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. The Prime Time Players would likely get the final spot but I think it would be better given to the Usos. The PTPs would benefit from having a pay-per-view off and doing a run-in after the match instead.

Santino’s “comedy” promo was given far too much time but the appearance of Antonio Cesaro rescued things. As much as I find Santino irritating I think he’s a great opponent for ‘The Swiss Superman’: because he’s so over audiences sympathise with him, which means they react more to Cesaro’s heelish antics.

As decent as this week’s SmackDown was, it couldn’t compare to a dream about Booker T. Things don’t get much better than that.

Video recapping the events of the Alberto Del Rio v Sheamus feud

Tweet 1: Ooooh... tense stuff at the start. Serious announcer guy recapping the whacky finish to the SummerSlam World title match.

Tweet 2: Del Rio wants answers. Sadly all Booker T has are questions.

Randy Orton promo, featuring Sheamus, Booker T and Alberto Del Rio

Tweet 3: Orton promo. This looks bad. It will sound bad too...

Tweet 4: "My name is Randy Orton." He should have followed that with "But you already know that!"
Tweet 5: Orton is talking about the internet. I think the world may explode.
Tweet 6: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!
Tweet 7: Here's Booker. Get ready for some LOLage.
Tweet 8: ADR says the ref robbed him. At this point I'd happily watch a Del Rio v Chioda feud over more of his matches with Sheamus.
Tweet 9: I think Del Rio just said Hooker T.
Tweet 10: The good thing about Booker being GM is that we get to hear his entrance music every week.
Tweet 11: Jazz Mathews.

Ryback v Jinder Mahal

Tweet 12: Ryback, wearing a fresh singlet and entering to new music. Believe it or not he's singing on this track.

Tweet 13: As far as promos go Ryback is a modern day Ultimate Warrior.
Tweet 14: The "Feed me more!" catchphrase is over. The fans love them some Ryback.
Tweet 15: Ryback doesn't march around the ring before hitting his finisher. He wades.

Alicia Fox v Layla

Tweet 16: Alicia Fox gyrating like a stripper in the ring. She's a great role model.

Tweet 17: I like Kaitlyn but she may not have been the best choice of guest commentator for this match.
Tweet 18: "... she deserved to eliminate herself like she did last night in the battle royal" - Kaitlyn, inadvertently admitting SmackDown is taped
Tweet 19: Random Eve appearance. Why not? If they change their minds about the direction of the feud they can forget it happened. Not like this is RAW.

Where are they going with this?

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero gloat backstage

Tweet 20: Ziggler's backstage at SmackDown. #goodtimes #ShowOff #heelsdoitbetter

Tweet 21: Teddy Long appears. Is he going to make a tag match?
Tweet 22: No, he’s not. He made a non-title Ziggler v Sheamus match for tonight's show. Prediction: Ziggler will lose. There will be no cash-in.
Tweet 23: There will be a fake attempt though.

Sin Cara v Heath Slater

Tweet 24: Cody Rhodes is about to commentate a Sin Cara match. That will be the highlight. Cara is a terrible little botch machine of a wrestler.

Tweet 25: Heath Slater's not much better but at least he's funny.

Tweet 26: ACTIVATE THE MURKY LIGHTING!
Tweet 27: "Sin Cara excites the WWE Universe" - Michael Cole, lying
Tweet 28: I hate Sin Cara's 80s style mannerisms.
Tweet 29: Rhodes twists Cara's mask around, blocking his vision and allowing Slater to win.
Tweet 30: Even when the mask is on right Cara's eyes are covered. How does he see? Maybe he's blind and wrestles using sonar. Like a bat.

Dolph Ziggler v Sheamus

Tweet 31: Arrive. Ask "How damn good am I?" Leave.

Tweet 32: Why is Vickie Guerrero on commentary? Why isn't Christian just calling the entire show? Why am I listening to Michael Cole?
Tweet 33: They're not calling the action. Cole is just prattling away about Booker T being GM.
Tweet 34: "Tell us about the public celebration you and Dolph had once Chris Jericho was banished from WWE" - Michael Cole, refusing to call a match
Tweet 35: MOI NAME IS SHAYMUSS AN' OI LOIKE TO PUNCH PEEPUL IN THE CHEST TEN TOIMES!!
Tweet 36: Here's the teased cash-in I called earlier. This will be a regular feature of WWE television for a while yet.

Dolph Ziggler gives us the first fake cash-in of the night

Santino promo, featuring Antonio Cesaro

Tweet 37: What does it say for SummerSlam that one of its best matches was broadcast on YouTube?

Tweet 38: Santino promos bore me. I want Cesaro to come out and uppercut him.
Tweet 39: Is this the beginning of a Santino v Cobra feud? If it's not it should be.
Tweet 40: I love Cesaro's walk. It's as though he's too burdened with muscles to be able to move properly.
Tweet 41: Yes, it's Antonio Cesaro. Heeey!! #veryEuropean
Tweet 42: Interesting that Santino's right hand is obsessed with Aksana. Says a lot about his love life. #PGera

Kofi Kingston and R-Truth v Epico and Primo

Tweet 43: Darren Young and Titus O'Neil are on commentary. This won't go well...

Tweet 44: At least AW's not around. If he hadn't been fired before he certainly would be after a stint alongside Cole...

This is what people watch SmackDown for

Tweet 45: Titus sounds like he has a mouthful of gravel, treacle and wasps. Who decided to give him a microphone?
Tweet 46: Titus is now doing impressions of Booker T. I didn’t think things could get worse. I was wrong.
Tweet 47: Name of R-Truth's finisher this week: Jimmy Time.

Matt Striker interviews Kingston and Truth backstage before several other teams show up to ruck

Tweet 48: Four teams have shown up backstage to claim a shot at Kingston and Truth. All it did was emphasise how few duos there actually are in WWE.

Tweet 49: Of the teams that were present I'd like to see Gabriel and Kidd face Kingston and Truth at Night of Champions.

Booker T, Eve and Teddy long discuss the tag team division

Tweet 50: Eve has compiled win-loss records for all of those teams. #nerd

Tweet 51: We didn't learn which team has had the most wins. That's because someone in WWE would have actually had to work it out.

Alberto Del Rio v Randy Orton

Tweet 52: The commentator for the main event? Sheamus. WWE seem to have gone out of their way to pick the worst possible people to work with Cole.

Tweet 53: Albertoooooooooo Delllllllllll Riiiiiiiooooooooooo!!
Tweet 54: I wonder how much ADR pays to have those license plates with his logo on them.
Tweet 55: Nothing gets heat from a crowd like slapping your own chest and grimacing.
Tweet 56: I'd love it if Sheamus turned to Cole and said "What makes Del Rio such a tough opponent is that he works stiff."
Tweet 57: Reference to the car hood attack from Cole there. Sheamus didn't acknowledge it, just like he didn't sell the incident when it happened.
Tweet 58: ADR is working the left arm. For some reason this has reminded me Jarrett used to do that in '99. He'd then use a Figure Four as a finish.
Tweet 59: I think that's part of the reason I dislike Jeff Jarrett. Poor psychology.
Tweet 60: Orton tapped to the cross armbreaker? I didn't see THAT coming. How often does 'The Viper' lose clean?
Tweet 61: Hilariously Ricardo is now handing ADR his shoes to be lobbed at Sheamus.
Tweet 62: Sheamus won't sell a car bonnet be closed on his skull but he will sell a shoe to the chest.
Tweet 63: Another fake cash-in? This is getting out of hand. #lazybooking
Tweet 64: RKO to Ziggler. Guess that'll set up a Sheamus and Orton versus Del Rio and Ziggler match for next week.
Tweet 65: If that leads to a Ziggler v Orton singles feud I'll be happy.

Prime Time Comedy

Last Friday WWE released Brian ‘Abraham Washington’ Jossie from his contract. The only thing that surprises me about the situation is the amount of time it took.

The reason for his release is no secret. On the July 30^th edition of Monday Night RAW (episode 1001, fact fans,) during a match between the Prime Time Players and Epico and Primo, AW made an inappropriate joke over the microphone about NBA player Kobe Bryant and rape. After realising how inappropriate the comment was AW fell silent for a few moments.

He eventually regained his composure and continued making less controversial remarks from his station at ringside. After the match he headed backstage and immediately apologised to WWE management and the performers who had been in the segment with him. Meanwhile the job of apologising to viewers was left to commentator Michael Cole. The promotion also released a formal apology after RAW went off the air via TMZ.

The brass were said to be furious with the All World proprietor, which is understandable, but the fact that he was wired up with a microphone headset at the following evening’s SmackDown taping indicated that no serious action would be taken against him.

AW has stated that there was no malicious intent behind the remark. I believe him. That still doesn’t mean it was something that could or should be overlooked.

Since being released on Friday Brian ‘AW’ Jossie has mentioned various instances of similarly controversial matterial broadcast by WWE. The examples he has given have included another comment made about Bryant by Big Show on a 2003 episode of SmackDown, John Cena making homophobic slurs (which he did regularly up until a year or so ago), fat jokes directed at Vickie Guerrero, and Vince McMahon poking fun at Bells Palsy sufferer Jim Ross.

He’s correct. None of the above should have been aired. But it doesn’t excuse his mistake, nor does pointing it out mean he will be rehired. The fact is that the above examples have not resulted in formal reprimands or firings for a reason.

Vince McMahon is the boss. As such he will do and say whatever he likes on WWE television. If he makes a comment that causes a severe backlash against the company he will issue an apology but won’t be fired. That covers the fat jokes too: they are made at Vince’s direction because it amuses him.

As for John Cena: it would take a lot for WWE to fire him. If he made a similar remark it’s likely the most he’d receive is a fine and a suspension. As WWE’s biggest merchandise seller his position within the promotion is as safe as an active wrestler’s can be.

As for Big Show making a similar comment: not only was he a more valuable performer to WWE in 2003 than Jossie is in 2012 but it was made before WWE’s shift to PG. It is the responsibility of the performer to think about whether what they’re saying will fit with the tone and direction of the company when they have a microphone in their hand.

AW wasn't an integral part of the act: he didn't even dance!

The comment had caused only a relatively minor media backlash against the federation but it wasn’t AW’s only blunder. He had also sent out a message via Twitter stating that he and the Prime Time Players supported Linda McMahon’s recent political campaign. He ended said tweet with the unorthodox hashtag “#voteordie4linda.”

Whether it was meant in jest or not doesn’t matter: it was a stupid thing to do and Jossie should understand that. He has been released in order to safeguard Linda’s political aspirations. All WWE employees are well aware of Linda’s senate campaign and should understand that it means WWE is being extra cautious regarding their media image. The guy has nobody to blame but himself.

I imagine Darren Young and Titus O’Neil will be largely unharmed by this unforeseen setback. Young is decent enough on the microphone to handle promo duties for the pair but if WWE is desperate for them to have a second then they can simply promote someone else from developmental. Byron Saxton could work in the role. Or perhaps Rosa Mendes could turn on Epico and Primo.

Whatever direction is taken with that unit I imagine it will be the original plan. The loss of a manager isn’t enough to alter WWE’s plans for the tag belts.

         
What’s next for Brian ‘AW’ Jossie? According to some the fact that he has been vocal about his release may help him to regain his job once things have blown over. Apparently Vince doesn’t rehire people who just accept a sacking. To me this seems unlikely, at least for the time being. While I can imagine this being Vince’s logic I just don’t think the promotion would be desperate to reintroduce a manager to TV.

AW’s promotion from developmental earlier in the year could be considered a test to see whether or not the manager role would still work in 2012. I believe AW did a good job in the position and made the Prime Time Players a more palatable act but he was far from a revelation. It’s difficult to imagine any decision makers in WWE desperate to have a bit-part player back on TV.

If he’s going to remain relevant within the wrestling business the most obvious place for him to seek employment is TNA. I think the chances of him getting a gig there are good. Not only is he a former WWE performer but he’s a decent talker and could perhaps attract some media attention (this is TNA, they don’t care whether media attention is good or bad).

Most importantly the soon-to-debut Aces and Eights faction provides an excellent way to introduce him. Apparently the gang is going to have a big role at Bound for Glory. AW’s no compete clause will expire around a month after that event. It would take very little effort for him to be built up as one of the mastermind’s of the angle and be revealed on an episode of IMPACT in mid-November.

The man himself has talked about pursuing a career in comedy. Judging by how well his comment on July 30^th was received I’d advise against it.

SmackTalk 20.07.12

Compared to recent episodes this week’s SmackDown was a solid effort. We were treated to two lengthy tag team bouts, an enjoyable segment featuring over stars, and a Kane bout that was actually entertaining. You can’t say fairer than that.

There are, regrettably, a few negatives to be mentioned. The lack of Ryback after he’d handily dealt with both members of the MidCard Mafia at Money in the Bank felt like a blown opportunity. Was it really too much for WWE to book him to beat three jobbers this week? That seems the next natural step now that he’s proven he can handle combos from the main roster. Once he’s finished handling trios? Move him on to matches with mid-carders and have him squash them, then get him into a feud with a world champion.

I also thought that the Damien Sandow v Zack Ryder match was an anti-climax. A feud between those two has been teased for around a month now and while having ‘The Self-Proclaimed Intellectual Saviour of the Masses’ beat Ryder in under three minutes gets him over it doesn’t do ‘Long Island Iced Z’ any favours.

As that match began I tweeted that with a little care and attention the two could actually provide a worthwhile mid-card entry at this year’s SummerSlam. Having Ryder beaten so easily makes that a much harder prospect now. It made Sandow look good this week, but a similar outing on a pay-per-view would have done more for him long term.

It’s another case of WWE rushing a potentially enjoyable story.

Finally, it’s distressing, but not surprising, that Tyson Kidd has not had a meaningful appearance on the blue brand since qualifying for Money in the Bank. His entry into the ladder battle surprised and excited a lot of people. WWE seems uninterested in capitalising on this popularity and handing Kidd a proper push. Again, with a little work he could be involved in a credible mid-card match at SummerSlam.

Despite these criticisms I feel the goods outweighed the bads. The eight man tag match pitting Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Epico and Primo against Huncio, Camacho and the Prime Time Players was given enough time to actually mean something and everyone involved did themselves proud. More booking like that and WWE could have a tag team division worth talking about again.

The subsequent squash of everyone except the PTPs by the Big Show could be viewed as a negative but frankly the doubles scene means so little, and Show has been booked to dominate these men previously so many times, that it didn’t do any harm at all. I still perceive the men ‘The World’s Largest Athlete’ KO’d in exactly the same light as I did before.

Daniel Bryan and AJ entered enjoyable performances in a mildly confusing Peep Show. Christian, a babyface, came across as a bad guy during his grilling of the apparently happy couple. Bryan and AJ are both in tweener territory, meaning that they (or at least Bryan) should have been booked a little more heelishly. Christian was far too antagonistic and Bryan too sympathetic. At least Kane got a pop when he came out, I suppose.

The headline bout of Sheamus and Rey Mysterio v Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio was good until the finish. Disqualifications are rarely satisfying, and this was no exception. In fairness it was done for a reason: to keep the feud between ‘The Essence of Excellence’ and ‘Great White’ alive for SummerSlam. The post-match sequence in which an attempted Ziggler cash-in was thwarted by Mysterio was similarly designed to keep ‘The Show Off’ in the World title picture and create a reason for Mysterio to be involved in time for SummerSlam too.

Rey Mysterio is the reason Dolph Ziggler is not the World Heavyweight champion right now

Right now I’m expecting the four men to clash for the World Heavyweight championship on that show. It could be an enjoyable match, despite the already lengthy Sheamus v Del Rio feud and the fact that ADR and Mysterio have clashed many times previously.

An early prediction if that four-way does get booked: Sheamus will retain and ‘The Show Off’ will use his Money in the Bank contract to win the gold in an instant rematch. You heard it here first.

Rey Mysterio promo, featuring Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus

Tweet 1: SmackDown! Here we go then...

Tweet 2: Rey Mysterio opens the show. Bad booking, you say?
Tweet 3: He's wearing the outfit he wore during his return run-in on RAW. Lazy Mysterio...
Tweet 4: Mysterio v ADR at SummerSlam? Is that what we're getting? How about something fresh?!
Tweet 5: Rey's come out to say officially that he's back. Great.
Tweet 6: Del Rio, wearing a snazzy suit and scarf combo. I like the scarf gimmick and the fact that it's lasted for so long.
Tweet 7: Four-way between ADR, Sheamus, Mysterio and Ziggler would be good for SummerSlam. Or a three way without 'The Show Off'...
Tweet 8: ... with him cashing in after.
Tweet 9: Speak of the devil.
Tweet 10: Teasing a Ziggler face turn? I'm down with that.
Tweet 11: Sheamus has a lot of hip action when he walks briskly. #butch
Tweet 12: Sheamus just garbled out some words. The only thing I understood was "Pacific Ocean."
Tweet 13: Peep Show with Daniel Bryan and AJ. That should be a highlight.
Tweet 14: The predictable Sheamus and Rey v ADR and Ziggler tag match has been made. BUT WHO BY?!

Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Epico and Primo v Hunico, Camacho, and the Prime Time Players

Tweet 15: Darren Young has some moves. Hunico and Camacho don't even have an entrance...

Tweet 16: How do you tell Epico and Primo apart? They have their names written on their bibs. It's simple really.
Tweet 17: Eight man tag. When was the last time you saw one of these in WWE?
Tweet 18: So is Kofi friends with Epico and Primo now? Guess that feud they had going has been forgotten since E&P turned.
Tweet 19: The commentary team have not acknowledged Hunico's previous alliance with Epico and Primo. I'm not surprised.
Tweet 20: "The tag division getting good around here, Book" - Michael Cole on the four average or thrown together teams in the match
Tweet 21: An ad break always restores order in an unruly tag bout. Always.
Tweet 22: Camacho's getting a lot of time in this match.
Tweet 23: How do you get someone over as a powerhouse? Book them to do a spinebuster on someone smaller than them.
Tweet 24: Titus is stiffing Kofi. He looks reckless.
Tweet 25: Everyone runs into the ring. Cut to another break! That'll restore order...
Tweet 26: What was that move that Young hit as Primo (or Epico) fell off the top meant to be? Didn't connect whatever it was.

Post-match Big Show appearance

Tweet 27: Big Show's here to job out some tag teams. That's how to get your doubles division over.

Tweet 28: Show just choke slammed Hunico and Camacho together. Does that signal a face turn for them?
Tweet 29: Big Show has a microphone. He needs to cut a promo declaring himself the sole tag team champion.
Tweet 30: He said. "And? What?" My idea would have been better.

The obligatory Cena recap segment

Tweet 31: Cena's cash-in has been described by Josh as the most prestigious in history. Not doing Ziggler any favours there, is he?

Tweet 32: "What a week for John Cena!" - Josh Mathews on what happened to Cena in a 24 hour period

Damien Sandow v Zack Ryder

Tweet 33: Sandow is not a fan of Ryder.

Tweet 34: I don't understand why this segment wasn't book on last week's show when 'Long Island Iced Z' was in charge. That would've made more sense.
Tweet 35: With a bit of thought and effort this feud could be built up for SummerSlam. Both men would benefit from being on that card.
Tweet 36: It'd help WWE if they got over. Why not let them? Sandow in particular has main event potential.
Tweet 37: That SS bout won't happen now. Sandow just jobbed out Ryder in around two minutes. Good performance from Damien. Aggressive heels are good.

Peep Show, with guests AJ and Daniel Bryan

Tweet 38: Peep Show. That's right, Christian, get your meaningless belt into shot.

Tweet 39: Seeing this recap of the proposal segment has put one thought into my mind: AJ has surprisingly chubby hands.
Tweet 40: $20,000 ring? Yeah, and The Rock's shirts really used to cost $500...
Tweet 41: Bryan is hilarious in this wedding planning video! Highlight? Putting a submission hold on a teddy bear.
Tweet 42: True love? If this doesn't end with some sort of swerve turn (preferably from Bryan) I will feel cheated.
Tweet 43: Christian is coming across as a heel here.
Tweet 44: 'Captain Charisma' tells Bryan that he has a match. Bryan acts surprised yet he's wearing his wrestling gear. Hmmmm...

The Peep Show was decent, but I'd rather see Bryan and Christian in a match

Kane v Daniel Bryan

Tweet 45: Yes kicks!

Tweet 46: Have people always used that campy jump counter to the choke slam? Strikes me as something that's come up in the last few years.
Tweet 47: Kane wins via DQ after AJ chucks herself onto his back.
Tweet 48: I'm now expecting Kane to involve himself in the wedding segment on Monday. I hope we're not getting a Kane v Bryan feud.

Heath Slater v Road Warrior Animal

Tweet 49: Slater cowbell!

Tweet 50: Road Warrior Animal should team up with John Laurinaitis to form the Legion of Laurinaitis.
Tweet 51: Animal is sporting the Triple H physqiue.

What a rush? Not for Heath Slater...

Vickie Guerrero and Ricardo Rodriguez argue backstage

Tweet 52: What was the point of the bickering between Ricardo and Vickie?

Tweet 53: Wait. What? Ricardo speaks English…?

Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler v Sheamus and Rey Mysterio

Tweet 54: Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Del...

Tweet 55: Vickie Guerrero ruined my tweet.
Tweet 56: Jericho looks OLD.
Tweet 57: Sheamus is out first for his team. We know who the star is here...
Tweet 58: Rey's changed his mask. Or maybe it's one to take off and give to a kid.
Tweet 59: Yeah, he gave it to a child. That's how you know someone's a babyface.
Tweet 60: "Rey Mysterio has set the standard for guys his size stepping into the business and going straight to the top" - Booker T on midgets
Tweet 61: Rey's wearing an outfit that covers his chest. Is that because he's out of shape? Shouldn't be, he's just had eleven months off.
Tweet 62: I want this match to end with either ADR or Ziggler pinning Sheamus to set something up for SummerSlam.
Tweet 63: I imagine Rey will score the pin for his team as he's just come back to TV and it's his hometown.
Tweet 64: Then again WWE don't always like booking hometown wins.
Tweet 65: "C'mon referee, watch your back" - Booker T with a meaningless piece of advice
Tweet 66: Tip for Rey and Sheamus: if you're going to do a near miss tag spot make sure you don't actually touch hands.
Tweet 67: Hot tag to Sheamus. Clean house. Win. #prediction
Tweet 68: Big bump from the apron into the announce table by Ziggler. Convincing way to write him out of the finish.
Tweet 69: Ricardo interference on Sheamus causes a disappointing disqualification finish.
Tweet 70: Officials come in to break up the post-match cross arm breaker. Where's Rey? Shouldn't he make the save to get over a triumphant hero?
Tweet 71: Ah, he saved Sheamus from a Ziggler cash-in instead. That makes him a heel in my book. Surely people would've liked to see a title change?
Tweet 72: A face against face Sheamus v Rey would be something interesting and different for SummerSlam.