That Wrestling Podcast Episode 44

That Wresling Podcast Episode 44 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

On April 25 2011 Mark Henry tuned heel. It wasn’t the first turn of his career and it wouldn’t be the last, but it would be the most significant. It instigated the push that finally saw him accepted as a main event act after years of half-hearted and incomplete attempts by WWE. ‘The World’s Strongest Man’ started mentioning his Hall of Pain, produced the best promo work of his career and cultivated a monster aura.

At Night of Champions, five months after he’d gone bad and been rocketed to the top, Henry defeated Randy Orton to capture the World Heavyweight championship. That result, and the fact that it was clean, amazed me. I’d been convinced that Henners had been built up in order to be fed to a valiant babyface, which ‘The Viper’ then was. I hadn’t expected him to capture what was WWE’s second most prestigious title.

I was shocked by the reign but he did look good with the gold

It took me quite a while to warm to Henry. His promos and look upon turning were positive points but his matches remained as ponderous and uninspiring as ever. It probably didn’t help that I’ve never been that big a fan of big men in wrestling, particularly those who work the sort of slow, powerful style Henry does.

For most of 2011 the character was there but the match quality wasn’t. But towards the end of the year I began to be won over. Henry had some great interactions with Daniel Bryan (doesn’t everybody?) on episodes of SmackDown and at the 2012 Royal Rumble. He had a trio of matches with CM Punk on the April 2, April 9 and April 16 episodes of RAW which were, in hindsight, pretty fun.

Shortly after that Henry disappeared from TV to undergo surgery. He would return nine months later and continue to benefit from strong booking. This was another surprise. Previously breaks from TV had been one of the most common reasons for his pushes faltering. When he returned Henry not only qualified for a spot in the Elimination Chamber but was protected in his inevitable exit from the structure. A month later he cleanly defeated the previously unstoppable Ryback at WrestleMania XXIX.

Since then Henry has continued to be presented as a top act, most notably in his solid swerve turn on John Cena prior to Money in the Bank 2013. While my initial reasons for disliking the push, specifically that WWE could have given a younger member of the roster with a longer future and a less disappointing past such as Brodus Clay to spot in Henry’s place, remain I can’t deny that Henry hasn’t grown into the role and been accepted in it by fans. I wouldn’t claim to be the biggest Mark Henry fan, and I’d still argue that his matches often come closer to being boring than exciting, but when he’s on form against the right opponent Henry can and does shine. If WWE could get more people over to the same extent they'd have far fewer problems.

I just wish Henry hadn’t shaved his head bald. The dreads look was wonderful.

'Mania Moment

We're three weeks away from WrestleMania XXIX and a man many thought would be featured in a key, or at least purposeful, match currently has nothing to do. I'm talking, of course, about Chris Jericho.

When he returned at the Royal Rumble Jericho got one of the loudest roars of the night. Fans went wild for the guy. The opening two minutes saw Jericho clash with Dolph Ziggler in one of hottest portions of the match and the show. Once a few more names were added it became clear that 'The Highlight of the Night' had in part been installed to hold the match together. He did so and did so well. He entered a charismatic, commanding performance. A meaningful programme for the following months seemed inevitable.

The following evening on RAW 'Y2J' briefly flirted with resuming his programme with Ziggler full time. It wasn't to be. By the time Elimination Chamber rolled around three weeks later Jericho had been entered into the titular cage bout while 'The Show Off' had been left off the announced card altogether (he ended up having a random match with Kofi Kingston). We're going to have to carry on waiting for the resumption of that rivalry.

Since the Chamber PPV Jericho has done nothing that gives a clear hint of what he'll be doing at WrestleMania, which makes me think nothing's been finalised for him yet (which seems to be the case for a lot of guys). A three-way feud between Jericho, Miz and Intercontinental champ Wade Barrett was teased but for reasons known only to WWE that match has been announced for this evening's edition of RAW.

It's possible the RAW match will end in a DQ or no contest in order to set up a rematch at WrestleMania. If so it's a strange way of booking things: having the match advertised for RAW and then transplanted to the pay-per-view makes it clear that it's a RAW level outing. It's also traditional for three-way feuds to feature various singles and tag team matches before a triple threat is booked.

Nobody needs to see this guy with the IC belt again

Personally is rather see Jericho do something else and have Barrett and 'The Awesome One' continue in a singles feud. The three-way alternative would feature an outnumbered heel (never a good thing) and potentially awkward styles clashes with each of the three trying to provide slick triple threat exchanges. Should Jericho have one of his famed calamitous off nights it could be a disaster.

A few weeks ago I went so far as to write an article listing all the things Jericho could be used for between January and April (read it here). It seems what was an obvious wealth of possibilities for me was a generic signing to WWE's writing team. I'm surprised by this. You'd think WWE would plan something worthwhile for a guy of Jericho's talent.

It's not that his televised matches since he returned haven't been worthwhile, it's that with no clear purpose 'Y2J' is just another guy treading water. I'm not advocating a world title match or Streak challenge for him, but I do think he should be doing something with some merit or a plan behind it. The rumours of a Jericho versus Fandango match are emphatically not what I have in mind.

Elimination Chamber 2013 review

On paper the 2013 Elimination Chamber looked like it could be a very good show. With a rematch of the previous month’s successful Punk v Rock clash headlining and an undercard that boasted a Chamber match and The Shield in only their second WWE match there were plenty of chances for highlights. It could have been great.

Unfortunately it was only good.

Usually a wrestling company should be happy if they put on a card that can be described as good. Not so here. With Elimination Chamber WWE were coming off a very strong Royal Rumble pay-per-view and building towards their biggest card of the year. It was a middleman show but that wasn’t to stop it being entertaining in its own right. I’ll discuss this further below.

Things kicked off with a World Heavyweight championship match between Alberto Del Rio and Big Show. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t as thrilling as their last man standing outing at the Rumble. Fought under standard rules it was never going to be.

The two could have been given a little leeway, especially as the only other gimmick match on the card was the cage battle. As it was the final entry into their feud they deserved the chance to go out with a bang. A falls count anywhere battle would have worked fine.

Del Rio won via tap out with his cross armbreaker submission. Thankfully he’ll be leaving Big Show behind. Presumably ‘The Giant’ will be paired up with Ryback for WrestleMania. As I’ve written before a Shell Shock on Show seems like a WrestleMania Moment™ waiting to happen.

 

Those red trunks must be lucky

 

Match two was the United States title match between Antonio Cesaro and The Miz. It was an average match that seemed worse than it was thanks to an uninterested crowd. ‘The Awesome One’ got DQed after Cesaro deliberately got himself low blowed. This was probably done to set up another outing between the two either for WrestleMania or a TV show in the next six weeks. Either way I’m not looking forward to it.

Up next, surprisingly early in the running order, was the Elimination Chamber. Zeb Colter cut a promo beforehand. It was similar to the one he gave us on RAW. American has failed itself and he and Jack Swagger are going to clean it up. He uttered his “We the people!” phrase too. Taken on its own it doesn’t really mean anything.

WWE made the smart decision of having Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan start things off. Well, it would have been a smart decision had ‘Y2J’ not been having one of his off nights. He didn’t make any major fumbles, he just seemed generally sloppy, rushing through what should have been standard exchanges and seeming overly keen to show how good he and Bryan are against one another.

‘The All American American’ was the first man unleashed from his cell, followed by Kane. Bryan and ‘The Big Red Machine’, who were (and are) still the tag team champions despite not having taken their belts to the ring for this match, turned on one another moments after they’d performed some generic double team moves. Although he’d told Kane he’d watch his back throughout the match Bryan tried rolling Kane up for a schoolboy.

Kane kicked out of that at one.

The two battled for a moment or so before Swagger and Jericho rejoined them to establish that it was now every man for himself. Team Hell No were not helping one another.

Orton entered the ring and didn’t really do anything of interest. Finally Mark Henry lumbered in as everybody was down. He quickly eliminated ‘The World’s Toughest Vegan’ with a World’s Strongest Slam, then did the same to Kane soon after. In a spot destined to make it onto future Chamber hype videos ‘The World’s Strongest Man’ blasted Orton through the Perspex of one of the cells. That wrote ‘The Viper’ out of proceedings for a bit to allow him a heroic comeback spot later.

Henry, Swagger and Jericho tussled for a while. It was a lengthy sequence that did what it was supposed to, namely keep the crowd entertained and guessing as to who’d be the next out. Eventually Henry went for a splash from the second rope on both Swagger and Jericho only to miss. The Swagmeister than gave him a big boot which ‘The Highlight of the Night’ followed with a Codebreaker. ‘The Viper’ then returned to nail an elimination-gaining RKO to a thunderous pop.

The match chugged towards its inevitable conclusion with some slick exchanges between the remaining three men. Jericho eventually fell to an RKO after a nice series of finisher attempts and counters, with Swagger running in to surprise ‘The Apex Predator’ with a rollup immediately afterwards.

‘The Real American’ celebrated his victory by bellowing animalistically in the aisle. Orton stood in the ring looking shocked and disappointed. I hope WWE are going somewhere with this story. Orton pulled the same face at the Rumble. It doesn’t matter if it’s the predictable “I’ve lost my focus” routine, it just needs to go somewhere.

Swagger winning sets him up as the challenger to Alberto Del Rio’s World Heavyweight championship. We haven’t seen what WWE are doing with this feud yet but the dynamic seems promising. Swagger is the bigoted American who wants to “save” the country while ADR is the foreign hero who embodies the true principles of the USA. I hope WWE don’t mess it up, it could be great.

WWE deserves credit for the booking of the Chamber match. There were three credible choices for winner and it wasn’t at all clear who’d be leaving as the number one contender. Mark Henry seemed like a possibility for much of the match, and having Orton go down to a smashed door spot, immediately setting up a valiant comeback, made him look likely too. Swagger stealing the win in the way he did was also intelligent: he couldn’t have credibly lasted against or beaten Orton.

The show’s fourth match saw the babyface club of Sheamus, John Cena and Rybac tangle with The Shield. The match was about as good as I’d expected. It didn’t reach the heights of The Shield’s tables, ladders and chairs match last December but how could it have done? This bout was as good as it was going to be considering the lack of gimmicks and who was involved.

I’d predicted a victory for Rollins, Ambrose and Reigns but the finish of the match still surprised me: Ryback was going for the Muscle Buster on Rollins but got speared by Reigns, allowing Rollins to get the pinfall. I’d expected ‘The Celtic Warrior’ to take the loss for his team, keeping Cena strong for his ‘Mania collision and protecting Ryback’s dubious streak. If ‘The Human Wrecking Ball’ is going to face Big Show at WrestleMania he’s going to need some rehabilitation after this loss.

 

Who can stop this guy?! Erm... Seth Rollins...

 

Dolph Ziggler strutted out to remind us of his existence only to get booked in a bonus match by Booker T. His opponent was Kofi Kingston. This was a good match and all (because Kingston v Ziggler is never anything less) but it seemed a little pointless. Nobody seriously thought ‘The Wildcat’ was going to beat the company’s top rising star and the post-match beating Big E Langston administered was just burial for the sake of burial. Kofi could mean something if WWE worked out how to present him correctly.

Perhaps the most notable thing about the segment was Big E's new ring gear. A back view teased us with a wafer thin slice of buttock protruding from beneath the singlet. The front view appeared to be an explanation of the NXT champ's ring name.

A better use of this slot would have been to further the rivalry between Bo Dallas and Wade Barrett. They could have had a singles match that had a DQ or cheated finish to set up a rematch or Dallas could have been booked in a singles bout with ‘The Show Off’ and been cost a victory by Barrett. That would at least have accomplished something.

Kaitlyn successfully defended her Divas championship against Tamina Snuka in the evening’s penultimate match. It was the worst thing on the show, designed to calm the crowd back down before the main event hit. The women deserve better but they’re not going to get it until the division receives a restock.

The evening ended with the rematch between WWE champion The Rock and CM Punk. Punk entered with the title and had Justin Roberts announce him as ‘The People’s Champion’. Even that couldn’t persuade some members of the audience to boo him. That’s what WWE gets for putting a reliable worker into a main event scene that’s been dominated for so long by John Cena.

The main event was not good. Deprived of the shortcuts they’d used at last month’s Royal Rumble and lumbered with ‘The Great One’s’ diminished conditioning the two men set a sluggish pace featuring an overabundance of rest holds and stalling. Punk was on offence for the majority of the first three quarters, a good call considering his status as the more active of the pair.

Even Punk spitting in The Rock’s face couldn’t tip this match over the edge. The crowd reacted to it the right way, but within minutes the two wrestlers were back to stalling.

 

Rock closes his eyes and awaits a kiss

 

Things came alive in the final portion of the bout. Punk kicked out of a Rock Bottom. Chioda took a bump and Punk connected with a GTS on the champ to have the match won. Only there was no ref. This should satisfy any Punk fans that he can still claim a rematch in the future because he had the match won. Rock hit a spinebuster and a People’s Elbow, eventually getting a second ref to count the fall.

Punk kicked out at two. ‘The Second City Saint’ blasted Rock with a kick to the head and signalled for Heyman to get the title belt. Heyman slid that in and then grabbed Rock, holding him for a belt shot from Punk. The champ dodged (which was completely predictable) and then hit Punk with the match winning Rock Bottom.

Elimination Chamber was a show about lining things up for WrestleMania XXIX. That was fine, it’s something that needs to be done at some point and a pay-per-view is the logical place. But that doesn’t excuse the perfunctory feel EC 2013 had. Swagger’s win aside there was nothing surprising on the show. Could Triple H not have appeared to challenge Lesnar to a match? Could the Undertaker not have returned after the WWE title bout for a staredown with Punk? I’d even have accepted Cena’s music hitting after ‘The Brahma Bull’ had retained. The show going off the air with Rock and Cena shaking hands or pointing at a sign would have been more interesting that Rock’s solo posing.

The final match was the biggest disappointment. Rock and Punk didn’t match the pace they set last month. Which concerns me for WrestleMania XXIX. Rock and Cena had a lethargic battle at last year’s show. If they’re having a rematch this year (which, obviously, they are) they need to go hell for leather and make it a fast and physical battle. Based on Elimination Chamber The Rock’s not up to it. Which will mean a poor ‘Mania main event for the second year in a row.

Showing Up to Show Off

Anyone who’s read my Elimination Chamber preview may have noticed the absence of one name from it. Dolph Ziggler. While he doesn’t have a match announced for the show his status as ‘Mr Money in the Bank’ meant that his name could have cropped up in a preview of the show.

I opted not to mention him because there’s been no clear indication that he’s going to cash-in on the show and the preview felt long enough as it was. It felt like a subject for a fresh entry (this one). Also, I’m of the opinion that ‘The Show Off’ will take his title shot at WrestleMania XXIX. That feels like the right location for Ziggler’s first proper world title win.

That’s not to say that I think Ziggler will be absent from Elimination Chamber. Far from it. I fully expect Ziggler to make an appearance of some sort on the pay-per-view. He’s the most high profile TV regular without a scheduled appearance. That WWE would put on a card without him during the much vaunted Road to WrestleMania is unthinkable. It’s an ideal time of year to elevate talent, and with Ziggler top of the elevation list it would be monumentally backward to omit him from the show.

There is a chance I’m wrong and he will cash-in his Money in the Bank contract. If he does I’m sure it will be on Alberto Del Rio. Ziggler isn’t high enough on the pecking order to score a victory over Big Show. In fairness that would be a weird sight anyway: not only does ‘The Heel’ not have anything in his arsenal that could effectively put Show down for three but one heel beating another for a world title would be strange.

Perhaps you’re thinking that Big E could take out ‘The Giant’ to allow Ziggler a successful WHC win. That would look better but it wouldn’t help Ziggler. His World title win needs to come at his own hand. If he’s shown to need the help of someone else to obtain one of the biggest wins of his career it’s not going to do his already flimsy credibility much good, is it?

So if he uses his guaranteed title shot it will be against ADR. While I don’t think a Ziggler cash-in is likely I do like the air of unpredictability the possibility casts over the World Heavyweight title bout at WrestleMania. WWE’s biggest show of the year should never be completely predictable. There needs to be an air of mystery to the card throughout January, February and the first bit of March. If the big matches are revealed too early then there’s a chance we’ll be bored of them before they even happen.

That’s what’s so good about the World Heavyweight title scene at the moment. We don’t know who’s going to be involved and there are plenty of directions to take.

ADR could retain and go on to defend against Swagger at WrestleMania in a match that turns the old patriotic American hero routine on its head. Or he could clash with Randy Orton in a match that sees ‘The Viper’ return to the dark side by going to increasingly desperate lengths trying to wrest the belt from his opponent. He could go up against the reinvigorated and unstoppable monster that is Mark Henry, or enter into a (very surprising) programme with ‘Y2J’.

Or Big Show could shock us all by becoming a three time WHC. He could be the mountain that ‘The Apex Predator’ has to overcome to get back on top. One of his old rivals in Mark Henry or Daniel Bryan could surprise us with a Chamber win. We’ve seen Show work surprisingly good matches with both before, why not give him ten minutes with one of them to kick off WrestleMania with a bang?

Or Ziggler could cash-in at Elimination Chamber and wrestle a fantastic match with Daniel Bryan at WM29. It could turn out to be one of the best pure wrestling encounters in the event’s history. Perhaps he could leave EC as the new champion and go babyface before April 7^th, defending against Jack ‘The Racist’ Swagger. Orton or Jericho could win to revive one of Ziggler’s programmes from the second half of last year. They both have victories over him which could be used to introduce doubt into the WM result.

There’s no way of knowing what WWE’s doing with the World title yet. With the top three matches pretty much certain (Rock v Cena, Undertaker v Punk, and Triple H v Brock Lesnar) it’s good to have something on the show that nobody’s sure about.

 

Who will this guy face at WrestleMania?

 

But like I said I’m still as sure as I can be that Ziggler won’t cash-in until ‘Mania. The likeliest thing for ‘The Heel’ to do at Elimination Chamber is to interfere in a match or appear in a brief in-ring segment to cut a promo. Doing either could be used to set him up with a match at WrestleMania. The likeliest guy for him to face would seem to be ‘Y2J’.

They interacted briefly after the Royal Rumble but their feud has since cooled a little. I originally thought they’d face off on the EC card but Jericho’s inclusion in the Chamber bout made it clear that wouldn’t happen. That there are unresolved issues between the two and WWE went out of their way not to have them face one another at Elimination Chamber could hint that they’re being held off for something bigger.

If it’s not Jericho then Orton or Sheamus could be candidates to face Ziggler. Neither man has anything clear to do on the big show and both could do something enjoyable against a guy like Ziggler. Either match could also boost the WHC scene for April onwards: Ziggler could lose his scheduled match at ‘Mania then cash-in later in the show and leave as the champ. That way whoever he lost to could make a legitimate argument about deserving a title shot.

Whether he cashes in or not I’m sure tomorrow’s show will feature Ziggler in some form. He’s too important to the future of the company, and his development is at such a critical point, for him to be left off the event. Just don’t expect to see him with gold around his waist.

Ryback to the Future

Late last year it felt as though every other thing I wrote was about Ryback. He was feuding with the WWE champion, headlining pay-per-views and was prominent on television. At one point he was even more prominently featured on television than John ‘Face of the Company’ Cena.
 
Since the beginning of 2013 Ryback's push has slowed considerably. Programme-ending Tables, Ladders and Chairs clash with CM Punk aside 'The Human Wrecking Ball' has hasn't had a single noteworthy match this year. He survived to the final two of the Royal Rumble but that’s about it. And that was boring anyway. He has instead returned to his relatively short squash outings and segued into a feud with The Shield.

Anyone else think Ryback looks photoshopped in this picture?

 
This is not a bad thing. In fact it's probably the best thing that could have happened to the NXT pioneer. His matches with Punk got WWE fans to notice and support him as something more than a bit part player or a star-in-waiting. For a few months he was a legitimate headliner and, as a short burst, that helped his status.
 
Had it lasted much longer then there's a good chance the fans would have turned on him. We've seen this many times over the last ten years. WWE have raced guys into top spots only to have their audience reject the newcomer on the basis that they've not earned their way into the role.
 
Working with The Shield is good for Ryback right now for two reasons. One is that they're established as a strong force, not a bunch of jobbed out weaklings. That means that should Ryback gain a win over the posse he's gained a win that matters. He can only beat disposable low card acts for so long before the routine outstays it welcome.
 
The second reason is that WWE only seem to be interested in using The Shield in tag team matches at the moment. This benefits Ryback because it relieves him of some of the pressure of delivering a worthwhile main event level match. Having two guys teaming with him against three other guys WWE are keen to elevate means Ryback can storm around hitting power moves and bellowing without needing to worry overly about quality.
 
At the moment I'd say The Shield are probably the favourites to oppose Ry' at WrestleMania. Cena will be heading into his rematch with The Rock and Sheamus is likely to move on after Elimination Chamber’s done and dusted too. There's no clear part for Ryback to play at ‘Mania beyond a continuation of his current feud.

ROOOOOOOAR!!

 
There have been rumours he'll wrestle Big Show or Chris Jericho at the event. Either match could be decent, but it would leave The Shield with nobody to face and would necessitate a heel turn for 'Y2J', which seems unlikely. Keeping Ryback associated with The Shield and finding two new partners is the best way to get six meaningful performers onto what is going to be a packed 'Mania card.

I'm currently expecting Cena to leave WrestleMania with the WWE championship. I’m also expecting him to hold it until at least SummerSlam. That will likely preclude Ryback from immediately re-entering the title picture as ‘The Franchise’ works his way through the existing list of heel challengers. The possibility of a Cena v Ryback title match shouldn’t be ruled out immediately though. If saved for a big event, like SummerSlam, and marketed in the right way it’s a match that could generate a large amount of money for the company.

It may not be a particularly exciting prospect for anyone who likes their wrestling to be, y’know, good, but that’s not WWE’s chief concern. They want to make money. Ryback’s run at the top is a long way from being over.

Elimination Chamber preview

Ever since the Elimination Chamber was granted its own pay-per-view in 2010 there have been two such bouts per year. It's harmed the importance of what should be a rarely used gimmick bout. It's also cluttered up the once clear path from the Royal Rumble to WrestleMania, with the writing team forced to incorporate two multi-man matches that have rarely been the most logical way to advance plots.
 
Thankfully this year's show will feature only one of the titular matches. That's a definite step in the right direction. Less is more.
 
WWE will break from tradition because of The Rock. Putting him in a Chamber match would not be without its merits. Most obviously it would allow five regular members of the roster to work with 'The Great One' as opposed to just one. It could be accurately marketed as Rock's first jaunt inside the Chamber too.
 
That said it makes far more sense to go with a rematch from Royal Rumble, with The Rock defending against CM Punk. Their match at the Royal Rumble is believed to have drawn around half a million pay-per-view buys. For a WWE show not named WrestleMania that's a fantastic number. A rematch won't do quite so well, because nobody believes the championship will change hands again, but it should still be above average for a WWE event.
 
Monday's RAW revealed a stipulation for this match. If The Rock gets counted out or disqualified Punk will win the title. It's a strange ruling that deprives the two of many of the shortcuts that made their Rumble match so enjoyable. At least it makes sense regarding who it favours though: Punk, as the heel, should be the man to have an unfair advantage in this one.
 
I can't see the WWE championship changing hands before WrestleMania. I especially can't see Punk regaining it. What would be the point of having him lose the belt to The Rock, ending his vaunted reign, only to win it back three weeks later? To fool the fans? I think even WWE would find it hard to justify that at their most financially lucrative time of year.

These six in a Chamber match would be interesting

 
The man that will face the winner of Punk v Rock II is John Cena. He will spend his evening teaming with Ryback and Sheamus to take on The Shield. If the Tables, Ladders and Chairs match Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns were involved in last December is anything to go by this match could be excellent.
 
Of course that's not an entirely fair comparison. At TLC the justice deliverers had Daniel Bryan and Kane amongst their opponents. Bryan is regarded as one of the best wrestlers in the world while ‘The Big Red Machine’ is skilled at elevating his opponents. Cena, Sheamus and Ryback can’t compare to Kane’s skills, and they certainly can’t compare to Bryan’s.
 
On the plus side Ryback was involved in the TLC match in question, and wasn't just a passenger. The match was laid out to give him moments to shine as well as it was The Shield. If the same holds true for the six man tag team match it could be pretty good.
 
I'm not going to get by hopes up for more. 'Great White' is one of the most uninteresting, unengaging babyfaces I've ever seen in any wrestling promotion. And Cena is Cena. Unless he learns how to sell effectively before Sunday night I don't think this match will do The Shield as much good as their debut. I’m hope for a lively tussle. Anything more will be a bonus.
 
The result could go either way. The faces could win to keep Ryback strong and protect Cena for WrestleMania. Or the heels could go over to show that they're a more dominant faction and keep them interesting for another six man outing at WrestleMania. There's no reason to favour one option over the other, but I'm picking The Shield to win because I think they'd benefit more from it.
 
Bulking out the middle of the card are matches for the United States and Divas championships. I’d like to see Cesaro retain against The Miz. A title change wouldn't really benefit either man at the moment. It would be best to keep 'The Swiss Superman's' lengthy reign going. Miz, being awesome and all, doesn't need a strap right now.
 
The Divas title match is likely going to be brief. The women's division hasn't been in this bad a state since I first started watching wrestling and Sable was the only pushed female performer. I'm going to assume there's some sort of DQ finish that sets up a rematch at WrestleMania. The ladies always get a token match. A dodgy finish to set up a rematch is as good a way as any of getting it established.
 
There's also the pre-show match to discuss. Despite announcing their split as a team a few weeks ago on SmackDown the Rhodes Scholars will take on Brodus Clay and Tensai, collectively billed (apparently) as The Monsters of Funk. It's strange that WWE went out of their way to have Sandow and Rhodes discuss their split when there was clearly nothing else planned for them. Backtracking makes the company look foolish. That aside it's good the decision’s been undone for now. In the absence of something to do in the singles ranks it’s the best use for both men. Scholars to win.
 
I wouldn't be surprised if Wade Barrett v Bo Dallas got added to the show. Their issues started at January's Rumble show and have received a surprising amount of air time since. WWE seem to want to establish Dallas as a star. If it happens I'll assume Barrett cheats to retain. I'd say they'd do a 'Mania rematch but I can't see those two being lucky enough to be in anything other than a multi-man match at the bigger show.
 
One match that definitely will be happening is the Elimination Chamber. The entrants will be Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Randy Orton and everybody's favourite borderline racist Jack Swagger. As ever with a match that features a number of competitors it's tough to accurately pick a winner.
 
What helps here is remembering that the winner will wrestle for the World Heavyweight championship at WrestleMania. To me that immediately rules out Bryan and Kane as potential victors. I think they're either going to be facing one another or losing the tag straps at 'Mania.
 
That leaves Jericho, Orton, Henry and Swagger. 'Y2J' strikes me as unlikely for no other reason than I just don't think WWE would use him against either Big Show or Alberto Del Rio at a WrestleMania. So, really, there are three possible winners in my eyes. But three’s still half the total number of competitors.
 
'The World's Strongest Man' has been made to look very dominant in the two weeks he's been back. He blasted his way through Sin Cara, Daniel Bryan and Rey Mysterio when he returned and is credited with the latter's latest absence from TV. He overpowered Khali on RAW which, in WWE World, means a lot. It seems that he's being prepared for something. That could very well be another run as a top line monster and a WHC match with ADR.
 
'The Viper' has been doing nothing of interest since his feud with Christian ended in 2011. Unless you want to count his rivalry with Mark Henry (also in 2011), of course, but I don't. Orton could be a good opponent for either Show or Del Rio. If he were to face 'The Giant' then the match could be given a David versus Goliath flavour, with Orton battling away as the underdog. A match with Del Rio could be used to instigate that much ballyhooed heel turn. Facing Orton would give ADR's reign more legitimacy than his never ending cycle of matches with Show ever will.
 
Then there's Jack Swagger. When he came back at the start of February I assumed he was making up the numbers. The reveal of his new manager and xenophobic attitude on RAW has made me re-evaluate this view. After all, who better to face a proud Mexican champion than a rabidly pro-American heel? It's an inversion of the classic pro-American babyface versus crafty foreign heel dynamic.
 
Perhaps it's a little too obvious, a deliberate attempt by WWE to distract us from their real plans, whatever they may be. In a way I like that because I think wrestling's at its best when surprising the audience. I wouldn't mind seeing Swagger face ADR though. I think it would be a fresh, interesting match. So I'm going to predict a Swagger win.
 
With that said it should be obvious who I'm picking to win the World Heavyweight title match. No matter who ended up in the Chamber I was never going to pick 'The World's Largest Athlete'. If he were going to go into WrestleMania XXIX as champion he never would've lost the belt in the first place.
 
It's strange that this match, the second PPV outing and third major match of the feud, is being fought under regular rules. Usually you'd start off with normal rules and build to gimmick matches. The reverse has happened with Show and ‘The Essence of Excellence’. But this is WWE... and anything can happen in (the) WWE!
 
Elimination Chamber is going to be hard pressed to deliver the sort of number it's believed the Rumble did. But with The Rock and CM Punk's title rematch and a Chamber match there's every chance this card could be a surprise financial success. Entertainment-wise it's already looking like another hit. If WWE carries on like this WrestleMania should be very good indeed.
 
Predictions summary:
The Rock to defeat CM Punk
Jack Swagger to win the Elimination Chamber
The Shield to defeat John Cena, Ryback and Sheamus
Alberto Del Rio to defeat Big Show
Antonio Cesaro to defeat The Miz
Kaitlyn to retain against Tamina via DQ
Rhodes Scholars to defeat The Monsters of Funk

That RAW Recap 11.02.13

Sometimes you get episodes of RAW that just don't do anything particularly memorable. This week's is a very good example of that.
 
The Nashville RAW featured three things of note. Two were the sort of thing WWE does on a weekly basis, namely produce vaguely palatable filler that is rendered inconsequential after the next pay-per-view. The third was a staggeringly risky new direction for a performer who has needed a change since last year.
 
Everything else on the show was either last minute booking for Elimination Chamber or a wrestling match. The wrestling on offer varied in quality. On the one hand we got a good Daniel Bryan v Chris Jericho outing. On the other we were subjected to Tensai and Brodus Clay handily downing Primo and Epico. Every match had something in common though: they will all be forgotten by next week. This is the result of WWE placing more emphasis on skits and stories over anything resembling sport. Matches now exist only to further feuds or otherwise contribute to plots.
 
This isn't anything new. It's been WWE's approach for years. It's just that some weeks it's more obvious than others.
 
The first enjoyable bit of fluff was Paul Heyman's attempted retirement. This opened the show and featured Heyman announcing that he would be leaving because he was a distraction and a hindrance to CM Punk. This brought out the former WWE champion to convince Heyman to stay. Nothing much else happened. It was very clearly a riff on the announcement that Pope Benedict XVI will be retiring shortly.
 
The reason I think this will be looked back on fondly by some is because of who it featured. Punk and Heyman each have hefty fan followings who look back over their old segments on YouTube. Their pairing has been sufficiently popular to make the faux retirement an item of interest. But while I think some people will watch because of who's involved I don't think anyone will ever list it as a classic segment or promo.
 
You see? Vaguely palatable filler.
 
Punk and Heyman returned at the end of the programme after The Rock had given us what was probably its most enjoyable aspect. He cut a promo about moving to Nashville at fifteen and having his first match there at twenty-five. He referenced Jeff Jarrett (y'know, that guy Vince McMahon hates that works for TNA?) and his high school and told a story about buying a car from a crackhead.
 
This is the sort of thing Rock does very well. He tells a generic little story with humour as its driving force and peppers it with references to local celebrities, landmarks and history. The mentions get the locals on-side and encourage cheap pops, making them even more vocal than they would be otherwise. This translates well to people watching at home who can laugh along with the story even if they don't get all the references. It's not a trick The Rock used that much on his way to the top. It's one he's perfected since his return to the company in 2011. It works partly because of his charisma but it also keeps fans from turning on him. It's an important part of his repertoire.
 
While it was the best thing on the show it wasn't anything particularly memorable. It was basically designed to give the audience something to cheer and to get Punk and Rock in the same place for a brawl before EC. Those measly goals were accomplished. Rock did entertain and he and Punk did brawl. 'The Best in the World' ran off with the championship belt after levelling 'The Brahma Bull' with a GTS. Expect him to wear it to the ring at Sunday's PPV.
 
Finally we come to the third noteworthy part of the show. Even though it didn't feature The Rock, CM Punk, John Cena or any other one of WWE's flock of main eventers it is this portion of the show that I think will be looked back on most over the years, simply because it was so bizarre and unexpected.
 
Jack Swagger came to the ring for a match with Zack Ryder. He was accompanied by a man he introduced as Zeb Colter. Following the bout Colter grabbed a microphone and proceeded to cut a promo with some decidedly un-PG overtones. He stated he is a proud American. Fine. He stated Swagger is a proud American. Also fine. He stated he is a Vietnam veteran. Okay, we’re getting into murky territory here but that is, broadly speaking, fine.

A black singlet? What happened to the red, white and blue? Not very patriotic...

Colter apparently doesn’t recognise America anymore. We were told that he sees people with faces that aren’t like his speaking languages he doesn’t understand. He wondered aloud where all of those people had come from before also wondering aloud how to get rid of them. He mentioned border patrols and some routinely jingoistic Americanisms before saying that America was their country and their land because they’re real patriots.

Yes, Jack Swagger has been repackaged as a racist. It was inevitable really.

This is such a spectacularly messed up situation it’s difficult to know exactly what to say. I mean obviously it’s a distasteful direction to take Swagger in. It’s also a change that’s almost certain to be heavily revised once the inevitable bad press hits. A PG rating and racism are not natural bedfellows.

And yet WWE have got the basic idea right. I pointed out a week or so ago that the weakest part of Swagger’s act is his inability to give a convincing speech. Giving him a manager is absolutely the right thing to do. Colter is a very good choice. He’s been known for most of his career as ‘Dirty’ Dutch Mantel and is noted as a good stick man. Until a few years ago he was a booker for TNA and he’s been instrumental in the careers of guys like the Undertaker and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin (you may have heard of them). Take away the racism and it’s a fine decision.

This episode of RAW will always be an item of interest because of this short segment. The duo will be toned down sooner or later which will eventually result in people looking back to see just how full-on the stuff they said at the start was (because rumours will spread and fans who missed it first time around will look back on the time that “Jack Swagger was a massive racist”). They’ll be disappointed because, truth be told, nothing Colter said was overtly racist. It was more the tone and the fact that two such characters could appear in WWE in 2013 than anything else.

Still, let’s look on the bright side. At least it looks like the Swagger push is back on!

The Man of 1,004 Uses

You may have noticed that Chris Jericho returned to WWE at the Royal Rumble. Unlike The Rock 'Y2J' is back full time, working house shows in addition to TV and pay-per-views. The deal is expected to last until WrestleMania or the post-'Mania RAW. Following that Jericho will be off on tour with Fozzy again.
 
The return of a versatile performer like Jericho gives WWE plenty of options for WrestleMania XXIX. It creates options for the weeks leading up to it too for that matter. As a face Jericho could be used to obtain decent efforts from the likes of Big Show and CM Punk. He could even be used to boost his fellow recent returnee Jack Swagger.
 
All three of those men would make great TV or Elimination Chamber opponents for Jericho but wouldn’t feel right as ‘Mania opponents. Punk and Jericho clashed in a (forgettable) WWE championship match at last year's sports entertainment extravaganza. Having them face off again a year later, even with the heel-face dynamic reversed, would be a boring waste. Meanwhile Big Show v Jericho doesn't feel like a 'Mania match. We've seen it so many times before and we know it will be a mess.
 
The reason I dismiss the idea of a Swagger v Jericho bout at WrestleMania is that there is such a gulf between the two. 'The All American American' returned last week to a half-hearted push and a (presumed) spot in the Elimination Chamber. He's back to make up the numbers on the heel side of the fence. Jericho has returned to be a reliable wrestler and a mild ratings draw. What he does at WrestleMania XXIX will be memorable. At this point no list of potentially memorable things for anyone on the WWE roster contains Jack Swagger in any capacity.

Still got it... Never lost it

 
Another possible use for Jericho is for him to tackle one of the two heel mid-card champions at WrestleMania. Jericho could wrestle a great match with either Antonio Cesaro or Wade Barrett. While I dislike former world champions challenging for and winning mid-card belts WWE has crossed that line so many times over the last decade that it can barely be considered an issue anymore. That particular unwritten rule went the way of the Oddities a long time ago.
 
Jericho putting over either Barrett or Cesaro at WrestleMania would give them a boost. As Jericho himself has pointed out he can lose every match he has between now and the end of his career and it won't affect his spot. He's over enough for wins and losses not to matter.
 
A programme with the master of the Bullhammer could refer back to their rookie-pro relationship on NXT season one, although the central reason for their dispute would need to be something more substantial and recent. Both are good enough on the mic to concoct something at least good in the six weeks between Elimination Chamber and WrestleMania.
 
There's a more obvious starting point for a Jericho v Cesaro rivalry. Namely 'The Swiss Superman's' boast that no American will beat him for his US championship. Jericho could announce the non-American stipulation doesn’t apply to him, as he’s from (Winnipeg, Manitoba,) Canada. That Jericho's held every active title except the United States title could probably be incorporated too. Hey, it was good enough for Big Show last year.
 
If 'Y2J' were to challenge for either of these belts he'd have to lose. To have him win a mid-card belt by defeating a prospect like Barrett or Cesaro would entirely miss the point of bringing him back.

A match that would be nice to see on ‘The Grandest Stage of Them All’ would be Jericho v Dolph Ziggler. The two had enjoyable matches last summer before Jericho left to play rock star. They resumed their rivalry at the Rumble and on the Janaury 28^th RAW. They’ve not had a bad match yet. It would be a great, hot opener for ‘Mania.

It’s not likely to happen though. With ‘The Show Off’ insisting he doesn’t want to be a part of the Chamber match on February 17^th it seems reasonable to assume he’ll tangle with Jericho on the show. If it happens that will be the blow off to their programme. They’ll be facing fresh opponents at WrestleMania.
 
A slightly more esoteric use of ‘The Highlight of the Night’ would be to have him rehabilitate the tag team division. This is yet another idea that won’t come to pass but it would be nice. Jericho and a babyface tag team partner who’d benefit from the exposure (such as Kofi Kingston or Zack Ryder) taking on Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio or Team Hell No would be a nice match to stick in the middle of the ‘Mania card. The Prime Time Players would be good opponents too, they’re just not quite as slick as the other teams that could be used.

There’s always the option of turning Jericho heel. I don’t necessarily think this is a move WWE should make. Jericho had been a bad guy for around five years until last summer. Switching him back now would be a waste. There’s more for him to do as a face than as a villain, and fans want to cheer him. But the turn remains an option.

If ‘The King of the World’ were to go bad there would be plenty for him to do. He could face Sheamus. That would be a fresh, if intensely dull, match. He could win the number one contenders Elimination Chamber and go heel before tangling with Alberto Del Rio on April 7^th. He could wrestle a singles match with Daniel Bryan. A lot of people would like to see that.

The obvious opponent for a heel ‘Y2J’ would be Ryback. It’s easy to imagine Jericho taunting ‘The Human Wrecking Ball’ for weeks on end, running away whenever he’s close to getting caught. A match between the two would need to be quick. Jericho could maybe stall for a bit but would need to go down to a Muscle Buster as soon as Ryback got a hold of him.

Look back on Jericho’s (one-sided) WCW programme with Goldberg for the sort of thing that could be used to keep this going. Oh, and have a glance at the episode of SmackDown where Jericho sealed himself in a cage to taunt Ken Shamrock too.

Of course it’s not just wrestling ability that Jericho brings to WWE. He’s known as a good promo man, his charismatic performances in that area could be valuable if he were placed into a feud with someone less skilled. Even away from advancing rivalries it’s a useful skill. The Highlight Wheel could be revived to pad out some of the three hour RAWs we’re still being forced to endure.

Whoever Jericho ends up facing at Elimination Chamber and WrestleMania, and on the RAWs, SmackDowns, Main Events and house shows (or is that live events?) in between, it’s good to have him back. He’s an entertaining, charismatic wrestler who understands his role in the promotion. Wrestling needs more guys like him.
 
Oh and I’ll admit that 1,004 uses may be pushing it a bit but the title is a good reference.

The Return of Jack Swagger

On the September 3^rd 2012 edition of Monday RAW Jack Swagger suffered a loss to Sheamus. It was the latest in a long line of quick defeats that had plagued Swagger all year. In a backstage segment later on in the broadcast he informed General Manager AJ Lee that he would be taking time off. “I’m better than this!” he told her.

On the February 1^st 2013 edition of Friday Night SmackDown Swagger made his triumphant return to WWE television. His sabbatical was immediately referenced by Josh Mathews on commentary. JBL chimed in that Swagger had spent time away from WWE refining his game.

Neither claim was true. Swagger had not been on a sabbatical from WWE. He’d been removed from television because the writing team didn’t have a clue what to do with him. He had remained a regular on house shows and in dark matches at TV tapings. He had not undergone the image overhaul that JBL seemed to believe he had either. Unless you count growing your hair a little and introducing a beard to your face a radical new look that is.

I like Swagger and I want to see him succeed. His scripted lines on the September 3^rd RAW couldn’t have been more true. He is better than continual and meaningless losses.

Swagger has the height and look WWE is known to crave in their headliners. He has an impressive and well-documented amateur wrestling background. His verbal skills, while not the best, are enough to get him by if his limitations in the area are catered to. Yet he still finds himself not being taken seriously.

The reason for this is the way he was booked for much of his first year or two in the company. The writing team gave nobody any reason to view him as anything special. He wasn’t portrayed as a star on the rise or a headliner in the making. He was just another guy who wrestled and talked like everybody else.

A fine example of this mistreatment came during his World Heavyweight title reign in 2010. ‘The All American American’ won the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania XXVI (the last match of its type to take place at a ‘Mania, fact fans!) and cashed in two nights later to beat Chris Jericho at a SmackDown taping. He went on to have a reign that included defences against ‘Y2J’, Edge, Randy Orton, Big Show and Rey Mysterio, but was never granted a clean win over any of them. It was incredibly clear that Swag was a fluke champion and not in the league of the seasoned main eventers.

 

The most under-pushed World Heavyweight champion ever

 

Later in 2010 the mistreatment of Swagger reached its zenith when he was paired up with his own personal mascot, a soaring eagle played by Chavo Guerrero and Jamie Noble (though never at the same time). Swagger was clearly a comedy character by this point. That a man his size needed help from someone in an eagle suit to win made it clear he was not to be seen as a threat to the top guys or as a serious wrestler.

The lunacy continued in 2011 as Swagger became Michael Cole’s on-screen coach during his insanely over-pushed feud with fellow commentator Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler. This situation could have been salvaged had Swagger and Cole’s roles been reversed. It would have made far more sense for the former World champ to represent Cole in a match against Lawler at WrestleMania XXVII rather than run interference at ringside. But then the entire Cole push was ludicrous from beginning to end.

Swagger was briefly rehabilitated later in 2011 when he joined forces with heel magnet Vickie Guerrero and bump machine Dolph Ziggler. Thanks to ‘The Show Off’s’ distinctly average height Swagger looked larger than usual during their partnership, and the two proved to have good chemistry as a tag team. Meanwhile having Vickie as his manager paved over the weakest area of his work: promos.

By the time September 2012 rolled around Swagger had been split from Ziggler and Guerrero and been used as a glorified jobber with no proper role on any of the company’s TV shows for months. It had reached the point where he needed to be taken off TV to give fans a break from him, allowing him to return fresh for a renewed push sometime down the line.

Unfortunately it doesn’t look as though the refresh has had as much thought put into it as it should have. As I mentioned above Swagger’s new look is pretty generic. He’s not got himself any new ring gear or changed up his style. He has to shoulder as much blame as the writing team here: it’s up to wrestlers to give the creative types a reason to invest time in them. Longer hair and beards don’t qualify. At the very least Swagger should have invested in some new singlets and decided on a new move for his arsenal.

Despite the half-hearted approach to Swagger’s rejuvenation taken by all involved the decision was made to bring him back to TV. There Swagger cannot be blamed: he has nothing to do with WWE’s scripts. That his return was attributed to Teddy Long taking a random interest in him is either ridiculous or an insult… or a ridiculous insult. Swagger and WWE’s audience deserve better.

There was nothing about Swagger’s promo or match on the February 1^st SmackDown that indicated he was a changed man who would soon be headlining cards. I assume that his return means he’ll be a part of the blue brand’s Elimination Chamber match on February 17^th. Why would he return in this fashion if not to take part in the match?

I can’t envisage him winning this match. In fact beyond making up the numbers in a cage match while Sheamus is off tangling with The Shield I can’t see any reason for his return to television. There are no clear feuds for him over the next two months. There is no clear match for him at WrestleMania. There just doesn’t seem to be anything for him to do.

It’s a great waste. Swagger could be a star if used with a little thought. He could have been reintroduced to TV as a babyface and set against Antonio Cesaro. Swagger has been a pro-American heel throughout his entire WWE career. A minor tweak, turning him into a good guy, would have refreshed his entire character without requiring any sweeping changes. WWE fans always respond well to a flag-waving hero.

WWE has surprised us with Swagger pushes from nowhere before. They have never gone well. The best approach to take with a guy like him is to prepare him over a course of a few months before launching him to the very top and sustaining his push. Swagger’s confidence has been battered by prematurely quashed pushes before. If he’s going to amount to anything now he’s back on TV then WWE need to come up with a plan for him and stick to it. He’s good but he’s not the sort of guy to become a star overnight.

SmackTalk 01.02.13

Rejoice, for Jack Swagger is back on WWE television!

This week’s SmackDown played host to the return of ‘The All American American’, who had been absent since last September. Swagger revealed he’d been sitting at home watching “everything”. That was probably meant to mean RAW, SmackDown, Main Event and all the pay-per-views but the way Swag delivered the line made it seem as though he had ascended to the level of omnipotent super-god and spent the last five months observing everything that transpired on the entire planet.

Swagger had been roped back onto TV by Senior Advisor to the SmackDown GM, Teddy Long. Teddy apparently felt that Swagger deserved a spot in the Elimination Chamber match Booker T was putting together, despite not actually having been seen in months. Said Chamber bout will determine who wrestles for the World Heavyweight championship at WrestleMania. It’s a high profile spot so Teddy deciding to go behind his boss’s back to bring in someone who hasn’t been seen in months is peculiar. Perhaps we had Eve wrong and it’s been Teddy who’s been scheming to get Booker’s job all along.

It's the return we've all been waiting for!

The names of the men in this match were not disclosed. Randy Orton, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, Kane, The Great Khali, and Dolph Ziggler were all at ringside as the show began, with the Swag Man joining them later. ‘The Show Off’ said he didn’t want to be involved in the Chamber match due to having a guaranteed title shot thanks to his Money in the Bank briefcase. We were left to assume that some or all of these men would be involved in the match.

That Booker made a point of mentioning all of the men at ringside are former World champions means that could be important to his criteria, perhaps hinting that Rey Mysterio or Chris Jericho could be entered too. I hope at least one of them is. Right now it’s looking as though Sheamus will be in a six man tag team match against The Shield, leaving Orton, Bryan, Kane, Swagger and Khali to tangle inside the cage with a mystery sixth man. That’s not the most impressive line-up for an EC match ever.

The show was dedicated to giving the former World champions the chance to impress Booker T. He was easily impressed: not one of the matches we saw was anything more than average and yet Book was shown to be very excited by Khali’s effort, which was easily the worst thing on the programme.

The most noteworthy things about this episode of SmackDown was what it implied for the Elimination Chamber PPV. As the SmackDown Chamber is a non-title affair it’s safe to assume that the belt will be defended elsewhere on the show. That Alberto Del Rio’s feud with Big Show is still chugging along, coupled with the fact that ‘The Giant’ wasn’t mentioned in conjunction with the cage collision itself, makes it a safe bet that the two will face one another for the strap.

Wade Barrett attacked Bo Dallas backstage. Dallas, the rookie, had made the mistake of talking to two vaguely attractive women within sight of the IC champ. It’s looking very likely that the NXT boy will get a title shot at Elimination Chamber. A completely random guess is that Barrett will cheat to win there and Dallas will win a rematch at ‘Mania.

Meanwhile Rey Mysterio getting the pinfall win in his tag match was likely a move made to create a legitimate reason for his inclusion in the Chamber bout. He’s not been on television for months. It would seem odd even by WWE standards for him to waltz back onto TV straight into a match that could earn him a WHC shot. Well, it would if Jack swagger wasn’t being given that same opportunity without earning it…

One final thing to note about this week’s SmackDown is that it marked the end of the Rhodes Scholars tag team. I thought Sandow and Rhodes worked really well together as a unit and had a lot left to offer in the role. They had deserved a reign as the tag team champions. I assume they’ve been split in order to free Rhodes up for a WrestleMania clash with half-brother Goldust. That match could be good.

The reaction the two had when they battled at the Rumble indicates that fans want to see that match. But it shouldn’t be coming at the expense of one of the most entertaining pairings the company has had in years. There was no reason the Scholars couldn’t stay together while Cody had a singles feud. Once again the tag team division is a casual disaster of the writing team’s short attention span.

Intro video

Tweet 1: Tonight... ON SMACKDOWN!!

Tweet 2: A recap of a video shown on RAW, featuring huge stars Paul Heyman AND Brad Maddox!!
Tweet 3: And… Alberto Del Rio, stealing gimmicks from the late Eddie Guerrero!

Alberto Del Rio stands in a car park

Tweet 4: ADR's wearing jeans and not wrestling gear! He means business.

Booker T promo, featuring… lots of people

Tweet 5: Booker and the (SmackDown) main event crew are in the ring. Also present are Senior Playa Teddy Long and The Great Khali.

Tweet 6: Elimination Chambers are, in the words of Booker T, spectacular.
Tweet 7: Jack Swagger! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!!
Tweet 8: He's got a mic! This should be... spectacular.
Tweet 9: Swagger left RAW in disgust at his misuse last year. What's he done to reinvent himself? Grown a rubbish beard and slicked his hair.
Tweet 10: Ziggler don't want NO part of the EC. No, sir.

He has a briefcase, there's no need for a Chamber ticket here

Tweet 11: "The champ, he's in a real bad mood" - Booker T, who has clearly seen what Del Rio's wearing
Tweet 12: To get into the Chamber you need to "impress" Teddy and Booker. No criteria were mentioned. Presumably you win. What else?

Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara v Team Hell No

Tweet 13: Who is this child? Oh, it's Rey.

Tweet 14: What happened to Cara's special lighting?
Tweet 15: "He will bewilder and befuddle his opponents" - Josh Mathews on Rey Mysterio
Tweet 16: I like Sin Cara's outfit more than his regular bland attire.
Tweet 17: I also like Booker including Sheamus and Khali in his conglomeration of champions and omitting Mysterio and Jericho.
Tweet 18: That's what we need from a WWE General Manager.
Tweet 19: Meanwhile we have a strange match going on. The face versus face dynamic isn't the problem, it's Kane's dwarfing of his foes.
Tweet 20: Going back to Cara's outfit: it puts me in mind of a newt. A sinister newt.
Tweet 21: Kane being so much larger than everyone else in this match is jarring. I can't get passed it. He should be a heel here. But he's not...

A goat versus a newt

Tweet 22: Great exchange between Mysterio and Dragon there. They deserve a singles match on pay-per-view.
Tweet 23: Josh has fallen into the JR habit of loudly saying a wrestler's name in place of actually saying what’s happening.
Tweet 24: The role of WWE announcers is not to call matches anymore. It is to comment wryly on the insanity taking place before them.
Tweet 25: "I've never seen Rey Mysterio look better" - JBL, who clearly isn't familiar with Rey's work

The Great Khali v Jinder Mahal

Tweet 26: THE GREAT KHALI CAN'T EVEN WALK CONVINCINGLY!

Tweet 27: It's the long awaited resumption of the Khali v Jinder Mahal feud! I'm astounded this wasn't kept for WrestleMania.
Tweet 28: Jinder should grow in a 'tache. It would fit his low card role well. Probably get him heat with Cody though.
Tweet 29: Khali literally has no idea what he's doing. He looks like he's trying to take flight.
Tweet 30: Why are they on TV every week? WHY?!

Booker T, Teddy Long and the Rhodes Scholars backstage

Tweet 31: BOOKER WAS IMPRESSED BY KHALI'S GREATNESS!!

Tweet 32: Teddy Long had the idea to bring back Swagger. There is a reason he's kept around after all.
Tweet 33: Damien Sandow quoting Albert Camus there.
Tweet 34: No more Rhodes Scholars? Dreadful decision. Dreadful.

Sheamus v Damien Sandow

Tweet 35: Sheamus comes out. He looks like a bleached pumpkin with terrible facial hair.

Tweet 36: I'm a big fan of Sandow but even he can't make me interested in a Sheamus match.
Tweet 37: Sheamus's matches consist of punches and kicks, punctuated by the occasional knee and his tedious ten punch spot. There's no charisma.
Tweet 38: But what Sheamus lacks in the charisma department The Shield make up for. Well, Ambrose and Rollins do. I'm not convinced about Reigns yet.
Tweet 39: The crowd are chanting for Ryback. There's no sign of him. Perhaps he doesn't like Sheamus. Or Irish people in general.
Tweet 40: Nobody helped Sheamus. He is staggeringly unpopular even in the locker room.

Randy Orton v Wade Barrett

Tweet 41: BARRETT RING COAT ALERT!!

Tweet 42: Bo Dallas is another guy from NXT that I'm not particularly keen on. He has the hair and entrance music of a nondescript indy guy.
Tweet 43: Wade Barrett elbows a steel ring post. Nothing is broken. Why? Because he's a WRESTLER, dammit!
Tweet 44: Barrett loses clean to the RKO. I suspect that rumour about Orton turning heel because of a clean loss to Barrett on RAW was and is rubbish.

Matt Striker interviews Bo Dallas

Tweet 45: Here's respected journalist Matt Striker, looking to uncover the truth regarding Barrett's thoughts and emotions.

Tweet 46: Turns out Barrett's still pretty angry about Bo Dallas.

Jack Swagger v Kofi Kingston

Tweet 47: Jack Swagger has retired the push-ups and "crossing the line" spots from his ring entrance. He's retained the face slapping though, natch.

Tweet 48: Swagger's hair, when ruffled, makes him look like a manic rabbit.
Tweet 49: JBL thinks this average match against a mid-card wrestler is a great showing for Swagger. He is completely and utterly wrong.
Tweet 50: Swagger wins with the ankle lock. Somewhere in Florida Kurt Angle has a fit.

Alberto Del Rio attacks Big Show in a car park

Tweet 51: Why is Big Show arriving at the show twenty minutes before it finishes?
Tweet 52: Big Show is seven feet tall and weighs nearly 500 pounds. He is standing on a car. Is this a comedy segment?

Lovely bit of comedy selling from Big Show there

Tweet 53: Show escaped the psychotic World champ by stealing a car. Still no idea why he showed up.
Tweet 54: Why are ADR and Ricardo talking to each other in English?

Alberto Del Rio v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 55: No Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Del Rio. We have to make do with... urgh... Lilian Garcia.

Tweet 56: Alberto Del Rio.
Tweet 57: Who wears short shorts? Big E wears short shorts.
Tweet 58: "Del Rio, the mastermind behind that superplex" - A complete sentence from Josh Mathews, who may as well just be spewing random words
Tweet 59: Fameasser!! #BadAssBillyZiggler
Tweet 60: Del Rio looks astonishingly bored. It borders on the hilarious. That's your babyface champion, folks!
Tweet 61: Ziggler taps to the cross arm breaker. Because Ziggler NEVER wins.
Tweet 62: Oh no! Big Show's back! And he's captured (yes, captured) Ricardo Rodriguez!
Tweet 63: Ricardo has been lamped again.
Tweet 64: The show goes off the air with ADR asking an unconcious man to speak to him. It is a low point.