WWE TLC 2015 preview

There are two things I want to more at the start of this preview. The first is that the show is sponsored by Toys 'R' Us. This is an example of why WWE went PG. They never would have got such a sponsor (and say what you want about Toys 'R' Us but they're a big retailer who pop the kids) without that rating on their product.

The second is that the show is to be held in Boston, Massachusetts. That's (pretty much) John Cena's hometown. That he's currently on a sabbatical filming a reality fitness show or getting married or finding himself or something was already a problem for the injury-heavy roster. Big Match John missing a PPV in Boston is doubling disappointing. There's always the potential to do something memorable with him there.

But let's not focus on what's missing. Let's focus on what we have. The hot new feud in WWE since November's Survivor Series? Roman Reigns versus Sheamus. No, it's not the most exciting-sounding programme WWE could have put together but it has avoided being actively bad. Shaymo comes as close to having genuine heat as anyone in WWE these days and works fine as a generic heel for the valiant Reigns to chase. It would be nice if we were getting something different to the tried and tested cowardly-paper-champion routine, especially as Sheamus could convincingly portray a bruising bully, but it's better than nothing. Marginally.

Reigns and 'Great White' have decent enough chemistry too. And while I'm not the biggest fan of Sheamus he does at least bring some variety to pay-per-view main events. It's nice to get a break from the seemingly never ending cycle of established headline names exchanging victories.

Pleasingly, it's found a use for Bad News Barrett and 'Don't Call Me Alexander' Rusev, teaming them up with world champ Sheamus as the League of Nations. The stable has a whiff of the mid-card about it but considering it's comprised of mud-carders that's both understandable and okay. I'm all for guys being given things to do.

The specifics of this feud are largely uninteresting. The only part that matters is that Sheamus is the man who "robbed" Reigns of his first WWE title and has been bragging about it since, even going so far as to slap a slogan on a T-shirt (the audacity!). Of course, Sheamus didn't rob Reigns. He used a contract that he'd won fairly in the manner in which it was intended. But this is WWE so they have to frame Reigns as the wronged party.

The match will benefit from a strong layout. We know that because keeping Reigns strong is still the company's priority. I'll be amazed if Barrett and Rusev don't interfere to give Reigns some fodder to blast through. That seems to be the sole reason the League of Nations was formed. Sheamus will almost certainly escape with the belt via shady tactics, setting up a rematch at Royal Rumble where Reigns can finally get a lengthy run as champ on the go.

The undercard is mostly comprised of decent-sounding but unspectacular matches. Dolph Ziggler and Tyler Breeze was rumoured and would have made sense but has been omitted from the card. Because WWE loves it's "everything remains even" booking, part of the reason so many members of the roster find it hard to build any momentum and generate a connection with the crowd, the likelihood would have been a win for 'The Show Off' because 'Prince Pretty' went over in their first PPV encounter.

But that match isn't happening so I'll note that the "evening out" logic also applies to Kevin Owens v Dean Ambrose. 'The Lunatic Fringe' pinned KO at Survivor Series. Owens' title wasn't up for grabs there, instead it was a spot in the finals of a world championship tourney. The standard practice of feuding wrestlers swapping PPV victories indicates a win for Owens, as does the fact that he's only had the title three months. It feels like he's die a long run as the IC champion, partly because he's got so much star potential and partly because I suspect that factions backstage want to rehabilitate that belt. Ambrose could win it here but I think he's more likely to get it in a rematch. Or possibly not at all, at least not from Owens.

The logic will probably not apply to Charlotte versus Paige. The reason for that is that 'The Nature Girl' is in the process of turning heel (following in the footsteps of Paige, who herself turned only a couple of months back). She's had an unspectacular face run and the chances are high that she's going to keep hold of the belt to see if she can improve her standing when she switches to the dark side fully.

I think she will. Charlotte got over in NXT largely because of strong booking and benefiting from working with superior wrestlers. She's got neither on the main roster and has found it tougher to connect because of it. Going bad will mean her slightly stand-offish nature is a strength and not a hindrance. It will also help her character make sense: boasts of genetic superiority do not a babyface make.

Paige v Charlotte could be good fun if they're given long enough and there's some interesting booking thrown in to play up Charlotte's new attitude. Paige is easily a good enough wrestler to get a good match out of Ms Flair.

Alberto Del Rio v Jack Swagger is mostly interesting because of the mess of a storyline it represents. ADR returned in October and was paired with J-Swag's former manager, light-hearted racist Zeb Colter. The two spent two months telling people they're all about MexAmerica (whatever that's meant to be) with Swagger popping up every so often to try to convince Colter to go back to his fun-lovin' racist ways. The really confusing part isn't that this got aired (this is WWE, far weirder stuff than this has been okayed over the years) but that Swagger was presented as the good guy despite being, essentially, pro-racism.

Either guy could win the match. I'll be bored to tears whoever goes over because Del Rio does nothing for me. I'll pick 'The All American American' to win because that'll free the reportedly highly paid Del Rio up for bigger and better things. Winning after interference from Uncle Zeb would help: ADR wouldn't suffer the indignity of a clean loss that way.

In a similar vein the Wyatt Family versus ECW Originals match is one that's hard to care about. Despite being one of the strongest characters in the company Wyatt is routinely placed into dreary programmes (not that this is big news or anything). His two feuds with The Undertaker this year have both been badly and this has been little better. 'The Eater of Worlds' has taken a dislike to the Dudleys for whatever reason and they've called in Tommy Dreamer and Rhyno for assistance. Which, for anyone familiar with the history of Dreamer and the Duds in ECW is jarring. For that matter Rhyno had little to do with either of his three teammates here. They're being held together by the love of a promotion that went out of business fourteen years ago.

This is a match that has powerful train wreck potential. In a perverse way I'll enjoy it the worse it is, because it's not something we can expect to be good by any reasonable criteria. The right result would be the Wyatt clan going over because they have more to offer the company in the future and Bray still has the glimmer of main event potential to him, but who the hell knows if we'll get that. They lost to 'Taker and Kane last month, and they have a combined age of 98.

The highlight of the line-up is the tag team championship match, New Day defending against the Usos and the Lucha Dragons. Iffy psychology aside (faces shouldn't outnumber heels in a triple threat unless under exceptional circumstances) this match should be fun. New Day are great, Kalisto is an ultra talented dude that deserves better than being half of a bit part tag team, and the Usos have now been around long enough to be acceptable as the veteran doubles squad that are a constant threat to whoever has the belts.

It feels like a change is due in the tag scene. Brief Prime Time Players reign aside New Day have had the gold since SummerSlam in August. There would be nothing wrong with them retaining but it feels like a good time for a switch up, if only for a while. While the Usos winning would prove them to be the constant threats I've said I feel they can be I think a win for the Lucha Dragons would be a better move. Getting a title onto Kalisto should be a priority. Having him as a former tag champ would make any eventual singles push that bit more meaningful of done right.

Ryback versus Rusev will also happen. If there's a less appealing bout WWE could add t this pay-per-view I'd love to hear it.

***

Predictions summary:

Sheamus to defeat Roman Reigns to retain the WWE championship
Kevin Owens to defeat Dean Ambrose to retain the Intercontinental championship
Lucha Dragons to defeat New Day and the Usos to win the tag team championship
The Wyatt Family to defeat the Dudley Boyz, Tommy Dreamer and Rhyno
Charlotte to defeat Paige to retain the Divas championship
Jack Swagger to defeat Alberto Del Rio to win the United States championship
Rusev to defeat Ryback

MexAmerica

Something that passes for character development in WWE these days is a guy formerly known for being a massive pro-America racist and xenophobe ceasing to be a massive pro-America racist and xenophobe. We have to accept that we were given no reason for the change and just be pleased that it happened. Because, y'know, a company that chases a PG rating not featuring racism-based angles is probably a good thing.

I'm talking, by the way, not about Michael 'PS' Hayes but Zeb Colter. Of course I am.

What even is this?

The change is obviously welcome but it did come as something of a surprise. Prior to Hell in a Cell Zeb had last been seen getting his leg broken by Rusev in December 2014 (something which was apparently necessary to set up another match between Ru Ru and Jack Swagger (Swagger lost)). Hell in a Cell revealed that he and Alberto Del Rio, once sworn enemies because they're from different countries and cultures and those are things that can't simply be overlooked, had buried the hatchet and Zeb had agreed to become ADR's manager. Because why not, I guess?

It's an odd move that makes no sense on any level. Storyline-wise it's ridiculous that the two men would pair up. Colter's entire character before this contradicts the pairing, making it seem possible (though admittedly not likely) that WWE intend to regale us with a tale of Del Rio seducing, nay brainwashing, sweet, innocent Zeb into becoming a more accepting person as well as his manager. Which is fine and all but it raises questions of morality and free will that I doubt WWE would handle satisfyingly.

From a talent perspective it's confusing. Although he's a laugh I don't think anyone was crying out for a Zeb return. ADR is a perfectly capable promo and doesn't need a mouthpiece. He's worked well with a second before but a mobility scooter-bound mad sexagenarian is very different from a smarmy personal announcer who can make you either want to see him get a smack or feel incredibly sympathetic for him.

But the biggest question is this: was this really, honestly, the best WWE's vast creative department could come up with for the returning Del Rio? He's an international multilingual second generation star who can turn out good matches, works nicely as a conceited heel, and was being courted by numerous other promotions. Defeating Cena for the suddenly quite meaningful United States championship is good and all, there's nothing wrong there. But the Colter alliance and promos about a title reign representing "MexAmerica" are confusing. Short of Del Rio introducing Homicide, Hernandez and Salinas for an obscure invasion angle or going full Lance Storm and renaming the belt there's nowhere interesting for the gimmick to go. So far the best it's done is give us an amusing backstage scene where Jack Swagger basically said "C'mon, Zeb, I know you're still a racist really!" It's just not clear what the gimmick is meant to be or how we're supposed to react to it.

I bet Del Rio's happy to be back regardless of the nonsense he's been lumbered with though. No more dealing with indy promoters who refuse to put up with his prima donna attitude!

WWE Hell in a Cell 2015 review

Hell in a Cell was always going to struggle to be a fully satisfying show. The reliance on rematches made it seem a very familiar card. And if there's one thing that hinders a wrestling card more than anything else it's bouts feeling overly familiar. The main event was actually something first seen thirteen years ago, for example. There was no way to disguise it and so WWE didn't bother, they simply didn't acknowledge it. Which was the smartest thing they could do in the circumstances but longer term it may be nice if they could maybe plan ahead and change things up a little to avoid something like this happening again.

The opening segment saw John Cena stride out and issue his Open Challenge. He didn't spend too much time getting to it and it was accepted by... Zeb Colter. Yes, really. Zeb Colter in John Laurinaitis's scooter. He cut a promo about people with differing views and from different countries coming together before introducing his new client: reigning AAA mega champion Alberto Del Rio. Guess they came to terms after ADR realised he was burning through bridges too quickly outside of WWE.

Another former world champion taking a backwards step in terms of titles.

 'Mexico's Greatest Export' was given a hero's welcome by the LA crowd, getting chants of "Si!" and "Welcome back!" as Michael Cole hyped him up to remind viewers why they should care about him being Cena's challenger. Sadly the crowd died down early in the eight minute match and didn't seem interested in waking back up, despite some good work from Cena and Del Rio, before the finish. That saw ADR slip out of an AA to hit Cena with a backstabber and a super kick, pinning Cena clean.

The pairing of ADR and Zeb Colter is peculiar but there's time for it to be fleshed out and given context. Del Rio doesn't do a huge amount for me as a wrestler but it's nice to see someone being added to the roster who can freshen things up a bit. WWE's improved considerably over the last year but additions are always welcome in a company so keen on recycling. He was introduced in a strong fashion too: not just anybody gets to pin Cena clean. Notably not even WWE champ Seth Rollins has been permitted that honour.

We were then treated (and I use that term loosely) to a backstage segment with The Authority. Rollins hyped himself up and Triple H and Steph mentioned his match with Kane. The Director of Operations then showed up, showed us his marvellous take on a multiple personality gimmick, and was dismissed by Trips. It was boring.

The long-running rivalry between Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt was settled after that in the night's first Hell in a Cell match. Don't let the fact that they've only had two singles matches on pay-per-view fool you, these two have been at odds for a while. Specifically since June when 'The Eater of Worlds' returned from a TV absence and cost Reigns the briefcase. After a few weeks of awkward but well-produced segments revolving around Reigns' daughter (awkward mostly because of how clearly uncomfortable Reigns was with the situation) the pair settled into a more natural take n the family feud, specifically the revival of their Shield versus Wyatt Family dynamic. Wyatt brought Luke Harper back into the fold and debuted Braun Strowman while Reigns called on his bessie mate Dean Ambrose and a string of ragtag helpers to wage his war.

The long-running Wyatt v Reigns spat is finally over. Breathe a sigh of relief.

Basically this HIAC match had to pay off a fair bit of story, the vast majority of which had been underwhelming, in addition to the standard requirement of keeping Roman looking strong and giving him a hot match. Pleasingly, it accomplished both. This was all down to the keenness of both men to make the match good. This wasn't the best Cell match ever, nor did it break the years-long trend of these matches being a bit pointless, but it was engaging and accomplished everything it needed to. They used chairs, tables and kendo sticks to make an impact en route to Reigns going over with a spear.

The awkward post-Cell lull spot was handed to the Dudley Boyz and New Day. Big E and Kofi cut a typically entertaining pre-match promo about Xavier Woods being injured. They also danced. Then the Dudleys came out and we were subjected to another subpar match between the two teams (the highlight of which was a spectacular inverted Rocker Dropper botch by the Duds). New Day won after E hit Bubba with a broken trombone and Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise.

I like both of these teams but this feud has been uninventive after an initially good week or two and we've yet to see any good matches come out of it. It may be time to accept they don't have especially good chemistry, switch the belts in a tables match, and do something new. Continuing like this will achieve nothing.

Nikki bella got her Divas title rematch against Charlotte after that. All seconds were banned from ringside to ensure a fair match. The storyline reason was that this created a fair playing field. I suspect the real life reason may have been some sort of test to see how Charlotte did in a singles pay-per-view match with just her, an opponent and a referee.

Nikki telling a story there. Great stuff.

If it was a test she did fine, but Nikki handled the bulk of the work. She was on offence for the majority of the match, with Charlotte only firing up and hitting certain moves at select points. Anyone doubting Niki's ability to lead and construct a good match should really just pay attention to this. She was very, very good and told a different story to their previous matches. I'd like to see what she could do in a pay-per-view match with someone more talented than 'The Nature Girl', like Sasha Banks for example. Charlotte overcame Nikki's targeting of her back and managed to apply the figure eight long enough to get the submission victory.

That was followed by a scene in which Dean Ambrose congratulated Roman Reigns on his Hell in a Cell victory. They said they'd celebrate and also referred to knowing where they had to go next. They said that would be discussed on RAW. It seemed like the weirdest teaser WWE's done for TV in  while.

Kane challenging Seth Rollins for the WWE world championship came next. Kane dominated at the opening before Seth slowly turned things around, starting with an opportunistic attack as 'The Big Red Machine' lumbered onto the top rope. They did the standard issue ringside brawling, including a table spot, before Rollins went over with two top rope knees, two super kicks, a frog splash and a Pedigree (because Kane must be kept strong for whatever reason). It was the best Kane match I can remember seeing in ages but Rollins is capable of, deserves and needs, if he is to be the valuale asset he so clearly can be, so much better.

The semi-main event spot went to Ryback and Kevin Owens. They had a fun enough match but it was too short to amount to much more. KO went over with a pop-up power bomb on 'The Big Guy'.

 

One last time.

Finally we had the evening's main event: the Final Ever Confrontation™ between The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar. Within minutes Lesnar had found a suplex attempt blocked and been busted open. A foray to the outside of the ring was controlled by 'Taker, with 'The Beast' taking over with a chair back in the ring. 'Taker regained control and used the chair himself, placing it against Lesnar's throat and sending him down into the mat.

Lesnar sold for maybe a minute before bouncing out of a corner and nailing a German suplex. Then he hit another. And another. Then an F5. 'Taker kicked out. Another F5. Another kick out. Lesnar used ring steps to Undie's head. He kicked out again. Lesnar tried caving his foe's head. Undertaker moved.

Undertaker kicked up at Lesnar, sending him falling backwards with the steps landing on top of him. A desperation Hell's Gate was applied. Lesnar forced his way out and clubbed away at 'The Last Outlaw' with left and right hands. With his foe subdued Lesnar ripped up the mat covering only for 'Taker to sit up and choke slam him onto bare wooden boards. Brock kicked out so 'Taker hit him with a Tombstone.

Lesnar kicked out. Undertaker sold utter disbelief and struggled back to his feet. He signalled for another Tombstone but Lesnar low blowed him, paying Undertaker back for SummerSlam. Following up with an F5 Lesnar got the pin, winning his feud and, in Michael Cole's words, cemented his legacy as 'The Conqueror'. It was a slow starter but once they started breaking into the finishers this was a good match.

After the match Lesnar walked up the aisle and 'Taker gave him a knowing look before lying back in the ring and accepting his defeat. After a few attempts 'The Dead Man' did his bolt upright sit up spot. He just looked like a knackered old bloke but I think we were meant to see it as his magic failing him. The crowd played along and chanted "Thank you, Taker!" as he staggered up to his feet.

Newest recruit or next opponent? Next opponent, obvs.

Sinking down to his knee, UT went for his signature pose. But he was interrupted by the Wyatt Family. Harper, Rowan and Strowman swarmed him and took him down to the mat. Then they held him up for Wyatt to give him a few punches and carried him out of the arena. Going completely overboard JBL bellowed about honour and Undertaker being a warrior as the show went off the air.

Despite the number of rematches I thought Hell in a Cell was a worthwhile watch. It's not something that will make any show of the year polls but it had some memorable moments and only one out-and-out dud bout (the tag title match). It was a basic PPV offering form the Fed, but sometimes that's okay. It helps you appreciate the better stuff that little bit more.

***

Results summary:

Alberto Del Rio defeated John Cena to win the United States championship
Roman Reigns defeated Bray Wyatt
New Day defeated the Dudley Boyz to retain the tag team championship
Charotte defeated Nikki Bella to retain the Divas championship
Seth Rollins defeated Kane to retain the WWE championship
Kevin Owens defeated Ryback to retain the Intercontinental championship
Brock Lesnar defeated The Undertaker

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 13

That Wrestling Podcast Episode 13 by Dave Hatton on Mixcloud

Today’s episode is an almost fifty-fifty split between to topics. One is Paul Heyman and his Paul Heyman Guys. Specifically we chat about what WWE’s premier agent’s three current clients are up to and what they could do in the future and what they could be doing in the future. Also, who on the roster and in developmental would work well alongside Heyman as fresh clients.

 

This is how Heyman struts to the ring when managing Paul Heyman

 

The second topic, the first discussed, is about wrestling. It turns into a stream of nonsense fairly quickly but amazingly doesn’t veer off course at all. And we discuss ring gear for eleven minutes.

The final thing I’ll mention is that I refer in this podcast to Enzo Amore being from New York. I suspect he may be from New Jersey. If this is the case then I can only apologise.

The Managers

During the Attitude Era the WWF phased out male managers. They were replaced by female valets, who were there more to provide eye candy than to help disguise the weaknesses of a wrestler. Terri? The Kat? Debra? Remember them? They’re the ones I’m thinking of. Even Trish Stratus started off in that role before transitioning into WWE’s most valued in-ring female wrestler ever.

The manager change fit with the direction of the Attitude Era but, in the long run, would prove harmful to the development of new stars. The WWF was blessed during the late 90s and early double zeros with a batch of stars who were gifted talkers. There were very few people on the roster who needed someone to talk for them. Those that did were so low down the pecking order that giving them mic time wasn't a priority anyway.

Before that managers had been used often to help main event stars whose promo skills weren’t terribly strong. Every person who filled the role, from Bobby Heenan to Harvey Whippleman, did so because they added something to the product. They knew how to do things that their various charges didn't.

The change stuck for much of the following decade. Paul Bearer remained linked to the Undertaker and Kane until 2000 and returned for various runs alongside both men from 2005 to 2012. Paul Heyman was the only other manager of note. He introduced Brock Lesnar in 2002 and went on to manage Big Show, Kurt Angle, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas before being written off TV. He returned in 2006 and was affiliated with Big Show, Hardcore Holly, Test and various others before finally leaving WWE in December. Heyman was easily the industry's top manager (although he went by the decidedly more modern term “agent”) by that point.

When Heyman returned to WWE last year it was to once again manage Lesnar. He helped to sell the feud between his client and Triple H over the summer with excellent microphone work and facial expressions. His ability to cut a clear and concise promo that drew people in and at the same time made his motivations clear was and remains marvellous.

When 'The Pain' disappeared from television (because WWE like to hoard the limited dates they have him for) Heyman was given a very different role alongside CM Punk. His job there was not to talk for his charge but to enhance Punk's promos with his facial expressions and reactions. He'd occasionally provide a long winded, heat-seeking introduction but that would it as far as speaking went.

 

Strange little hand gesture from Heyman, there

 

When Punk left television after WrestleMania (he was granted time off for some R&R) Heyman was paired with Curtis Axel. That partnership has seen him return to a role he's not played since introducing 'The Pain' to audiences over a decade ago, namely helping to establish a new act.

Both Punk and Lesnar are big names in WWE in their own right. Heyman adds something to both (particularly Lesnar) but he's not an absolute necessity for either man to be perceived as a star. The entire point of his partnership with Axel is to make Axel a bigger name by the association. Once managers reach a certain point this is a great use for them.

That he excelled in all roles is not only a testament to Heyman's talent but also an example of how varied a skilled manager's (or agent’s) role can be. I suspect the work done by Heyman last year is what prompted WWE to try out other traditional managers.

The only other one that's made it to the main roster so far is right wing fanatic Zeb Colter. That WWE drafted in an old pro to be their second manager isn't a surprise. Dutch Mantell (the man behind the whiskers) is a forty year veteran. He knows how to be effective with a microphone and has been successful at masking Jack Swagger's distinct lack of charisma.

His new pairing with Antonio Cesaro is a sign that WWE is pleased with his work. On the surface it may appear slightly disappointing that ‘The Swiss Superman’ has been deemed in need of a manager. I don’t think it’s necessarily indicative of poor standing though. Punk was paired with Heyman after all. Perhaps Cesaro will get to do his fair share of speaking. Even if not it should at leats get him more time on TV.

 

Colter's new charge, roaring like a bear

 

Anyway, if Colter's been a test run to see if people other than Heyman can do well in the agent-manager role I think he has to be considered a success.

There are two guys lined up as managers in NXT. The first is Sylvester Lefort,  a French wrestler trained by Lance Storm. His obligatory NXT repackaging has seen him not only transform into a manager but also develop an apparent fondness for leopard print. He's got a good look to him, and his accent will not only help him stand out but also make punters more inclined to boo him. Some things in wrestling never change. One of those things is the foreign heel.

The other man is Bray Wyatt, someone you'll probably be aware of if you've watched RAW lately. Wyatt's preacher gimmick and southern twang set him apart from the rest of the WWE pack, as does his southern drawl. It's still not clear if he's going to be wrestling or managing or both when The Wyatt Family make their debuts he's capable of both, and I'm hoping he's used in a way that allows him to manage Rowan and Harper.

Good on WWE for resurrecting the role.

The Civil War

Jack Swagger is going to remain in orbit around WWE's World Heavyweight title until Extreme Rules. At that show he will clash with current champ Dolph Ziggler and former champ Alberto Del Rio.

A title win for 'The Real American' seems unlikely, mainly because of the court date that’s still hanging over his head. WWE aren't likely to put their second most important belt on someone who may bring them negative press. Just as unlikely will be Swagger remaining a part of the title picture after the extreme PPV. By the time Extreme Rules is out of the way Swagger and Colter will have been feuding with ADR for three months. It'll be time for both men to do something new. So says WWE's time tested booking practice.

For man of the people Del Rio that will likely be a continuation of the feud he's currently got going on with Ziggler. Dropping Swagger will provide just enough of a change to keep their programme interesting (in theory anyway).

Theoretically Del Rio could be ditched to allow for a Ziggler v Swagger programme. Realistically that's not happening. It would require one man to switch to playing face and necessitate a step down the card for Alberto, who only started getting the star treatment again in January. Also, Ziggler versus Swagger matches would not be the finest things known to man.

This is going to leave Swagger with nothing obvious to do come May 20^th. Nothing with headline guys anyway, unless CM Punk returns to work with him. I can think of likelier scenarios.

What I'd like to see WWE do is drop Swagger down a level to help elevate someone from the lower ranks. The perfect choice is... wait for it... Zack Ryder. Okay, perfect may be stretching things a little but Ryder would be a good choice for a promotion.

'Long Island Iced Z' is already reasonably popular with fans. That makes moving him up a notch easier. He proved in his 2011 programme with Dolph Ziggler that he can get the crowd into a match if he's given more than two minutes to do so. He's underrated on interviews too. Most importantly (for the point I’m about to make anyway) Ryder is an American with a gimmick that reflects an aspect of American pop culture. Specifically, reality TV.

Since returning in February Swagger and his mouthpiece Uncle Zeb have claimed that America's society is broken. One aspect of this belief, illegal immigration, is what led to the programme between Swags and Del Rio. Ryder could be used as the embodiment of American failings, blamed by the heels for what's wrong with the country’s populace.

Is this what's wrong with America today?

Getting it right would be tricky. Fans haven't exactly reacted to Swagger like a main event star during his most recent push and ‘The Long Island Broski' has been on the bottom rung of the roster since dumping the US title (to Swagger, funnily enough) early last year.

The usual approach of weekly rushed segments paid off with a pay-per-view match nobody cares isn't going to suffice. Viewers need to be given reasons to root for Ryder and despise Swagger. That would mean giving each man time to get their points across in an engaging fashion. Ideally it would mean giving Ryder some wins before the programme begins too, so that he's taken more seriously as an opponent for a former world title contender (and indeed a former World champion), and so that the option is open to have 'The Real American' cost him matches to get the ball rolling.

WWE can do all of this but it's unlikely they will. Ryder isn't seen as important enough to be a part of a featured rivalry and Swags will probably go the same way once Del Rio's done with him. The idea is just completely alien to their current booking style. Which, when you get down to it, is pretty depressing.

Swagtourage

I've always felt Jack Swagger would benefit from a comedy entourage. He's a big, serious wrestler with the right look but instead of presenting him as a serious dominating force WWE don't seem to be able to stop themselves from turning him into a figure of fun. He was presented as something of a clown upon his initial call-up to ECW and, barring a brief run as Serious Swagger, he's had a twinge of comedy to him ever since. Look no further than the Swagger Soaring Eagle and his "dad" joining him on TV to see what I mean.

There's also this promo, split in two here and here. A perfect example of Swagger being presented as a joke.     

I'm not complaining. I like Swagger being presented this way. It could be a tool for success rather than a hindrance if it were fully embraced by the writing team. It’s not at the moment, sadly. All it is is yet another example of WWE being unwilling to experiment and follow through on their ideas.

Swagger's 'Real American' act would stand a greater chance of being accepted (and would be far more palatable) if he and Colter were easier to laugh at. Increasing the number of seconds and hangers-on he has would be a good direction for him. Give him an old fashioned entourage!

Colter's already in place as a windbag, narrow-minded racist of a manager. A guy could be installed to proudly wave a flag as Swagger walks to the ring during his matches. He wouldn't need to say anything, just waving the flag would be enough. Swagger could return to doing a couple of press ups in the aisle before the match and a coach could be installed to shout encouragement or clap as Swagger does what most able bodied people are capable of.

Look at this and tell me he's not a comedy performer

Maybe the Soaring Eagle could be brought back by Colter. A symbol of a once great and powerful nation that he and Swagger are going to return to glory (by winning wrestling matches, dammit!). Maybe a cheerleader could be placed at ringside. Is there any greater symbol of America than the humble cheerleader? No. Of course not.

In the case of the flag waver and the cheerleader it would be a good way to utilise NXT wrestlers who aren't going to make it to the main roster otherwise. Mike Dalton immediately springs to mind. He doesn’t strike me as someone who’s ever going to get beyond Main Event and Saturday Morning Slam level on his own merit.

Meanwhile Summer Rae would make a pretty good cheerleader. I’m going on looks there, because that’s what would be most important to a gimmick cheerleader. Whether she can do any cheers or nor not isn’t important. If Dolph Ziggler and Mike Mondo can learn how then she can too.

It could even provide a new use for established acts. David Otunga could be used as Swagger's legal adviser (a role I like for Otunga as it allows him to interfere in matches and take bumps without hassling us with watching him wrestle). Guys like Derrick Bateman and Michael McGillicutty could be added to form a Team USA type stable. Colter would make as good a mouthpiece for them as he does for Swagger and they'd make excellent bump fodder.

Basically Swagger's gimmick should be that he's a serious competitor who continually surrounds himself with foolishness. The beauty of putting the focus on Swagger is that it would make him just as much a part of the comedy as everyone else involved: the joke being that he chooses to spend more time hiring seconds than on prepping for matches. The entourage being a regular thing would also allow for periodic changes. That would help keep the concept, and 'The All American American' fresh.

 

Let’s face it: this idea is no worse than making him a racist, is it?

SmackTalk 08.03.13

I’ve not written a SmackDown recap in a while. I miss doing it. Sort of. Recaps are irritating to write because it involves watching an entire show without skipping anything. That’s why NXT is the perfect WWE show to recap. It’s done and dusted in forty-five minutes. It’s also why I might start recapping ROH on SBG (something I’ve done twice ever) now that Jim Cornette’s been future endeavoured and the rather interesting SCUM storyline has been launched.

SmackDown generally has a run time, when watched on video streaming sites, of about an hour and twenty minutes. That’s two hours’ worth of content, with ads. It’s about as much wrestling as I want in an average sitting. Any more becomes too much, stacked with unprocessable filler and tedious matches, and wrestlers, that nobody cares about.

RAW is clearly WWE’s most important programme. But it’s too long. Over an hour too long. Ever before it got its wholly unnecessary third hour the show was getting a weekly fifteen minute overrun. That’s been retained, meaning that if you watch from start to finish as it airs you’re devoting over three hours to WWE.

I don’t think any sane wrestling fan wants a three hour weekly wrestling show. Especially when the same company also produces a monthly pay-per-view that’s only half an hour longer as well as various other programmes.

As RAW is too long and SmackDown features a load of recapping why not shave that third hour off the Monday show (which I think may happen later this year, especially if the WWE Network launches) and put whatever content that can’t be squeezed on onto SmackDown? It would give Raw a more watchable run-time and give the blue brand more substance.

That diatribe over, I should probably give some thoughts on SmackDown.

There was one worthwhile match on this week’s show: Alberto Del Rio v Dolph Ziggler. ‘The Show Off’ lost, naturally. Big E and AJ were ejected from ringside after some shenanigans involving Ricardo (who was allowed to stay for some reason), which was WWE’s way of avoiding a Ziggler cash-in. Had Big E stuck around the obvious thing for Ziggler to have done would have been to have his henchman flatten the champ and the use his guaranteed World title shot. Sending Langston to the back meant that never became an issue.

Damien Sandow was wasted in a worthless match with Ryback. He deserves better. His partner, ‘The Magnificence of Moustachioed Magnificence’ Cody Rhodes, was also wasted. Instead of getting to wrestle he was shown watching Kaitlyn on a monitor. Yes, heading into WrestleMania XXIX Cody is a part of the Divas scene. Great…

Fandango refused to wrestle because his name wasn’t pronounced correctly. It’s funny and gets decent heat but where is there to go with that? This gimmick has potential but I think it’ll be wasted. It will be another waste of Johnny Curtis.

Finally, Big Show and Sheamus clashed in the main event. We were told it was their first ever meeting in a singles match on SmackDown. That may have meant something if they had just finished feuding a couple of months ago.

Their bout was interrupted by The Shield. Randy Orton sprinted in to help out Shaymo. They ended up getting the best of the justice-deliverers thanks to an assist from Show, because he’s a tweener now after getting speared by Roman Reigns. It really is that easy to instigate a turn for ‘The World’s Largest Athlete’. I suspect there’s going to be a Shield versus “dysfunctional unit” of Show, Orton and Sheamus at WrestleMania. Looking at The Shield’s record that could be good.

 

WrestleMania debutants?

 

Opening video

Tweet 1: Tonight... ON SMACKDOWN!!

Tweet 2: The Shield attacking EVERYONE, Big Show slobbering, and Jack Swagger beating up old men. It's going to be a helluva show!
Tweet 3: You want matches? Big Show v Sheamus (yes again!) and Ziggler v ADR. Pure BAM!

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter promo, featuring Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez

Tweet 4: There's a Russian dirge playing. It could only be J-Swaggalag.

Tweet 5: Swagger's got some good heat on him.
Tweet 6: Colter's twirling his moustache. He's engaged Panto Villain Mode.
Tweet 7: I like the fact that Swagger has a mic even though he's not using it.
Tweet 8: Del Rio should start calling everyone papi.
Tweet 9: Why is Ricardo dressed as Teenwolf? And why is he standing next to Seth Rollins in a blonde wig?

Who's your papi?

3MB v Team Hell No

Tweet 10: 3MB. The ratings are going to peak early this week.

Tweet 11: I'd say 3MB are obviously going to lose but the fact is they get to win surprisingly often.
Tweet 12: Well that was certainly a match.

Matt Striker interviews Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 13: Are they trying to tease a cash-in? Nobody believes it.

Ryback and Mark Henry run into one another backstage

Tweet 14: Ryback looks at Mark Henry. Mark Henry looks at Ryback. The sexual tension can be cut with a knife.

Ryback v Damien Sandow

Tweet 15: #Sandowpop

Tweet 16: Digs between Maddox and Mathews on commentary. There is a LOT of heat between them.
Tweet 17: There's no commentary going on. It's just bickering and plugs for RAW. That's the norm though so I shouldn't complain.
Tweet 18: What would make this little celebration interesting is Mark Henry bursting through the ring and biting Ryback's nose.
Tweet 19: Albany or Buffalo? I'm more of a Buffalo man.

Matt Striker interviews Big Show

Tweet 20: Big Show will punch anyone in the face. Members of The Shield, Sheamus, children, puppies... He doesn't care.

Alberto Del Rio v Dolph Ziggler

Tweet 21: Albertoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Dellllllllllllllllll Riiiiiiiiiiiiooooooooooooo!!

Tweet 22: I think Brad Maddox has been drinking. Not alcohol, but something with sugar in it. He's not allowed sugar. Sends him hyper.

He's had his roots done

Tweet 23: Oh look, it's 'The Package' Big E Langston. You all know what I'm talking about...
Tweet 24: AJ's looking damp. She's obviously been paying attention to Ziggler’s flexing...
Tweet 25: I thought I'd like Maddox on commentary. I was wrong. He's incredibly irritating.
Tweet 26: If they needed a third man on commentary why didn't they reinstall Booker T? I miss him. #shuckyduckyQUACKQUACK
Tweet 27: Del Rio jumps off turnbuckles in an incredibly effeminate manner.
Tweet 28: German suplex?! I'm sorry I thought I was watching WWE, not a show that features actual wrestling moves...
Tweet 29: Very good match. I'm looking forward to a feud between those two in a few months.

AJ and Daniel Bryan bicker backstage

Tweet 30: Why is the cameraman swinging the camera about so much?

Tweet 31: Did Bryan just call Ziggler an eighteen second man? Is that LOL? No. It's not LOL.

Mark Henry v Yoshi Tatsu

Tweet 32: You wait months for a Yoshi Tatsu match and then two come along at once.

Tweet 33: I predict Tatsu is going to get an upset over Henry.

Matt Striker interviews Sheamus

Tweet 34: Here's a Sheamus promo...

Tweet 35: Comparing Show to Shrek? Matt Striker finds that (dated reference) very funny.

Kaitlyn v Tamina

Tweet 36: Cole sounds utterly disinterested in the Layla, Kaitlyn and Tamina match/fiasco.

Tweet 37: What's Cody Rhodes' got lined up for WrestleMania, you ask? He's been added to the Divas' storyline! Huzzah!
Tweet 38: Tamina wins with a Samoan drop. She should turn on her legacy and start using a coconut as a foreign object.
Tweet 39: Cody likes Kaitlyn. This will lead to Kaitlyn and Layla v the Rhodes Scholars at 'Mania. #consideritbooked

Fandango v Justin Gabriel (sort of)

Tweet 40: Fandango is holding out for a WrestleMania debut.

Tweet 41: Want to know how to pronounce Fandango properly? Fan-DAN!-go. The dan needs to be delivered in the style of Alan Partridge.

Fan... Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAAAAAAAN!!... go!

Booker T and Teddy long backstage

Tweet 42: What sort of a GM can't say Fandango?

Sheamus v Big Show

Tweet 43: FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Tweet 44: Sheamus gets more annoying every week. Without fail. Every ruddy week.
Tweet 45: Big Show, symbolized by a bear with glowing red eyes.
Tweet 46: Sheamus displays humour? When? WHEN?!
Tweet 47: Sheamus looks like a clam made out of spongecake.
Tweet 48: Show gets Brogue kicked off the apron. He should have leapt through the announce desk.
Tweet 49: This question must be asked: within the parameters of kayfabe how do the guys in the production truck know when to play The Shield's music?
Tweet 50: Show punching Sheamus in the face is the highlight of SmackDown.
Tweet 51: The show goes off the air with The Shield staring at Orton and Orton staring at The Shield. #tension

Swagger Versus The Rock

Considering The Rock’s status as a pretty big deal in Hollywood it's surprising that the US media haven't made more of his recent WWE championship win. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect it to be on the front covers of papers or topping evening news rundowns but I thought there'd be a little more interest than there has been.
 
It's not The Rock's fault (nor is it Gene Snitsky’s). He's done everything that could be expected of him, including tweeting pictures of himself with the belt from whatever film set he happens to be on on any particular day. He is proud of his association with the wrestling company (and he should be, they're paying him enough) but that doesn't naturally equate to interest from the media.
 
As big a name as 'The Great One' is there's a member of the roster who's managed to net WWE more media coverage in the last couple of weeks. His name is Jack Swagger.
 
In case you haven't heard Jack Swagger was repackaged as an ultra-right wing zealot a few weeks ago. His ankle lock finisher was renamed the Patriot Act, he was given a xenophobic manager, and he started bellowing "We the people!" in what is supposed to be a rallying cry that will unite American citizens.
 
It is, predictably, the xenophobic manager and his comments regarding the cultural diversity of America that's garnered negative attention. Conservative news haven FOX, along with various other media outlets, have dedicated time to Swag's new direction claiming that it is WWE's attempt at undermining various right wing political movements. A radio host named Glenn Beck has been particularly noteworthy for his outrage at the characters.
 
In fairness to WWE they're clearly not trying to undermine the right. If the politics of Vince McMahon weren't a dead giveaway the fact that WWE has many prominent culturally diverse employees and viewers shows that undermining any political movement isn't their goal. It's a distasteful, old fashioned approach to wrestling antagonism but it’s not a reflection of the company's political ideology.

Swagger and Zeb Colter are playing villains designed to get a negative reaction from audiences. Nobody living in democratic 2013 is supposed to agree with them. They're the bad guys. A video, partly in character and partly out of it, was posted online on Friday explaining all of this far better than I ever could. View it here.

More interesting than The Rock

 
After last Tuesday's SmackDown taping Swagger was arrested for possession of marijuana and driving under the influence. It was unfortunate timing, coming just as the biggest push Swag's had in years was getting underway. Usually this news would almost certainly result in a suspension or perhaps even a firing. Either one of those reactions would necessitate a major reworking of the World Heavyweight title feud for WrestleMania.
 
What's interesting is that at time of writing WWE hadn't announced any formal repercussions against 'The All American American'. They’d actually continued publishing videos furthering the Swagger and Colter storyline via YouTube accounts. It's possible they're waiting until RAW's been and gone. That would allow Swagger to appear on the show to be written out of storylines.
 
I don’t think that’s likely. It’s possible WWE may be willing to overlook Swagger’s transgression on this occasion, or at least punish him in such a way as to allow the WrestleMania rivalry to continue interrupted. As he's providing the company with their best source of media coverage they're going to be unwilling to take Swagger off of television. Replacements for the WHC match spot can easily be found in the likes of Randy Orton, Sheamus, Mark Henry, and Dolph Ziggler. Finding someone to replace Swagger as a media magnet will prove far more difficult, as The Rock has so ably demonstrated.

That RAW Recap 11.02.13

Sometimes you get episodes of RAW that just don't do anything particularly memorable. This week's is a very good example of that.
 
The Nashville RAW featured three things of note. Two were the sort of thing WWE does on a weekly basis, namely produce vaguely palatable filler that is rendered inconsequential after the next pay-per-view. The third was a staggeringly risky new direction for a performer who has needed a change since last year.
 
Everything else on the show was either last minute booking for Elimination Chamber or a wrestling match. The wrestling on offer varied in quality. On the one hand we got a good Daniel Bryan v Chris Jericho outing. On the other we were subjected to Tensai and Brodus Clay handily downing Primo and Epico. Every match had something in common though: they will all be forgotten by next week. This is the result of WWE placing more emphasis on skits and stories over anything resembling sport. Matches now exist only to further feuds or otherwise contribute to plots.
 
This isn't anything new. It's been WWE's approach for years. It's just that some weeks it's more obvious than others.
 
The first enjoyable bit of fluff was Paul Heyman's attempted retirement. This opened the show and featured Heyman announcing that he would be leaving because he was a distraction and a hindrance to CM Punk. This brought out the former WWE champion to convince Heyman to stay. Nothing much else happened. It was very clearly a riff on the announcement that Pope Benedict XVI will be retiring shortly.
 
The reason I think this will be looked back on fondly by some is because of who it featured. Punk and Heyman each have hefty fan followings who look back over their old segments on YouTube. Their pairing has been sufficiently popular to make the faux retirement an item of interest. But while I think some people will watch because of who's involved I don't think anyone will ever list it as a classic segment or promo.
 
You see? Vaguely palatable filler.
 
Punk and Heyman returned at the end of the programme after The Rock had given us what was probably its most enjoyable aspect. He cut a promo about moving to Nashville at fifteen and having his first match there at twenty-five. He referenced Jeff Jarrett (y'know, that guy Vince McMahon hates that works for TNA?) and his high school and told a story about buying a car from a crackhead.
 
This is the sort of thing Rock does very well. He tells a generic little story with humour as its driving force and peppers it with references to local celebrities, landmarks and history. The mentions get the locals on-side and encourage cheap pops, making them even more vocal than they would be otherwise. This translates well to people watching at home who can laugh along with the story even if they don't get all the references. It's not a trick The Rock used that much on his way to the top. It's one he's perfected since his return to the company in 2011. It works partly because of his charisma but it also keeps fans from turning on him. It's an important part of his repertoire.
 
While it was the best thing on the show it wasn't anything particularly memorable. It was basically designed to give the audience something to cheer and to get Punk and Rock in the same place for a brawl before EC. Those measly goals were accomplished. Rock did entertain and he and Punk did brawl. 'The Best in the World' ran off with the championship belt after levelling 'The Brahma Bull' with a GTS. Expect him to wear it to the ring at Sunday's PPV.
 
Finally we come to the third noteworthy part of the show. Even though it didn't feature The Rock, CM Punk, John Cena or any other one of WWE's flock of main eventers it is this portion of the show that I think will be looked back on most over the years, simply because it was so bizarre and unexpected.
 
Jack Swagger came to the ring for a match with Zack Ryder. He was accompanied by a man he introduced as Zeb Colter. Following the bout Colter grabbed a microphone and proceeded to cut a promo with some decidedly un-PG overtones. He stated he is a proud American. Fine. He stated Swagger is a proud American. Also fine. He stated he is a Vietnam veteran. Okay, we’re getting into murky territory here but that is, broadly speaking, fine.

A black singlet? What happened to the red, white and blue? Not very patriotic...

Colter apparently doesn’t recognise America anymore. We were told that he sees people with faces that aren’t like his speaking languages he doesn’t understand. He wondered aloud where all of those people had come from before also wondering aloud how to get rid of them. He mentioned border patrols and some routinely jingoistic Americanisms before saying that America was their country and their land because they’re real patriots.

Yes, Jack Swagger has been repackaged as a racist. It was inevitable really.

This is such a spectacularly messed up situation it’s difficult to know exactly what to say. I mean obviously it’s a distasteful direction to take Swagger in. It’s also a change that’s almost certain to be heavily revised once the inevitable bad press hits. A PG rating and racism are not natural bedfellows.

And yet WWE have got the basic idea right. I pointed out a week or so ago that the weakest part of Swagger’s act is his inability to give a convincing speech. Giving him a manager is absolutely the right thing to do. Colter is a very good choice. He’s been known for most of his career as ‘Dirty’ Dutch Mantel and is noted as a good stick man. Until a few years ago he was a booker for TNA and he’s been instrumental in the careers of guys like the Undertaker and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin (you may have heard of them). Take away the racism and it’s a fine decision.

This episode of RAW will always be an item of interest because of this short segment. The duo will be toned down sooner or later which will eventually result in people looking back to see just how full-on the stuff they said at the start was (because rumours will spread and fans who missed it first time around will look back on the time that “Jack Swagger was a massive racist”). They’ll be disappointed because, truth be told, nothing Colter said was overtly racist. It was more the tone and the fact that two such characters could appear in WWE in 2013 than anything else.

Still, let’s look on the bright side. At least it looks like the Swagger push is back on!