No Longer a Lord

What happened to the push of Tensai?

The former A-Train returned to the promotion to much fan interest after several years away from WWE wrestling in Japan. During this time he improved as a worker and became a genuinely big star for Pro Wrestling NOAH.

His return was not only heralded by a series of vignettes but also a new character that was different to everything else on the roster. With his height and bulk, not to mention his improvement in the ring, the feeling was that Matt Bloom would receive a big push under the new guise of Lord Tensai. There were rumours he would be associated with then on-screen boss John Laurinaitis and feud with John Cena. It looked as though Bloom was going straight to the top.

Anyone who has been watching WWE programming over the last six months will know that this hasn’t happened.

Things started off well enough. Lord Tensai won his first few matches via squash and the commentary team went out of their way to put him over as an experienced competitor, mentioning his time in Japan and the fact that he had had a less than stellar run in WWE a decade before. This is rare behaviour for Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. That they were putting Tensai over indicated that management had big plans for him.

It was only a few weeks after he’d returned to the promotion that Lord Tensai was permitted the ultimate honour: he defeated John Cena. He didn’t do it clean, David Otunga, John Laurinaitis and his personal manservant Sakamoto all involved themselves in the no disqualification bout and Tensai used the dreaded Green Mist™ finish, but it was still a promising sign. That he was booked to beat Cena, the company’s golden boy, in any fashion was big news.

 

Tensai has proven a textbook example of how to bury someone. Good work, John...

 

From there it all just… stopped. Tensai toppled Cena in a few more outings but it didn’t take ‘The CeNation Leader’ long to get his win back. There was no pay-per-view clash between the two and Tensai found himself without any actual storyline. He was simply hired muscle that happened to be doing a Japanese gimmick.

It wasn’t until July’s Money in the Bank, three months after he had returned to WWE, that Tensai wrestled on pay-per-view. He made up the numbers in the World Heavyweight championship MITB clash. By this point fans had accepted he wasn’t going to be used as a headliner: he had been booked to lose numerous times to wrestlers of varying status, from Cena to Tyson Kidd, and had numerous tweaks made to his character (such as the loss of his Lordship) that made him stand out less.

It’s a pity. Had WWE formulated a plan for using Tensai he could have been an interesting addition to the main event scene. His size allows him a surprising amount of versatility: he could be booked as a monster against the likes of CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, muscle around giants like Kane and Big Show, or have an intense “slobberknocker” of a match with a guy like Sheamus.

Tensai is one of the few men on the roster who can get a bearable outing from John Cena. WWE can still book this match whenever they like but we’ve seen it several times over the last few months and it won’t feel particularly special anymore.

Had Tensai decisively beaten Cena at Over The Limit and No Way Out he could then have been used as a contender to World Heavyweight champion Sheamus at Money in the Bank. Had that happened then ‘The Celtic Warrior’s’ run with Alberto Del Rio wouldn’t have outstayed its welcome and there would have been a purpose to Tensai’s return to the company.

As things stand right now Tensai is lost in the mid-card and doesn’t look as though he’ll be doing anything meaningful any time soon. Another wasted chance by WWE’s creative team.

Kidd Done Good

On the June 29^th SmackDown (recorded on Tuesday 26^th) Tyson Kidd got a surprising victory over Jack Swagger in a Money in the Bank qualifying match. A win over 'The All American American' is rarely big news but it was in this case: Kidd is one of the few members of the roster who loses more often than Vickie Guerrero's client.
 
On Monday's RAW Kidd notched up a far more impressive victory when he beat Tensai. That's an honour previously reserved only for megastar John Cena.
 
Two wins over far bigger opponents higher up the pecking order, one of whom has only ever been booked to lose to established headline talent (unless of course you choose to remember his time as Prince Albert and A-Train) and a spot in a Money in the Bank ladder match. It appears we may have a Tyson Kidd push on our hands.
 
The closest Kidd has come to a featured spot on the roster before was when he was working as one half of the Hart Dynasty. That was a group consisting of Kidd, son of the British Bulldog David Hart Smith and Kidd’s girlfriend Natalya. It was a hollow attempt by WWE to continue “the Hart legacy.” When it was realised that a push would need to be coupled with the act in order to make fans care about them the writing team lost interest. Gang was split and Kidd quickly found himself working enjoyable but ultimately meaningless matches on Superstars.

Is Tyson Kidd a future Money in the Bank winner?

Barring a short-lived tag team he formed with Justin Gabriel, which was said to be in line for a push before injuries got in the way, Kidd has done nothing of note for years. It's nice to see his ability and hard work rewarded with a spot in a match that will not only grant him a moment in the spotlight but also play to his strengths.
 
Realistically I can't see Kidd capturing the World Heavyweight title briefcase. I think the most he can hope for is a near miss moment and a memorable spot. That's not say his push won't continue after the show. While it's not a guarantee I would be surprised if WWE went to the trouble of giving Kidd these wins for just a single pay-per-view.
 
The world titles may seem above Kidd right now but that's not necessarily a bad thing. He could be used as part of a revived mid-card and be built up for a run with the Intercontinental championship. If he wins enough for a couple of months fans should be willing to accept that Kidd's push will last, at which point he could be put into a feud with a heel IC champ.

Christian v Tyson Kidd would be a fine programme but the current output of the WWE writing team makes me doubt they are skilled enough to produce the subtle nuances of a face versus face rivalry. Better to hope a heel drops 'Captain Charisma' in the next few weeks and acts as a caretaker champion while Kidd is readied for a lengthy title reign.
 
Tyson Kidd is a talented, hard-working wrestler who produces great matches. He is exactly the sort of man WWE should be pushing. I hope this doesn't become the sort of stop-start push which viewers have become all too familiar with because with Tyson Kidd has a chance of creating a new star.

That RAW Recap 04.06.12

The episode of RAW that aired on Monday 4^th June convinced me of one thing: WWE has no intention of elevating any new talent any time soon. With three of its top stars currently suspended (Randy Orton and Rey Mysterio for violations of the Wellness Policy and Chris Jericho for jobbing out a Brazilian flag) now would be the perfect time to shove some new guys up to the top of the card. This is something that has been neglected by WWE for too long as it is. The current suspensions are illustrating that perfectly.

Instead of doing something that would benefit their young stars or help to set someone on the path to the top WWE decided that the best thing for business this week would be to promote a match between John Cena and Michael Cole. There’s nothing wrong with Cena headlining RAW. It’s not exactly an uncommon sight and a match or short programme with him could help to raise the profile of a promising mid-card talent

Sadly Michael Cole is not a promising mid-card talent.

While they are not reaching the ludicrous levels they did during 2010 and 2011 (when he was the most heavily pushed heel act in the company and ate up time at WrestleMania) Cole is slowly beginning to become a heavier presence on WWE television again. It seems that WWE is panicked by lack of star power and is taking the easy route of falling back on to the Michael Cole push. It’s worked once and will again, that will be the reasoning. It’s a short term solution to a long-term problem: Cole may have earned some heat last night but he is not an option when it comes to headlining pay-per-views or shifting merchandise.

It’s true that Tensai (no longer a Lord apparently) wrestled Cena before Cole did but he was not given the star treatment either in terms of booking or by his more over foe. I’m not saying he would be the ideal candidate but Tensai could be an option for headliner status: he’s a decent worker that can, when booked flatteringly, be an effective bad guy.

He was not protected on Monday’s RAW. In addition to having his gimmick reformatted over the last several weeks (losing the robe, having his ring name altered and having his time in Japan downplayed) Tensai did the job on RAW and was then reduced to interfering on behalf of a commentator a few minutes later. Treatment like that won’t help fans see him as a threat to Super Cena anytime soon.

The opening segment of RAW saw Michael Cole interview Cena. They mainly exchanged words about Big Show’s recent heel turn. Being a heel himself Cole reasoned that Show was justified in his actions and complained that Cena was in the wrong for not standing up for a man purported to be his friend. Cena naturally disagreed and the two went around in circles until GM John Laurinaitis turned up and announced that, in the interest of People Power, Cena could pick his opponent for the evening.

Cena chose Cole as his opponent.

It says quite a lot that the highlight of RAW’s opening segment was John Laurinaitis comically driving a mobility scooter. None of what it says is good.

The first match of the night improved things a little. World Heavyweight champion Sheamus defeated Dolph Ziggler in a non-title affair. It was a perfectly satisfactory bout but I expected better considering how over they both are and the styles they both work: ‘The Show Off’s’ big bumps should have synced up nicely with ‘Great White’s’ powerful offence but the match never really clicked.

Sheamus nails Dolph Ziggler with a Brogue Kick

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attacked Sheamus as he posed on the stage after his win. ‘The Essence of Excellence’ applied his cross arm breaker submission against the metal edge of the stage. That was the only notable aspect of an otherwise by-the-numbers beating.

Backstage David Otunga casually chatted to John Laurinaitis about an article on the WWE website announcing that Vince McMahon will be on RAW next week. In the storyline Laurinaitis is General Manager of both RAW and SmackDown and is head of the federation’s talent relations department (the latter job is his genuine position when the cameras aren’t rolling) and Otunga is his legal advisor.

Shouldn’t they have more pressing matters to attend to during a live broadcast than chinwagging about a story on a website? And what sort of company is WWE where a man as important as Laurinaitis only finds out his boss is showing up via a website? Although, as WWE has in previous years let performers find out which brand they are being assigned (or reassigned) to during Draft Lotteries by checking the company website perhaps that backstage skit isn’t as absurd as it first appears.

Vince’s appearance on next week’s three hour RAW was one of the talking points for the remainder of the show. It soon became tedious.

Sin Cara defeated Hunico in a slow-paced bout that did nothing to make me care about either performer. It was noteworthy only for the fact that they had been in a heated feud last year and are now reduced to working filler bouts. Cara’s special lighting was more noticeable than ever.

Ryback stormed out and squashed two jobbers (Arthur Rosenberg and Stan Stansky for those wondering) in the typical blaze of power moves and grunting. He still has a pyro and it still irritates me. The Ryback character would benefit from a complete back-to-basics approach. That means no pyros.

The job boys cut a rhyme-based promo before they got beaten. I thought it was a pretty funny thing to have them do and they performed their task admirably. For that alone they deserve developmental deals. Neither man had the typical WWE physiques but they would look at home on WWE’s long-rumoured cruiserweight show.

Kane and CM Punk opened RAW’s second hour. It was another average affair. Kane matches are generally slow and pedestrian and this outing was no different. Punk got a decent match from ‘The Big Red Monster’ but both men would have been better served with different opponents for the evening.

I was surprised by the result of this match. Bryan kicked Punk when Kane’s back was turned, prompting his ex-girlfriend to scamper out. As the two bickered at ringside the WWE champion connected with a suicide dive on Bryan. Moments later Kane lumbered out and tossed ‘The Straight Edge Superstar’ back into the ring and delivered a choke slam for the three count.

Post-match AJ was cornered by Kane (though she could easily have slid under the bottom rope and escaped). After a lengthy stare-off she stood up and smiled at Kane. He just looked puzzled and then wandered off, leaving Punker unharmed. In an interview backstage later on in the show AJ revealed she likes it when guys look at her. Maybe Vince Russo is working for WWE again…

A typically well produced video package documenting Big Show’s reasons for turning heel was followed by the match of the night, a tag team skirmish between R-Truth and Kofi Kingston and the MidCard Mafia unit of Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. It was a well-paced, engrossing bout that should, if there’s any justice in WWE, ensure the MCM further appearances on the Monday night show. The extra hour being added to RAW next month should help guys of that level gain the exposure they deserve.

After that John Cena came out for his match against Michael Cole. Laurinaitis appeared on his scooter and said Cena would get a no DQ match with the voice of WWE if he could beat Tensai. I’ve recapped that above. In short, Tensai lost.

There's no danger of Tensai looking like a star with John Cena around

The Cole v Cena scrap was pretty much exactly the same as the Laurinaitis v Cena bout from Over The Limit. ‘The Doctor of Thuganomics’ easily overpowered his non-worker opponent and spent much of the contest humiliating him. Cole was made to apologise to Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler and Jim Ross, was covered in JR’s BBQ sauce (which ‘King’ just happened to have at the announce desk) and then squirted with a fire extinguisher.

Mid-way through the fun and games Tensai returned to blast Cena with a double handed choke bomb. Cole dragged himself up to make the cover but Super Cena kicked out. The bout continued and Cena got the victory soon after with his trusty AA finisher.

The show went off the air with Cena squirting himself in the face with the fire extinguisher he’d used on Cole. That was a healthy kayfabe breaker: a real fire extinguisher would have done him some serious injury at such close range. Viewers can just about suspend their disbelief when an extinguisher is used on someone’s back or squirted briefly into the face but Cena’s display was ridiculous. Not even he could no-sell a real fire extinguisher blast.

This episode of RAW was a real let-down. Many names I’d expect to see on an episode of RAW didn’t appear in any capacity. With such glaring gaps at the top of the card WWE should be moving The Miz, Jack Swagger and Zack Ryder into positions where they can become bigger stars. Big Show, while he’s not exactly a promising newcomer, should have appeared too considering his feud with lead babyface John Cena.

Even the absence of Brodus Clay made no sense. He may have suffered a nasty beating at the hands of ‘The World’s Largest Athlete’ last week but so did R-Truth and Kofi Kingston and they both wrestled. Not only that but they won! As one of the few babyface acts to be introduced and get over during the last twelve months Clay should be appearing every week, even if it’s just in a pre-taped interview to give fans an update on his (fictional) injuries.

Next week’s RAW looks promising. With Vince announced for the show we are guaranteed at least one lively promo segment. The news that the show will run for three hours is not as welcome but it should at least mean more guys appear, which should mean more opportunities for people to get over.

The Many Opponents of John Cena

Are WWE trying to convince us of John Cena's versatility as a headline wrestler? I ask because I cannot remember the last time his pay-per-view schedule was as varied as it has been lately.
 
The Royal Rumble (WWE’s January PPV offering) saw Cena battle Kane in what was a fairly standard Cena outing. That was followed at February’s Elimination Chamber with an arena-touring Ambulance match brawl. At WrestleMania he had a mildly underwhelming but still very well received sports entertainment extravaganza with The Rock and Extreme Rules saw him tackle Brock Lesnar in a gripping pseudo-worked-shoot affair that was a far cry from anything WWE has done for a very long time and was an even further cry from Cena’s comfort zone.

Nobody else on the roster has had anywhere near as much variety throughout 2012 as Cena.
 
Last Monday night's RAW brought us the news that Cena will be facing John Laurinaitis at Over The Limit on May 20^th. While the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and permanent General Manager of RAW and SmackDown may be a former wrestler he is to all intents and purposes a non-worker. That means this match will likely have some sort of relaxed rules gimmick applied to it before the event rolls around. It’s highly likely Lord Tensai and his manservant will play a role in the match too, considering they joined the GM in a beatdown of the company’s top star on the April 30^th RAW. This means there are already plenty of shortcut options visible for this match.

This is what WWE thinks its audience wants to see...

Why WWE has made the Laurinaitis v Cena match remains unclear. It’s possible it will turn out to be a stepping stone to a Cena v Tensai feud. That’s been rumoured since before Matt ‘Tensai’ Bloom returned to the organisation. Their meeting on the April 16^th RAW was enjoyable by Cena standards, which makes me hopeful that that’s WWE’s long term plan.

If this isn’t their plan then it’s a very peculiar direction to go in. It’s well established that Cena is a limited worker so putting him in the ring with a man even more limited is not a smart way to get a good match. By extension that means the overall quality of the pay-per-view will be lowered. At a time when WWE is finding the numbers for its secondary shows falling quality is something they should have an eye on.

Hopefully Over The Limit will give us another chance to observe Laurinaitis's superb selling

Does anyone anywhere actually want to see a Laurinaitis v Cena match? I know I don’t. I’d much rather see Cena make an attempt at elevating some new talent. You also have to ask what ‘Big Johnny’s’ storyline logic for making this match will be (presumably that will be revealed on the May 7^th RAW). Why would he want to book himself in a match with someone who is tougher and (supposedly) better at wrestling? Why would he want to get rid of the promotion’s most successful draw? It just doesn’t make any sense.

But that’s WWE storylines for you, they rarely worry about logic.

Can WWE convince us that Cena is a varied worker with their recent booking of him? In fairness I can’t be sure that that’s their goal but it certainly seems like it is. Personally it’s going to take more than a bearable match with ‘Mr Excitement’ to convince me Cena has suddenly turned into an amazing worker but it could be a nice diversion on a B Level pay-per-view, if it’s given a logical reason for happening. The show is still a few weeks away so there's enough time for that to occur.

I will say this though: if Laurinaitis hits an Ace Crusher on John Cena the bout will be closer to success than failure.

Defanged

Randy Orton is perhaps WWE's best all-rounder. He's incredibly popular, wrestles well, knows how to make lesser talent look good, and gives intense, believable interviews. The only guy who could arguably be considered Orton’s peer in all of these areas is CM Punk. As he’s stationed on Monday Night RAW he isn’t likely to be encroaching on Orton's SmackDown territory any time soon. With this being the case you have to wonder why ‘The Viper's’ so wasted by the organisation.
 
Since February Orton has been stuck in a soul-destroyingly banal programme with Kane. Both men are veterans of the WWE roster and have faced each other many times over the years. The best they've ever produced together is an adequate match. They've certainly never come close to anything that could be described as a classic.
 
The two have exchanged wins on RAW and SmackDown and 'The Big Red Monster' took the surprise victory at WrestleMania. I assume Orton will win at Extreme Rules. It just feels like an exercise in time killing because the promotion has nothing else for either man to do. If neither man is making any progress from the programme and the bouts they're having are tiresome then what's the point to it all in the first place?

The situation begs the question of why they've been paired up for the last two months when there are so many other more useful and entertaining things they could be doing.
 
Orton's previous feud was with Wade Barrett. That was a good use of the veteran. Orton put Barrett over decisively on multiple occasions and did all he could to keep him look strong whenever they clashed, even when booked to beat him. As such Barrett left the feud closer to the main event than before. That was the point of the programme.

This man could be WWE's resident star maker if only he were allowed

'The Apex Predator' gave Cody Rhodes the same treatment last autumn. Surely WWE can see the pattern? If Orton is given a wrestler of lesser stature to work with he will do his best to elevate them. As the company needs a new batch of credible main event talent they should be giving Orton one new guy after another to elevate.
 
Ideally Orton will move on to work with Alberto Del Rio after his feud with Kane concludes. ADR v Orton is one of WWE's few fresh headline feuds and would help restore credibility to both men. After months wasted with 'The Devil's Favourite Demon' Orton needs a proper feud to get his teeth into before he starts elevating guys again.
 
The good news is that lots of new faces (and a few old ones with a metaphorical lick of new paint) have cropped up on WWE television over the last several weeks. Orton has fresh feuds waiting for him with Lord Tensai, Damien Sandow, Darren Young, Titus O'Neill, and, my personal favourite of the bunch, Antonio Cesaro. With Drew McIntyre also a candidate for elevation and Daniel Bryan still being fairly new to the main event there's a lot of fresh talent for 'The Viper' to tangle with over the next year or so.
 
This nonsense with Kane can’t end quickly enough.

That RAW Recap 16.04.12

Over the years I’ve been to quite a few wrestling shows. I’ve been to events held by various British indies. I was there for ROH’s first (joint) show in the UK. I saw CM Punk and Colt Cabana’s first match outside of the United States. I’ve been to a SmackDown taping and a RAW house show. I was even at the London Arena in November 2000 when WCW filmed Nitro (that was an interesting experience). But it wasn’t until last night (alongside friend and former colleague Dan Pryce) that I was able to say I’d seen Monday Night RAW filmed live.

I’m happy to say that the RAW taping was the best WWE show I’ve ever been to. The crowd was lively from start to finish and we got to see every big name you could realistically hope for. There was no Brock Lesnar but he was never going to be there. I was happy with the names on offer.

The seats we had were close to the entrance, which was good, but slightly behind the Titantron, which was bad. We got a pretty good view of wrestlers as they entered but couldn’t see anything that happened on the big screen. Thankfully it was a vignette-light episode so the lack of ‘tron view wasn’t as catastrophic as it could have been.

We were close to the exit at the side of the stage, which meant we could occasionally catch glimpses inside the Gorilla Position and cheer (or boo) some of the wrestlers as they left. The very first wrestler I saw was thanks to those seats: Damien Sandow came to sneak a peek at the set and the crowd. That would be the only time we’d see him: he didn’t wrestle or appear in other capacity.

The opening match was announced as being for Superstars but as the commentary team were introduced directly after its conclusion I’m not convinced that was right. It saw Dean Ambrose defeat Alex Riley with a cheeky rollup. Most fans chanted “Who are ya?” at the developmental talent. As I recognised him and prefer him to the nondescript A-Ry I cheered him. Cheering heels would be a theme of the evening.

Match two was a lengthy-by-current-standards Divas contest. Kelly Kelly entered first to an almost Cena-like mixed reaction. Kids and their parents cheered her. Everyone else seemed keener on Eve Torres. I was firmly in the Eve camp. She got the surprise win. By WWE standards it was a good women’s match.

That was followed by Jack Swagger losing to R-Truth. Truth got a good reaction but couldn’t hold onto the crowd for the whole match: a few minutes in “Let’s go Swagger!” chants started up.

Lillian Garcia was out next to sing God Save The Queen. It’s nice that WWE goes to the trouble of having our national anthem sung but it’s not in the nature of the British to go wild for it. That’s more of an American thing. As such Lillian got booed for most of her performance, the crowd only relenting at the end to cheer and clap her. Hopefully she understood it wasn’t anything personal.

Mark Henry lolloped to the ring before RAW officially started. That saved valuable airtime: the guy does not walk quickly. The main show kicked off with the advertised WWE title match between Henry and champion CM Punk. ‘The Second City Saint’ got a great reaction and somehow managed to drag ‘The World’s Sweatiest Man’ to a bearable outing. That’s no small feat when you consider how cumbersome and limited Henry truly is.

I thought this was a great match. It was possibly the only contest of the night where I cheered the face and booed the heel. There were chants of “CM Punk”, “Sexual Chocolate” and many cries of “Yes!” Punk went over with the Macho Man Elbow, which drew loud cheers from the audience.

CM Punk prepares to drop the match winning Macho Elbow

Jericho then appeared on the Titantron for a lengthy exchange with the champ. We weren’t able to see him from where we were but we could hear him. That was (mostly) enough. ‘Y2J’ again taunted ‘The Voice of the Voiceless’ about being drunk and then introduced some footage. Punk handily referenced the footage so we knew it was a shot of him doing something at a pub. He reaffirmed he’s straight edge and then ‘The Highlight of the Night’ revealed the two will clash for the WWE championship in a Chicago Street Fight at Extreme Rules. That should be one of the better matches on the show.

RAW’s second match was for the United States title. Champion Santino Marella was introduced first. He stood at the top of the ramp peeling off various football shirts to get heat. As I’m not a football fan I wouldn’t have reacted even if I could have seen this display. I wouldn’t have recognised what shirt belonged to what team, and wouldn’t have cared if I had. Having watched the broadcast I now know that one of the kits belonged to Chelsea. Amusingly this prompted Jerry Lawler to say "Come on, Santino, you're in London! That won't work here!" ‘The King’ needs to work on his geography.

David Otunga came out to face him. He got a loud cheer from me. I’m a fan of Otunga, largely because he’s so ridiculous and prone to botching moves. He was on fine form last night, at one point even managing to go for a cover incorrectly. That, as Michael Cole would say, is vintage Otunga. Laurinaitis’s legal aid predictably lost. The match was nowhere near as enjoyable as simply seeing David Otunga.

Backstage Josh Mathews spoke to Lord Tensai and his young boy. A kid sat in front of me said to his friend “We’re going to see Lord Tensai. He’s funny.” That should tell you all you need to know about whether the former A-Train is over as a monster heel.

A Lesnar video aired. It lost a surprising amount of impact without being able to see the accompanying footage. The message was basically that ‘The Pain’ sees himself as an athlete and an ass-kicker, not a superstar. He didn’t come back because he missed the crowd or going through the curtain. He came back because he likes to beat people up and win. He also said had he stayed around Cena wouldn’t be where he is now. I’d disagree with that. Cena still would’ve gotten over and Lesnar would have remained at the top of the card but fizzled out a little. His initial success was as much thanks to willing opponents and the good booking of Paul Heyman and Vince McMahon as it was his own ability.

Kane came out to squash Ryder. Amusingly he stood in the ring for around three minutes as his attacks on Ryder and Randy Orton were recapped. He then slapped Ryder about at ringside and then gave him a choke slam in the ring. That was followed by a tedious promo that I’ve sat through twice but still couldn’t tell you the point of.

Woo woo woo! You got beat!

Backstage Kofi Kingston was talking to AJ in hushed tones. I like to think he was saying something vastly inappropriate. Daniel Bryan showed up. I couldn’t see any of this but I knew immediately that Bryan was on the screen because the audience erupted with chants of “Yes!” Bryan told Kofi that just because he didn’t want AJ that didn’t make it open season, then told AJ that he would make ‘The Dreadlocked Dynamo’ tap out to the LeBell Lock. He stopped himself there and said that he didn’t like the move having that name as he was far greater than Jean LeBell. He said the move would be known as the Yes Lock, then shouted “Yes!” over and over again directly into Kofi’s face. It was hilarious.

That was followed by a John Cena promo. The face of the company received his traditional mixed reaction, though there were more boos than cheers. Cena is not a popular man in London. He talked about how he thinks John Laurinaitis wants to replace him with Brock Lesnar. Storyline-wise that’s probably the case: ‘Mr Excitement’ is a heel and so naturally wants to dispatch all top babyfaces. That’s how WWE works. The truth is that Cena is not going anywhere. He’s far too valuable to WWE and everybody knows it.

John Laurinatis strolled out onto the stage to refute Cena’s conspiracy theory claims and book him in a match. We were told it would be an Extreme Rules match but wouldn’t reveal the name of Cena’s opponent. Why? Apparently it’s something to do with People Power. Whatever. I was just excited to see John Laurinaitis and hear his raspy voice. Unfortunately his mic work left a little to be desired live and it was difficult to hear what he was saying. Thankfully Cena recapped it during the break. He earned some humour points there.

Next was the best match of the evening: Kofi Kingston v Daniel Bryan. There was no way we were going to boo Bryan during this. The “Yes!” meme is just too over and Bryan is too well respected. Kofi started off getting a good reaction but eventually ended up hearing boos… as well as shouts of “No!” when he started getting offence. Pretty much strike the former World champion got in elicited cries of “Yes!” Following his win via the Yes Lock Bryan reapplied the hold (which finally got him some boos) until Sheamus ran out to make the save.

Daniel Bryan! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

I think WWE are going to have to seriously consider turning Bryan face again. He’s very good in the heel role but he’s just so popular that it’s going to be hard for him to stay over as a bad guy. Once his run with Sheamus is over I hope he becomes a good guy again. A feud between he and a heel Christian would be great to see.

‘The Funkasurus’ continued his run of unmitigated popularity, getting a big pop from the London crowd. He was one of the highlights of the night for me, up there with Daniel Bryan, CM Punk and David Otunga. As much as I enjoyed seeing Brodus Clay I was even more excited to see Dolph Ziggler, his opponent for the evening.

It would be generous to refer to what happened between Ziggler and Clay as a match. ‘The Show Off’ took a suplex before Swagger got into the ring and took a headbutt. Ziggler then took one of his trademark ridiculous bumps to a loud pop and Vickie got into the ring to be shoved to the floor by Naomi. Brodus and his girls then posed and danced as the heels slinked off to the back.

Backstage John Laurinaitis gave David Otunga a pep talk about focusing on his career. Eve showed up and the three went into what was presumably Laurinaitis’s office. No comment.

A video for Chief Jay Strongbow was followed by more backstage shenanigans with R-Truth and Teddy Long. These videos had been played throughout the night. Having seen them I can honestly say they wouldn’t have added to my enjoyment of the show at all.

The penultimate match of the night saw Big Show team up with The Great Khali to take on Epico and Primo. Why the tag champions were chosen for job duty is a mystery. Show has been feuding with Cody Rhodes and Khali been involved in a SmackDown pseudo-rivalry with Drew McIntyre. Why those more prominent heels didn’t get to face Khali and Show I can’t say. Still, at least we got to see Rosa Mendes. That’s never a bad thing.

The heels tried to escape but were caught by Big Show. They then took a choke slam and a Punjabi Plunge back in the ring. Show and Khali then did some embarrassing dancing. Something I didn’t realise was that Abraham Washington was stood at the entrance during the match. I like the way WWE are using him so far and I hope he gets to become a prominent manager. Next time I’ll buy better seats so I can see random FCW call-ups when they stroll out to watch matches.

After the final break of the evening John Cena came back out for his Extreme Rules match. He got a few more cheers on his second appearance. Perhaps because people knew he wouldn’t be talking. I still booed him.

His mystery opponent was introduced by John Laurinaitis and David Otunga (who sat at ringside during the bout). It was Lord Tensai. On commentary Lawler referenced the man’s previous time with WWE and subsequent success in Japan. I was disappointed that there was no back hair to chant about but the loud chants of “Albert!” made up for it.

The crowd was indifferent to Tensai's pre-match disrobing ceremony

Before that match I’d be fairly disinterested in the former A-Train. It seemed as though he was yet another guy being introduced to television with the winning streak gimmick. You can only see that so many times before it becomes boring. That he got to face Cena on his third week of TV is a positive sign for Tensai. The match was a slow starter but when it got going it was pretty enjoyable. The two men brawled around ringside, with Tensai taking a shot from the steel steps particularly well, before heading back into the ring. Otunga involved himself, tossing SuperCena back into the ring to take Tensai’s double underhook facebuster for a two count.

They battled back and forth for a few more minutes before Otunga interjected himself again. He took an AA, which allowed Tensai to catch Cena by surprise with a green mist and double-handed choke bomb for the win. I’d taken it for granted that Cena would be victorious so I was pleased that Tensai went over. Technically it was a clean win too, as the Extreme Rules meant that the mist was not illegal.

After the match Tensai posed in the ring and Cena oversold in a corner. Once the cameras stopped rolling the various heels sauntered to the back while medical staff assisted Cena up the aisle. That Cena sold the mist so much was ridiculous. It may get it over as a dangerous “move” but it only highlights the fact that Cena never sells for younger stars, only for established guys (and Tensai’s former time with the company puts him firmly into the latter camp).

The dark match main event saw Chris Jericho (who didn’t appear in the ring during RAW) take on CM Punk. The champion attacked the challenger before the bell and they had a brief exchange in the ring before Daniel Bryan dashed out to cause the disqualification finish. That brought out Sheamus to even the odds. He was followed by Cody Rhodes, who was followed by Big Show. They were then joined by Alberto Del Rio and Randy Orton. Orton and Sheamus hit their finishers then went round ringside high-fiving fans to send us home happy.

Chris Jericho enters for his dark match main event. He was not the highlight of the night...

Not only was this a good episode of RAW it was a great experience live. It narrowly pips the SmackDown taping I went to last year as the most enjoyable WWE event I’ve attended (and the SmackDown event was only in the running as I got to see a Five Second Pose from Edge and Christian). I’d recommend going to see RAW whenever it’s in the area. The list of names on offer makes it well worth it.

A Bloomin' Good Time

You know what John Laurinaitis needs? A bodyguard! That, if you believe Internet rumours, is what the WWE booking squad believes at any rate. The man selected for the job? Thirty-nine year-old Matt Bloom, formerly known as A-Train.
 
It could be argued that one of the many men stationed in the soon-to-be-defunct FCW would be ideal for a bodyguard role but I actually think the former A-Train is a good choice. While a younger, fresher face would be preferable (because they would have a longer career ahead of them) that doesn't make Bloom a bad choice.
 
Bloom originally worked for WWE between 1999 and 2004. He was never the greatest wrestler, but he improved during his time with the organisation. He had an intriguing look that helped to set him apart from his peers and ultimately ended up becoming one of his chief gimmicks. His back hair was grown into a shaggy mat of fur and Jim Ross constantly reminded viewers that Train had a head that was "eight and three eighths" inches in measurement. This may sound daft and it was, but that was fine for a mid-card heel during the Attitude Era.
 
In fact I think the most positive thing you could say about A-Train is that he has the ability to make ridiculous characteristics palatable. He was first introduced to viewers under the ring name of Prince Albert, purportedly the personal tattoo artist for Droz. From there he became Albert and formed a unit with Test called T&A which was more about establishing Trish Stratus as an on-screen presence than anything else.
 
More tag teams were in Bloom's future as he formed X Factor alongside Justin Credible and X Pac in early 2001, which eventually led to Bloom being used in a regular combo with X Pac. Ultimately that went nowhere and, after a few months of nothing, he was paired with Scotty 2 Hotty and given the moniker 'The Hip Hop Hippo.' Why anyone thought that was a good idea we'll never know. It was more absurd than the Prince Albert gimmick.

What Bloom's been doing since leaving WWE

The bright side to Bloom’s history with whacky characters is that it bodes well for his latest persona: Lord Tensai. Judging by the video shown on RAW Bloom is going to be booked as a western character influenced by Japanese tradition. Throw in the bodyguard rumour and it sounds like a bit of a mess. Bloom has made situations more bizarre than this work to his advantage, so we can remain hopeful that Lord Tensai won’t be a complete flop.
 
Since leaving WWE Bloom has competed extensively in Japan and become known for his tag team work alongside Karl Anderson. The two have won the IWGP and NOAH tag team titles, both of which mean far more than a WWE tag title win. He has continued to improve as a worker to the point that I believe he'd be capable of carrying John Cena to entertaining matches. I keep thinking of Cena's enjoyable tussle with Umaga at Royal Rumble 2007 after 'The Samoan Bulldozer' had improved himself by spending time in the Orient. I think we could have a similar situation here.