The Man Called Kane

If you missed Monday’s RAW then you missed one of the funniest segments of WWE television in years. Daniel Bryan was shown attending an anger management class (“filmed earlier in the day”) across three videos, the third of which prominently featured Kane.

‘The Big Red Machine’ recapped his life story, covering the character’s most absurd and humorous moments since first appearing on WWF television on October 5^th 1997. Being brought up in a basement, burning his parents alive, abducting various people, locking Paul Bearer in a freezer, the bizarre rivalry with Pete Rose, and (of course) Katie Vick: all the memorable aspects of the gimmick were mentioned.

It was an amusing use of a character with a varied history within the company.

It does beg the question of where Kane can go from here though. ‘The Devil’s Favourite Demon’ is the most established guy on the roster. Glenn Jacobs, the man who wears the mask, has achieved everything he is ever going to in the company. He’s wrestled practically every major name that has passed through the promotion in the last decade and a half and every member of the current roster worth mentioning. This includes multiple feuds with the Undertaker and outings against him at WrestleMania.

 

If you're like me you'll be wondering why that clothing rail is doing in the background

 

He’s held every active championship except the US belt (and who wants to hold that anyway?). He’s headlined pay-per-views. He’s played a good guy, a bad guy, a comedy figure, and a monster. The only things he hasn’t done are win the Royal Rumble and main event WrestleMania. At 45 years old and with WWE now relying on outside performers for key spots at ‘Mania it’s not likely he’ll be in the final match of ‘Mania XXIX.

It’s time for Kane to go part time.

With nothing new left for him to accomplish all Kane is doing is holding an upper mid-card spot that somebody else on the roster could have. Having wrestled for twenty years and accomplished everything mentioned above Jacobs would make a fine addition to the ranks of trainers and agents WWE employs.

This situation would be ideal as it would allow others to benefit from Jacobs’ knowledge and experience and ensure that he’s always on hand for a cameo or surprise squash match.

I’d like to see him booked in a role similar to 911 in ECW. For those unaware 911 was used as a way of writing failed gimmicks off of television. If a performer hadn’t gotten over then 911 would head to the ring and give them a choke slam, which was sold as a devastating move by having the recipient helped to the locker room, often on a stretcher.

The wrestler would often return a few months later but in a new role with a new gimmick. A choke slam from 911 was a gimmick killer.

Using Kane in this fashion would not only provide a way to writing failed characters off TV, he could be used to write bigger stars out of storylines if they’re injured or heading off to star in a tedious WWE Studios production. We wouldn’t see any more full length Kane matches, there’d be more time to promote young stars, nobody would get sacked and fans of the character would still get to see him once every month or two.