That it was expected to is a shame. With a decent
undercard to support it that match could have been the centrepiece of a truly
unmissable event. By embracing complacency WWE denied themselves and fans a
genuinely special evening.
Let me be clear. I’m not arguing that the WWE versus
World Heavyweight championship match should have been reserved for a more
important show like Royal Rumble or WrestleMania. That may have been a
preferable scenario but it wasn’t necessary. What I’m arguing is that WWE could
have elevated the importance of an average B level pay-per-view by booking an
undercard that meant something. Had every match meant something and had a story
behind it the show as a whole would have been far stronger.
That they didn’t do this shows a disappointing lack of
common sense from WWE. I’d ask why they feel it appropriate to settle for mediocrity
but I already know the answer. It’s because their number one. They don’t feel
compelled to push themselves outside of the Rumble to ‘Mania stretch.
The TLC pre-show was the usual blend of inoffensive
expert panel mugging, video packages and forgettable match. Doing the honours
in the latter were Dolph Ziggler and Faaaaaan… daaaaaan… goooooo. ‘The Ballroom
Brute’ got the surprise win in a competent affair.
The expert panel was comprised of Mick Foley (wearing a
Santa hat), The Miz, and Booker T. The show as being held in Houston, which
made the inclusion of Booker completely natural. Less natural was the
appearance of Kofi Kingston. He rocked up to slap Miz as a part of their
continuing feud. Booker and Foley separated them. The highlight of this
sequence was Booker T. Because he’s Booker T.
The pre-show ended with Triple H, Stephanie and Vince McMahon
stepping out of a limo. That got the biggest pop of the entire pre-show. Vinnie
Mac can still work wonders.
The PPV proper began with Trips and Steph strolling into
the entranceway to talk up the importance of the night. It was, apparently, the
biggest night in the history of the company and wrestling (yes, they said
wrestling!). ‘The Game’ talked up the prestige of both titles and mentioned
that there had been two world champions ever since Lou Thesz and Buddy Rogers
fought to a split decision. I’ll get more into lineages below. Michael Cole
talked up the title situation too, but it felt hollow and half-hearted. This
was an event that really missed the involvement of Jim Ross. He’d have
expressed the same sentiments as Cole, but he’d have done a better job of
convincing viewers he was speaking the truth.
The opening match saw CM Punk take on The Shield. For the
record the trio had to tag in and out. The match started slowly, with Punk
outwrestling and outsmarting Ambrose and Rollins. He didn’t do so well when
Reigns was tagged in: the big man floored him almost instantly.
A few minutes into their exchange the two headed to
ringside. Reigns dove at Punk as ‘The Second City Saint’ lent on the commentary
desk, apparently trying for a spear. Punk dodged out of the way, sending Reigns
sailing over the table and into JBL’s chair. He made it back into the ring by
the count of seven but spent several minutes being attended to by a medic as
Ambrose and Rollins continued the battle with Punk. There was, we were told,
something wrong with his eye. In truth it was part of the script to allow the
match to continue credibly.
Punk fought back against the remaining ‘Hound of Justice’,
holding his own like a true headline babyface. Several minutes went by before
Rollins was taken out with a GTS and Reigns re-entered proceedings to attempt another
spear. Punk sidestepped it again. This time it was Ambrose waiting in place of
the announce desk. Punk quickly tossed the big man out of the ring and pinned
Ambrose.
The story was that Reigns’ actions had cost The Shield
the contest. It will presumably contribute to the breakup storyline that seems
certain to come out way soon.
Backstage Divas champion AJ Lee told Renee Young that she
was the only woman in the division that mattered and that nobody has her
number. Presumably CM Punk's not included in that statement. Speaking of Punk,
AJ channelled him in her promo when she said she's been the champ for 133 days.
The champion’s defence against Natalya was acceptable but
nothing amazing. Both women countered their foe’s submission hold. Natty tried
hers once too often, getting rolled up with a small package on her second
attempt. She cried in the ring as AJ cavorted to the back with Tamina. Booking women
to do that does them no favours. Kaitlyn did it earlier in the year and got
booed. Guys don’t cry when the lose championships. Having women do it makes
them look inferior. And if they look inferior they’re not going to be taken
seriously.
Damien Sandow cut a promo on the Texas vernacular as he
headed to the ring for his match with Intercontinental champion Big E Langston.
It turned the audience against him but didn't convince them to significantly
rally behind Big E (which is just as much the goal as having them boo the heel
with this kind of promo). Big E didn’t talk as he came to the ring but he did
bellow.
‘King’ compared the significance of Big E’s title reign
to Bret Hart v Davey Boy Smith at Wembley during the introductions. That
deserved an eye roll and it got one. The match was basic. Langston went over
with the Big Ending. A welcome surprise was the loud reaction the crowd gave him
when he pulled the straps on his singlet down. It bodes well.
Backstage Vince shook Randy's hand and had a verbal
exchange that we couldn’t hear. The same thing would happen later with John
Cena. It was all scintillating television!
Cole camped it up when throwing to the expert panel. They
replayed the confrontation between Kofi and Miz from the pre-show. Booker tried
to be serious but ended up laughing. It was lovely. Foley was still dressed as
Santa and still looked awful. The purpose of the segment was to have Miz v
Kingston announced. That was it.
The tag team title match was next. The Real Americans,
Rey Mysterio and Big Show (the man who headlined the previous pay-per-view) and
RybAxel all challenged the Rhodes bros in an elimination rules match. RybAxel were
eliminated first when Goldust rolled up Ryback. Swagger immediately hit the
ring and he and Cesaro successfully kept Goldy isolated for several minutes,
tagging in and out between themselves. ‘The Bizarre One’ eventually managed to
make a hot tag to Big Show (after one to Cody had been thwarted). ‘The Giant’
steamrolled Cesaro and then KOed both ultra-patriots with his WMD punch. That
left MysteriShow to face the champs.
Goldust took the first stint against the challengers. He
survived Show's large hands and finally tagged his brother, something which
wasn’t milked at all and could have been. It didn't take long for a heavily
winded Show to tag out to Rey, allowing the pace to quicken for a compelling finishing
sequence. Rey countered a springboard into a power bomb in one of the best
moments of the match, then leapt off the top rope only to be caught in a Cross
Rhodes attempt. He escaped that and went for a 619, which was blocked and
countered by Cody. That was countered too as Rey rolled Cody up for a
believable near fall. Seconds later Rey went for some of his body twirling
offence only to finally be caught with a Cross Rhodes for the three count.
The Rhodes boys retained the gold. As the four were all
babyfaces there was plenty of handshaking after the match. Code of Honor style!
Backstage the Prime Time Players, The Great Khali, Los
Matadores, Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox played with some Brawlin' Buddies
(WWE toys, basically). Then the lighting turned red and Kane's music played.
Kane walked in, intimidated everyone else away and then had a quiet play
himself (not like that). The backstage music intro is great. It's another
reason the current use of Kane is so enjoyable.
Back out in the ring Brodus Clay was upset (WWE's choice
of phrase, not mine) by R-Truth after being distracted by a row he had with Tensai
and the Funkadactyls. The match was instantly forgotten. It was on the card to
help us all accept Brodus Clay as something more than the comedy performer he’s
been for the best part of two years.
Match six was just as pointless and match five. Kofi
Kingston and The Miz clashed in a no disqualification match. Kofi won a
surprisingly sloppy and mistimed bout after ‘The Awesome One’s’ head collided
with an exposed turnbuckle (which he himself had exposed earlier in the match).
Moments before the finish came the crowd had been chanting "Boring!"
While it’s good that WWE are trying to give mid-carders
something to do that chant should tell them that they have to do more than go
through the motions when booking this stuff. Kofi and Miz should learn
something from it too. Wrestling, particularly in WWE, is about more than having
good matches. They should do everything they can to draw people into their
dispute so that we care about the matches when they happen.
The penultimate match was the evening's second handicap
affair. Daniel Bryan took on the three members of the Wyatt Family. Something
that surprised me was how uninterested the crowd were when the Wyatts entered
the arena. The trio can usually be relied on to get a strong reaction. Not so
here. They warmed up as soon as the bell rang. Clearly they just wanted to see
Bryan in action. That's got to be a positive for WWE and 'The Dazzler'.
The first several minutes saw Harper and Rowan flatten
Bryan. Once he was with down Bray tagged in for the first time, yelling that he
wanted to help and be friends with Bryan. 'The Eater of Worlds' floored Bryan
with an impressive throwing suplex and then prompted a "That was
creepy!" chant by rolling around giggling before doing his upside-down crab
walk thing.
Bray offered Bryan a final chance to join the family and
get the predictable negative response. That ultimately led to a comeback for ‘The
King of Beards’, culminating with an attempted Yes Lock on Bray. The faction
leader slipped out, pummelled Bryan with forearms to the face and then dropped
him with Sister Abigail for the victory. The result wasn’t surprising, but the relative
ease it was gained with was. The Wyatts posed over Bryan afterwards, with Bray
cradling Bryan's head to his chest.
After a final, inconsequential check-in with the experts
it was time for the evening’s world title unification match. The pre-match
video focused on Orton and Cena's careers paralleling each other. It was very
effective. It also went to great lengths to paint the World Heavyweight
championship as a direct descendant of the NWA world championship. Even though
the NWA title is still active elsewhere as a separate entity an argument can be
made for WWE’s version of events being true. It was misleading though.
This isn't surprising. It's WWE at their hyperbolic best.
Altering their own history to suit current plots is what they do. I wanted to
draw attention to the fact that they weren’t entirely accurate though. The
match was not, as was implied by the video and stated by JBL and Cole on
commentary, fifty years in the making. As the WCW-slash-World championship was
presented as an NWA continuation when unified with the WWF championship in 2001
the lineages had already been combined. That wasn’t mentioned once throughout
the entire show. Obviously.
Much was made of the fact that Orton had never been in a
tables, ladders, and chairs match as he strolled to the ring. Too much, in
fact. Trying to paint Cena as an underdog was insulting. Everyone watching knew
that Cena was the favourite, but not to the extent that Orton became an
underdog. Both have been pushed heavily for years on end and that meant that
the match was as even as a Cena match can be.
Orty and Cena both entered spirited performances, belting
one another with chair shots and hurling themselves around ringside, and taking
several big bumps. Clearly they wanted to have this match meet its hype and apparent
status, and deserve credit for taking that attitude.
The booking didn't help them. 'The Viper' had to recover
far too quickly after being dropped through a table (this happened twice). Cena
was booked to sell blows from a microphone (yeah, those small things covered in
plastic and foam) more. And a Jeff Hardy-like spot which saw Cena hanging from
the belts probably sounded exciting when devised but was unimpressive in
practice. It would have been better had the belts been hanging higher, but then
this spot is the reason they were so low.
Then there were the handcuffs. They were introduced to
allow for a win that didn’t weaken Cena too much. 'The Franchise' was locked to
the central rope by his fiendish opponent and then smacked with a ladder (which
he no-sold). Orty set up the ladder in the ring but he’d taken too long: Cena
had wrenched the turnbuckle pad free and gained access to the centre of the
ring. He sent Orton sprawling to the floor. Moments later he was pulled off the
ladder using the ring rope and landed in the general vicinity of a table. He
was probably meant to go through it because he sold as if he had.
Orton then very slowly clambered up the ladder and, after
pausing a couple of times to stare at his fallen opponent, unhooked the belts.
As he posed with his prize JBL said people will talk about the night in one
hundred years. That nonsense was thankfully overshadowed by The Authority
walking to the ring to Vince McMahon's music. All three congratulated him as
Cena say at ringside staring and looking glum.
The finish makes sense. Cena can work programmes of
interest without the belt. That’s not necessarily the case with Orton right
now. His purpose has become to act as a paper champion for The Authority.
Without that role he’d be back to drifting aimlessly. As he’s going to be on TV
no matter it’s preferable for him to be doing something.
The win also sets up a potential match with CM Punk at
Royal Rumble or WrestleMania. While that match isn’t fresh it’s one we haven’t
seen for a while and something that could, if handled well, be fun to follow.
What’s next for Cena is less clear but I wouldn’t be surprised if it involved
him being denied a rematch and promising to win the Rumble, possibly being entered
at number one by the heels. TLC may not have been the most entertaining show of
the year for WWE but it delivered on its main event and, more importantly, has
done a good job setting up an intriguing batch of storylines for the next month.
Just think of how different things would have been with a
functioning mid-card.
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