A Conversation With Dan Pryce

If you’ve listened to That Wrestling Podcast you’ll probably have heard mention of Dan. We had intended for him to be a regular contributor but it’s not really worked out. Partly because he doesn’t live near enough to London to make recording easy for him and partly because he’s just become a dad. Congrats again, brother!

But not being able to record with him doesn’t mean I don’t speak to him. Facebook comments are regularly exchanged, almost exclusively about wrestling. Sometimes they’re brief flurries and sometimes they span dozens of posts and hundreds of words. And just recently I had the idea of converting one of these exchanges into a blog post, giving everyone the flavour of Dan Pryce (oh!) I want them to experience despite not being able to record with him.

Below you’ll find a conversation from Facebook. The fact that it’s from Facebook should be remembered: it’s all very informal and not originally designed for being a blog post. A light bit of editing has been performed but for the most part it’s the conversation exactly as it first appeared. To clarify the opening comment was a post on my wall. The rest are comments on that.

Consider this an unofficial podcast entry.

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Dan: Just watched Survivor Series. Worst main event in living memory.

Dave: It's not good is it? Even with Orton stalling and ringside brawling Show could only handle eleven minutes. He was blown up walking to the ring.

Dave: The best bit was the crowd singing his music.

Dan: It genuinely made me a little bit depressed.

Dave: What do you think was the best match?

Dan: I enjoyed the first match. It was kind of slow and flowed badly, but there were good spots and Reigns was excellent. That was a push, if ever I saw one. I couldn't sit through Ryback v Mark Henry. I'd rather sit through Mohnil¹ imbibing a whole turkey. The Punk and Bryan match was pretty okay. I expected something a little more. Cena v Del Rio was just their last match, without the benefit of the surprise factor. Cena very much got beaten and Del Rio very much did that angry Mexican face.

Dan: I'm still not entirely sold on the Wyatts. Great gimmick, sloppy wrestling.

Dan: Harper and Rowan are big men who do lots of hitting.

Dan: #hitting

Dave: I thought the opener was the best thing and it all went downhill after, with various peaks and troughs. Reigns was wonderful. Things were laid out for him to look great and he made sure he did. Totally agree about Cena v Del Rio.

Dave: I'm not sold on Erick 'Upside Down Sheamus Face' Rowan. I like me some Luke Harper though. That guy is magic. Bray's the best wrestler of the three but he always seems to be injured. He's had three or four sidelining injuries in the last year. He's the new Batista...

Dan: He DOES have an upside-down Sheamus face!

Dan: I'm deeply, deeply, utterly ambivalent about Orton v Cena. At least this means they won't do it at WM.

Dave: Do you think the titles are actually going to be unified? A lot of people seem to think they’ll be swapped.

Dan: I think they'll switch them somehow. Or more shenanigans. I smell Big Show's big fist.

Dan: Ohhh.

Dave: I think there's a chance of Cena v Bryan II at WrestleMania. And apparently Sheamus is pushing for an Undertaker match.

Dan: I'd rather see Undertaker wrestle a bun.

Dave: My immediate reaction was that Cena will win. Because he's Cena.

Dan: Cena wins, starts a feud with The Authority, something happens, Big Show cries.

Dan: Why didn't they wait for Rumble to do Orton v Cena?

Dan: That would have been huge. Keep it going for Elimination Chamber, send them both into big feuds for WM. THAT'S booking. *pow*

Dave: I thought that about the Rumble. I had my hopes pinned on Cena defending against Cesaro at TLC. And I expected an Orton v Show rematch.

Dave: Regarding you preferring Undertaker v a bun to Undertaker v Sheamus, I'd prefer Undertaker v the concept of buns to Undertaker v Sheamus.

Dave: I do not like Sheamus.

Dave: Undertaker v a Stetson > Undertaker v Sheamus

Dan: It's not that I don't like him. It's just that anything bad that happens in the world is directly attributable to the existence of Sheamus.

Dave: Apparently he's shaved off his beard and-or hair while injured. Which makes him even more generic than he was before.

Dave: Forget the brogue kick. You're not beating Undertaker with that.

Dan: I genuinely do not know what they have planned for WM. Very little, I suspect. OR: they may have something remarkable lined up.

Dan: Sheamus minus the beard looks like Kreplach:

 

Dan: Kreplach with a face.

Dave: Is that a recent photo of him? He's lost weight...

Dan: Very recent.

Dan: I'm particularly enjoying the 'Daniel Bryan' chants whenever Orton appears. Sometimes, you can just count on wrestling fans to be wonderful dicks.

Dave: They don't have anything remarkable lined up. Lesnar v Undertaker and Cena v Hogan are what I'm expecting.

Dave: Yeah, that's right. Cena v Hogan.

Dan: That would be...

Dan: It would be kreplach again.

Dave: How are you going to feel when Bryan appears wearing a vest and jeans and cuts a promo about Bray Wyatt being the messiah?

Dan: Cena's vehemently denied that he thinks Hogan will wrestle. So you're probably right. We're probably in for it.

Dave: Rock told interviewers he was retired a few months before he hosted WrestleMania and set up his Cena match. I hadn't heard that about Cena so I'm now even more sure Hogan will wrestle. And if he does Cena is the obvious match.

Dan: I'd like a Bryan heel turn. I'd like him to live in the basement, eat only things he finds in the trash, recite Edgar Allen Poe poems and wrestle in a full body tweed-in-one.

Dan: Is Rock at WM 30? I think it needs his bulging, 'about-to-explode' head.

Dan: Also, Orton is not a heel. He's just a guy who has stumbled upon a belt.

Dave: Triple H and Stephanie are bigger heels than Orton. Rock probably won't wrestle but I think he'll do something at WrestleMania.

Dave: That he's probably not wrestling is part of why I think Hogan will.

Dave: They should splash the cash and do Hogan v Cena and Punk v Austin.

Dan: I hope he stages some sort of eating contest. Involving Mark Henry, Brie Bella and Ron Simmons. The Rock, that is.

Dave: Ends with Brie giving everyone her finisher (which she'll have by then).

Dave: Hogan v Cena, Austin v Punk and Lesnar v Undertaker would be a good triple main event line-up. Won't happen though. Austin's done.

Dan: Austin ain't coming back. It's hard to see how they can rise to the thirty years challenge. Lesnar v Taker is a good start. Punk v Bryan would be great. But there always needs to be one, mind-blowing, “this match will never happen-oh, wait, it's happening” match-for-the-ages match at these events. Maybe Michaels will come back? Not that I'd want him to. Hogan v Cena fits the bill. It also fits the “I do not want this match” bill.

Dave: How about the other potential Hogan match: Hogan v Undertaker?

Dan: URGH.

Dave: Just read a rumour that Cena will win the WWE championship and Orton will win the World Heavyweight championship. This is something I thought about and then dismissed as too daft even for them. It surprises me to find it on a credible (as far as such sites can be credible) news site.

Dave: They didn't even want to do a unification match until mid-week. That's why they didn't say the word on RAW. That's why the company's as uninspiring as it is.

Dan: They need to pull their fingers out of their asses.

Dave: They need to buy the rights to Red Dwarf and introduce a stable based on the cast.

Dave: Goldberg v Ryback? That'd be LOLage.

Dan: I'd LOL. If LOL means self-harm.

Dave: It's what The Ryback wants. If that means some fans self-harm then so be it.

Dan: Ryback is as relevant as disco.

Dave: So you want Ryback versus Disco Inferno?

Dave: Or Ryback versus Disco Inferno... AND ALEX WRIGHT?

Dave: I want WrestleMania XXX to feature a guest appearance from Stephen Fry in a full length QI segment. Guests to be The Rock, Ryback, Kevin Nash and Booker T.

Dan: Four way dance: Ryback, Horace Hogan, Judy Bagwell vs. Taz (2013 version). Inferno match. On a pole.

Dave: Bret Hart on a pole inferno match?

Dan: First one to Bret Hart gets to tag-team with Alex Riley.

Dave: Bret Hart would no-sell being on a pole like an absolute trooper.

Dan: He'd give the match 4/10 though.

Dave: Loser must star as Jack in a full remake of Lost.

Dan: I'd very much like to see Judy Bagwell replace the lead actor in famous TV shows.

Dave: Commentary team for this consists of Brad Maddox, Gillberg and David Mitchell.

Dan: "IT'S THE ISLAND, KATE!"

 

Dave: I've often thought that about Judy Bagwell. I'd particularly like to see her in recent non-hit Under The Dome. As the male bearded lead, natch.

Dave: Oh, Judy Bagwell. I miss you so much. Thank you for giving us Buff. He is indeed the stuff.

Dan: I think they need more wrestler mother storylines. I miss Shelton Benjamin's momma daily.

Dave: They should have done more with Brodus Clay's "momma" (who looked considerably younger than him) when she made that cameo at WrestleMania.

Dave: You know who'd be perfect for the mother gimmick? Ryback.

Dave: He could start bellowing "Feed me more!" again. And she could do it!

Dan: His mum could be portrayed by a dwarf. Vince would get a kick out of it.

Dave: Interferes in matches to give him tins of spinach. Which cause him to get a burst of energy, like Popeye. At this point the best thing they can do with Ryback is give him a bunch of ludicrous gimmicks. He's not getting the main event back.

Dan: It could be a kind of Freudian situation, where he's unable to say no to anything she says. Including odd sexual gestures towards other wrestlers.

Dave: Until this moment I've never thought "I want to read that person's autobiography." But Vince? I would read that thing cover-to-cover on the day of release. NOBODY has a better combination of interesting life story and mad personality.

Dave: The sexual gestures thing is pure McMahon.

Dan: I know, right? Vince needs to write that. Hold nothing back.

Dave: Like the time he suggested that they do a storyline where he'd gotten Stephanie pregnant. She shot it down... like a ruddy coward!

Dave: Oh, Vince wouldn't hold anything back. If there was a way to write "that" walk he'd do it.

Dave: I want to read stories about him winning shoot fights with jobbers and then telling them "That's why you're at the bottom of the card!"

Dan: If you're going to do Katie Vick, why not that?! I wonder what the explanation for the pregnancy would be. How would they explain it? His grapefruits are SO powerful that they have, through some strange osmosis, impregnated even his own family?

Dave: I always assumed that if they did it that's EXACTLY how they'd end up explaining it. Vince being too sexually potent for his own good is textbook WWE.

Dave: I miss that era of wrestling. The era when Vince was having a mid-life crisis on international television. It made a lovely contrast to the Attitude Era without being TOO different.

Dan: Or they'd drag it out for months, and it would turn out in the end that it was just Hornswoggle's fault. Triple H would come out and deliver the most po-faced, rambling twenty-five minute promo explaining the whole thing.

Dan: 2005-2006 was just pure Vincey-time!

Dave: But it would still be the highlight of that week's television.

Dan: If he wasn't being blown up, he was dropping N-bombs!

Dave: It would end with Vince shaking his first and shouting "Hornswoggleeeeeeeeeeeeee!" like a character from a 70s sitcom.

Dan: Cena appears, shouts “JACK!” then leaves.

Dave: I'd forgotten the exploding limo story that got dropped without explanation (thanks, Benoit!). That's exactly the sort of thing I'd want Vince to write about. He wouldn't care about stuff that's gone wrong. He's that kind of cat.

Dan: End of episode. Cole giggles uncontrollably.

Dave: They could do a YouTube show where Cole is shown clips of fat people falling over, causing him to giggle uncontrollably.

Dan: Benoit. Always ruining perfectly implausible storylines!

Dave: That's why he never got to book.

Dan: "Stop talking about Krispen Wah!"

Dave: He looks like a trout having a stroke.

Dan: Look at Vince's peach suit!

Dave: Only one other man could pull that off: Mark Henry. And he wouldn't do as good a job.

Dan: Vince needs a match at WM 30. I vote for Vince vs Pancake Patterson.

Dan: 'Darren Young on a pole' match. There's a joke in there somewhere.

Dan: Last question: Royal Rumble winner?

Dave: The joke wouldn't be the one you expect. It would be Darren Young balanced precariously atop a Polish person.

Dave: Rumble winner I'm currently leaning toward Punk or Bryan. I don't want to say definitely on Bryan too soon in case his Wyatt Family stint is longer than I expect.

Dan: I'd like somebody out of left-field. Maybe Eva Marie. She seems to be deeply entrenched in the world of wrestling. Didn't she train in the Hart Dungeon?

Dave: Yes. She also did six months in a Japanese dojo and two years under a mask in Mexico.

Dave: She has also worked extensively for SHIMMER.

Dan: Don't forget those two years in ROH.

Dave: First woman to challenge for the ROH championship. She gave Joe a run for his money. The chops she dished out were some of the stiffest I've ever seen.

Dave: And I've seen some stiff chops...

Dave: She'd be a nice challenger for The Streak.

Dan: I say bring Flair out of retirement for a feud.

Dan: This wrestling conversation is 122 comments long.

Dave: Flair versus anyone would be gold. As long as he can chop, apply the figure four and do a Flair flop he's set.

Dave: This is some solid wrestling chat is what it is.

Dan: Where's Mike Takada King when you need him?

Dave: He's staying silent. And stealthy. Like a Japanese ninja.

Dan: He'll come in with a diamond soon. A diamond or a Booker quote.

Dan: AWWWWW......

Dave: Or a Diamond Cutter.

Dan: I haven't watched RAW. Is it worthwhile? I imagine Cena acts heroically dismal.

Dave: This might tease him out.

 

Dave: Cena acts like a medieval dragon slayer.

Dan: QWACKETY QWACK!!

Dave: If that was the NXT commentary team ratings would go through the roof.

Dan: Nash v Booker is the ULTIMATE commentary team.

Dan: Especially white-haired Nash.

Dave: Please note that Booker is not wearing a shirt.

Dan: A leopard-print jacket, but no shirt.

Dave: White-haired Nash is the best kind of Nash.

Dave: Booker no-sells shirts whenever he can.

Dave: Shirts held him down in WCW.

Dan: I just dropped a Ric Flair joke into a conversation about a university black tie event. I said I'd only go if I could dress like this:

 

Dave: Those robes allegedly cost thousands of dollars. You'd have spent more than anyone wearing a tux. You'd need to be prepared to throw it on the floor and elbow drop it. Maybe punch yourself in the forehead until you bleed...

Dan: I'm going to have to go method and knock some people out with my loafers.

Dave: Would you be prepared to do a Flair flop?

Dave: I dread to think what Flair would be like at a university event with alcohol and twenty-something females available to him.

Dan: I'm very prepared.

Dan: It would be his ultimate fuel. More so than an empty ring and the sight of his own blood.

Dan: Ric Flair v Dawn French. WM pre-show.

Dave: If Dawn wins she gets plane tickets back to England. If she loses she has to ride Space Mountain.

Dave: Woooooooooooooooooo!

Dan: My favourite thing is when Flair starts hyperventilating and can only pronounce one word at a time.

Dave: That's serious Flair. You don't wanna mess with serious Flair.

Dan: This video.

Dan: The first ten seconds illustrates this perfectly.

Dan: This is a work of art.

Dave: The bit with the ropes at 1.10...!

Dan: This is what I'm going to do at my university dinner.

Dan: WOOOOOOOOO!

Dave: This is the most perfect Flair video I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. The best bit is that it's taken from ONE promo!

Dan: I imagine this is how it feels to be inside his mind.

Dave: Modern wrestlers need to learn how to cut an unscripted promo like this.

Dan: Where are his clothes?

Dave: I reckon his clothes were in the crowd before the three minute mark.

Dan: Modern wrestlers need to learn how to cut a SCRIPTED promo.

Dave: I want real personalities on TV. Ric Flair's not playing a character! That was an absolute shoot every Monday night. Woooooooooooooo!

Dave: I'm now watching him cut a promo on Goldberg.

Dave: "The line? The line?! The line! I am the line!" *Flair drops to the floor and rolls from side to side* "I'm the line!"

Dave: Ric Flair is magnificent.

Dan: His hair is magnificent.

Dave: Early 90s Flair had the best hair of all the Flairs.

Dave: I should point out that I like to imagine something akin to the Captain Britain Corps for Flair. All the Flairs of all the eras existing at once, all in different alternate universes.

Dan: "HE JUST RIFLED A GUCCI SHOE!"

Dave: I want to know the context of that and at the same time I don't. It's a magical quote.

Dave: This... this was some solid nonsense.

Dan: I think we should keep it rolling.

Michael: How did this get to 180?

Dave: How did it not get more?

***

¹ Mohnil is an acquaintance of Dan, myself and Michael. He’s a husky gentleman, hence the reference to him guzzling down an entire turkey. We’ve asked him to come onto the podcast several times before but he always says he’s busy. I know this isn’t true, I just can’t prove it.