The Cosmic Rivalry

So the current hot gossip is that John Cena is about to take time off to film some sort of fitness reality show. This puts his fifth and current reign as United States champion in jeopardy. Because time off while still being champ would go against established characteristics and, more to the point, the last several months of enjoyable Open Challenges.

Say goodbye (for now) to that belt, John.

I've no idea how WWE will write Cena out of storylines. It seems likely that we'll find out at Hell in a Cell this evening or on tomorrow's edition of RAW. The typical WWE approach would be for a heel to defeat Cena via shenanigans and then go on a tear while he's away before dropping the belt back to him upon his return.

I think Cena's departure could be better than that. It's a chance to give someone a boost and use the Open Challenge for what it was always designed for: giving someone lower down the card a rub. My pick would be Stardust.

In Stardust WWE has an incredible villain. Not only is he different to everyone other heel on the roster but he works in part because of the PG environment. His panto villain-slash-Adam West Batman adversary shtick is perfect for WWE's current product and in casting himself as a mad, scheming supervillain Stardust is the perfect foil for the archetypal true blue WWE babyface. And they don't come any truer or bluer than Cena.

That he has henchmen is a help. And henchmen is the ideal term for Konnor and Viktor because it invokes the 60s Batman vibe that Stardust plays to. Outnumbering Cena is a big deal as it provides an easy way for Stardust to get the win and the championship without Cena being made to look weak (Cena, like Roman Reigns, must be kept strong). And the group is something that can be fleshed out.

Stardust and his money-loving lead henchman.

Bad News King Wade Barrett I, despite having had a falling out with 'The Prince of Dark Matter', would make an excellent lead goon. Yeah, he's probably talented enough to warrant an upper mid-card spot on his own merits but nobody in WWE seems interested in giving it to him. He and Stardust (under different monikers) used to have good chemistry as a double act on The JBL and Cole Show. It would be nice to see that revived for the main roster. I think Barrett would work well as a guy who's agreed to be Stardust's lackey just for money, deadpanning his way through backstage skits in which The Ascension clearly believe in Stardust's mental outer space chat. 'The Cosmic Centurion' has a nice ring to it.

I also think Paige would be a good addition to The Cosmic Wasteland. Yeah she's busy with the confusing disintegration of PCB and developing personal beef with Natalya right now but that won't last forever. Her character could do with a tweak or two to refresh it. Being put with The Cosmic Wasteland would fit with her recent slightly unhinged nature and also allow for an interesting switch-up. Less punk chick and more space valkyrie maybe.

These are additions that could be made while Cena was off doing his filming. Four people being stationed at ringside for rematches would help the feud stretch for a while, giving Cena something to do against a character well-suited to being his foe, boosting Stardust's standing, helping Paige stay fresh, and giving The Ascension and Barrett larger roles than they're likely to get doing anything else.

This is what I'd do. Let's see what WWE does.