With two weeks left until arguably the most important
show in company history WWE had a fair amount to accomplish on the March 24
RAW. Going into the show the undercard of WrestleMania XXX was distinctly
lacking in shape. The big matches were, and remain, all in place but the rest
of the card needed to be announced so that it didn’t feel cobbled together. Throughout
the course of RAW it became apparent that building the WrestleMania XXX
undercard was a priority.
Stephanie McMahon opened the show with thanks for the
audience for attending and news that Daniel Bryan would not be competing. Bryan
was not medically cleared to wrestle. At no point was this directly attributed
to the beating he had suffered at the hands of Triple H the week before, even
though said beating was the basis of a later segment. Which felt like a wasted
opportunity. Steph justified the attack by saying that a message needed to be
sent to the locker room so that nobody started to develop ideas above their
station. Beating Bryan senseless was "the only way" to get him to
listen.
Then she talked up her family. Again. Interestingly this
included her saying she felt she is the only person capable of shouldering the
responsibility of decision making. She then added that Triple H is the most
powerful man (emphasising man) in WWE while talking him up. The more comments
like that get made (and they're getting made routinely) the more material Vince
McMahon will have to work with when he returns to TV. Which will surely be
soon.
Randy Orton (wearing his ring gear even though he wouldn’t
wrestle on the show) joined Steph in the ring to offer a suggestion: that 'The
Game' simply end his WrestleMania XXX at beating Daniel Bryan, because Orty
will have to batter him if he enters the triple threat. The suggestion was met
with "Boring!" and "Daniel Bryan!" chants, the latter of
which prompted Steph to reiterate her promise that he wouldn't be on the show.
Just when viewers were thinking things couldn't possibly
get any more charismatic Batista mooched down to the ring. This week's natty
ensemble was a merch T-shirt, sunglasses and some ripped jeans. It turned out
hearing the two talking had compelled Batista to remind the world that he's
going to be the next champion. His proof was that he's been saying he'll be the
champion for weeks. On Planet Batista saying something repeatedly makes it
true. He then said "Deal with it" three times. Whether you like him
or not you have to admit he makes a compelling argument.
In fairness 'The Animal' did bring up something relevant
to the storyline after that when he mentioned that Triple H has never beaten
him. Then he said Orton's sucking up to The Authority makes him sick and
cracked a joke about Stephanie being drooled over. Steph slapped the shades off
Batista's face and left. Then Batista speared Orton and posed with the belts.
The segment did little other than establish that Orton
and Batista are underestimating Bryan. The most entertaining part of it was
Batista's microphone malfunctioning. He tried a witty, off the cuff remark when
that happened, but it was poorly delivered and not at all witty anyway so he
was booed for it. Orton turned around to hide his laughter.
The evening's first match was a four-way match to decide
who'd get to challenge for the Intercontinental championship the following
night on Main Event. The competitors were Sheamus, Christian, Dolph Ziggler and
Alberto Del Rio. IC champ Big E sat at ringside and watched. It would have been
nice to have him on commentary. The match was fun in places but was mostly unmemorable.
It did have an above average finishing sequence though: Sheamus stood up while
Del Rio had the cross armbreaker applied to him, at which point 'The Show Off'
nipped in and delivered a Zig Zag to the arm barred arm. Before he could make a
cover he was dropped with an Unprettier by Christian, giving 'Captain Charisma'
the victory and the title match.
Big E entered the ring and offered a handshake to the
veteran. Christian laughed and walked off. Backwards up the ramp, natch.
A Wyatt Family vignette was shown. Before he started the
standard issue gibberish waffling Bray came out with some enjoyable stuff about
people not believing in things they can't see, being able to see John Cena, and
Cena not taking the time to "see" him. Luke Harper also got a few
lines about being able to hear Cena whispering. He has a wonderfully dead stare
that makes these sorts of statements particularly effective. Erick Rowan said
nothing, although he was looking dapper in his sheep mask and boiler suit.
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This sort of thing happens now. Get over it |
After Sin Cara (accompanied by a bloke in a Scooby Doo
outfit) had beaten Damien Sandow with a Swanton bomb there was a thirty second
match between Los Matadores and RybAxel. Diego and Fernando won when The Shield
walked to ringside through the crowd and distracted Curtis Axel. Ryback was
isolated in the ring, speared and triple power bombed, all to the sound of
cheers. People are not keen on 'The Big Guy'.
The first hour of RAW ended with a sitdown chat between
Michael Cole and Triple H. The point of it was to discuss 'The Cerebral
Assassin's' attack on a handcuffed D-Bry at the end of the previous week's
show. Triple H's immediate response when asked about the attack was whether he
should answer as the COO or a competitor. Then he mentioned Bryan's occupy RAW
segment from March 10, calling it an attempted coup. Tripper's defence seemed
to be that Daniel Bryan had done something wrong so it was perfectly reasonable
for him to respond in kind. That's probably not how things work other publically
traded corporate entities, but who cares about that, eh?
Cole replied that Bryan's occupation of the ring was
"an inspiring act" while Triple H's attack was an act of
"thug-like aggression". It's hard to disagree with the latter. Trip's
response to that was that Bryan had
asked him to be a competitor and that when he was a full-time competitor he did
things like that all the time. Which is true of course, but doesn't exactly
excuse his heelish behaviour. Basically the segment was proof that extended
debating on the motivations of wrestling bad guys is ill advised.
The segment ended with Triple H working himself up and
announcing the beginning of The Reality Era (something I don't think will catch
on). He used the word "reality" what must have been at least a dozen
times as he said he'd end Bryan's run on top and become the WWE champion.
Reality is best for business.
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'Crazy Legs' Fandango |
Match four saw Cody Rhodes facing Faaaaaan... daaaaaan...
goooooo. Summer Rae being at ringside was an excuse for the commentary crew to
plug Total Divas. They seized it with gusto, Cole referring to Summer as a
stooge (apparently for something that had happened on the previous evening's
TD). Over at the ring Goldust and Summer got into a pose off at ringside,
distracting Fandango and allowing Cody to win the match with a Disaster Kick.
That was followed by another promo. This one featured
Hulk Hogan, who got a loud reaction and avoided tearing his shirt, Arnold
Schwarzenegger, and Joe Manganiello (no idea). After 'The Hulkster' had made
the obligatory trip down memory lane he introduced the actors, both of whom were
cheered, to put over WWE and talk up their film (and, in Arnie's case, Hogan's
muscles). Arnie asked if there were spots for he and Manganiello in the battle
royal but before Hogan could answer (his body language was supposed to make us
think he was interested in adding two non-wrestlers, one of whom is 66, to the
battle royal) The Miz interrupted.
Through a sequence of events too boring to relay 'The
Awesome One' was expelled from the ring. The babyface trio celebrated. The
entire ten minute sequence was mostly wretched but it was at least a good use
of Hogan. And if celebrities have to appear on RAW (and the way WWE functions
means that they do) then this is an effective enough way of using them.
After Big Show had beaten Titus O'Neil with a WMD punch
we were shown The Authority and The Shield talking in an office. Triple H told
the trio that their problem with Kane and The New Age Outlaws (a feud which has
mostly built up on SmackDown) is nothing to do with him. Stephanie said if they
were looking for vengeance she'd give them a match with The Real Americans
later on in the show. She neglected to explain how exactly that classified as
vengeance.
Elsewhere in the building John Cena was washing his face.
The sheep mask of Erick Rowan was shown peeking around a door frame (too high
to be on Rowan's head at the angle it was at, meaning it was held by hand)
"watching" Cena. When the hero span round the mask was gone. I'd like
to think this was a tribute to The Warrior appearing to Hollywood Hogan inside a mirror on Nitro.
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Bray Wyatt, King of Expressions |
The Harper v Cena match that followed was very enjoyable.
The Brooklyn crowd backed the Family member over Cena, which ensured a loud and
lively atmosphere. Harper used uppercuts, a super kick, a suicide dive, a
Raven-esque DDT and a Michinoku driver to wear Cena down, but ultimately it
wouldn't be his match to win (which I don't think would have surprised anybody
watching). But it wouldn't be Cena's either. As he scooped Harper up for an AA
the lights went out. When they came on seconds later Cena was tied up in the
ropes with Rowan's sheep mask on his face. Bray laughed and called him
two-faced as the crowd broke out in a "This is awesome!" chant. It
wasn't awesome, but it was a nice step in building Bray up as someone who has a
chance at toppling the unstoppable force that is John Cena.
Naomi v AJ Lee was next. That Naomi (currently wearing an
eye patch) has not been repackaged as a pirate shows how uninspired WWE's
creative department is. This has been a wasted opportunity to introduce a much
needed gimmick performer to the Divas division.
The match lasted less than a minute. AJ took some drop
kicks before scooting to the outside to take a count out loss. Vickie Guerrero
reminded everyone of her existence when she wandered out and announced that AJ
would defend her championship in a Vickie Guerrero Invitational at
WrestleMania. Vickie revealed that everyone will get a crack at AJ Lee (insert
your own jokes here), including the champ's bodyguard Tamina. She then did a lengthy
Rita Repulsa laugh to close the segment.
Before the evening's final match it was announced that
Razor Ramon is to be included in this year’s Hall of Fame honours. Not Scott
Hall but Razor Ramon. Only work from that period of Hall's career was shown. He’s
a deserving name and I think it makes sense to induct him as 'The Bad Guy'. Not
only was that when he did his best work but it was also when he first became a
star. It's the WWE Hall of Fame and
everything of note he did in the company was done as Razor Ramon.
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Cesaro v Rollins would be a nice, lengthy SmackDown match. Just saying |
Ambrose and Rollins versus Swagger and Cesaro was,
fittingly, the best match of the night. Ambrose found himself isolated for
several minutes, eventually getting a hot tag that allowed Rollins to come in
and take out both foes in a sequence that saw him monkey flip Cesaro over the
top rope and immediately follow up with a suicide dive to each man. Moments
later he did his single foot stomp to the head, now being called Peace of Mind,
on Swagger to get the win. If they'd had twenty minutes the four could have
produced something superb.
After the match The Shield pulled the announce desk apart
and power bombed Cesaro through it. Then Kane and the Outlaws showed up, all
three in suits, to announce a six man tag match for WrestleMania XXX: The
Shield v Kane and The New Age Outlaws.
The final part of the show was a confrontation between
Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker. This started off with Paul Heyman doing some
talking in the ring. It wasn't bad as such, but it is becoming apparent that
Heyman doesn't have anything left to say on the subject of The Streak that he's
not already said several times before. Basically, 'The Beast' will end The
Streak.
Lesnar did a rare bit of mic work for himself. He simply
said he was at RAW to fight, not promote. That brought 'The Dead Man's' druids
out to the ring with a coffin. After lining it up neatly alongside the ring
they filed back into the aisle, leaving Lesnar to kick at and then wrench open
the coffin. Finding nobody in there he walked into the aisle and ranted at the
druids.
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Undertaker and Sin Cara share lighting |
Annoyed, 'The Pain' slammed the casket shut and shouted that
he was going to leave. Heyman talked him around, yammering about 'Taker being
scared then seeking (and finding) cheap heat by calling Brooklyn a slum. The
lid then opened, revealing that 'Big Evil' was inside (it's almost like these
things are paced so Undertaker has time to climb into the coffin from a hiding
place or something). 'Taker clambered out and exchanged blows with Lesnar before
Lesnar was clotheslined out of the ring, landing head first on the coffin.
RAW went off the air with the two men staring at one
another.
All told it was a successful show. They announced three ‘Mania
matches (the third was RybAxel challenging the Usos for the tag straps) and
reminded people why The Shield, Lesnar, Undertaker, and Bray Wyatt are
significant names in 2014. Considering there was more talking than wrestling,
and no Daniel Bryan, I think we should be impressed with how good the show was.
Next week’s the big test, of course. That’s the final RAW
before WrestleMania XXX. Expect big things.